Sunday, December 30, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
Thursday, December 27, 2007
2.I have been known to bring books to clubs where favorite DJ's spin. The radio sucks as we all know and well I like to read while listening to good music so I'll bring a book and read off to the side somewhere. This is where the whole "you're not approachable and thus guys are intimidated by you" theory fails. I've had more guys talk approach me while I've read books in public than any other time I've been out. HA-LARIOUS. One guy cameover with his cell phone opened and put it over my book and asked me if I had enough light. Clever. No dice, but clever.
3.Some people take up an unneccesary amount of large space when they dance.
4.I really only know one person here and that's the dj. That's rare.
5.I'm out late cause I'm avoiding something. I don't want to talk about it.
6. I am still celebrating my birthday WEEK. You are entitled to that once you hit 30. And for this reason, I'd like my song to play soon.
Well I am on the edge of the dance flor by the booth on my Treo looking like a snob so I gotta go. The kids arr starting to breakdance and I got my Kangol on. I may have to school these fools. Yeah, right. My back still hurts from my office Christmas party last week. Can't hang like I used to.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
I woke up this morning to check my birthday messages, which have been sooooo awesome, and immediately put on my new favorite song, Britten's "She". Check it out at www.myspace.com/brittenmusic. This song has GOT to make you feel good. And not once does he use the word "shawty". Bless God. I'm a grown woman, dawg. Shawty is played.
One of the messages I got was from someone I don't see a lot but it blessed me so much and ...I can barely even put it into words. Part of it said this...
You are one who lights up the room when you walk in, your laugh is so contagious, your eyes twinkle when you get happy, and your precious smile will melt anyones heart. You bring joy to everyone you meet and if someone doesn't realize it, then they are missing out on the fact that you are so complex but just so simple. I just can't believe that someone hasn't opened their eyes yet to realize what they are missing out on.
WOW!!!!!!! I chalk up every compliment I get to the Lord. Seriously. Because I am constantly amazed at how much He blesses me and that He has even seen fit to use ME for ANYTHING in this world. I used to have such terrible self esteem. That is why I was such an underachiever growing up. So when people tell me how I much I mean to them, I thank God because there used to be a time when I didn't want to be here; when even existing was painful. I remember at my lowest point before I moved to Nashville, accelerating my car down an empty street thinking about how hard I could hit a telephone pole to end it all. However, deep down inside I knew that this was not the abundant life that Jesus lived and died for me to have. If I truly said that I believed in Him, I needed to start acting like it and stop trying to live this life in my own strength. I'm so glad He turned me around.
I remember the day I found out that my first name means "Victorious". That blew me away. Up until that point, I had been calling myself "Screw up". The bible says that He will give you everything you need for life and godliness. So all you have to do is believe you got it and walk in that faith. I'm already shaking my head at how magnificent that is.
So if you are reading this, celebrate my birthday. I don't mean celebrate the fact that I was born. I mean I want YOU to have a great day today. Celebrate victory, self love, and the fact that everyday you get is a day that God believes that you can get it right that day. Love love love!!!!!
flying back home, which might I add I don't want to do because I
already miss my brother. But it is insane that I have to be up this
early. And people are pissing me off not knowing the system. It's been
a least a year since the no liquid ban. WHY are you trying to bring
that big ass bottle of shampoo through the line? And lady, no one
wants to hear about why you don't want to take your shoes off. JUST DO
Seriously they shouldn't let people fly this early. I mean, look at
the state of us. We're all about ready to kill each other. Man I need
Monday, December 24, 2007
A few days back I told my dad I was meeting Stacy for lunch and he said " I heard she was dating one of these" and then pointed to the inside of his hand indicating that she was dating a white man. What century are we in? Goodness. I wasn't going to bring it up but it came out when we started talking about the kind of men that we seem to attract. "White men love Stacy" she said "and Stacy is now returning that love." Stacy always dated brothas in school so I was mildly shocked. I say mildly because we grew up in the same area and well you read this blog. You see how I turned out. However something she said kind of disheartened me. When I told her that it doesn't really matter to me but I wouldn't be surprised if I married a white man she said "Toya, you ARE going to marry a white man. If you want to get married you are. I couldve told you that before you left for Nashville." She went onto say that all of her black girlfriends our age were either dating or married to white men. "You'
re dad might not be down with it now but bring them mocha grandbabies home. He'll turn around".
Ok, this is a bit unsettling to me. I think it goes without saying that if Adrien Brody loved Jesus and tried to holla I would bounce post haste but I don't want to marry or date a white man by default. In fact, and maybe because the brothas back home are the BEST looking in the whole wide world and possess the meanest swagger, part of me deeply wants to marry a black man to say "See? I didn't have to marry outside my race to find love from a good man."
