Sunday, June 5, 2011

Timer - Tia

I have been single for a really long time. There are moments when my singlehood astounds me. I'm a nice girl. Fairly attractive. I don't spit when I talk. I've got a good job. (I don't really like my job but I have one and it pays well.) And I'm endearingly geeky. So by the world's standards I should probably be booed up by now. But relationships aren't something you can make happen. And when you do they usually don't end really well.

One of my friends recently confided in me that he knew the moment he should have broken up with his now ex-wife. (At the time she was just his girlfriend.)  But he stayed with her for a myriad of wrong reasons. One of which was not wanting to be lonely. And I have seen countless relationships that you know aren't going to work because the people just aren't compatible enough. (FYI, if the person you're with doesn't believe in you, your dreams for yourself or your God, it's not going to work.)

I recently watched a movie called "TiMER" on Netflix.
In what appears to be present day, a timer has been invented that will tell you the exact day you'll meet your soulmate. (Yes, you will have to suspend disbelief to watch this movie.) Unfortunately for the main character, Oona, her soulmate has not had a timer implanted so hers simply blinks. Looking down the barrel of 30 (I could only laugh at this...really...JUST 30???) she begins to wonder if she will ever meet her One.

I won't ruin it for you as I truly believe that this is movie worth watching. It's not a perfect movie and there things outside of the timers that I found a little implausible but overall I was really enjoyed it and the movie's premise called into question the way I view the timing of relationships and what I'm doing in the interim.

I fully expected to be married with kids by now. I also expected to be a doctor by now but that's neither here nor there. I realize that had I married the guy that I was dating when I left college I would probably be in jail right now for murder.  So it's a good thing that didn't pan out. But as the days tick by and I watch my friends from college have baby number 4 (In case you're wondering 2 will be sufficient for me. Once you have more than 2 you're outnumbered and you're constantly running a zone defense in parenting.) and as I watch other friends try out the newest boyfriend/girlfriend I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. How is it that my friends can run through new significant others and I don't even get asked out on dates?

Now mind you, I've experienced and seen my fair share of heart ache and crazy. So if being alone means that I can avoid "Crying Game" shower sessions and blocked calls/emails and restraining orders then I'll be okay over here by myself for now. But I'd be all kinds of lying if I said I would be okay with being single for the rest of my life. There are things that I've dreamed of doing with my husband that I can't let go of. (And no, dirty minds, they're not all sex things.) The thing is, after watching "TiMER" I realized that there were parts of my life that I'd put on hold because I didn't want to do them alone.

For instance, I want to do some personal traveling. I travel on an almost weekly basis for my job. So I know what traveling alone feels like. And I know I don't care for it. But I have wanted to go back to Italy, Puerto Rico (MY GOD...I love Puerto Ricans), Australia for years. I've never been to Spain, Japan, or Canada and I want to go. But because I don't have anyone to go to those places with my passport sits expired on my dresser.

If I'm being honest, I've been using the excuse of not having someone to do things with a lot more than I should. So I have to learn to balance the waiting with action. While I can no more make a relationship happen in my life than I can cause the sun to stop shining, I can expand my circle of friends and hopefully in the process find people with similar interests who will want to go to things like Comic Con and places like Italy.

And if any of you dear readers, want to email me info about the best restaurants, churches or shopping spots in your city or country *coughEnglandcough* feel free to hit up the comments section or the BGLU inbox. I'm always up for a good (non-crazy, non-clingy) penpal.

7 comments:

Carolyn said...

Once again you ladies have stepped into my shoes. I am in a similar situation, been single for 7 years and I have no idea when it's going to end. But in the meantime, I've bought a house, traveled to Europe and recently moved to Rio De Janeiro for an amazing expat assignment. I've had my passport stamped in Argentina, Brazil and Italy over the past two years and I have many other countries on my list.

Would I have loved to do those things with my significant other? Yes. But God has provided me with the opportunity to do it now, so I went along. I was running along the beach today and saw a couple making out in front of the Atlantic Ocean and uttered the following prayer "God you are not a respecter of persons. Please allow my husband and I to meet so we can experience moments like this together. OH and please don't tarry. Thanks!"

Stay encouraged and know I'm praying for all of us.

Carolyn

Niki said...

""God you are not a respecter of persons. Please allow my husband and I to meet so we can experience moments like this together. OH and please don't tarry. Thanks!"

THISRIGHTHERE.COM! Dating is something that's not happening AT ALL for me right now and it's frustrating because I realized the other day that me and my ex-boyfriend have been broken up longer than we were together :(

But I haven't let that stop me from enjoying the things in life that I want to do, and I have seen friends relationships go up and down, so I don't "glamorize" the reality of marriage and children. But by the same token, I always visualized myself being a mom and having a good guy by my side. Facebook can make you feel some kind of way when you see your high school classmates and their smiling family portraits and status updates about what little Chandler or Caden is doing.

Trying to stay encouraged!

deevinej23 said...

I'm glad I'm not alone in this club. Let me put it this way, I've been single 5x more than I've been in a dating relationship. If there is somebody out there for me, he better be worth the wait. lol! I pray that when he comes that I will be ready. Looking at Facebook and as the years go by watching friends get married and start families doesn't help to minimize the wondering. I pray that I will experience the first true love, as opposed to lust, before it's all over.

Carolyn said...

Definitely said a prayer for all of us this morning. I am constantly reminded of Hannah, who wanted a child so badly she prayed every day. So much so, that Eli thought she was drunk when she uttered her prayers before the Lord. When God finally granted her request (in his time) she dedicated her child to him and uttered a prayer of thanks. I pray all of us have our "Hannah moment" sooner rather than later. Much love!
Carolyn

Stephanie said...

"God you are not a respecter of persons. Please allow my husband and I to meet so we can experience moments like this together. OH and please don't tarry. Thanks!"

^^^Let the church say Amen^^^ I love this blog! It seems that you ladies are always discussing a topic relevant in my life at the particular moment. I appreciate the content so much. Tia, blow the dust off of that passport and get out there! I just took a trip to Istanbul by myself. I am not fond of solo travel. I couldn't find anyone to go with me; but I didn't want to miss out on the experience. I finally realized that if I keep waiting on others, then life would continue to pass me by. There is much to do and see. If you are interested in traveling with a group, please check out Ms. Fleacé Weaver with BlackGirlTravel.com. She has wonderful group tours. Also, your blog readers could meet up for travel together or simply exchange travel ideas. That would be great!

inart said...

I second Stephanie's idea about connecting your blog readers! We all have so much in common, I think it would be neat to meet up and share life's experiences. I'm always up for travel inside and outside the US, so keep me posted!
Carolyn

Leslie said...

I hated how this movie ended.