Thursday, June 25, 2009

And my two cents - Tia

I sent Toya the following text when I heard about Perez, "Perez Hilton got popped in the eye. I don't feel bad at all." PH talks cash money shizz ALLLLLL of the time. I was really surprised that it took this long. And while I am in no way condoning violence, you can only piss off people for so long before they react. And Hollywood does not strike me as a city filled with folks who are going to repeatedly turn the other cheek.

Oh and random aside, I like how PH gave Ms. California a hard time about her religious beliefs but when it was HIS eye that got dotted he was ALLLLL about letting Will and the Peas know that "God" was not pleased with them. Ummm...you know what I'm not even going to comment on that any further.

But the highlight of my day yesterday was reading this exchange b/w John Mayer and Perez (and randomly Kirstie Alley...????) that occurred on Twitter. John can be a jerk sometimes but this was pretty funny to me.

Mayer: I love that @perezhilton uses his cellphone to log on to twitter to post a tweet to ask his followers to call the police for him.

Mayer: Last year P!nk kneed me in the nuts outside Chateau Marmont. I was pissing blood for days. Did I make a scene?

Mayer: @perezhilton’s video statement is so long that by the end of it his cut healed.

Perez: @johncmayer That’s real funny! Ha ha! And I’m sure you also think I “deserved” to get hit!

Mayer: @PerezHilton Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face.

Mayer: @perezhilton I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.”

Mayer: @PerezHilton agreed. So let’s meet up this week and I’ll give you your first krav maga instruction. We’ll break the event down and learn…

Perez: @johncmayer Ok.

Mayer: @perezhilton people don’t want to see you hurt, they want to see you experience something equalizing.

Mayer: @PerezHilton by understanding the genetics of a violent incident you can learn to avoid them. And if you can’t, you will learn to end them.

Mayer: @PerezHilton this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.

Perez: @johncmayer Dude, I get it. I GET IT. But it’s not fucking funny to me. Karma would be me losing my site and going bankrupt or what have u.

Mayer: @PerezHilton Yah, you’re not getting it… OOH! OK. It’s like the Matrix. You live in the Perez Matrix. You wrote the program, you can fly.

Perez: @johncmayer Karma is NOT getting punched in the face!

Mayer: @perezhilton from the heart, what you experienced these last 24 hrs is a profound lack of control. You can’t blog the world, my friend.

Mayer: @PerezHilton then you leave the Matrix, and oh, what the hell, you’re not gonna get it. You’re a sweet guy though.

Perez: @johncmayer I can never tell if ur being sincere or not. It doesnt matter. Have Harley email me contact info for this so I can do on my own.

Kirstie Alley: @iamtherealwill [Will.i.am’s Twitter] WHAT EVER HAPPENED..YOU ARE MY HERO.. LOVE LOVE LOVE TO YOU…AND MORE LOVE…LOVE, KIRSTIE

Kirstie Alley: Perez…in the future…must only duke it out with lentils…leave the black eyed peas to the big boys

Perez: @kirstiealley I’m 31 years old. You’re 58. But it seems like you have the mental maturity of a 13 year old. Way to go!

Perez: @johncmayer I cant DM u and Im not trying to play this out publicly. B well. I dont wish u harm. I talk shit but I sincerely wish no 1 harm.

Perez: @johncmayer And people DO want to see me hurt. That’s what I’ve been reading over and over again. But it’s cool. I’ll be back 2 normal tomm.

Mayer: @PerezHilton you might have a gash on your face for a few more days, but the real healing? It’s happening right now.

Perez: @johncmayer Once again, we agree! I live in my own world. And in my world, I would never punch someone. And in my world, that’s illegal!

Mayer: @perezhilton now you sit down behind that Tandy computer and you hash out a Doogie diary. Be sure to pause, think, and keep typing.

Mayer: @perezhilton because today, the fourth wall came crashing down. Mario, you are human. I call upon Twitter to be kind to you. #perezisokbyme

Perez: @johncmayer I’m not human! I’m a monster! Good night, John Mayer.

Mayer: @PerezHilton Good night Perez, you dumb shit. #perezisokbyme

Kirstie Alley: JOHN MAYER…you are in the wrong biness…you funny, singer boy…you real damn funny…

Kirstie Alley: @johncmayer I have comedy CRUSH on you…you are one funny singing sensation…I heart your timing…love, K

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