Thursday, June 5, 2008

Say A Little Prayer for You- Toya
I remember when Rupert Everett started singing this in My Best Friend's Wedding. Where is he? Fine for no reason. No reason at all.

Before I get into this, I would like to say that I don't have all of the answers. This is just a theory at best. Probably more like a theory in progress hopefully on the way to some sort of answer and solution. I am sure we would all like an answer but getting a solution is where its at.

Plenty of single women have a number of disgruntled reasons on why they are still single, mostly at the fault of single men:

They don't step up.
They won't ask us out.
They are just not that into us.
They find strong and secure women intimidating.

And Tia's and my favorite...

Because they are cowards.

Ladies, we really need to stop calling men cowards.

I know, I know. They bring it on themselves. I never thought while I was growing up and told to maintain a sort of mystery as a lady and to never chase men because men like a challenge, that when I came of age to date, many of my male peers would find pursuing a woman to be so intimidating, It boggles my mind because these are some really good guys. They are pretty clear that a lot of the time it's not the women, it's them. They aren't ready.

Insecurity wasn't a characteristic that I attributed to being a man mainly because my dad never appears to be an insecure man. A man just "does". That's what I always thought. Funny now that I think about it, I often have heard my dad say "A man's got to do what a man's got to do." If a man has to make ends meet by taking on 3 jobs, he has got to do that. If a man has to put his foot down in his household making him the most unpopular person in the house, he has got to do that. I think the problem with not just men but our generation as a whole is that we don't really know what our purpose is, who we really are and don't know who to ask. To be a man, you've got to see a man and a lot of men just aren't seeing good examples of what the walk of a real man is like. I think that is why so many of them are acting out in one way or another by being angry and overly aggressive to passive, timid and sexually confused. There is just so much confusion nowadays. If there is something wrong with them then why aren't we praying for them? Not bashing them, not blaming them and definitely not demeaning them but praying for them. With so many of my female friends who are not only single and over 30 but haven't dated in a number of years, I am telling you, something is NOT right.

In my quest to love my neighbor as myself this year, I realized that I had done my fair share of bad mouthing men and thus acting like a victim. After hearing from numerous guys about how I can come off intimidating because I seem to have it all together, it darn near made me want to carry around my bank statement (which is nothing to brag about), put my credit score on a t-shirt(it's a work in progress) and have a list of 3 references available from people who can vouch that I am just a little bit off to prove that I am a functional mess walking around like everybody else. I am far from having it all together. But for every guy that has said that to me, I need to thank them because it's a huge compliment. Evidently they see something in me that I don't always see in myself and it is of value. So stepping to me, even with their best approach, would not compare to what they think I would accept. And I was complaining about that? However with that being the case, what is it that they are not seeing in themselves? Why are some men behaving so disqualified? Praying about this one day, I realized that I needed to stop playing the victim and take the attention off of myself. If I am wife material as I have heard since I was about 15 years old, wise, fun to be with, loyal to a fault and attractive, then why wouldn't a man jump at that? To me, if I was a guy, I would be like "Oh I want her on MY team!" I would want the kind of woman that Fabulous talks about in my favorite rap song last year, "You Make Me Better", where Ne-Yo sings

I'm a movement by myself
But I'm a force when we're together
Mami I'm good all by myself
But babygirl you make me better.....

Not too long after I resolved that I would start praying for men and stop talking badly about them, these 2 words came to my mind:

awake adam.

"Hmm. Ok.", I prayed. "I pray that you awaken Adam. But what does that mean?" In the coming weeks I heard more about the story of Adam than I have ever heard in my life. Adam was the first man to walk with God. He was made in the image of God, a little lower than the angels. God saw that His creation thus far needed someone to watch over it and thus He created Adam and gave him a job. He named all of the animals, even the ones that today most of us don't see any use for like those annoying weird bugs that meet me at my door when I come in late at night in the summertime. I don't think Adam was ever confused about what his job was or who he was. If indeed he had any questions at all, God was everywhere and right there at the same time. And even with the world at his disposal, God saw fit that Adam should have a helper. It doesn't say that Adam requested someone but God saw it fit for him to have someone. I want God to see me fit for a man with a great purpose as well, however, I don't want to later be his downfall. More on that at another time.

So where am I going with all of this? In praying for God to awaken the Adam in every man, I am not praying for God to get to the part where He put Adam to sleep, took his rib from him and then presented him with a woman like Voila. I am praying, interceding for God to awaken that part in every man that makes him aware that he has been made in the very image of God himself. I am praying that He will awaken in every man the will to know God as Adam did, as a friend and as an ever present help. I am praying that in knowing God he will know his purpose and get to work within it. And then, God will see fit to put him asleep and present to him a helper. Truthfully, until all of that happens, what does he even need help with? Oh and trying to be his helper before any of this goes down is a recipe for disaster. Trust me, I know.

So if you are single and bitter, I want to encourage you to watch what is coming out of your mouth which is an indication of what is already in your heart. If you really want someone to love, start with loving your brothers now. Pray for them. They need it.

"Finally all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8-9

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

This is so powerful. You really could have written a book on this. I literally just thanked God for allowing me to come across this blog post.