Sigh. Now don't get me wrong. Stacy was not saying that she is not checking for black men anymore. It's jut to her, she has accepted the way things seem to be. You draw conclusions from your experiences. You may want to believe that things will play out differently but if time and time again you face the same circumstances, you may just throw your hands up in the air and say "oh well. Maybe that's just the way it is." I don't know really. Something about that just doesn't sit well with me.
Scott flaked out on me again. No call, no show. Just like you get fired from a job if you do that a number of times, he has been fired from our friendship. He just constantly flakes out without a good explanation. Honestly, I think something has happened and he is afraid to tell me. If it was major I think I wouldve known by now. Something happened a while back and he didn't return my calls for a time. When he did he explained that he was afraid I would think negatively about the situation. I told him the same thing I tell everyone when they reveal something that they think will make me ashame to be their friend: "Hey man. It's rough out here. It could happen to anybody". I honestly believe that. Yes, I too couldve been a Crack dealing, pot smoking, bulimic, pathological lying lesbian. I'm just throwing some things out there but you get what I mean. Bottom line, becoming an adult is no joke and I don't care what anyone says, you don't know shit before 30.
I've reflected on my childhood a great deal since I've been home these last two days. Things are wonderful now and according to my childhood pictures things were good then. However, I wasn't the happiest child. I struggled with self esteem well up into my 20's and even now I am a bit nervous. The friend I am meeting is president of her own company,was in all honors classes, track and pretty popular with the fellas. I was terribly an underachiever. I just did not focus in school. So she is one of my "all grown up" friends. I must admit, I'm a little intimidated. We'll see how this goes.
My second meeting of the day is up in the air as always. We'll call him Scott. I've known Scott since I was 3 and for some reason for the past 3 years he always seems to cancel on me. I chalk it up to a hectic schedule but I'm not so sure. We get along great. We even joke if we aren't married by 40 we'll got to Vegas abd marry each other. He tried to move it to 35 but I wasn't having it. Here she comes!
Friday, December 21, 2007
If these don't get you in the holiday spirit, nothing will.
(My friend Megan and I used to sing the chorus, "Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day.)
And I STILL love me some JC Chasez, regardless of the sub-par singles he keeps putting out. JC, hollatcha girl if you need some help with that next solo project.
He just don't know. I would be taking him through it. He would be writing the best songs of his life after he met me.
It's not Christmas for me until I hear Alexander O'neal's Remember Why. I pulled this joint out on Thanksgiving and listened to it while I was cooking. I don't think there was ever a video for the song. But someone on youtube posted a little homemade video for the song. I ain't made at 'em. This is my jam. I love me some Alexander O'neal.
Every year, I buy myself something with my tax refund. I never spend more than $200. Usually it's somewhere in the ball park of $50. A couple of years back I bought all ten seasons of Friends. But I usually just put most of the money in the bank and pay off the Christmas and January birthday bills. (All of the men in my family have January birthdays. I'm usually tapped out by February.)
It's rare that I know this far in advance what I want. But thanks to a late night and a Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade which is making me overly sappy and sentimental, I know what my gift to myself will be this year. I will be purchasing the TimeLife Classic Soft Rock collection. Shut up! I mean where else can you get Christopher Cross' Ride Like The Wind AND Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply?
I know I have absolutely lost some of y'all. But trust, I am LOSING my mind watching the infomercial. They keep playing snippets, and I keep having flashbacks. They're taking me through it. If I didn't still have Christmas gifts to buy I would get this now. Yes, Lord.
Oh and I love how all of the people who are raving about the collection are clearly middle aged white people talking about the songs taking them back to high school. I was like 6. They would hate me...Ooooohh Christopher Cross' Sailing is playing. Forget an Nsync. Sailing is Christopher Cross' song now and forever.
I might have to take some people's gifts back....
How I Pissed Off the Atheists - Tia
So it's that time of year again. No, not the time for giving gifts or spending time with your loved ones. I'm talking about the time of year when the Atheists get all pissy about being wished a Merry Christmas.
"I don't believe in Christ," they say. That's fine. You're free to believe what you wish. But don't throw a hissy fit because I not only believe in Christ but wish to celebrate His birth. I shouldn't have to sensor my holiday greetings because I don't believe the way you believe. I don't DEMAND that you stop saying you're an atheist so you can't DEMAND that I wish you a "Happy Holidays." I don't celebrate Ramadan, Hanukkah, or Winter Solstice. I celebrate Christmas. So that's what you're going to get from me.
