Thursday, October 1, 2009

Toya's Confessions

1. It is one beautiful day in Nashville, I must say. So beautiful that I want to fly straight to New York.

Yup, New York. I think about it almost every day. There was a job that I wanted, my dream job as a matter of fact, that I wish I would've applied for but I hesitated and hesitated and hesitated. Once I saw that it was no longer posted, I panicked and wanted to lay around in sackcloth and ashes. And you know what? I am glad about that too. Sometimes you don't know how bad you really want something until it's gone. Now I know and won't make the same mistake twice.

I have become obsessed with Fashion Week, brownstones and corner store pizzerias. Subways, nightlife and smells of the city. Something is coming. I just don't know what. God is screaming all over the place but not saying anything directly to me and it really is driving me bonkers. If anyone was to ever ask me how did I know that God is real, I think I could best define it by how crazy He makes me. I know that I know that I know that it is Him I waiting on.

2. In the meantime, I was on Oprah's website and saw that she has a virtual dreamboard for free on her site. I haven't gotten started on mine but I have no doubt that it will have pictures of Tokyo, my Essence award (don't ask me for what), and city life. Let us know what you put on yours.

3. I have run out of men to crush on in Nashville so yeah, it's time to go. I am so tired of seeing the same "cast" of men all of the time. I feel like I have a show running in syndication and I don't know when the new season will be picked up.

4. There is going to be a Sex and the City part 2? About what???

5. I bit the bullet and relaxed my hair. I aint mad at it. In fact I love it so there. Yes, I still go back and forth in missing my natural curly hair but truth be told, my hair is so curly that it pretty much laughs at a relaxer so I can wear it either way. It's all good.


Next week I am speaking at a Christian women's retreat about relationships (rather the lack thereof) between single men and women and how we can make them better. Yeah, me. Go figure. In preparation, I have been reading Hill Harper's new book, "The Conversation" which deals with the problems of mistrust between black men and women within and outside of relationships. I think it may be even more about the problems outside of relationships because the fact of the matter is that a lot of us aren't even in relationships right now. We didn't need CNN to tell us that. We live it every day. If you have ever wanted to know how you can spend an evening with a guy, think you have totally hit it off (and you actually did), exchanged numbers only for him to not call you, you may be interested in what Harper says the reasons may be in this book. Sometimes it's not a matter of "he's just not that into you".

7. Tia just called me and said "I know you want to stay in Nashville and all but umm, I am in NY right now and's nice". Yeah, I know already. I KNOW!

8. I have been listening to Paramore's new album and that Hayley is a BEAST on the mic!!!! Good God! It's just good stuff, that's all. Really good stuff.

9. My grandmother went into the hospital with congestive heart failure on Monday. The fact that I didn't mention that first does not mean that I don't have my priorities in order. It just means that I needed to move that situation in the file in my mind marked "Things That Are Going to Be Alright". She's doing much better and will continue to do so.

10. If I continue to let the gym automatically deduct money from my account, I might as well be sponsoring a child in a third world country who I also won't see but at least the money will be going to good use. Seriously.

Happy October!!!!

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