Monday, November 19, 2012

Toya's 2012 American Music Awards Recap

As some of you may know, I normally refer to music award shows as The Hot Mess Championships but there weren’t too many artists who I would consider hot in this year’s show. It may as well be called The Lukewarm Mess Championships.  The reason being is that it is becoming more and more evident that the caliber of artists that fill the mainstream are so subpar in comparison to the artists of yesteryear.   I remember being a kid and being so excited about the AMA’s because I expected greatness. Now I look forward to them because I expect to clown the industry with the rest of online society. Sometimes you have to clown it to keep from crying about it.   Without further ado, here are my thoughts on this year’s AMA’s.

1. Prior to watching the AMA’s, we watched the performances from the Grammy’s Whitney Houston tribute (which took me to some feelings that I was not ready for. Whew!) And Usher? OMG he SANG!!!! I have never heard Usher sing with such clarity and skill in my life and I go WAY back with Usher Raymond.  I mean “Think of You” way back.  It was flawless. And then…

2. *While watching Usher’s opening AMA performance* You know, sometimes it's okay to lip sync.

3. Lyrics like "I'mma hit you wit’ a raincoat” is why I have so much ought against Usher’s career choices right now.  I’m not saying that Usher needs to wrap it up and aim solely for the Urban Adult Contemporary market.  I just want him to come off as a mature artist and not a maturing (i.e. getting too old for this) artist.

4. I'm so sad that Dick Clark didn't make it to see the 40th anniversary of the AMA's!

5. *Beyonce’s flashback* I can't believe "Single Ladies" was 4 years ago! You wait until that Beyonce' rein comes back.

6. Pitbull and Flo Rida are up for an award.  If any one of them win and don’t thank every Zumba instructor in the world, they don’t realize where their help comes from.

7. Oh but Justin Bieber winning? That's about right.

8. Did he really have to thank the haters though?  This is when you take a page from the book Taylor Swift: Write a hit song about haters (“Mean”) and then sit back and collect your money.  Let your haters work for you! I have a feeling that last line is going to be the title of somebody’s sermon next Sunday.

9.This reading the winners off of an electronic device: Have we learned nothing from Tiffany Greene?

10.  Speaking of Taylor Swift, yeah she won! That dress is workin’, girl!

11.  Confession: I have an inner 14 year old girl named Britney who is loving everything about Carly Rae Jepsen's performance. I will never get tired of "Call Me Maybe"!

12.  Pause: I see Brandy in the audience there but she's not performing? I'm not okay with that.

13.  They just introduced The Wanted.  Even as a boy band aficionado I don’t get it yet.

14.  From Twitter: “@Abbielicious The Wanted is like NKOTB Lite”.

15.  Wait. What’s with all of this hollerin’ and growlin’? Oh I don't like an angry boy band! This just took a terrible turn!   And now they want to end with all of them singing falsetto? See.  I would like to give them a homework assignment. Please refer to the tried and true boy band model that has been set in place from the beginning of time. You have one, ONE, guy that does falsetto. Please Google Jordan Knight and get back to me.

16.  Randy Jackson just introduced Kelly Clarkson’s performance.  I can't believe it's been 10 years since she won Idol. Wow! She’s killin’ right now.

17.  Ooooooh Ne-Yo is wearing those glasses in tribute to Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince!!! Right??? O_O

18.  Nicki Minaj just won a hip hop award.  This is the world we live in. So "Starships" is hip hop? Oh wait, it's rap. Okay.

19.  Yes standing O for Cyndi Lauper!  I want her to be my auntie.  Hold up. Cyndi Lauper just introduced Ke$ha with an introduction so grand.  I think she said something about her being responsible for pop’s comeback? Umm…yes Cyndi Lauper can still be my auntie. She’ll just be that crazy aunt that says things that don’t make sense but you love her and nod lovingly in approval.

20.  My tweet during Ke$ha’s performance: “No one look directly at the screen. Look past the screen. In fact, go get a snack. #Darksided

21.  This “Die Young” song is a perfect example of how we all could stand to be more careful about what lyrics we agree with when we sing them. That's really all I have to say about that. And while that’s all I have to say, let me share with you what Lici, who actually could stand to watch the performance, had to tweet about it…

“What in the name of all things STUPID is happening right now?! Me thinks I've just disrespected stupid things…I'm just saying, ,if I KNEW I'd be dying young, I doubt I'd be flailing about and dancing in a swimsuit made of candy crumbs, with men in Lycra.”  

