Monday, May 11, 2009

Let Me Know Something- Toya
BBD song from back in the day.  I need New Edition (sans Bobby Brown) to come to Nashville post haste.  Every woman needs to see them at least once in their lifetime.  

After almost 8 months of unemployment, I found out today that I got the first job that I have interviewed for since I got laid off. I start tomorrow. You would think that I would've been elated, right? Yeah, I almost cried...and not with tears of joy.

You see, I felt guilty (didn't I just nail guilt to the cross on Easter?). I had this feeling that I was released from my last job unexpectedly to move into something great.  I didn't think that something great was to be another desk job.  However, this is at a radio station so I got that going for me.  I am not ungrateful at all. I am relieved and so is my bank account.  I just felt like maybe I missed something and am now back at square one. I have asked God for direction over and over again as far as what the next step was to be and have always felt like I was so close but not quite there.  I still don't feel like my revelation has come yet.  I don't know how I could've missed it though. I have had all the time in the world.  I just wish He'd give me a glimpse of the future somehow.

All is not lost though.  I learned that I do not enjoy working for myself, by myself. If I was to work for myself then I would need to rent an office. I need structure. I missed not having some place to go to every day where other people were working. I called my mom and told her how I was feeling and she reminded me that God's timing is not my timing and that I should be happy with myself.  So I decided to not feel bad about these past 8 months and use this opportunity as a second chance; a second chance to act more responsibly and get on my grind a bit more.  As Michael Baisden said "Do what's hard while you have it easy." I think I got lax with my last 9-5 when it came to pursuing other things because I took a steady paycheck for granted. Oh not anymore.  Uh uh.

This should be interesting. Isn't it always?

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