Thursday, March 25, 2010

Yeah soooo.....- Tia

I am a special kind of bored....with life...There has been all kinds of upheavals, twists and turns and in the end, I still feel like nothing has changed. When we last left our heroine, she had lost one job only to find another in the strange place known as NYC. Well, my wonderful fabulous job cut my hours and I am now working part time in one of the most expensive cities on earth.

Of course when it happened my first question was, "REALLY?!?!?" But after being unemployed for months in NY, working part time is not really phasing me. I'm just trying to keep it moving and find another job. A few people have suggested retail or food service. Call me uppity but I've been there, done that and LITERALLY have the t-shirt. (I have work shirts from my time working at Krispy Kreme, IKEA, Old Navy and H&M. I seriously love my t-shirt collection.) At this point in the game I feel I'm too old and too crotchety to be working at anyone's restaurant, shop or store. I started working when I was 14. I worked my way through college sometimes holding down 2 jobs. I gave up every weekend of the 1st semester of my senior year to work that 4am shift waiting tables. Yeah, I've paid my dues. And while I don't love what I'm doing now, in theory (read: when it's full time) it helps me get out of debt so that I can figure out what I really want to do.

What do I really want to do you ask...Excellent question. The short answer is: I don't know. I love music and know that I need to be involved in it some kind of way. But how loving music translates to a money making career I don't know.

I do have several ideas, but most of them revolve around me being back in Nashville or at the very least back in the south because most of the people that I want to walk my ideas out with live there. And if you've been reading this blog for any length of time you're probably shaking your head hearing me say I want to go back down south...Don't judge me...LOL...

I've come to realize that though no place is perfect, there's no place like home. And home truly is where your heart is. Over the last few months, I've come to realize that I'm a southern girl.

My heart is in the south. The pace of NYC simultaneously baffles me and pisses me off. And the rudeness astounds me weekly. I literally almost got out of my car and cussed the driver behind me out at 4 in the morning. Don't ask...just know that he was being REALLY obnoxious. And obnoxious at 4am is not a good look sir. I miss those ridiculous thick accents. I miss the slow pace. I miss the convenience of Super Walmarts. I miss MANNERS. I need more space, central heating and air and fewer horns. (The Puerto Ricans aren't bad though. I do like those...)

Though it took moving all over the country I now know that the south is home. Nashville with all it's flaws (boys is skinny jeans, 2 degrees of separation, and whole bunch of other drama that I have chosen to tap out on) is what I know. Atlanta is a very close second. I'm not sure if it's an age thing or what but I'm ready to be home. I'm ready to be settled. I'm ready to put down roots. It gets tiring fighting and wondering what the next day, week, month is going to look like. I'm basically ready for a time out. And a time out in a city that stresses me out just driving to the gym is not where I want to be. (Seriously, what the hell is up with these pot holes up here? The alignment on my car is shot all to hell from driving in holes big enough to put 3 newborn babies in.) I basically just need a break. I want to take some time, regroup and then start making whatever the next moves are. Frankly, I don't think that's too much to ask.

I found myself reading a series of scriptures the other day that made me shake my head, look up at the ceiling and flat out ask God, " what's the path then?!?!?!" I read the following in succession:

Psalm 25:4 - Show me the right
path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow.
Psalm 25: 12 - Who are those who fear the Lord? He will show them the path they should choose
Psalm 27:11 - Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path
Psalm 32: 8 - The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you

Do you see the pattern? I try not to shout at God but I was shouting, "SIR!!! WHAT IS THE PATH? SHOW ME THE PATH AND I WILL RUNNNNNNN TO IT!!!!" This lost, treading water feeling gets old really fast. And because things seem unclear to me, my first inclination is to start over. Go back to the beginning and start again. I once heard Brian McKnight talk about what prompted him to write Back at One. He said he was trying to put some toy together for one of his children. He seemed to be making no headway and after reaching the peak of frustration, took the thing apart and started over with the first instruction. That's kind of where I am right now. I want to start back at one. I want to take a time out, enjoy the company of people I love and take a moment to really listen and figure out where the path is and how to get on it.

So right now my prayer is for peace, clarity and direction. And if God is so inclined a tall, Jesus loving Puerto Rican of my very own.

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