Sunday, February 27, 2011

You know what....I DON'T KNOW!!! - Tia

Hey y'all. I know it's been forever since I posted something. I've been going through it and been basically computer-less. But I just got my new Mac (yay!!!) And have made a resolution to do more of the things that make me smile. And believe or not (don't let the lack of posts fool you) blogging makes me happy. So here is what I hope is one of the first of many videos from myself and BGLU the collective. 

Please excuse the "dumb face" look on my face in the first frame. I still haven't figured out how to edit these things yet.


Carolyn said...

*stepping on soapbox*

Tia, your video blog brought tears to my eyes because I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am 31, single and haven't been in a relationship in 6.5 years. I have a wonderful job in corporate America and I'm blessed to say that I am very successful, so of course that leads people to question: why are YOU not married! Of course the question comes with backhanded compliments like "you're so pretty! People have to want you! You're so successful, you'll make a great wife/mother with your work ethic. You MUST be picky! that's it. Stop being so picky and maybe you'll get a man. ". Really?! I mean seriously. Do you think I like the fact that I haven't been in a relationship in 6 years? How about not being asked out on a date by someone I'm actually interested in in God knows how long?

I know people mean well, but I already have to deal with my own personal issues about being single at 31. I don't need others to add more to what's already there. I'm on eharmony, match and by gosh, I've even accepted an expat assignment in another country a few months ago. (I secretly hope that I meet my husband here in Brazil:) )

Anyways, I say all that to say--I know how you feel. It is frustrating and I pray about it every day. I know God's word says he will give you the desires of your heart, if you delight your ways in him. But that doesn't mean we won't have our days where we feel down or frustrated with our situation. It's to the point, I dread having to answer that question. I want to start telling people, unless you're actively trying to hook me up with someone or praying for my husband please stop talking to me about it. Thanks!

Anyways, I'll keep you in prayer. Thanks for being honest and open. I LOOOOVE this blog so much. Take Care


Danielle said...

Some people act like it's so easy to get into a relationship. I have never been asked by my family why I'm still single but I understand how it could get frustrating when you're being asked over and over again like that.

Every now and then friends will ask me that question. You're right, you really can't answer that question. At times I wonder if I'm doing somethning wrong because I haven't been in a relationship in over 3 years. With the exception of going speed dating twice, I haven't had a man approach me since 2008 and even then I couldn't talk to the guy because I was 28 years old at the time and he was only 20 years old.

Anonymous said...

i get it. i hear it. it annoys me ..but mostly for that person..well it annoys me because the person asking usually doesnt know ME very well..and if you think about it only "those" kind of people ask.your close friends dont ask because they know you..they know you are a quality person who isnt settling or general answer ( and I get this alot from my students who are from cultures that you get married...evn if its your get married) answer is I dont know...that's a question for God. I cant answer that..and that is exactly how I feel...that He indeed has his reasons and Im cool with those reasons....and who wants the "okie doke"...or if Im really in a playful mood and want the person to realize how "ridiculous" their question is..i go " I knew I forgot something at Walmart! Let me put that on my list to run out and get one the next time Im at the store!"

Again even when its your parents who ask...these are still people who may not really know you enough to prevent them from asking this question....and in their twisted way its a compliment. This I tell myself as I change the subject to something we can likely um.." how come you were born in this country"...why dont you wear a size 12 shoe?.when will there be world peace?

banagrams queen

Tia and Toya said...

Carolyn - Thank you so much for being so candid. I completely understand the frustration. And when people tell me I'm picky my response is usually, "I can't be picky if I have nothing to pick from." As much I would love to be able conjure up a tall, Handsome, God-Fearing, British man, I don't have the skills. So I wait. But as I watch many a-marriage fall apart in front of me (I know of at least 3 or 4 divorces that have happened in the last 6 months) I'm grateful that I have not settled...that I have waited. And I will continue to wait if it means I'll get the real thing and the RIGHT one in the future. As far your ex-pat status, GIRL YES!!!! If my job asked me to go to London for 6 months, I'd be gone before you could say Cheers.

Danielle - Guys don't approach me either. ("hey ma" does not count as an approach) I could do an entire movie on the emasculation of men and how it affects (effects?) their interactions with women but I won't go into it. I just have to believe that the way I carry myself intimidates the wrong ones. But the right one will see that I'm a good look and step to me.

Banagrams Queen - YOU KNOW WHAT?!?!? I know who this is. "Why don't you wear a size 12 shoe?" was right up your alley of foolishness.

- Tia

ToyaBGLU said...

"Bananagrams Queen"??? Folly! Folly I say!

I think it's interesting when guys that could actually ask me out and I'd say yes, tell me how wonderful I am and how they are surprised I haven't been snatched up yet. I don't know if they want me to ask them but that aint happenin'.

My mentor asked me if I was dating recently. When I told her I wasn't, I almost felt guilty. There's nothing I can do about it really but I'm hopeful.

melanie said...

I want to know why so many people think there is something "wrong" with those of us who choose to seek out the best person for us.
I want to know why my younger cousins/family have suggested eHarmony when I do just fine. (I figure the season of allll byyyy mysellllllf keeps me out of trouble)
I want to know why people (that don't really know me) lack any sort of tact when asking me about very personal things.
"getting up there, ol' girl" has been said to me.

The above article speaks to what I want to yell at people - what I AM doing, what I am GOING to do, etc.

NUH-UH. I'm good. Weed 'em out. If the man finds me intimidating, GOOD. Show me how you work. Now where is he....

Niki said...

*singing* You are not alone! I am here with you! LOL

Getting asked why you are still single is pretty darn annoying (especially when being asked by some lame dude who is trying to "holla"), but try this on for size--not being asked why anymore because people have kind of "given up on you" meeting anyone!

Turning 3-6 this year and no good prospects on the horizon. Got asked out on a kinda-sorta date by a Nigerian cab driver who was working on his Master's degree, but he didn't want to do anything but "watch movies" at my house sometime after midnight. No sir! Homie don't play that! LOL

When I look back and realized my last semi-serious relationship ended sometime in 2007, I am astounded. I've done all the speed dating, online dating, etc., but, honestly, it's hard to meet a person with whom there is mutual interest who is available at the same time you are.

Anonymous said...

hang in there. could be worse - could be in your 40's and asking yourself 'why am i STILL married?'

and what's with the percy-dissin'? don't blame him, blame his moma and the too timid nurse at the hospital that didn't speak up while moma was still drugged.

glad your back up and running :)

Kizer said...

Ok I'm not a black woman but I can relate to the topic. I see my sister and she's in her 30s and not married yet, but what I've told her and what she's told herself is if a man is going to step he has to bring to the table what she has and have even more to offer. So far ni brother has met that criteria. I am her lil bro but i would not allow her to settle with a man that doesnt have anything to offer her. Also the same way she feels about myself. And I Looove black women!! Haha

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

That is like the story of my life. I wish I had a snappy comeback for people who ask me that. Instead, I smile, shrug and try to change the subject. Sigh.

Lei said...

Everytime I was going to agree with someone, another post was made that I agreed with. All I can say is there is a lot of us out there. Also I am so not settling. Nothing worse than being stuck in a situation that you could've avoided. I don't want to wake up everymorning crying when I turn over and see this "man" in my bed.