Saturday, October 10, 2009

Potter, Povich and Prayer - Parables and Ramblings of the Unemployed - Tia

I was laid off at the end of August. We knew that it was coming because we worked for a bunch of incompetents. (I'm going to go on record and say that upper management of MRA out of NYC ran that company into the ground. I'm not saying it out of bitterness, but rather as a statement of fact. If they have a problem with me saying so, one only need to look at the company's track record to confirm...whew...now that that's finish...moving on.) I began looking for a job in July to no avail. I have NEVER been out of work when it wasn't by choice. I started working when I was 15 and can honestly say that I've had very little handed to me. That being the case, this experience has been simultaneously humbling and frightening.

I've battled what my doctor calls "transient insomnia" for quite some time now. It has worsened since I've been laid off. Me and Diphenhydramine have a working relationship. Tonight is one of those nights when sleep seems to escape me. And since I've had ZERO motivation to write lately but currently do now, I figured I would take advantage of it and ramble on until the prayers for sleep are answered. So here are some random thoughts, occurrences and happenings of the last few months.

- I'm currently reading Harry Potter 3...AGAIN. I have already read HP 1, 4, 5, 6 and 7 since I was laid off. Once I've finished 3 I will have read the entire series (except 2, which I loaned to a friend, against my better judgment, and never got it back because she moved) at least twice. I am a fan of escapism. My current situation is not the business, so anything that allows me to leave it for a brief amount of time is fine by me.

The only problem is that I'm a fast reader. In the month or so that I've been laid off I've read all of the Harry Potter books, most of the New Testament, most of The Time Traveler's Wife (I stopped reading that one by choice because I found out that their love didn't concur all like I needed it to. Don't want to ruin it for you so I won't say anything more), Holly's Inbox, New Moon, Eclipse and Remember Me. And that was all while going back and forth to the northeast several times for interviews. (More on that shortly.) I feel like there are a few that I'm forgetting but you get the general idea. The Secret Life of Bees is currently sitting at my bedside waititng to be read. While I love to read, there's only so much that I can do before my brain gives up and I'm forced to retreat to television.

- Maury Povich has the DUMBEST guests in the entire world. Period.

Maury comes on in the mornings here. When I was employed I would watch Headline News for half an hour and then work. But with the extended free time on my hands, I've found myself flipping through the stations to see what else was on. (Insert exasperated sigh here.) The news is grim and depressing so I try to limit how much of it I watch. Maury is not much better, but for some reason I find myself enthralled by the stupidity of the guests of the show. It's as if the producers searched for people with the lowest I.Q. of our society and fly them in to be on the show. I don't really feel bad for any of them. Maury has been on long enough now that you know no good can come from it. If your spouse, partner, child or significant other tells you they have a secret to tell you on the show, save yourself some time and embarrassment and find out who she cheated with, if that baby is yours, if your child is a closet glue sniffer/cutter/street walker from the comfort and safety of your own home. DO NOT go to the show crying and hoping that, "It's not a bad secret." Maury has NOTHING BUT bad secrets. I mean, come on. White Sir, that brown baby that you have with your WHITE wife is not yours no matter how much Indian she tells you she has in her family. Ma'am, your best friend was not helping your wheelchair bound boyfriend out while you were away. No one, able bodied or not needs that much help. She was sleeping with him. And FEMALES, FOR THE LOVE!!!!! If your man cheats on you DO NOT take his trifling a$$ back. If you do, now he's made a fool of you twice. DO BETTER!!!

- I am 13 lbs away from my high school weight. I have extended free time so I hit the gym EVERY DAY. I have been trying, so far in vain, to run a 10 minute mile. But I've noticed that while I'm almost at my high school weight, my body is not high school age. I actually had to dial back some of my running last week because I thought I was going to wake up one morning and find a note from my calves telling me that they quit. And can we talk about how even though the weight is coming off, stuff doesn't seem to be shaping up like I need it to. I've always heard that there are shifts that come with age. I thought it was just a bunch of excuses that women make up to not have to work out. But apparently, unless you have Bob and Jillian from The Biggest Loser (I love you, Bob) to train you, your body while at high school weight may not necessarily be at high school shape. But whatever...honestly, for the first time in a long time, I'm happy with my body. I was happy with it 10 lbs ago. And I would be happy with it if the last 13 lbs decided to stay. My body is beautiful. It is the temple that God gave me. And my beauty is not governed by the standards of this world. I'm not sure why it took me SO long to realize that but I'm ever so grateful that I have. I wake up in the morning and look down at my legs that seem sprawled at improbable angles and I smile. The color of my skin as it tapers lighter toward my ankle intrigues me. I'm really happy to just be in the skin I'm in. Sure, there are days when I walk past a mirror and don't absolutely love what I see. But on the whole, I'm glad for the skin God gave me. Every curve, every bit of flab, every dimple make this body me. And you know...I'll take that.

