Monday, September 21, 2009

Happy Jewish New Year!- Toya

Ok, I know I am not Jewish but Jesus is! I'm just sayin'. I feel a shift in the atmosphere and because of such, I am declaring a new season. But in order to declare a new season as well as a new mindset, you gotta let some stuff in the past go. So, here are my list of grievances I am willing to leave in the past in honor of Rosh Hashana.

*Disclaimer- I don't really have grievances with these people that I don't know. I do have a life. This is just in good fun.

I am willing to forgive the following people:

1. Thicke: We only had you for one album and we will always cherish that one album. Thank you for Suga Mama. I hope you are happy wherever you are. (CC:Robin Thicke. I'm lettin' it go, homie. I wish you all the best with Marvin Gaye's falsetto. Dangitt, I almost made it!)

2. Kanye West: Please sit down somewhere and get some good help. I love you, I love your music and well at least you KNOW you can be a jerk. Puffy, however, does not (I will forgive Puffy next Rosh Hashana).

3. Chris Brown: Hey if everyone got put on blast for mistakes they made when they were 19, a lot of people wouldn't have careers. I forgive you. You know you need to sit down somewhere and get some help too. By the way, I saw you picking up trash during community service. Three words: Skin So Soft (by Avon). Mosquitoes are a female dog.

4. Common: You want to date Serena and that's fine. You don't love me cause you don't know me.

5. Donnie Wahlberg: *Clinches teeth* I'll come back to you...

6. JC Chasez: Dude, DO YOU! I love ya. Make the music that makes you happy. It's not your fault the industry sleeps on you. But we sincerely hope you at least release some independent cuts from time to time.

7. Whitney Houston: I forgive you but you know that Bobby couldn't afford all those drugs on his own, right? Let's be clear. We both know that he didn't make a red cent off of "Forever Bobby".

8. Adam Rodriguez's mama: You didn't mean to create a stumbling block for me. I know you didn't.

9. Fergie: I hate that "And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses his blanket" lyric from "Big Girls Don't Cry" so much, I probably shouldn't have been taking communion for the past 2 years. But I forgive you. Holla at Keri Hilson or Ne-Yo for some songwriting tips next time please.?

10. Joe Jackson: Kids don't come with instruction manuals. Now before everyone tries to stone me, I am just talking about forgiveness here. We need to let it go. But if you screw up Blanket, Prince and Paris, that's your ass.

Happy New Year everybody!!!!


nikki7 said...

LOL! Love it!

Anonymous said...

I heart your blog! Cosign on 2, 4, and 9.

Alexis said...

I guess Donnie's gonna have to wait to next Rosh Hashana too huh? lol

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

I adore this post!! Donnie needs an intervention, that's all I have to say. Chris, well, he's still young, maybe he has a chance. I'm pulling for Whitney, I really am. Papa Joe should not be allowed near any children. Look at how he screwed up his own and the rest, I will just keep in prayer--- especially JC.

Kesia said...

That image of Rihanna's beaten face has marred my mind everytime I think about Chris Brown. If Rihanna was my child, there wouldn't be much forgiveness. My mother dealt with an emotionally abusive relationship for many years. I mean, Kanye is getting worse critisism than that boy. Sorry, but Chris Brown is dead to me.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what you do for a living, but you're a very entertaining writer. Lots of times I haven't foggiest idea what you're talking about, but it's still a compelling read.

FunkyStarkitty50 said...

To Kesia: I understand where you are coming from 100%. My cousin was murdered by her husband two years ago and she suffered abuse for over 30 years. And, I've had friends who have lost their lives at the hands of their boyfriends/husbands. Chris got off too lightly in my opinion. He should have done some jail time. Parole and community service just seem like a slap on the wrists.But Rhianna didn't want to see him be severely punished. The abused always want to protect their abuser because maybe in some way, they think they deserved it. It's twisted logic, but it's true.