Timer - Tia
I have been single for a really long time. There are moments when my singlehood astounds me. I'm a nice girl. Fairly attractive. I don't spit when I talk. I've got a good job. (I don't really like my job but I have one and it pays well.) And I'm endearingly geeky. So by the world's standards I should probably be booed up by now. But relationships aren't something you can make happen. And when you do they usually don't end really well.
One of my friends recently confided in me that he knew the moment he should have broken up with his now ex-wife. (At the time she was just his girlfriend.) But he stayed with her for a myriad of wrong reasons. One of which was not wanting to be lonely. And I have seen countless relationships that you know aren't going to work because the people just aren't compatible enough. (FYI, if the person you're with doesn't believe in you, your dreams for yourself or your God, it's not going to work.)
I recently watched a movie called "TiMER" on Netflix.
I won't ruin it for you as I truly believe that this is movie worth watching. It's not a perfect movie and there things outside of the timers that I found a little implausible but overall I was really enjoyed it and the movie's premise called into question the way I view the timing of relationships and what I'm doing in the interim.
I fully expected to be married with kids by now. I also expected to be a doctor by now but that's neither here nor there. I realize that had I married the guy that I was dating when I left college I would probably be in jail right now for murder. So it's a good thing that didn't pan out. But as the days tick by and I watch my friends from college have baby number 4 (In case you're wondering 2 will be sufficient for me. Once you have more than 2 you're outnumbered and you're constantly running a zone defense in parenting.) and as I watch other friends try out the newest boyfriend/girlfriend I can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. How is it that my friends can run through new significant others and I don't even get asked out on dates?
Now mind you, I've experienced and seen my fair share of heart ache and crazy. So if being alone means that I can avoid "Crying Game" shower sessions and blocked calls/emails and restraining orders then I'll be okay over here by myself for now. But I'd be all kinds of lying if I said I would be okay with being single for the rest of my life. There are things that I've dreamed of doing with my husband that I can't let go of. (And no, dirty minds, they're not all sex things.) The thing is, after watching "TiMER" I realized that there were parts of my life that I'd put on hold because I didn't want to do them alone.
For instance, I want to do some personal traveling. I travel on an almost weekly basis for my job. So I know what traveling alone feels like. And I know I don't care for it. But I have wanted to go back to Italy, Puerto Rico (MY GOD...I love Puerto Ricans), Australia for years. I've never been to Spain, Japan, or Canada and I want to go. But because I don't have anyone to go to those places with my passport sits expired on my dresser.
If I'm being honest, I've been using the excuse of not having someone to do things with a lot more than I should. So I have to learn to balance the waiting with action. While I can no more make a relationship happen in my life than I can cause the sun to stop shining, I can expand my circle of friends and hopefully in the process find people with similar interests who will want to go to things like Comic Con and places like Italy.
And if any of you dear readers, want to email me info about the best restaurants, churches or shopping spots in your city or country *coughEnglandcough* feel free to hit up the comments section or the BGLU inbox. I'm always up for a good (non-crazy, non-clingy) penpal.