- There are NO jobs in the southeast. At least not in my field. When I started looking back in the summer I noticed that there were few to no postings in the southeast. I followed up with numerous recruiters that I knew and they all told me the same thing: the southeast is over saturated with CRAs. (clinical research associates) Every last one of them told me that I would probably have to move to find a job.

Try as I might I was completely unsuccessful in procuring even a phone interview with anyone in the southeast. So after some prayer and wise counsel, I decided to extend my net if you will. I began to search for jobs in the northeast. While I was more successful at getting interviews, thus far I've still not had any offers. It's frustrating since I've driven to Manhattan, New Jersey and Boston 3 times in the last month. Thank God for Hilton miles (they know me by name at the Hilton Garden Inn in Fredricksburg, VA) and for friends with sofas.

I have one last interview coming up soon and I'm praying that I get it. If not, I'll start looking in another part of the country. For now I have to go where the jobs are. So wherever God provides I will go. I've reconciled myself to the fact that it may be to a place I never thought of. But that's cool. Abraham did it. God basically led Abraham to a land he didn't know. All he knew was that God had promised him that land and that God would lead him to it. Can you imagine the conversation that Abraham had to have with his wife and his relatives:
Abraham: We're leaving.
Sarah and other relatives: Leaving to go where?
Abraham: I'm not sure. But if we just start walking, God will show us the way.
Sarah and other relatives: ?????....Excuse me???

It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give to him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith. Hebrews 11: 8-9. (Also see Genesis 12:1-9)

I have no idea where God is leading and it may take me some time to get there. But I'll go. And I'll go in faith because right now, that's all I have.

- My mother called me crying this morning because she's not in a position financially to help me out. It broke my heart. She kept going on about how I'd helped her out when she needed it and now that it was her turn to be a parent she couldn't. The whole thing destroyed me and made me wonder what it must be like to see your child and not be able to help them.

I tried to reassure her that things would be fine. And fine may initially be that I have to give up my apartment and move in with my dad for a while. Fine may be that I have to take a job that pays far less than I'm used to making until I can find a job that pays what I need it to pay to help me dig out of debt and get back on my feet. But whatever fine is, she needn't worry about it because nothing is too big for God. And nothing in my life is so bad that I can't overcome it by grace and faith.

- the Blueprint 3 is my MANTRA. Grown up music from a grown a$$ man. (Imagine me throwing up the Roc right now.)

- Sofrito is the way and the truth. I am thoroughly convinced that someone in my family is lying and that I'm actually part Hispanic. It would explain why random people walk up to me and start speaking Spanish. And it would explain why I have eaten some variation of rice and beans every day for the past 2 weeks and have yet to get tired of it. I'm still waiting for the day when I wake up and don't want to eat rice and beans....Yep....still waiting....

- The Mist = Worst. Ending. Ever.

- After telling me that things between he and his girlfriend were getting serious, a "friend" (I use the term loosely) immediately followed that information with, "I would leave her today for you." Now, why can't I get that kind of devotion from someone A.) I like back and B.) who would not be a complete and utter disaster for me? And I feel bad for his girlfriend. That's a b*tch move to say something like that to someone when you have a "serious" girlfriend at home.

- I saw Kings of Leon last night. As I'm finally starting to get tired I will leave you with the following. 1. I almost got into a physical altercation with 2 different d-bag guys. 2. A random guy from the Army was literally my bodyguard when people tried to trample their way to the front. 3. I got pee on my feet. In spite of all of that, it was an AMAZING show and I would love to see them again. But I will NEVER...EVER EVER EVER...see them from general admission floor seats. I will expound on the whole evening another time.

Good night and God Bless

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