Monday, April 21, 2008

Songs to Stalk By - Tia
(As if stalkers need anthems)

Toya emailed me the other day and told me that she'd downloaded David Cook's studio version of Always Be My Baby. She said it was okay but not as good as the original. (I'd like to take a moment to say that I told her before the song became available that I had no intention of downloading the studio version. While I enjoyed the studio version of Shout to the Lord, there wasn't nearly as much raw emotion on the song as there was during the live version. i.e. David Cook shouting SHOUUUUT IT OUT LOOOOOOUUUUDDDDD is the business.) Anyway, she said that the studio version of ABMB was good but it has a real stalkerish vibe to it.

Now the idea of David Cook stalking me excites me to no end. I ain't gonna lie. The more I got to thinking about it, the more I realized that there are a lot of stalkerish songs out there. A stalker could have a whole playlist on his iPod as he sat outside your window. So in no particular order, here are some of my favorite stalker anthems.

Always Be My Baby (live version) - David Cook
There is something intriguingly haunting about how he sings this song. It may be how close he puts his mouth to the mike...whew....I need a minute....Anyway, whatever it is I can just see him being all outside someone's window humming this tune to himself. Although, if it were me, he wouldn't have to be outside my window. Frankly, there's not too much he could do to get rid of me.

Oh and if you get a minute, go back and watch the performance. Right before the money note of "YOU WILL LINGER ONNNNNNN" watch his face. The look on his face says, "I'm about to slay y'alls ass with this note. You're not even ready." And then he did and every time I watch it I HOLLER.

Crash - Dave Matthews Band
I always loved this song. But then I was watching Storytellers and Dave Matthews was saying that a lot of people really like this song but if you listen to the words it's the perfect stalking song. I'd never really thought about it until he said that. I dug out the cd and listened to the words and realized that, yeah, it's kinda creepy.

Oh I watch you there
Through the window and I stare
As you wear nothing
But you wear it so well

I still love it though

When I Get You Alone - Thicke
Now here's the thing about this song: The way he's singing it is ridiculous to start with. I don't know who said it but when the song first came out someone commented that the chorus was real serious. He was so intense with his. The words, "When I get you alone" made you wonder if Robin was really thinking, "When I get you up in this here alley."

But beyond that Robin let you know in the song that he was your stalker. And hey, you gotta love a stalker that let's you know where he stands.

I'm not leaving
'Til you're leaving

There is no question that wherever you are so shall Robin be. It's simultaneously comforting and disturbing.

Every Breath You Take - The Police

Every Breath You Take
Every Move You Make
Every Bond You Break
Every Step You Take
I'll be watching you

I don't know the story behind this song so I don't know if this was written to be the Stalker Anthem of ALL TIME. But it is so eerie.

Oh can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take

Are those the steps that she's rapidly taking away from you?

I don't know anyone who doesn't like this song. But really Gordon, what was going on in your life when you wrote this?

Until You Come Back To Me - Aretha Franklin
This one is an undercover stalker song. It's one of those songs that you just sing along with and don't really think about the lyrics. I know I never did. Then just the other day I was singing it in my head and realized this broad is crazy. Not Aretha so much as the character in the song. (Don't want to piss off Aretha. She'll come for ya.)

I'm gonna make you see
That our love is dying....

And then later

I'm gonna rap on your door
Tap on you window pane
I'm gonna camp on your steps
By chance I'll get through to you's time to move. When your ex- shows up at your house on your front steps it's time to relocate and see about getting a weapon of some sort.

And I Am Telling You - Jennifer Holliday, Jennifer Hudson, Bianca Ryan and every karaoke singer in America

And I am telling you
I'm not going
You're the best man I've ever known
There's no way I could ever ever go
No no there's no way
No no no no way I'm living without you
I'm not living without you
I don't want to be free

This broad was NOT leaving. And not only was she not leaving but she was also going to let you know that you were going to like...nay...LOVE her for being there. That's a gusty broad.

Invisible - Clay Aiken

If I was invisible
If I could just watch you in your room

I didn't know the Opie Taylor of American Idol had it in him. But that song Invisible had NO innuendos whatsoever. If he could be invisible he would be sitting outside your window....oh WAIT, he already is.

And while I'm talking about this particular song, I have to say that I LOVE it. I really do. I don't care where I am when it comes on, I stop what I'm doing and sing along. It is so cheesy feel good pop. And say what you want about Clay Aiken, he's got a decent voice.

Okay, I'm sure that there are plenty of anthems that I've forgotten. So add the ones I've missed in the comments.


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