Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I did it! - Tia
You may have noticed that we haven't posted a lot in the last several weeks. We have both been going through a lot personally, professionally and emotionally. (I'll let Toya tell you about her stuff in due time.)
Since moving to Atlanta I've been dealing with a lot of changes at work. I found the loneliness of the job and a new city becoming too much for me. My personal relationships were suffering. I was spiraling. I was depressed, plain and simple. Things came to a head on Thanksgiving. I bawled the entire weekend. Once the tears stopped, I realized something had to change.
Without going into too much detail, I decided that I had to change my life. I realized that I have to take care of me. That meant investing less in certain relationships and making others a priority. It meant changing my thoughts, which I'm learning is a daily process. It meant getting serious about my physical and mental health.
When a person decides to change, a lot of things aren't immediate. Certain aspects take work and dedication. I realized that I probably needed to talk to someone professionally. That's a process. I realized that I would have to consistently go to the gym and workout. That's a process. I realized that I would have to invest in the relationships that mattered and fed my soul. THAT'S A PROCESS. But cutting my hair…that was quick. It was change that I could see immediately.
I'd been on the fence about cutting my hair for a while. Going to the gym on a regular basis meant my pressed hair game was pretty much non-existent. And too many Senegalese twists installations had made my edges absent and uncounted for. I had to make a choice.
And I won't even lie, I partly cut my hair out of emotion. After a particularly rough week, I was darn near running to my stylist to chop my locks. I was afraid I was going to be super emotional about my hair. Everything else was sending me into a waterfall of tears, so I assumed chopping my hair would be no different. But it was actually the opposite. Cutting my hair was the most liberating thing that I've most recently done. It may have been the most liberating thing I've EVER done. Changing your life takes time. And often you don't immediately see the results. But cutting your hair is immediate. There are no take backs. Once that hair hits the floor it's a wrap. So for me, the haircut was the catalyst for change that I desperately needed.
I'm still learning a lot about myself and my hair. If you remember my initial post about my thoughts on a big chop, I never wanted to have to become a chemist just to wear short hair. But since I didn't buzz it all off, the reality is when you go short and natural it's going to be trial and error for a while. It hasn't been as hard as I thought but it hasn't been a cake walk either. It's the natural hair journey and I'm on it. But I don't regret it.
While my hair has been the physical change that I needed, I have by no means reached the end of my journey. I'm still working on a lot of things on the inside. And I encourage you to do the same. Life can be overwhelming sometimes. There are days that I swear are designed to beat the ever-loving crap out of me. And I sometimes feel I have NOTHING more to give. Sometimes the biggest accomplishment of my day is getting out of bed and showering. And THAT'S OKAY!!! We are created in God's image but we are NOT God. We are not perfect. We are flawed and living in a broken world. So we have to do the very best that we can each and every day. There will be good days and there will be bad days. There will be days when we go to the salon and chop off all of our hair. There will be days when we have wine and cookies for dinner. There will be days when we stay up late with our friends listening to 80s music, drinking wine and realizing, "Today is a good day." So be encouraged. Some days will be awesome. Some days will suck. But we do the very best that we can each and every day. And remember even on your worst day, your best is good enough.