And on another note, if you're going to be an atheist be a strong atheist. Don't half-ass it by taking/receiving gifts. Go all out. Don't give one gift or accept one gift on December 25. Don't join family and friends for the holiday feast. If you're going to do it, do it BIG. Don't be lukewarm in your beliefs. Believe what you believe with gusto. People can respect you more if you're committed to what you believe.
Although if I'm being honest, I can't respect the atheist belief. Notice I didn't say I can't respect the Atheist, just the atheist belief. I can respect an Agnostic. They have not been convinced of the existence of a higher power. But the Atheist is convinced that there is no God and there's no convincing them otherwise. I can't respect that belief because it's arrogant and flawed. I say that because the atheist theory proposes to have knowledge of all things knowable. To be convinced that there is no God is to say that you have explored every known aspect of life, the universe and everything else and can emphatically say that there is no God. Now if you have indeed personally explored and/or seen every known aspect of life, the universe and everything and have found NO evidence of God, then yes, I will respect your beliefs as an Atheist. Otherwise, you're an agnostic at best. Hate me if you want. I'm just saying...
Anyway, Merry Christmas
Thursday, December 20, 2007
So I've been working my butt off trying to get ready to go on vacation. Well not so much go on vacation as not go back to work until the new year. I've been on the road and in something of a funk for personal reasons that I will eventually write about...I think. So with my schedule being what it is and all of the work that I've been doing on top of house hunting, it just hadn't really felt like Christmas the last week or so. I mean, sure the pictures of the screaming children sitting in Santa's lap are always HAHALARIOUS. But something just felt like it was missing. Then I realized...I hadn't watched any of my favorite Christmas movies.
Most of my dvds are in storage. But I did kept a few with me. I didn't know how long I was going to have to keep my stuff in storage and didn't want to have to go out and rent something that I already own. I know it's not a big deal, but it's the principle. I just can't knowingly give Blockbuster $4 for a movie that I've seen a million times AND own.
I kept Love Actually and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with me. I figured I could watch A Christmas Story on TBS. But I don't know what I was thinking not bringing A Charlie Brown Christmas. Say it with me now, "CHRIST, THE LORD." (Linus was not playing with y'all.)
So even though it's almost 11p.m. and I just heard my blackberry chime (Seriously, who is up thinking about work besides me at this hour?) I put in NLCV and skipped to my favorite scene: Clark's freak out.
Now it feels like Christmas.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
2. I know I am deliriously sick when I wake up singing ridiculously random songs. Saturday I woke up with my face pressed up against the wall singing Carrie by Europe. Yes, Carrie. As in "Caaaarie, Caaaaaarie". The year before I immediately called out sick when I woke up on my back unable to move but was singing "There was something in the air tonight, the stars were bright, Fernandooooooo." But my personal favorite was the year before that when I had a 102 fever and all I could sing over and over was "Her name was Lola, she was a show girl". Yeah, I'm delirious.
3. I will say that this morning I woke up with You've Made Me Glad by Israel and New Breed (shoutout to Lightchild, the newest member of the New Breed). I was glad that was on my mental radio today. Perhaps it was because I prayed harder last night than I have in a really long time. I've been so convicted lately about laziness and complacency. I recently told a friend of mine that I tend to pray a lot because I tend to worry a lot and lately I have worried a lot. I think I was so upset about this past year because there has definitely been some time wasted and I really want to honor God with what I do with my time. My friend Joey spoke at a singles event at a church a while back and shared with me something that made me almost pick my plate up and crack him over the head with it, it was so dead on: he said while single, it is good to remember the scripture "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up like wings of eagles. They shall run and not be
weary. They shall walk and not faint". That "wait" is to be taken two ways: wait (he then pointed to his watch) and wait (he then motioned his hand backwards as if he was a waiter holding a tray). Go on and let that marinate cause that's a good word right there.
4. It's only when I am sick do I think about all of the things I should be doing with my time like reading several books, building training curriculum for clients, and getting more knowledgeable (sp?) about the bible that I say I believe in. I am taking today off. I'm glad I don't have a tv today because there is a lot I have to catch up on. Maybe I'll be able to get through half of Berry Gordy's biography today. I mean I've only been reading it for a year. Good grief!
5. When I am sick I only want to eat Ritz wheat crackers and applesauce, preferably chunky. I can't get down with the drinking lots of fluids thing especially water. I really can't take the taste of my own mouth right now as it is. I have got to get better though and for God's sake I've GOT to do my hair!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Now I had brought this up to Tia already but she just turned 30. I have already gone through the Turning 30 drama. I needed to speak with someone more growner and more sexier. Thus, I needed to speak with Linda.
Linda is on the ball. Linda is 40. Linda is smart, cool peoples has a fly house and can cook. Linda is single. Linda understands.
