Tuesday, February 16, 2010

We Gotta Get Out of This Place- Toya

Text to Tia: "I am now the Girl Who Cried 'Move'"

This used to be Tia's nickname. She talked about moving for a while before she actually did it. Last year I SWORE I was moving to either NYC or LA. I just felt transition coming and knew that I needed to wrap my mind around leaving so I braced myself. In bracing myself, I felt like I was putting my life on hold (because I was) and decided to just make moves here in Nashville until a door opened somewhere else. I stopped being anxious about where I was going to move because it was nerve wrecking. New York or LA, New York or LA, New York or LA. I don't know if it's The Monthlies or what but today I want to see the world.

I will be 36 this year, Lord willing. 3-6. I could type that number all day long and it still wouldn't make any sense. So what am I waiting on? Does it bother anybody else that there is a whole world out there that they haven't seen? I don't doubt that whatever I do will be music related but I am not so sure if it is always going to be here. I love living here, don't get me wrong but ideally, if I could spend a few weeks somewhere else and then come back? I am totally open to that.

And maybe that is what this air of transition has been all about; being open to the possibilities of relocating. I thought this was it. I really did. But now even this country seems too small. There is so much music I haven't heard, so many places I haven't seen... We are able to track what countries our readers are logging in from and I often wonder how it would be to live where some of you are. I have always wanted to go to London, Tokyo, South Africa... I would leave today on my lunch break if I could.

I don't remember the last time I took a risk or stepped out on a dream. That is probably because I stopped dreaming a long time ago. It bothers me a little that I find it hard to dream anymore. It seems my dreams always revolve around making things happen for others. That's not a bad thing really until you start to despise the ones you are making things happen for. I don't, I'm just saying. I seem to be the mama bird that pushes everyone out the nest to fly. I think I need a swift kick myself.

I used to be afraid to move around at my age because I wanted to be married but I have such a new love for being by myself now that marriage isn't even a priority. I think this is partially because my love life has been Groundhog's Day. Guy meets girl. Guy thinks girl is awesome. Guy loves hanging out with girl but guy wants to date all of girl's friends. I don't know how these guys find me but I wish someone would take my name off of their mailing list. This is not bitterness talking. This is boredom.


Realistically, even if a great guy professed his undying love for me right now with a dozen gerber daisies and a skywriting airplane, it wouldn't change the fact that I still want to go. And no, I am not building that wall around my heart again. I am just interested in taking it to new places.

Coldplay's Viva La Vida starts playing at work.

*face hits keyboard*

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