Saturday, September 17, 2011
YES!! We're just friends - Tia
As you can see Toya has been carrying the blog for the last couple of weeks. I have been quite literally living in hotels for the last few weeks. (Thank you Foursquare for reminding me how long I've been on the road "That's 6 weeks in a row at airports!") And I been in a funk that has motivated me to do NOTHING. It has been encompassing and crippling. But as a follower of the ways of Quitter I know need to put in the work if I want this blog to be successful and be able to get out of my current soul draining job. Anyway, that being said I figured I would just try to write...about anything and hope for the best.
Why is it so unfathomable for a girl and a guy to be nothing more than platonic friends? For the last decade and some change I have gotten the same question about my friend who I'll call Blaine (I just did a mini-marathon of Glee with one of my friends. You're stuck with Blaine.) Blaine and I went to college together. Neither of us can remember how we met. People always ask but neither of has any recollection. While we've sort of narrowed it down to a group of people we think we may have met through, the specific details are long since lost with time.
We are thick as thieves. We had the same major so we took classes together. We went on Spring Break together. I was at his wedding. I have helped him through his divorce. We are sardonic. We have words that only we use. We have private jokes. We had a water gun fight after our graduation ceremony. We are tight. We are friends....Yes....JUST FRIENDS. And not in the Ryan Reynolds/Amy Smart, "I secretly love you" kind of Just Friends way. We are truly platonic. I love him the way I love my other two brothers. To me, we're basically related. But for some reason, this concept is lost on people.
Without fail when I talk about him or when we are together someone will eventually ask me, "Soooo you have NO feelings for him?" No...no I don't. Why is that so hard to believe?
Now don't get me wrong. I get it. Blaine is good looking. He's funny and fun to be around. I understand how people could think that I'm secretly pining away for him. And if I'm being honest, to some extent he is the standard by which I measure men. The level of comfort that I feel with Blaine must be exceeded by anyone I date. And the unconditional acceptance that I get from him is what I expect from anyone I would consider spending forever with. But beyond that, I love him like I love those other two guys with whom I share DNA.
Tonight at dinner I mentioned to a friend that I need a break from Nashville and I'm going to see Blaine. He and I talked about going to London later in the year (still a possibility) but I need a break sooner than that. So I'm taking a weekend to go drink tequila and swear in colorful ways with him. My friend, God bless her, got that twinkle that your married friends get when their single friends tell them they're going to spend time with a boy. *sigh* So once again I had to explain that we're "just friends." (Side note: she told me not to wear sweats around him. Ummm....I may ONLY wear sweats around him.) "But how?" She asked. "Is he questionable?" (Questionable in regards to his sexuality.) "No, he's very straight." "Is he unattractive?" "No, he's hot. And he's humble about it." "Are you gay?" "HAHAHAHAHA! No, I like men too much to be gay." "Then what is it?" I sigh and explain that for whatever reason we are just not like that. I went on to explain that to this day, I still don't understand why people continue to maintain that women and men can't just be friends.
Chris Rock does an entire bit about women with "platonic friends." (If you look it up, be forewarned that there is some language in it.) To sum it up, women with platonic male friends see them as "back-ups." They are the guys that we run too when the guy that we're with turns out to not be the one. Yeah...I don't buy it. Keeping a guy around just in case is tortuous and mean. It would be unfair to his heart. And how could I call myself a friend of someone whose heart I was not honoring and treating fairly?
Maybe it's because I have brothers, but for the most part I prefer friendships with men. They seem less complicated and far less dramatic. Overall, it is what it is. And you KNOW what it is. There are no random questions if you're doing it right. You don't complicate things with physical intimacy so you don't have to have the DTR talk. You hang out. You get comfortable. You remain friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Why is that such a foreign concept?
I'm excited to see Blaine. And to see tequila. I'm happy that I have a wingman for the weekend who knows me well. I will be protected and safe, thus allowing me to be myself. That fact that the person that I can be Tia with has a Y-chromosome is immaterial. A homie is a homie regardless of whether they sit or stand to tinkle. (Yes...tinkle.) And for the last time, "Yes...WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!"