Friday, August 2, 2013

#31Write Now Blog Challenge Day 2

Day 2- Where you'd like to be in ten years.

We know this says five-year plan but it's funny

Tia yeah. I'm not sure how to answer this. I am by nature a planner. I like to know what's happening, where I'm going, how I'm going to get there, etc. From childhood, I've had my whole life planned out. But as I was telling a friend the other day, NOTHING, and I do mean, NOTHING, in my life has gone the way I've planned. Like seriously, not one plan that I've had for myself has come to fruition.

So these days, to ask me where I'd like to be in 10 years is a loaded question. Frankly, I have no idea. So many of the ideas of where I'd like to be in 10 years were wrapped up in the plans that I previously had for my life that, as I mentioned, haven't or never will happen. For instance, until I was about 21, I was planning on going med school. That's NEVER going to happen now. I'm far too lazy to get into that kind of competitive program. Plus I don't want to be Dr. Norman Shales from Grey's Anatomy. (You have to be a hard core Grey's fan to get that reference.) But if I had gone to med school, ten years from now I'd be looking at an early retirement.

I wanted to get married and have kids in my 20s. If that had happened 10 years from now I would be changing the locks on my house and disconnecting my phone so my newly graduated child(ren) wouldn't be able to come home and would have to fend for his/her/themselves. (I'm kidding. My kid could always come home...and pay rent/utilities.)

But you get the idea. I don't know where I'd like to be in 10 years because in all honesty, I don't know where I am now. (Geez, this sounds depressing. I really don't mean for it to. I'm just trying to be real.) I've had to scrap all of the plans for my life and start over. And you make plans SO THAT you have some sort of idea of where you'll end up. But after years of watching my plans fall through I'm a little afraid to try again. (At this point, I seriously have NO qualms about being completely honest about who I am. I have reached a point in my life where putting on the facade of having it all together is tiresome and time consuming. I am a walking, functional mess. And you will deal...)

However, I've come to the conclusion that living exclusively in the moment is a fallacy. Everything that we do is designed to get us to the next moment. The idea of just letting things happen sounds good, but at this point I think it's unrealistic. So while the thought of making no plans for the rest of my life and "being easy" may seem freeing it's an impossibility and scares the crap out of me. So if you're keeping score, I'm scared to make plans and I'm scared not to make plans. How's that for a conundrum?

I guess if I could get out of my own noggin for a brief moment and just allow myself to dream and hope without limits, in ten years I would love to have more stamps in my passport. I would love to be doing something that I not only love but that's meaningful as an occupation. I would love to have a permanent XY partner with a healthy batch of our combined DNA running around. I would love to know that my parents are taken care of as they will be well into their "golden years." And I would love to understand what it means to be content being right where I am. Honestly, that's about it. It's an almost embarrassingly simple list.

I don't know where I'll end up. Frankly, right now I'm over caring about it. I can't look too far forward. And I definitely can't stay put. So I have to find the happy medium. Though clearly I don't know what that looks like. Maybe I'll know in 10 years.


I pretty much stopped planning for my life around the age of 25, 13 years ago when I moved here to Nashville. I figured if life is THAT unpredictable, I may as well just ride with it.  Nothing has happened according to plan. Some of that is really good, some of that is not so good. In the past 13 years I have done a great number of things that I never thought I would do however I am still in debt, still not at my goal weight and still single. I am not disappointed that I am not married but I am REALLY single. Like may as well be on a deserted island sending messages in a bottle single (see Day #1 as to what I mean).

It's just that everything has been so unpredictable. I know one thing Tia gets frustrated with me about is that I won't plan in advance when it comes to vacations. I just have had no idea as to what is really going on with my life that it seems crazy to plan a year in advance for anything.   I will just say this: in ten years, Lord willing, I will be 48. That is pretty much 50 in my book. So by then I just want to be fly. I want to be healthy, I want to still look young for my age and be fly. Let's go on and add that I hope to be financially stable, more active within the artistic community, and well traveled. Hopefully I will be on my way to retiring in Brooklyn by that time. Besides that, I really have no idea where I'd like to be in ten years.

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