Monday, February 18, 2013

Stranger in My House- Toya

"Stranger in My House" is a song by Tamia who I am so glad has never made her way to Basketball Wives.

When I was a kid, there was a movie that came out starring Farrah Fawcett called "Extremities". I don't remember a lot about the film (it came out in 1986) but here's what I do remember: Farrah Fawcett is at home in her bathrobe with the door unlocked.  A strange man walks through the door asking if Joe is home. She replies that there is no Joe there. This man turns out to be a rapist and makes her life a living hell until she fights back and gets revenge.  Now it wasn't until I looked up the trailer on Youtube  that it was brought to my attention that she had been raped one night by this same man in a parking lot prior to him coming to her house.   The police were of no help because she couldn't identify him. He stole her wallet and knew where she lived.  Still after all of this she was comfortable enough to be at home in her bathrobe alone with her door unlocked.

I remember watching this movie as a kid and saying to myself over and over "All he did was take two steps into the house!"  I was blown away by the fact that someone's life could be altered by a stranger being allowed to take just two steps inside of their home.  This lesson made me more cautious about how I answer the door to my home but recently I was reminded about how this same lesson can be applied to the kind of men that I let into my life.

It's one thing to get blindsided by the wrong guy.  Sometimes you just don't see things coming.  Sure there can be some warning signs. However, I think that the worst mistakes are those that even though there was a sign or two, you would have never thought in a million years that the consequences would be as extreme as they turned out to be. I remember telling Tia one time that if I would've been able to immediately see into the future upon meeting *someone who shall remain nameless*, not only would I have never had any interaction with him, I would have taken a chair and beat the fool out of them for even trying to talk to me in the first place over what I foresaw. Unfortunately life doesn't work like That's So Raven. You are not always going to know what consequences a little "harmless" fun can bring your way.

You know the saying "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"?  How is it that we get so comfortable after making the wrong choices about what kind of men we let into our lives? I say this because recently there has been someone that has popped up in my personal space who in no way needs to gain two steps inside of "my house".  To make it even more ridiculous, he really isn't that different from the type of guy that seems to trip me up all of the time. I've been here before.  I know all too well due to my own mistakes and the consequences of other people's mistakes that there are certain people you just don't entertain.  However, it doesn't mean that I don't catch myself thinking about how I can get away with doing something I know would be stupid.  Reason being, he...umm...well...*starts fanning*.  He...uh..."gets" to me. I'll leave it at that.  Whereas some women would just give in for a little meaningless fun, I know better. I've seen and experienced enough to know that you can't play Russian Roulette with your life. Sometimes you can get a little meaningless fun out of it but sometimes it can turn out being the worst mistake you've ever made.  I'm not saying to live in fear. I'm just urging you not to live life according to your hormones or your exasperation over being single.  You can't go through life thinking that if you take one wrong small step to the left that the consequences will be minimal.  You have no way of knowing that, Toya, I mean, ladies!

One thing that I like about Olivia Pope's character on Scandal is that there is one huge flaw: she is beautiful, she is brilliant and she is completely rendered helpless when it comes to one man that she has made the mistake of letting into her house. Her life will never be the same. She has compromised her morals because of her love for Fitz. She has also compromised her common sense. She can't think straight!  There's no way that she could have foreseen that falling in love with this man and engaging in an adulterous affair would lead to her committing voter fraud. You just never know how falling for the wrong guy can completely alter your future.

So I say this to myself as I say this to all of you, be careful of who you let into your life. If you see warning signs, do not hesitate to take them seriously.  If you've made mistakes before, don't sit around chillin' with the door of your heart unlocked  so the wrong guy can come in and make your life hell again.  You never know what making just one small mistake can do and you're better off not finding out.  The further away a wrong choice can take you, the further you could possibly be from getting what you really want and deserve.


Christine said...

I am so... CURIOUS!

Sexxxy Curiosity said...

Ooh Toya, I been there and done that a time or two before too, so I definitely know what you're talking about. I would like to remind you though as you're reminding all of us here in your blog, not to get caught up again. You know hanging out with the guy just because he gets your pulse racing and lady parts tingling would still be a mistake, and likely not a small one, so remember to call it like it is and don't try to minimize or rationalize the situation. Especially since a misstep is usually not minor when you knew better BEFORE going into it. Stay strong, hang in there, and remember not to accept any alternatives that will detract from you ultimately accomplishing your goals in any area of your life... Good luck and God bless.

ToyaBGLU said...

Sexxxy Curiousity, do you have a Paypal account so I can send you an offering?! I have TOTALLY tried to minimize and rationalize the situation. It's because I figured I was cool and could handle it. I definitely know better and will definitely stay strong. Thank you for that.