Please know that my breakdown has zero to do with being in my thirties and single. In fact that is one thing that I thank the good Lord for. Because it is always around 10 days from my birthday that I look at my shortcomings and thank God that there is no one around to put up with them. I still have some time to get some things ironed out and then I can be the stellar wife I know I will be. I still have plenty of time for that. As for the biological clock, God didn't even put batteries in mine. I've never once heard it tick.
(I am listening to Alana Davis. I love Alana Davis. You should too.)
Both Tia and Linda assured me that I don't suck. I have accomplished a great deal this year. Tia said she never thought I'd ever live by myself. I guess the frustration comes with knowing I can do better. I can work harder. I can be more diligent. I guess one good thing about the 30's is that you are more aware (or should be) of cycles and weaknesses. You shouldn't beat yourself up about them but you should work at getting better. Tia said "You live by yourself. You have a place of your own, a job and no kids? Come on." "Yeah but am I still fly?" I insecurely asked. "You're not even hearing me, are you?"
Linda brought up a good point. "Look at the people around you. That should let you know that you don't suck." This is true. I have the most fabulous friends ever. All different ethnicities and backgrounds. No drama. Love me to death. So I am very,very blessed to say the least.
I have been sick around this time of year every year since high school. Maybe it is so I can sit down and reflect. I guess this year hasn't been so bad after all. I just know I can do a whole lot better. I need to get out of this house, I know that much. I have to run a relaxer through my hair and loosen up these naps. Everytime I look in the mirror I see James Brown's mugshot staring back at me. Not a good look.
Umm, I am a little overwhelmed right now. I am also really sick and have a bit of cabin fever. Perhaps I should bundle up, go to a coffee shop and get my mind right.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Get your lives together. The end is not near, it's NOW.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Anyway, I'm at a site so I need to get back to work. They don't pay me to blog. Although, I would love to get paid to blog. But that's another story for another time.
Hallelujah Hollaback...(Sorry, that never gets old to me.)
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
makes the song so soulful and romantic. Anyway, I got there a little early and heard Calvin Turner, Zoom's and Marc Broussard's bass player, do the bass line for This Christmas during soundcheck. Could it be? I had texted and annoyed the fool out of Jason. Did he come through? DID HE! Half way into the first set he called Marc Broussard on stage (I didn't even know he was there) and introduced This Christmas like this "We're gonna do a Christmas song by Donny Hathaway called This Christmas...Toya" he said looking at me as if to say "Yes we are going to do it. Stop leaving messages on my phone." And then they both sang This Christmas. My friend Joey said that he heard the first note, looked at me and moved out the way cause he thought I was gonna act a plum fool. I tried my best not to. Anyway, after their first set I pointed to Jason and then pointed to Marc who was close by and I said "I need to speak with you AND him." I told Marc "I'm not saying this because you are here but
please know that you two are the only ones in the world that I ever want to hear do that song. Luther Vandross is my favorite singer and..." "I thought I was your favorite singer", Jason said. "Umm", I hesitated. "You mean dead right?". "Right. Anyway. I never even wanted him to sing it." "Wow" Marc said. "So not even Chris Brown?" said Jason. He is foolish. All that to say, it was a blast. The best Christmas gift next to Donny Hathaway singing it himself. I love living in Nashville!!!!
Friday, December 7, 2007
If you've been reading for any length of time you know how I Stan for Adam from Maroon 5. So you can imagine my disappointment when I felt completely underwhelmed after watching the video Won't Go Home Without You. I mean, my turnaround time on addressing it should be a clear indicator. The video has been in circulation for at least a couple of weeks or so.
I don't know. This video just didn't do anything for me. Sophie Mueller directed it. I'm usually a fan of her work. She did Annie Lennox's Walking on Broken Glass, Sade's By Your Side (which in my opinion was a great video for Sade to comeback with after being gone for 8 years) and I think she directed all of the videos from No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album. (That album is a classic. I don't care what you say.)
Anyway, for whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling this one. So that puts Maroon 5 1 for 3 with videos for me. (If you recall I wasn't feeling the video for Wakeup Call either. Love the song though. "I just shot a man...did I do the wrong thing?") Maybe it's the song. This one isn't one of my favorites. I would much rather see a video for If I Never See Your Face Again or Kiwi, nasty as it is. Ooooh, I would really love to see a video for Infatuation but I don't even think they released that track here in the states so a video is unlikely.
Whatever...You can decide for yourself.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
One of the things that I don't miss about Nashville is that it is 2 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Not 6..2. If you have any kind of social life you really can't go anywhere without running into someone that you know. Sometimes it's cool. It's fun to see someone you may not have seen in a while and get to catch up. Other times it's not that great. Because, let's be honest, who really likes running into someone that you did end on good terms with?
