Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Things I Neglected to Blog about This Week Because I Was Fed Up with The Internets (No Typo) - Toya

These past two weeks, have been full of…I’ll say… bullshishery… on The Internets (I know it’s internet. I like the phrase “The Internets” much like I enjoy saying “The Twitter”). Now I know there has been a lot in the media in general but being as though I avoid the news like the plague for the most part, I get a lot of my headline news via Twitter and Facebook. Hey I never claimed to be a realist. This past Monday I was all cued up to wish my #1 girl crush of all time Janet Jackson a happy birthday when news broke out that on Psychology Today’s website, one of their bloggers claimed to have objective scientific proof that black women were less attractive than everyone on the entire planet. I am not going to go into how I feel like it has been open season on black women as of late. Tia and I have already decided to do a vlog about that so stay tuned. But because I stayed on Twitter and the web all day long reading and tweeting about it for two days, nothing else got my attention. Between that, the Common fiasco, and people hating on Obama for NO good reason, I have really had it. Here are some of the things I failed to blog about lately due to two days of being in a haze because I was pissed off to the highest point of pisstivity:

1. As aforementioned, Monday marked Janet Jackson’s birthday. No star has been more influential in my life than Janet Jackson has. One day soon I hope to write about how her Velvet Rope album literally changed my life in college. The only reason I don’t have her new book is because I cannot justify not finishing the three books I have been in the process of reading for quite some time but I will soon. She’s a hero of mine and she just keeps getting better and better. Here are my five current favorite Janet Jackson songs:

   1. “Runaway”- Ooooooh I love this song. I love her delivery on this song; I love the chorus, the sentiment, all of it. This is my fave right now. The rest of these will not be listed in any sort of order.
   2. “Can’t Be Good”- Written by my boyfriend in my head Ne-Yo.
   3. “I Get So Lonely”- Am I the only woman that wants to recreate the choreography to this in the privacy of her own bedroom when she gets married? Moving on...
   4. “Pleasure Principle” – “You might think I’m crazy but I’m serious. It’s better you know now.” I feel like I have to say this about myself from time to time.
   5. “Rock Wit U”- This song makes me want to go in a corner of a dimly lit club and dance my little heart out with my eyes closed. The problem with that is I have done that only to find that when I open my eyes there is a guy flailing about in front me doing the white man’s overbite dance.

True story.

2. In more birthday news, Blockheads either publicly or privately celebrated Jordan Knight’s birthday. I can’t believe it’s been at least fifteen years since I have picked up a Bop magazine and I still seemed to manage to remember that around the 15th (which is my mother’s birthday) there are a few New Kid’s birthdays. Now if you'be been reading this blog long enough you know I have a theory: Jordan Knight does not age.

I have seen him in person up close a few times and I promise you, it’s mind boggling. He’s not the youngest and yet he looks like the youngest. El Debarge told me that “black don’t crack”. Now no disrespect to their mother, but perhaps umm…the Debarge family and the Knight family need to have a "conversation"…on Maury…if you know what I’m trying to say. 

The features? The falsetto? I'm just sayin'!

3. If you haven’t seen Jumping the Broom yet, please do so. It’s a good film that I enjoyed very much. And you know what else I enjoyed very much?

Yes Lord. Gary Dourdan all day AND tomorrow.  I know he's aged a bit since Janet's "Again" video but haven't we all?  Give me a brotha with some laugh lines, something.   I can't with the babies anymore.

I really hope we get more romantic comedies on the screen featuring African Americans in the near future. I won’t get into the whole Tyler Perry controversy that so many people seem to have an opinion on but I will say this: you will be hard pressed to find a movie where a black woman gets married in any other films other than his as of late. He didn’t win the lottery to get his films done. He worked his butt off. It’s really easy to sit back and criticize when... see, I was going to start. Next!

4. "Harpo, who dis woman?"

5. I swear every time I see this picture of Don Lemon I want to start singing like Jeffrey Osborne.  "and you woo woo woo, and you woooooo woo woo wooooo, should be mine, all mine..."

Howvever, Don Lemmon of CNN recently came out of the closet.  Can I say that I am at least 0-9 when it comes to thinking that my crushes in TV AND in real life are straight? I’m not even lying. I need someone to teach a class for the gaydar impaired because I am struggling. Living in Nashville you are almost safe to say that a guy is heteroflexible (yeah, I’m adding that word to my Word dictionary when I spell check this) until proven straight. I’m not saying that is a fair assumption I’m just saying my average is terrible.

6. Let’s end this on a high note though with someone we all know is heterosexual, almost to a fault…

You’re welcome.


Anonymous said... that John Mayer with a sister in picture 4?

ToyaBGLLU said...