Monday, April 7, 2014

30 Days of Blog: Days 1 and 6 - Tia

As promised, I'm trying to change some things and stay creative by blogging daily. What that means for you is more information than you probably ever cared to know about me. Sorry, I'm not sorry.

Day 1 - Your Blog's Name
Black Girls Like Us came about after Toya and I realized that we were both the "weird" black girls growing up. We were the girls who spoke properly. We not only listened to but reveled in all music including "white people music." (We see you Duran Duran…we see you.) We had friends who were something other than black. We were labeled "different" "sell-out" "Oreos." We were never black enough for certain people. And while it was hard when we were younger, once we got older we realized a.) how awesome we truly were and b.) that there were other "weird" black girls out there like us. And maybe those other "different" black girls would like to read a blog about two girls who get them because they're like them. So out of that came: Black Girls Like Us.

By the way, Buzzfeed absolutely nailed this.

Day 6 - What Are You Afraid Of

So this is where I get real. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of serial killers. I'm not afraid of most of the regular things that most folks are afraid of. But what I am afraid of is that I will end up alone.

I am on a fast moving train barreling toward 40. And I would love to just spend several decades in my 30s. But like Elton so wisely said, "This train don't stop there anymore." I can no more stop time than I can make myself get married. Or fly. Or own a liger.

I grew up in a culture of Christianity that made you feel like you weren't saved enough if you weren't married by the time you were 25. My mother and cousins, though well meaning, would tell me that, "God has someone for you. Just keep praying." So from the time I was 11 I prayed…and prayed…and prayed. (Yes, I wanted to get married when I was 11. I liked the idea of being a wife and a mommy. I blame my surroundings and 80s sitcoms.)

But as I got older and after catching THREE bouquets at back to back weddings, the freakishly insensitive people around me went from telling me, "You'll get married soon" to "When are you getting married?" to "Are you seeing anyone?" to "How's work?" Even my mother stopped haggling me about marriage and grandbabies. I think she may have given up.

The older I get the harder it gets for me. I feel like no one is ever going to like me the best. (That's the basic concept of marriage, by the way. Of all of the girls a boy can marry, he picks the one he likes the best and marries her.) I'm afraid that I will be alone forever and that I will become the weird cat lady.

I do try not to worry about it. But it's difficult. I see some of my friends pairing off, doing life together, having babies and I wonder if it's ever going to be me. I think about the fact that I went on 2 dates between 2007 and 2012. I worry that as a person whose primary love languages are quality time and physical touch, I will slowly go a little crazy because I won't have someone to love me the way I need to be loved.

So yeah, there are a MILLION things to fear on this Earth (with a disproportionate number of them being in Australia) but the thing that I am most truly afraid of is being alone. And if someone feels like that makes me a wuss, they can kick rocks, because at this point, honesty is all I have left.

Good day sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!!!

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