Wednesday, April 8, 2009

LaToya Goes to Jail- Part 4

After ten minutes of sitting in the corner in jail so no one would talk to me, I became sad that I had been sitting in the corner in jail for ten minutes and no one would talk to me. Jail and the DMV have been the only two places in town where I have not known one single person (that's probably a good thing regarding jail). My eyes started to scan the room to see who else was there. There were about fifteen of us including a couple of guys in orange uniforms (Orange is my favorite color but it sure wasn't that day), Wheelchair Gangsta's brother, a few women, and a guy that was dressed in a black and white striped jail uniform that I didn't know they made people wear after the 1940's. All that was missing was a ball and chain. On the back it said "Sumner County". What I thought was odd was that a lot of them seemed to know each other. I don't mean just became jail buddies, knew each other. I mean, knew each other and/or had mutual friends. As I heard them talk about what they were in for I realized that even if for me being locked up for a traffic violation was mortifying, it was quite laughable considering those around me. I kept to myself and stared at the television.

"Haynes, go to the next available desk."

I got up to get further processed and then was directed to get my mugshot taken and to get fingerprinted. The guy who was fingerprinting me was rather intensely nice. "Awww, this is your first time, isn't it?" he asked. "Yeah, it is." I answered sadly. I went on to tell him what I was in for and how I thought that I had taken care of the matter when I went to pay for the ticket. "Oh no, baby". He said looking so concerned. "See paying for it is only part of it. Once they take your license away you have to go get it reinstated. You see..." He then began to explain the process to me from beginning to end all the while looking so concerned. He then said that he was certain that I would just get a pre-trial because I didn't have a record and probably wouldn't have to pay any bail. "Yeah, I guess I just didn't understand. I know now though." He chuckled and then showed me where to put my hand to be fingerprinted on this rather high tech machine. They have this computerized machine where you take your hand and roll it while pressing down really hard on it and your fingerprint image comes up on the screen. "I want one if these in my house!" I thought. I turned to the side and saw him looking at me rather intensely again. "I reeeaaaallly like your hat!" he said nodding his approval. "Thanks a lot" I said. I thought, "I have about four more of these at the house and you can have every single one if you can guarantee that my mugshot doesn't wind up on the internet". I then stepped over to have my mugshot taken. I think this is the only picture I have ever taken where I wasn't concerned if I had enough lip gloss on. 

"Look straight ahead, sweetie".

I thought about how cute Kimora Lee Simmons mugshot was and contemplated winking at the camera but I just didn't have it in me. I took one pic forwards and one sideways then glanced over to look at the picture. I have no doubt it would win first prize in the most depressing mugshot picture ever taken, at least locally. You couldn't even see my eyes because I was looking straight down at the floor. I thought they were going to ask me to take another one but they didn't. 

Instead of going to sit back in the corner, I decided that if I was going to sit there for only God knows how long then I might as well sit where the action was. I made my way over to sit closer to the booking desk. Next to me was a woman who I overheard was in for shoplifting again and across from me was a woman who just only about 15 minutes ago I thought was a man. She looked ROUGH: Rough voice, rough skin, doo rag, baggy clothes, missing teeth, white T and a thick tuft of a graying sideburn on her right cheek. "Oh, that's a WOMAN! Woooooow!" I thought to myself , convincing myself to stop looking at the one sideburn. I crossed my legs indian style and started listening to what she was loudly complaining about. "I wish I had a tape recorder!" She gruffly yelled."Yeah, a tape recorder and a video camera to tape how they be talkin to people up in here! This is ridiculous!" The male security guard who had already proven that he is not above putting people on a time out in jail came over and warned her that she would be finding herself in a holding cell if she didn't quiet down. She quieted down but only a little bit. "I've been in here all day long! All day. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I want a sandwich." Sandwiches? Were they giving out sandwiches? I shook the thought of a Jersey Mike's sub out of my mind and continued to be nosy. "I got stuff to do! "I gotta get out of here! I can't be sittin up in here all day and..." "Alice?" the woman sitting next to me said to her. "Huh?" she answered. "What do YOU have to do? Seriously? What is it that you REALLY just GOT to do?" I had a hard time keeping from laughing. They went on to talk about their kids. I turned to look towards the door to see yet another person get frisked when a huge security guard walked into the room and said "When I call your name you need to go in this room and see the commissioner." He started calling names and I looked back over to the booking desk. Up next was a Muslim lady who was quite upset. The female security guard kindly said to her "Now I am going to frisk you. I understand that you can't take that off." She was referring to her shroud. She began to frisk her as the woman wept silently. 

"Haynes, go see The Commissioner."

Startled, I got up to go to the back of the room to see The Commissioner and somehow got lost and ended up at another steel door. "It's this way" someone redirected me. I turned around and walked back to a very small door that wasn't easy to miss. I walked in expecting to see a very serious lady in uniform sitting behind a desk with a stack of folders and one lightbulb in the middle of the room. What I got was completely different.

Part 5 coming soon... 

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