Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I do not speak boy - Tia

I used to pride myself on being able to easily relate to Y-chromosome carriers. They seemed to make sense to me. I have brothers. I've always kept a bestie with testes. Despite my need to be girlie in recent years, I'm still a tomboy. But despite all of that, I've recently discovered that while I may have thought I had more of an understanding of men than some girls, I still just don't understand guys.

For instance, on numerous occasions Toya and I have heard some variation of "You're too intimidating to talk to." Or "You just seem like you have everything together." Or my all time favorite in reference to Toya and I together, "You too just seemed like you were having so much fun." HUH?!?!? So you don't want to have fun and that's why you didn't approach us? Wait...WHAT???

I never understood that train of thinking. If I were guy I would be on the lookout for a girl who could hold her own against me. I'd be looking for an equal. Like Robin Thicke said on "When I Get You Alone" from his FIRST album A Beautiful World, "Baby girl you the s#!t, that makes you my equivalent." If I were looking for a partner and I saw some girl who seemed to have her situation in order and seemed fine with life and not desperate for someone to be in her life, THAT would be the girl that I would want to talk to. But more than once I've had guys explain to me that they want a project. A girl who's a mess will love you more if you come riding in on your white horse and fix her life for her. Guys like to fix things...or something like that...as I stated before...I don't know.

And then there's this...remember the guy from Match? Well, in a slightly tipsy state of false bravado I decided that I needed an answer. I wanted to know why he'd pulled a fizzle, fizzle, fade or FFF going forward. I had been through this once before with Ben Covington. Holy Blast from the past, Batman. (If you are unfamiliar with the Ben Covington story, read this and follow the other links within...or just search Ben Covington on the blog.) And even though Ben and I are friends on Facebook, I've still never gotten a reason for why he FFF out of my life the way he did. We were friends before we were anything else. And as a friend I figured I could have at the very least gotten an explanation. If you're wondering why I haven't just asked him..it was like 8 years ago. At this point it's like a cow's opinion...it's moo.

So I sent Match Boy an email. It basically just asked what happened. The response was interesting. He informed me that he'd gotten busy with finals. (He's a teacher.) And that he'd meant to call. (mm-hmm) but then he realized that he'd called last. (He hadn't) And I wasn't calling him either. (Because he wasn't calling me.) And then he started thinking about all that was wrong, "Is she not calling because she's not interested? Did I say something wrong? Is it because we live so far apart? (About 5 hours) How would this even work?" And by the time he'd rationalized calling a couple of weeks had gone by. And since I hadn't called/texted/emailed in that time either he figured the moment had passed.

Now here's the thing...I thought the EXACT same things. But I'm a GIRL. I'm a bit old fashioned and I'm not really an initiator. I will do more than my part to help sustain but I'm just not good at getting it started. So his puzzling, seemingly girl-like response threw me. I didn't understand. I was always under the impression that if a guy likes a girl he calls no matter what. I've seen He's Just Not That Into You.  Confused, I consulted my bestie with testes, Blaine. He explained the male mindset in this situation and while he did not excuse Match Boy for not calling he helped me understand his rationale for not doing so. Real talk, I like this guy. He's a Christian. He's childless, gainfully employed and our shared musical taste is scary. (No seriously...it is....he called me the other night just to tell me about a song he KNEW I would love. He was right...I LOVE it and will make myself hoarse doing it during car karaoke.) Because I liked him and because he was honest, I decided to give him another shot. Something I RARELY ever do. (It didn't hurt that he said that he missed talking to me...I hate being a girl sometimes.)

Fast forward to the present and we've talked/texted/emailed pretty consistently. He's fun and safe because I have my life and he has his. But I'm not crazy and I'd like for the two worlds to actually meet at some point. So the other night in another rare but this time non-intoxicated state of bravado, I informed him, "You need to come here." Now before you gasp in horror, his best friend and his wife live here. So he wouldn't solely be coming to see me. He replied, "I do need to come see you so we can hang out. And if you can stand me, I'll also introduce you to my best friend and his wife" He then proceeded to make NO plans or even vague suggestions to come to my neck of the woods. Now, going back to He's Just Not That Into You and men in general, if a guy wants to be around you...well...he'll be around you. So while he answered in the affirmative to my request that we at the very least need to be in the same area code at some point he made no move to rectify the situation. I followed up with Blaine and he told me I need to either throw the gauntlet down and suggest a time frame or cut my losses and move on as he's probably never going to get his a$$ off his shoulders. (Insert heavy sigh here)

I do not understand. You tell me I'm pretty. You randomly call me to tell me about songs that remind you of me. More than once you've told me I'm amazing. But you can't commit to a weekend? That's it. I give up. I fear I will never fully understand. (Insert another heavy sigh here)

If Match Boy decides to make an effort then good on him. But as it stands I am knee deep in quest for BAMFness. I have been diligently working on my Spanish. "El niƱo corre" (The male child runs) I think I may have a travel buddy to Italy in the spring. And I went to a boxing class last Saturday that handed me my...everything. It's Tuesday and I'm still a bit sore. So I'm working on my fitness, my health, my every thing. So while I may like a boy, I can't stop my life for a boy's indecision. Get at me now or forever wish you had. As Toya and I always say, "See me now or see me later...but you're gonna see me."

Laters BGLU!


The Editor - Ms Melissa said...

OH TIA!! I am with you with this situation. I've been on Match and on OKCupid - same guys diff sites. I call it an attack by the enemy unto the males of this generation. I was never taught that I needed to chase a man. But more and more, these men want to be chased like some ladies.

IDK, IDK!! How can you have so much in common with someone, but not have the slightest inclination to make a big move!? These men! UGH!

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Anonymous said...

TAKE TWO...my last comment didn't post. ;/ Yeah, I don't get guys either. I was seeing a guy for a couple months. At first I thought he just wanted to get in my pants, but he kept calling and taking me out not pressuring me to get in my pants...so I thought, "Wow, he ACTUALLY wants to get to know me." He talked would make the "we" should go try this place next time. Next time "we" should share a bowl...

Then, he tells me a week after our last date that he was mad because I didn't even offer to spot us when he left his wallet at home. I only had $9 in the bank and $5 cash because I paid a deposit on a new place AND my current rent. Then he said I seemed to be gettin 'attached' (why do you guys do that?) and he was sorry if he gave the impression that he was not looking for a relationship but wanted to have 'FUN'. [I felt like telling him to have 'fun' with 'paid company' next time because it's their job NOT to get emotionally attached.]

Anyways, I really thought he was cool, generous, considerate and knows how to take care of a woman. (sorry for my different uses of verb tenses, I am not an English major!)

Anyways, WHAT the heck are guys "looking" for? I think I'm just swimming in the wrong pool or something....

Anonymous said...

ADDENDUM: I blame Cindy Lauper for her song GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN... ;/