I fully expected to run into people that I knew at the Stevie Wonder concert. I mean, it's Stevie Wonder. And most of my friends are grown. So I knew that my folks would be there. I DID NOT even think that Ben Covington would be there. I don't know why though. Being who he is, and what he used to do (and because we use our real names I can't go into too much detail or some of our Nashville readers will easily figure out who I'm talking about and then it will be a situation) I should have known that he would be there.
I first got wind that Ben was there from Toya. Apparently the people that we rode with ran into him and the girl he was with. Initially Toya didn't want to tell me that he was there. But then she thought better of it lest I run into him; at least I wouldn't be completely caught off guard. When I found out he was there I literally had to get some air and a $4 bottle of water. (By the way, the owners of the GEC are going to Hell for price gouging. And I don't mind saying it.) It has been years since the whole situation with Ben popped off but in that moment I realized that I still had some issues with him. (More on that later.)
I regained my composure and headed back inside to enjoy the show. I cried SHAMELESSLY during Overjoyed. My dad used to play that song all of the time when I was little and I fully plan to walk down the aisle to it. So needless to say to hear it sung by The Man himself darn near sent me over the edge.
As Stevie was taking his bow, I darted off to the restroom. I knew that I must have looked a mess from my unabashed crying spell and the overpriced bottle of water I consumed two hours earlier was begging to get out. So I made a mad dash to the restroom before everyone broke out. I did what I had to do and touched up my make-up and headed out.
I went back to where we'd been sitting to look for Toya and couldn't find her anywhere. I called her several times and got no answer. For a brief, terrifying moment I thought she may have found a way to get backstage with Stevie and was too caught up to answer her phone. (I found out later that her phone was on silent.) I figured rather than trying to find her while thousands of people were trying to exit I would pick a spot and stay there.
As the people were thinning and I was standing there texting Toya for the 100th time and I look up and see Ben Covington walking by. DAMMIT. I really had assumed that I'd dodged a bullet. Most everyone had left. I figured he was gone too. But of course he wasn't gone. I'm a BGLU. If he'd been gone what would I have to write about?
He walked up and gave me the awkward side church hug then introduced me to the girl he was with. He asked how I was doing and what I was doing. I filled him in on my Atlanta exploits and asked how he'd been. We chit-chatted for a while about life and the Stevie songs we wished we'd heard before the weird "we had a bad parting" silence set in. Taking the hint, he looked me in the eye and said, "We'd better go." On the inside I'm screaming, "PLEASE LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But before he goes, he gave me a not so subtle once over and smiled that smile that makes most heterosexual women in the 615 KNOW there is a God and said, "You look great, by the way."
I wanted to put my heel in the crux of his back.
I was seething by the time I finally ran into Toya. And initially I couldn't figure out why. Hours later as I lay sprawled across Toya's couch I came to the realization that my feelings were still hurt. Years later I was still Lawry's about Ben Covington. And if I was being honest I was a little mad at God.
I was mad at Ben because I felt like he led me on. I felt betrayed and used. We had been friends before he decided that he wanted to be down. And then he went and ruined that. And I was mad because I never really got an answer for why. We went from clowning each other and playing dominoes, to maybe seeing if this could go somewhere, to NOTHING. I mean NOTHING. No calls, no emails, no explanation why he wasn't interested. I didn't so much care that he wasn't interested. I was just hurt that someone who I had considered my friend decided that he couldn't be man enough to tell me that he didn't want to be down. Be a man, grow a couple and tell me the truth so that I can go back to spanking you a dominoes.
And then I realized I was mad at God. In my little finite mind I didn't understand how he could have let the whole thing happen. I hadn't really been looking for a relationship at the time. And my constant prayer at that time of my life was that I didn't want anymore guy friends. I was all full up on guy friends. Hell, I had guy friends on reserve. I was over it. I didn't want anyone trying to talk to me unless he was going to be man enough for me.
I was also mad at God because I felt like he KNEW Ben was my prototype. How could he let everything that I ever wanted in a guy walk into my life only to have him turn out to be a candy-ass? (Random Aside: Ben Covington is my PROTOTYPE. I mean aside from being a candy ass. He looks like the type of guy I've always seen myself with. He knows all the music that I need someone who's going to roll with me forever to know. And I frankly didn't even know a guy like him existed until I met him. I knew what I wanted but I'd never seen it. Then here he comes...)
On the drive home from Nashville I finally just gave up. The night before Toya made a good point. "You may not ever get an answer. You just have to know that it's the past and move on." In Lessons Learned, Alicia Keys said, "It's called the past 'cause I'm getting past. And I ain't nothing like I was before. You ought to see me now." I realized that I HAD to give up the past. I can't change it. And letting my heart still hurt, hurts no one but me. Ben Covington is doing his thing and I can't be mad at that. I now have to move on and do mine.
