Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Toya's Coffeehouse Confessions

1. This may be my last coffeehouse confession from this particular shop because I am moving across town soon. I hear they have a few fresh ones over yonder. Still, this one is my favorite. However, my longtime coffeeshop boyfriend crush no longer works here and I am heartbroken. He used to always tell me I was pretty and gave me the giggles. In his honor, I am having my favorite fries. Who am I kidding? It's after midnight and I frantically drove over here because I am on my period and have the cravings of a mad pregnant woman. I am having these fries in MY honor.

2. Speaking of crushes, crushes (for me only) are played out anyway. Seriously. I am done liking men that don't like me (enough). That's a useless emotion on my part. We are almost through the summer and I just realized that for the first time ever, I have had no real summer time crush (Side note- I know what some of yall are thinking and that was not a crush but a dead horse). It's nice. Ok, its a little weird actually being 100% crush free, but I'm at peace for the first time in a very long time.

3. NO OWEN WILSON, NO! Uh uh. Thank God he didn't die from his suicide attempt. I can't watch a show or movie in which an actor died so young. Moesha, The Steve Harvey Show? Ruined. No, Owen. Yes, I want him to get well for his sake but I also want to be able to watch The Royal Tennenbaums.

4. Amy Winehouse: The next time they try to make you go to rehab, I need you to say "YES, YES, YES". You don't get to be Janis Joplin after putting out just one record. No, Amy.

5. Favorite song right now: "Make Me Better" by Fabulous and "Nice Look" Ne-Yo. "I need a Coretta Scott if I'm gonna be king". This is the best hip hop song to hit radio in ages.

6. At 32, I just discovered that I can still get my feelings hurt by people that I feel misunderstand me. I thought I was over being overly sensitive a long time ago, not caring what others thought of me. Shouldn't that go away after high school? Apparently not. Glad I'm not famous.

7. There are not enough hours in the day to do anything.

8. I walked into my bathroom today and realized that if I am to live on my own, I need basics:trash cans, light bulbs. A shower curtain. I have to get MY OWN stuff. Oh. My. Goodness. I am in a tree about this. I mean I know I will have all my needs met. It's just the responsibility that freaks me out. I remember my brother said once that Tia was the best man I have ever had. Lol! Its sad but true. I have never had to worry about getting anything. Yeah, it was definitely time for us to split up.

9. I was reminded recently that sometimes my lowest spiritual points come almost days after a big spiritual revelation. That's crazy to me. One day I feel like Jesus and I are so tight that I can feel the presence of God in my car. Just days after, I find myself struggling with faith because of something I feel I have failed in. The nearness of God is not based on how we feel. I am still trying to find out what that intangible wall is that separates us from feeling as if we are deeply loved by God. I don't understand why His word and sacrifice is not enough for me at times.

10. Finally, for the first time in 10 years, I had my hair flat ironed. For those that don't know what I look like, I rock a big and curly bobbed like 'fro. My dad said that the straight hair makes me look more grown up versus looking like Freddie from A Different World. I have had it natural for 10 years. I was in a wedding and wanted to try something different. It went from being just past my ears when curly to past my neck when straight. I must admit, it was quite sexy. Indeed, men treated me a little differently when it was straight but in all fairness, I acted differently. I found myself flirting more. My hair moved whenever I moved, I could flip it cause it was so long and overall it gave me a softer look. I was at home doing dances to Beyonce's record that I would've never been doing with curly hair or in public for that matter. I contemplated keeping it straight but that's not me. Straight Hair Toya is a problem.

Be well.

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