Monday, June 9, 2008

Dear Lover- Toya

Dear Lover is a song by the magnificent Teena Marie. Funny enough, I was out tonight and heard Square Biz. There is NEVER a bad time to hear Square Biz. If you have never heard Square Biz, look it up. Then Missy Elliott's verse on Ciara's "One Two Step" will make all of the sense in the world.

Before I get into this, on BGLU, we have always tried to keep it real and as we get older, we will probably be more candid than ever. Cause hey, who do we really have to impress? This is why Tia and I can't wait to grow old together so we can say whatever we want and blame it on age.

Text to Tia: "I would've really liked some good married sex today".

Today was a rough day. A ROUGH day. I am working on a project consisting of a lot of different people with majorly different personalities. One of the things I learned from being an artist in a group situation is that if you really say you love people, you have to bear with them in the way they communicate. Some people are laid back and pretty aloof about things. Some people are a little more emotional and combative. The point is, when you are working with people, it is important to remember that everybody is not like you. As a leader or facilitator, it's important to remember this if you are trying to come to some sort of favorable result.

I had about four fires to put out this weekend concerning this project and it left me drained. I was tired. I was alone in my house and I had no one to go whine to. On top of that I was frustrated and thought that perhaps the best way to unwind would be to run around the block. Yeah, like I have ever purposely run around the block. There was no ice cream truck outside so who was I kidding? Then it came to me. Sex, married sex, is a good look. Oh and it needs to happen. It needs to happen soon. (By the way, I would've gone around the block if I had a horse. Hmm, horseback riding. Maybe I should take up horseback riding. You know what? I'm wrong for that. Let's move on.)

After I totally prejudged that lady in my blog post,"We've Got Something in Common" for praying for her husband thirty years before she got married and keeping an extra cross on her neck for him, I started to think about active faith. I heard someone say today that tears don't move God, faith does. My jury is still out on that but you don't have to be a follower of Christ to understand how powerful faith and the power of our words can be. I mean, look at the popularity of The Secret. That book and the Laws of Attraction have crossed so many color lines, religious lines etc. I remember watching it and being able to bring to mind scriptures in the bible that confirmed a lot of the successful principles that they talked about. And besides, we already dream so why not just take a step up and dare to believe? I mean, why ask God for something and not believe for it? Reverse psychology does not work on the great Creator i.e. He's been around long enough to spot the best B.S.

So I've done something a little out of the norm. In keeping with my prayer to "awake adam" I have a journal of letters that I have been writing called "Before You Awake: Letters to "Adam". These are letters that I am writing to my husband that I will not give him until our wedding day. I seriously don't even believe I am revealing this on the world wide web because this is highly personal; probably the most personal thing I have ever shared. It seemed weird at first and I initially tried to be very umm, fake I guess? Like I wasn't completely honest. The first entry was how I wanted our marriage to be a blessing to others and I believe it will. That has always been my desire. But around the third entry it got a little bit more real:

Dear "Adam"
scratch that
Hey Baby,

Umm, you know what? What I wrote is way too personal. Let's just say that I wrote about my day and how I would've liked to have ended it with him here.

All I am saying is this: it may sound silly but it is a hell of a lot better than sitting around being frustrated about it. And to be honest, I feel much better. So if "awake adam" struck something in you and made you say hmm, maybe you should pull out a journal for your Adam and tell him how you are feeling without him. Who knows? It may be just a matter of time (perfect timing rather) before you are able to give it to him.

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