Monday, December 24, 2007

Home Again 2-Toya

My early coffee date with Stacy went rather well. While I was a little intimidated at first, she really isn't much different than me. Let me take that back, this girl is ALL about her money. She is a real estate investor and has a couple of businesses under her belt. However she is my age, black and single. So of course the topic of men came up.

A few days back I told my dad I was meeting Stacy for lunch and he said " I heard she was dating one of these" and then pointed to the inside of his hand indicating that she was dating a white man. What century are we in? Goodness. I wasn't going to bring it up but it came out when we started talking about the kind of men that we seem to attract. "White men love Stacy" she said "and Stacy is now returning that love." Stacy always dated brothas in school so I was mildly shocked. I say mildly because we grew up in the same area and well you read this blog. You see how I turned out. However something she said kind of disheartened me. When I told her that it doesn't really matter to me but I wouldn't be surprised if I married a white man she said "Toya, you ARE going to marry a white man. If you want to get married you are. I couldve told you that before you left for Nashville." She went onto say that all of her black girlfriends our age were either dating or married to white men. "You'
re dad might not be down with it now but bring them mocha grandbabies home. He'll turn around".

Ok, this is a bit unsettling to me. I think it goes without saying that if Adrien Brody loved Jesus and tried to holla I would bounce post haste but I don't want to marry or date a white man by default. In fact, and maybe because the brothas back home are the BEST looking in the whole wide world and possess the meanest swagger, part of me deeply wants to marry a black man to say "See? I didn't have to marry outside my race to find love from a good man."

Sigh. Now don't get me wrong. Stacy was not saying that she is not checking for black men anymore. It's jut to her, she has accepted the way things seem to be. You draw conclusions from your experiences. You may want to believe that things will play out differently but if time and time again you face the same circumstances, you may just throw your hands up in the air and say "oh well. Maybe that's just the way it is." I don't know really. Something about that just doesn't sit well with me.

Scott flaked out on me again. No call, no show. Just like you get fired from a job if you do that a number of times, he has been fired from our friendship. He just constantly flakes out without a good explanation. Honestly, I think something has happened and he is afraid to tell me. If it was major I think I wouldve known by now. Something happened a while back and he didn't return my calls for a time. When he did he explained that he was afraid I would think negatively about the situation. I told him the same thing I tell everyone when they reveal something that they think will make me ashame to be their friend: "Hey man. It's rough out here. It could happen to anybody". I honestly believe that. Yes, I too couldve been a Crack dealing, pot smoking, bulimic, pathological lying lesbian. I'm just throwing some things out there but you get what I mean. Bottom line, becoming an adult is no joke and I don't care what anyone says, you don't know shit before 30.

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