I began to praise God. I began to worship. Without motive or assumption. I just began to sing praises because I knew that I needed to. In those 3 hours in the car I let God have my heart. And by the time I got home I realized that my salty feelings toward Ben won't last if I don't let them. And I realized that if God created one Ben Covington then there is probably another one. One who isn't a candy-ass. So I'm going to do my thing. And when (I say when because Nashville is a small town no matter what they say.) I see him again I will be able to look at him and know, "He's just the past."
Although, I can't promise I won't want to put my heel in his back on general principal.
I was in Walmart yesterday buying onions and an instrumental version O Holy Night came on. I immediately burst into a fit of giggles. Why you ask. Because a few years ago a friend of mine sent me a copy of some guy singing O Holy Night that still to this day makes me WEEP with laughter.
You can listen here. If you're at work, please turn down your speakers. Although, it may be moot because I assure you that your own laughter will be far louder than this guy's screeching.
There is an urban legend that's been circulating around Nashville for a while that claims that this is some poor sap's audition tape. But this guy claims to have found the real story behind the song. Whatever the case, this songs will always send me into gut busting laughter.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
DJ: "Yes, you were wide awake...Toni Tony Tone with Raphael Sadiq"
Toya:"Umm,nah. That can't be right."
DJ:"Oh but it is."
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
So Toya, India and I went to see Marc Broussard at The Tabernacle Saturday night. I have been trying to tell y'all about that sanging little man for years. He will sing his ass off while simultaneously singing his heart out.
I will try to do a full concert review later. (I'm late for the gym at the moment.) But until then, here's a video of my favorite Marc Broussard song.
Oh about the Reggie Bush thing...Marc is from Louisiana and VERY proud of it. Reggie Bush plays for the Saints. The line in Rocksteady usually goes, "When we get, when we get, Rocksteady" but being a Saints fan, Marc now sings it, "Reggie Bush, Reggie Bush, Run Reggie." I personally thought it was terribly clever.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
I am a music snob. I am and I have to be careful. People do ask me questions as if I am an expert and I am by no means an expert. I know some experts and I don't have half as much knowledge as they do. I am however very opinionated when it comes to music and therefore some people think I know what I am talking about. I am usually right about artists to watch though (*ahem, been telling people about Robin Thicke since 1998, ahem*) but there are some things that even I didn't see coming. Like The Spice Girls. I remember being at my college radio station and our program director put a big note on the playlist for that week:"Play Wannabe every hour. This is going to be a huge hit." I thought he had lost it. And then... Yeah. I still don't get that one.
We need Marc Broussard to go on and sing Love and Happiness" right... about...now...Gotta go!
1. I don't regret not finishing college. I entered college when I was 17 and very sheltered and left after a full year. I was never that good in school not because I wasn't smart but because I wasn't focused. It's 15 years later and I am just learning the importance of focus. I've always known that I've wanted to be in the music industry but never on stage. If I have any regrets about not furthering my education it would be that I should've gone to a music business school. God knows I have more than enough internship hours under my belt for a 2 year college.
2. I too am horribly afraid of wet bread and I don't understand why this is not a clinically proven phobia. I can't remember what Tia wrote about her phobia so I don't want to repeat the same story. We were at a party where someone brought a Tre's Leche cake. I thought that meant "3 Flavors". You know like 5 Flavor poundcake that was 2 flavors too short? Tia tried to cut me off at the pass to warn me not to eat the cake with 3 MILKS. When she found me, I was in a the corner of another room by myself,rocking back and forth twitching, trying to convince myself that everything would be alright.
3. I am a huge daddy's girl. I have a highly responsible, unconditional loving, dependable to a fault father...who you can NEVER talk badly about. I remember a guy saying that I my standards were too high and I wanted a guy just like my father. I quickly let him know that my standards are only too high for little boys who can't reach them.
4. Let's see Tia talked about boogers so what is that embarrassing to me? Oh, I am a tweeze fanatic. I have 3 sets of tweezers and I sometimes tweeze facial hair at night while driving. I'm a Sasquatch, I swear. Tia says that she can never notice but one week I had the flu and could not umm, self maintain? When I was well enough to make it out of my room, she left to pick up my prescription along with some Nair facial cream. It's real serious.
5. I am pursuing being a media coach as well an indie artist coach. I love indie artists and because record labels are becoming obsolete, I want to help indie artists become their own independent businesses so that if they are approached by a major label, they can develop a deal solely on their terms. I also am passionate about artists that are Christians that seek to influence the arts outside of the church walls. How many times have you heard an artist say that they grew up singing in the church but they don't seem to publicly live a life that shows that? I believe it's because a lot of very talented Christians get discouraged by the church about doing mainstream or "secular" music and thus fall away. I am a part of a ministry that provides support for such people. This is my life's work and nothing fulfills me more. I would love to do all of these things free of charge.
