Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Independence Day- Toya

"Independence Day" is a song by Martina McBride who is one little sangin' somebody.

Right now, I look like this...


However, I used to look like this...



and daggone it, I miss that and want to look like this again...



Soon. Like in two weeks.

The problem, well I'll say the challenge, is that was about two years and twenty pounds ago and... 

*WAIT AND PAUSE*

No lie. I couldn't make this up. Just as I am writing this, a guy that I REALLY struggle not to give shade to on a regular basis because he can say some randomly ignorant things from time to time, stops by to drop something off where I am writing and says "Hey I saw you on Dreamgirls last night."

*blank stare*

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME EFFIE?!?!?!??!?!" (Mind you I have on a very Effie headband on right now but my hair is straight.)

He chuckles. "Oh I don't know. I wasn't really watching it." Then he walks out the door.

I am about to die.

Ever have someone say something so asinine to you that you just want to lean over and say "Soooooo you're just gonna let the devil use you like that, huh? Oh ok."

Breathe, Toya. Breathe.

AN-Y-WAY, yes I am contemplating going back curly. I was going to wait until July 4th weekend and declare my own Independence Day but exercising and trying to keep my hair straight is a chore that I no longer wish to endure. I hate putting so much heat on my hair all the time. I joined Weight Watchers at the top of the year because I decided that I wanted to win this back and forth battle of weight gain and emotional eating. As a gift to myself, I was going back to curly hair and figured by July, I will be at a weight where I am most comfortable wearing shorter hair.

I decided to join Weight Watchers soon after I saw how AWESOME Marsha Ambrosius looks now.


Before: Marsha Ambrosius on the right
After: Marsha Ambrosius now

Seriously, are you kidding me? She looks amazing! AND she has big curly hair. Now when Jennifer Hudson lost weight (funny that I bring her up now), I remembered thinking "traitor!" I had resolved that I like to eat and sub-consciously decided to just let myself go. But seeing the picture above reminded me that's not what I really wanted to do. I had to do this for my confidence. I wanted to be my best self. And my best self, for me, is my natural hair at a healthy weight with a healthy mindset about food.

It was in making this decision that I had to ask myself how was this go round going to be different than the other times that I tried to lose weight? What was going to be the winning combination? The two things I came up with were knowledge and accountability. Because the first time I lost a lot of weight was on a low-carb diet, my thinking about food was severely jacked up. I just didn't know how to eat. The thing about Weight Watchers is that it is very heavy on knowledge. You can eat what you want but only so much. Because it's on a points system and you only get so many points per day,  it is a lot like budgeting money. That is also something I desperately need to get under control.

I realize this is going to take a lot of patience and consistency. I have had my ups and my downs so far but I'm fighting through the downs. Not even a month ago a comment like the one just made would've had me on my way to eating something ridiculous. That's senseless to be depressed about my weight and then go make matters worst but I've done it plenty of times before. It's a vicious cycle.

So this is the journey I am on right now and this particular change is just part of it. I have a few other things in the works. I've committed myself to sharing with you all the things I am learning along the way and hopefully my progress. Hope it provides some inspiration for someone who is going through the same thing. If there is anything I can tell someone that is, it's this: Love yourself the way you are right now at this very moment. Don't wait until you're thin. You'll never be happy once you get there. It' won't be enough. If you love yourself now, you'll feel that you are worthy to do your best to be your best.

1 comment:

Kris Coleman said...

I feel exactly the same way!! As I read your post I'm sitting on the exercise bike telling myself to go one more mile cause (Marsha Ambrosius looks hot and) I want to get back to a comfortable weight. Really she is my 2011 Role Model.