Friday, December 16, 2011

Le Sigh - Tia


I joined Match.com a few weeks ago. (I have since suspended my account...Yes...already.) Being the age that I am, being single bothers me more than I would care to express for fear of being labeled a wimp or being labeled stupid for being “obsessed with being single.”  And since my job does not often afford me the luxury of time, I figured I would give it a shot.

After several weeks on the site I learned a few things:
  1. You must be completely honest – Lying on Match defeats the purpose. If you post old pictures the person is going to be disappointed that you lied and probably not want to date you further because you’re a liar. (At least that's how I would feel.) So just put it all out there. Be brutally honest. It helps weed the herd.
  2. It’s easy to know who’s worth you time – I could always tell the guys who just looked at the pictures as opposed to reading my whole profile. The former were easy to spot because the only thing we’d have in common was that we were both looking for humans to date. The guys who were worth responding to made an effort to point out things from my profile in their emails to me. That was always nice.
  3. There will be creeps – I got the following email TWICE from one guy, “Would you ever date someone who wanted to be dominated in wild ways?” “Dear Sir, BYE!!!!” *clicks on the block user button*  There will be guys who are trying to work out some weird black girl fantasy (or whatever fantasy that is associated with your race.) They are easy to block. Use the block feature liberally and often. 
But the most important thing that I learned was that for all of my posturing, I want to be wanted. I did connect with one guy. He was nice, a Christian, no kids, gainfully employed and our shared musical taste was scary. After a few weeks of emailing he called and we played musically Jeopardy for 3 hours during our first phone call. While I found myself very much liking him, something in me wouldn’t let myself just go HAM in the feelings department. That turned out to be a good thing.

I have no idea what happened but the guy pulled what I like to call a “Fizzle, fizzle, fade.” It’s what happens when two people are really getting on like a house on fire and then one of them decides it’s not working and rather than just say so, they stop calling, emailing, texting. Whatever the “relationship” was just fizzles and fades and then the person is gone leaving the faded on person wondering, “WHAT HAPPENED?!?”

I don’t have the time or energy to dissect the last conversation that we had to try to figure what, if anything, I may have said to turn a guy who was calling once and day and texting several times a day to just disappear. But I would be lying if I said that my ego wasn’t a little bit bruised. It was nice to be wanted. It is not often that I find men who are interested in me. Not my looks. Not my paycheck (which is not enough to be interested in.) But just me...Just Tia. So to come across a cute one, who shared my musical taste and most importantly my religious beliefs was...well, it was fun and nice. Those few weeks made me remember what it was like to be in the early stages of being pursued. The anticipation of every text.  The easy conversations. The hope. However brief, I did enjoy it. 

I can't say that I'm all that optimistic at the moment. The whole thing was a bit of a last straw for me. At least for the time being. But I will say that getting my little feelings hurt did shake some things up in side of me. It made me realize that maybe a relationship just isn't in the cards for me. (Not trying to be depressing or self loathing or anything...it's just where my head's at at the moment.) Getting one's ego busted does something to you. At least it did for me. It shifted my focus and made me realize that there are a lot of things that I still want to do. There are things that I need to make more of a priority and this last episode moved "getting into a relationship" to the bottom of the list. *coughoffthelistforthetimebeingcough* So for now I've decided to work on Tia. I've decided to start doing the things I want to do (FINALLY learning Spanish properly), work on the things that matter (like my walk with Christ), crossing stuff off of my bucket list (travel, training for a half marathon, etc), and moving on to the next phase of my life. 

Getting blown off made me prioritize the desires in my life. It hurt. I've dealt with it. (Although Adele's One and Only is still taking me through some changes) And now it's time to put on my big girl pants and keep it moving. So I've decided 2012 will be the year of the Grown Woman. It is time to put away childish things and behaviors and be about my business. I plan to travel. I plan to run. I play to eat great food with interesting people. I may even finally bite the bullet and buy some real estate. And if while I'm making moves love comes along, well....good on it. But it will definitely have to catch me. No more sitting on the sidelines waiting for life to happen. 

One last thing: I do have to thank dude from Match for introducing me to my song of the moment. If it hadn't been for him I may have never heard this. 

4 comments:

Tiffani said...

Love you girl..eat great food with interesting people made me cheer

Alicia said...

Year of the Grown Woman.

Amen.

I'm having a milestone birthday next year - milestone because I've decided it is. (I have this weird thing about numbers, and this birthday has alll the right numbers.) But I'm using that as an impetus to get my girl act together. I may have barely dated (or even been asked) up til now, but I'm not going to let the desire for a relationship be a weight on all the other stuff I want out of life.

So yes, travel, run, good food, weird friends, new-to-me accomplishments -- I plan on all those things as well. Bring it on 2012!

The One and Only...Ms. Free said...

Love your growth! It is truly inspiring...even if you are still on the fence about some things. I went through the same thing. I signed up for EHarmony and quickly realized that instead of focusing on finding someone to provide peace in my life...I had to start making peace with myself. This one of the major turning points in my life. One of which helped me become who I am today. Recently, I started sharing my thoughts through my blog "Unleashing Your Bad Bitch" in an attempt to share my story, inspire others, and talk about all things related to love, dating, and relationships. Check it out and tell me what you think...www.unleashingyourbadb.com

~Ms. Free

Erin said...

I can't even begin to say how reading this made me think it was ME writing it... I know that you know you aren't alone in this journey, but for me, it's nice to have someone out there that can completely relate! I will be downloading that song!