6. My new favorite color is lime green.
7. I don't know how to not be late. I hate that people never expect me to be on time. I have done the whole move the clock forward 15 minutes to psyche yourself out and it only makes me more late. Sigh... I remember telling someone that I would be somewhere at 7 o'clock and he said "Awesome! 7:25 it is." Pitiful.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
I think we've been tagged more than once. But for whatever reason we never really get around to tagging back.
Nicole tagged us at the beginning of the month so here it is. And my apologies if you tagged us before.
Tagging works like this:
A). Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog
B). Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself
C). Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs
D). Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog...Okay, sounds easy enough.
I can go ahead and tell you that I won't tag 7 people. I don't really know 7 blogs that I read religiously. But anyway here goes.
1. When I was little I used to pick my nose...A LOT. It seemed like I was always looking for a corner to sneak off to so that I could go nose mining. And as if that weren't enough, when I hit nose gold I would wipe them in the corner. If you go to any house I grew up in between the age of 4 and about 8 you will find my nose goblins in the corners.
2. I sometimes hate girls who are taller than me. I'm 5'9". 6" in heels. But if I'm out somewhere and there's a girl who is taller than me, I immediately dislike her. Or maybe jealousy is a better word. When I was little I wanted to be 6". I LOVE tall guys. And I wanted be 6" so that I would have no choice but to date really tall athletic type guys. I mean, I do that anyway, but when I was younger I figured it would be more appropriate if I was 6".
3. I am afraid of wet bread. There is a point when bread becomes too wet and it sends me into a state of shock if I come into contact with it. I will not allow my dinner rolls to remain on my plate for fear of them getting wet by some residual juice from my vegetables.
I am told that my phobia will have to get better once I have children. Apparently they pretty much mash everything together and wet bread is just a given. Well, until that happens I will cling to my irrational fear with all my might.
4. I absolutely love to kiss. I'm not going any further on that one.
5. I can not stand white guys who try to be down. There is one thing to have a natural swagger, but it is a whole other when you have to try to be down. If you look like a reject from a bad BET video I can already tell you that we are not going to get along. But if it's just how you roll, if it's just what you do, then we can be cool. Basically it's the difference between Vanilla Ice and Robin Thicke. One wanted to be. One just is.
6. If you set anything to music I guarantee you that I will not only learn it but remember it...pretty much forever. I have so many random songs, show themes and commercial jingles in my head that I often wonder what kind of person I would be if I could get them all out. Like, would I have been a Rhodes Scholar or found the cure for morning breath if there hadn't been so much space take in up in my mind with things like the theme song for Marsupilami.
7. If I had enough money, I would go to culinary school and I would write full time. I love to write. I wish that I could get paid to do it. And don't even get me started on how much I love to cook. I would love to learn how to make a really good risotto...and then marry a British bloke so that he could say risotto like Chef Gordan Ramsey. It's the accent.
I guess I'll tag T-hype and Mike. I don't really know who else to tag.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
You can view more uncomfortable looking pictures here. There's also an article. The article reads like a high school journalism piece, but whatever. Someone got paid to write that, and I blog for free.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Pleeeeeaaaaaaassse don't think Tia and I are trying to act like we are holier than thou. If anything, we are probably hornier than thou. But if you've been reading long enough you know that we still deal with heartbreaks of guys that we may not have ever kissed. Could you imagine if we wouldve slept with these jokers. Wow!
For those that frequently get picked on and ridiculed for abstaining whether you are a virgin or not, allow me to lend you this story: I have a family member who often ridicules me for not having sex. She claims I am the last virgin on earth since Mother Teresa died. Mind you, this woman has 4 kids, 2 babies daddies and is in a marriage where both of them are cheating. She had the nerve to look at me and say this:" I know you are waiting on God, Toy but how long are you gonna wait on God?". That is like a crack head walking up to you twitching and scratching while wearing the same clothes they've had on for 3 days, asking if you'd like to take a hit. Naw dude. I'm cool.
Keep your eyes on the prize and look forward to blessed, buckwild guilt-free married sex with a man that not only has promised you forever but will remember your name the next morning. It's worth the wait.
Anyway, here's the new video. Elliott just don't know...
that I am constantly floored by how lackadaisical people are about sex. I'm sure I'm opening up a whole can of worms here but right now I just don't care.