That about sums it up right there for me.

22.  Yes No Doubt!  Gwen Stefani make me feel good about turning 40 in a few years.

23.  Oh I thought we just went into "Spiderweb"! I just got crunk! Clearly I don't know this song.

24.  Sssshhh...Kerry Washington is presenting...let the earth fall silent before her.

25.  That moment when you remember that Linkin Park is still around....*Looks around awkwardly* Good for them! Thumbs up!

26.  This is my song! Wait...every Taylor Swift song is my song. Never mind.

27.  This song is so pop and I love it! Taylor Swift is getting her coins in EVERY genre, hear? Watch for her in Southern Gospel next year. They still doing Gaither Homecoming?

28.  Aawwww they gave Usher an award!!!! That sounded so condescending but...still. Alright! #AMAs

29.  And then he gets onstage and cusses. COME ON USHER!!!!! *Sigh*

30.  Every time I see Lady Antebellum, my mind still wants that to be Lance Bass.

31.  I'm buying Luke Bryan’s new single and I don't even know what it is. He is precious!  You betta Holy Ghost shout, Luke Bryan!

32.  I'm so shocked to see Linkin Park that I'm waiting to see if Limp Bizkit is scheduled to perform too. I am so behind when it comes to Alternative Rock. My timeline is at a standstill right now. I don’t think we know what to make of this performance.
I think that if I was actually there I'd be crunk right now. I mean, there's pyro...

33.  Nicki Minaj is on and her set looks like she should be singing “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” which is completely fine. What has me scratching my head though is that this performance seems to be entirely made up of her sitting on this bench rapping. Like…is that it?

34.  If this is the entire performance...

35.  NO! NOT A CHOIR NOT A CHOIR NOT A CHOIR NOT A CHOIR NOT A CHOIR NOT A CHOIR!!!! Why must there ALWAYS be a choir?!  Okay. I will say this. It was the most tolerable performance of hers I have EVER seen. Ever.

36.  P!nk is giving me So You Think You Can Dance Mia Michaels realness right now and I am loving it!

37.  And THAT's how it's done folks.

38.  Backstreet Boys are presenting!  HEEEEEEEEEEEEY Kevin Richardson!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAIT Kevin Richardson!!!!! Umm... what in the name of Sherlock Holmes is going on with his facial hair right now?  Eh well.

39.  People still have love for BSB. I like it.

40.  Yeaaaaaah Carly Rae Jepsen won!!!! #AMAs

41.  This. Is. My. Song.  Justin Bieber’s “As Long As You Love Me” is one of my favorite pop songs of this year.

42.  Melinda to me: "Uuh uh. DO NOT body roll."

43.  Soooo what are we now going to do about that Selena line in “Beauty and the Beat”? *Awkwardly looks around*

44.  I'm glad EDM has a category right now even though I don't really get it.

45.  They just showed a commercial for Nicki Minaj’s new perfume.  Even the perfume bottle looks darksided! What is really going on?!

46.  From Twitter: *Screaming* Go. to. the. corner. NOW Abbie! “ @abbielicious613: That is the exact opposite of Holy Water.”

47.  Okay Gloria Estefan!  She introduced Christina Aguileira.  I'm nervous about this.

48.  And the “This Idea Was So Much Better on Paper” award goes to Christina Aguileira’s creative team.  What in the world? Are those the Village People?

49.  Christina Aguileira's  performance is a compilation of all of the dreams I have ever had after eating nachos before bedtime.  This is an example of…so many things. For one, this  and Usher’s performance says to me that we have stars who say “I am so and so and therefore my performance needs to be big”. Whereas you have stars like P!nk who say “I am so and so and therefore my performance needs to be excellent.”   That’s why she doesn’t struggle to stay relevant.

