Monday, June 3, 2013
The Freaks Come Out at Night- Toya
Oh Nashville. You and your barely nothing stays open past midnight ways.
I left work really late and really hungry one night and for some reason had a hankering for french toast. Okay I always have a hankering for french toast..or pancakes... and pretty much any breakfast food. But tonight I just had to have some french toast by any means necessary. My schedule starting Tuesday is about to be insane so I wrecked my brain trying to figure out what place that wasn't IHOP would be open after midnight. I decided to stop by one of the few 24 hour spots we have in town to treat myself to some breakfast in a quiet atmosphere.
And what a breakfast it was! French toast with bananas, blueberries and strawberries, with whipped cream and a grilled banana underneath. The grilled banana was a nice surprise and set the entire dish off. SO good! When it came out, the older couple sitting at the table next to me- one white gentleman and a hispanic lady- asked what I had. "French toast!" I said happily as if I was about to burst into applause. They marveled at how good the dish looked and began to share with me what some of their favorite dishes were at the restaurant. I ooed, aahed, and smiled a bit before I started checking messages on my phone.
"She can't hear us. She's really into her phone" I heard the man say. "Yikes!" I thought. "I am now being one of those people that can't be in public without constantly looking at their phone." Thinking that I knew better than to ignore my elders, I put my phone face down and welcomingly engaged them in conversation.
The man asked why someone "young and nice looking" like me was at a diner solo and not at a club somewhere. I mentioned that I worked late at night and just wanted to be some place a little quiet. The wife said "Wait around long enough and you won't be alone long. You definitely look nicer than some of the girls that walk in here late at night from the club. You'll see." I chuckled and said that I probably won't be there that long and thanked them for their compliments. Someway somehow we started talking about loud restaurants and crowded clubs and the husband says "I hate when you go dancing and it's so crowded and you can't hear people talking." "Me too" the wife agreed. "We went to one club and it was wall to wall people! I hate when you go somewhere and are constantly bumping into everyone. We don't go to clubs a lot." "Well" the husband corrected "we do go to a few clubs but...they're a little different and cater to people like us." So I'm thinking, senior citizen clubs, clubs for people that are over 50 that like to salsa (yes I went there with the hispanic lady and salsa. Yes.) country clubs, etc. When I looked at the husband while he was talking, I noticed that while he was not exactly forthcoming his tone appeared to have become slightly luring.
Him: "There are only two in the area. You may know what I am talking about."
Me: *Cutting my french toast slower and slower* *blink* *blink* *blink* He can't be talking about....nah!!! That's somebody's Mee Maw and Paw Paw!* Umm...I...ummm...no. Not, I don't think I...
Him: *smiling slyly* Well there's one by the mission and...*looks at his wife* I think she knows but she just doesn't want to say it.
One night Melissa and I were coming from an event in walking distance to the Nashville Mission and I was driving. We somehow stumbled upon what looked like a restaurant in the cut with a giant M on it. I rolled down the window and asked the doorman what it was. "It's a club for swingers" he said nonchalantly. Now I think the M stands for Menage but that day it may as well have stood for Mind Your Daggone Business Toya because I kindly thanked him for that bit of information, rolled up my manual window with the quickness, and hightailed our behinds out of there.
Not really knowing how to end this conversation, for some crazy reason I said "You know, it sounds really exclusive." "Oh it's not exclusive though" he said. "Now they do make you sign a waiver but it's not exclusive at all. Mostly couples. But they do have single people there sometimes." Then he paused and added with a smile. "We've brought some single people there a few times."
In the nick of time my waiter showed up and I asked for a box so I could take my food home... quickly. Desperate to change the subject I said "So you said that chicken sandwich you got wrapped in dough was really good? That sounds really interesting. I may try that. I think I need to try some new things anyway. You know, venture out more...WITH MY FOOD!!! I need to venture out more with MY FOOD!!!! Excuse me. I'm going to go use the ladies room."
As I walked away I heard the man say "If you leave us we'll have no one to talk to."
I sat in that bathroom and did not blink for about five minutes.
Thankfully when I got back to my table my check was there. I could not get my wallet out fast enough. "Got some ketchup on me" the man said. As I picked up my box of food I replied "Yeah...ketchup can uuh...be a trip sometimes. Heyitwasnicetalkingwithyoutwohaveagoodnightbye!" I waved goodbye and tried to hold it together as I saw a reflection in the window of them looking me up and down as I walked out of the door.
With my mind going 100 miles per minute trying to figure out why an elderly couple would try to enlist me in some sort of alternative hanky panky, I got in my car and adjusted my rearview mirror. It was then that I thought to myself "I am never wearing false eyelashes ever again."