Friday, December 21, 2012

Leaving On a Jet Plane- Toya


This was written yesterday but as soon as I ate some of my mom's food and hit my room, I hit the bed.  It was a wrap.  

Today starts the first day of my Christmas vacation in New Jersey. I am currently on a plane traveling from Nashville to Philadelphia and I already know what's going to happen. I'm going to walk into the airport, hear the sounds of the city and ponder if I really want to stay in Nashville and not move back to the northeast. The fact is I have never been happier in Nashville really. I actually have some cool things brewing for me. However I have always said that if I could pick up all of my Nashville friends and move them to Philadelphia, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I love the richness of big cities like Philadelphia and NYC. I just wish I could have the best of both worlds right now. And by best I mean more diversity, pedestrian friendly shopping areas and public transportation but with a lower cost of living for me and all of my Nashville friends.

I started reading Quitter again. I think when I first read it, it was with the mindset that I would work on making BGLU my main gig one day and be able to leave my full time job as a receptionist. That's not exactly what happened.  My aspirations have changed and thus I feel like I need to go through it again. I decided that there were quite a few other things I wanted to do that of course include writing but they also include TV and concert production. That's great and all but I recently picked up a part time job as a restaurant hostess. I have things on the table with very little time to do them and I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. Unfortunately it shows. I've gained eight pounds and am hiring one of my friends to handle chores around the house for me. It's that serious right now. If I could quit any of my jobs and be hired for sleep research, I'd have it in the bag because all I ever want to do lately is sleep every chance I get. As Marvin said, this ain't livin'.  I want to be in a position to help my parents when they need it.  Life isn't just about me anymore.

I'm taking the time during this vacation to do some soul searching, thinking and praying about what's next. This is par for the course as next week I will be flying back on my 38th birthday. I feel great about 38! I'm hopeful.  Really hopeful.  I have to be.  38 is too close to 40 to be pessimistic so I have to stay hopeful in order to move forward and do some things I haven't done before.   Pessimism can paralyze you. The only way I can move forward to bigger and better things is by being consistent, optimistic and continuously believing that things will not only get better, but that they are already getting better.

You need to be moving if you want God to show you which way to go.- Joyce Meyer

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