50.  Y'all...we have one more hour. OMG. This Dick Clark tribute must be reeeeaaaaallly long.

51.  I should probably be working off this Jet's Pizza I ate tonight to this Pitbull performance right now.

52.  I need Jenny McCarthy's glasses!

53.  Justin Bieber's record is good. It just is. I hope he wins. And it did but not before Jenny McCarthy attacked Justin Bieber, grabbed him and kissed him.  He did NOT look happy about that. What is wrong with people?

54.  How was Nicki Minaj's album nominated for a Pop award?????? What is...never mind.  I blame myself. She gets nominated for a hip hop award and I get mad. She gets nominated for a pop award and I still get mad. It’s not her, it’s me. Clearly.

55.  We ALL know that Carrie Underwood can't hear herself right correctly right? Because this is not her. That girl sings.

56.  From Twitter: Angelina. Leg. “ @mdoolittle: Carrie Underwood can sing. And her Angelina leg looks AMAZING! “

57.  Brandy is onstage saying a few words about Whitney Houston.  Does her management office have an outside suggestion box because I have a grievance.  I’m no expert but why is she not performing tonight?  One could argue that she may be performing at the Grammys and the stipulation of not performing at the Grammys if you perform at the AMAs may still be in place.  If that’s the case, I still wish she’d do the AMA’s over the Grammys. The AMA’s have always been about pop (as in popular) music. I think that she deserves the chance to show that she is still important to the pop genre.

58.  I see a praise dance team standing in the aisles. What is about to happen?

59.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't downloading this "Everyday Birthday song" that Chris Brown, Ludacris and Swizz Beats are doing to wake me up for my birthday.  This song is everything!

60.  Nicki Minaj’s acceptance speech. I just..we watched it about two more times after it came on. I STAY confused over this.

61.  Carrie Underwood won an award and thanked God. Someone thanked God! Remember when people did that? No? They used to a long time ago. Even Sisquo did when he won an award for “The Thong Song”. True story.

62.  Dick Clark’s tribute is being given by Stevie Wonder.  Stevie Wonder just did a medley reminding us of what music should do for people. Who is out now with songs that everyone can stand together and feel good about? *Sigh*

63.  Justin Bieber just won the Artist of the Year award and brought his mama to the stage which is sweet.

64.  *Psy hits the stage* Ladies and gentleman, I present to you The Macarena 2.0!

And then…it happened. Psy brought out Hammer for a mashup of “Gangnam Style” and “2 Legit to Quit”.

65.  My actual tweet: “WHAT WHAT WHAHT WHAT AHFIOhdgnoaijgry\o ivjprj iblajgroiajrnhoakfgnboakentgbiq j[gi0aj r[qbar]qapijgrqapjigrpajeoijoirgkarejpng;I”

66.  Where is Oaktown 357????!

67.  Best performance of the night!  That BLESSED ME!!!! YES!!!!!! Put on the Hammer and you WILL be rewarded, Psy!!!

*Fifteen minutes later*

68.  I am still hyped! They put him in the mix! Yes Hammer!

The last performance of the night was the only one in my opinion that could even measure up to the hype of performances in years past. It was definitely one for the books. As for some of the others…

What did you all think about it?


Lei said... tired of Psy, but he is from my boys BigBang's label and he is making people aware of the hot music that comes from Korea.

I haven't watched the AMAs, since NKOTB,NSYNC, etc have performed.I do come here like clockwork to see what you guys thought and I am so happy that I read your recap as opposed to watching it. Reading your recap has to be more entertaining.

iggystar said...

I had so much to comment on, about how I also haven't watched the AMAs in forever. That since I've hit 40 I guess I'm an old fogey and I don't know what's going on with this "young folks" music.

BUT after #66 "Where's Oaktown 3,5,7?" I can't even continue.

Christina said...

Awesome recap of the AMAs. They could've saved a lot of time and just had Pink and Psy/Hammer perform. Though I did like Justin Bieber's acoustic performance of "As Long As You Love Me". Otherwise I just feel like today's artists try to hard to be HUGE and forget that it's supposed to be about the music. Not who can have the most dancers, pyro, costume changes and acrobatics onstage. Your comment about Pink was on point. She needs to give lessons on how to be a true artist.

Patrice said...

I live for these recaps!! xo

Anonymous said...

Awesome recap! I look forward to these. :)