Thursday, April 1, 2010

What a Fool Believes- Toya


*Sigh* I wish that Michael McDonald would redo this song with the genders switched so that some of us would REALLY get it and understand how foolish we can be sometimes when it comes to what or whom we give our heart to. It took me a while to really appreciate this song outside of its catchy melody. Now that I'm older, I see that these lyrics hold a warning in them that I so wish I would've caught earlier in life. This song will preach if you let it. Allow me to preach from the Book of Michael and give you my interpretation:

"He came from somewhere back in her long ago. The sentimental fool don't see, trying hard to recreate what had yet to be created once in HER life..."

The "sentimental fool" in this song sounds completely irrational doesn't he? Trying hard to recreate the memories that meant so much to him but to her are as good as forgotten? Does this sound familiar to anyone? Ever had to pull it together to have "the conversation" with someone about why you are hurting and they have no idea why you are so upset? I don't know of too many things more embarrassing than that. Why is it so hard to let go sometimes especially when the other person not only doesn't seem to care but has little recollection of what you are telling them they promised or said to you? I think this song answers that question.

"She had a place in his life. He never made her think twice."

I remember talking to some high school kids one day. One girl said that she didn't like other girls in her school because they seemed so "sensational". That word has cracked me up until this very day. I took "sensational" to mean overly emotional and in the moment. So many right things, wonderfully romantic seemingly heartfelt things get said at what seems to be the right time and are forgotten the next day because people can get caught up in the moment. Far too often women (at least I mostly see this in women) hold on for dear life to those moments that the other person has never thought twice about since they happened. I wish we would take more into account what people do more than what they say. So many women, including myself, have gotten caught up in what a man has said without paying attention to whether his words line up with his actions. I'm not blaming all of this on men either. Some of us just don't know how to accept compliments. For example, I know I would make a great wife. Just because someone says that to me doesn't mean that I should be their wife and I don't need to try to convince them that they should want me to be. Actions speak louder than words and some people's intentions are best figured out on mute.

"What seems to be is always better than nothing. There's nothing at all."

While that lyric is sung over a happy little piano driven melody it has kicked my ass for the past two years. How many times have I (or you) settled for a relationship (committed or not) because of what SEEMED to be or what would make sense in a perfect world if the other person would just work on something that realistically should be a deal breaker for us? We take more time and do more research about who should be our cell phone provider than who we should give our heart to sometimes. I think it's because what we have right now doesn't seem to be much. If you keep letting your standards drop like a limbo stick, sooner or later the only person left bending over backwards to make something work that should be left alone will be you.

"What a fool believes...he sees. No wise man has the power to reason away"

I don't know if I ever wrote about this but years ago some friends conducted some kind of intervention because of a co-dependent situation I had gotten tangled up in and couldn't see. And even though they and several other wise women that I had given permission to hold me accountable in life gave me reason upon reason to separate, I refused to live in reality. Looking back, any one of them should have slapped me and told me to shake out of it. Here's a bit of advice: If you have to convince people outside of your relationship that your relationship is healthy based on what is only seen in private between you two, there is a problem. Sometimes no one can get you out and life has to kick you in the butt. It sucks. It's hard. Unfortunately and far too often, it's necessary.

I've been a fool plenty of times; holding onto sentimental moments in my mind, trying to make the impossible work because it seemed to be all that I could get. I'll tell you what: I am not going to sit here and say that it was God's will to let me go through all of it. Some of it had to do with me making poor choices that He warned me about. The good thing is now that I have gone through some things and know that the actions have to line up with the words, I am more fit to be in the right relationship. Being able to recognize and avoid those things that used to trip me up in the past concerning relationships has also shown me that I am in a good relationship with myself. What you love, you want the best for and settling just won't do.

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