I just don't see how another person being up in your body or you being up in another person's body can NOT be a big deal. I'm sure I'm coming off as sanctimonious and self-righteous. But if you really think about it, I mean truly take a moment to think about it, sex is a big deal. And just doing it with anyone just doesn't seem right. Making that HUGE of an emotional commitment to someone is so serious. And I'm astonished that people seem to think that because I don't want to just have any ol' body up inside my body that I'm uptight or old fashioned or that I need to "live a little." Eff that. I know how attached I can get from just kissing someone I'm in a relationship with. Don't let me fool around and sleep with someone and then they leave. I would be gutted. I would be an emotional mess for a long time.
Forget what you heard. If you want that level of commitment from me then you damn sure better be willing to wait for me. And I mean wait until we have the same last name. If you just want to get laid, stroll the eff on. I know me. And I know that I'm worth waiting for. And if you can't wait for me, then you don't want me. There's no love loss. We just aren't supposed to be together. And I'd be full of bullshishery if I said that waiting was easy. But there aren't really any alternatives for me. You do what you have to do and hard as it is, I'll do what I have to do...which is wait. But I'm not just going to let you up in my body because you want to be there. Child, PLEASE.....
This concludes my soapbox rant for the day.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Mike as Diahann Carroll
Mike as Willy Wonka
So you have to be quick on the draw to find some stuff on Youtube. If they even THINK something is a copyright infringement they will pull the video quick, fast and in a hurry. I had to do a little digging to find that Sugarland/Beyonce trainwreck. And, oh what a glorious mess it was.
I have to say I wish I didn't know 'bout that Sugarland chick. OMG...easily the worst duet ever. Whose idea was this? Who was sitting around and said, "We should nasal twag our way through a really good R&B song." And Beyonce being about her paper okayed the whole thing because it meant more publicity for her.
See this is what's wrong with people. They don't learn from the mistakes of those that came before them. We saw what a hot tragic mess that song with Tim McGraw and Nelly was. (Sidebar: why are horrendous songs so catchy sometimes? That Tim and Nelly song will get stuck in my head for days. And it is just horrible.) But we have to learn from those that came before us. We as a people MUST stand up for what is right. Someone should have smacked that taste out both Beyonce and that Sugarland chick's mouths when this duet was suggested.
This is just such a bad idea. Like Gumby haircuts. Like Uggs and skirts. Like $4 gas. And I think the thing that angers me the most is that the Sugarland chick thinks she's DOIN' IT. She has her eyes closed and a hand in the air a la Ms. Aguilara. Now I'm no hater. I'm sure that Sugarland kills 'em in the country world. But know your strengths. Stay in your lane.
I'm finished. I'm just so put out by this. I'm actually offended by this performance.
In case you missed it
Sunday, November 18, 2007
I completely forgot the AMAs were on tonight.
I just turned to ABC as they were presenting Beyonce with the...what was that they just gave her...? Anyway, say what you want about the girl, she's a beast. She hustles. She knows how to play the game and she plays it well. I can't hate that. I'm no Beyonce stan. But I'm no hater either. And I respect what the girl does. And I know more than a couple of the chick's songs. Do your thang.
I love that Mary is doing the Whop.
Why are Chris Brown and Mel B(rown) from the Spice Girls sitting together? She'd better not mess up my baby.
Who knew that Bone Thugs were still doing music? And where is Bizzy Bone? He is ALWAYS good for some nonsense.
Lenny Kravitz will NEVER EVER stop being fine.
I freakin' LOVE Queen Latifah's hair. I'm getting that cut as soon as my hair grows out. And can we please talk about how far Dana has come. Yeah, Queen.
I think I am as surprised as Fergie is that she won.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
When Lizzie sent me the link to "Lesson Learned" last week I was stoked to finally hear this Alicia Keys/ John Mayer collaboration (by the way Tia told me that Pastor Mayer will be re-releasing his sermon series "Continuum" with 6 additional sermons, I mean, songs. Look, "Gravity" will preach! I kid you not.) Little did I know that this song would stir up some issues that I find hard to believe that I am still dealing with.
It's been YEARS. Years, I tell you. There have been many "ineligibles" since this has happened. It's been so long that I am missing a person that no longer exists. Sometimes I wonder if he ever did. I don't think he was always full of bullshishery (my new favorite word) but I am now realizing the self centeredness and bad things that my friends warned me about that I refused to see. It was so bad that one night a group of girl friends surprised me with an intervention. Melissa:" So you've been mentioning dude a lot lately. I hear blah blah blah and blah." Now of course she did not say blah, blah,blah and blah but when you are wrapped up so tight in someone that you can't find yourself,any cautious advice sounds like it is coming from Charlie Brown's teacher. Of course I got defensive and defended every stupid thing he did and that I let him do. Then this question was asked(don't remember who asked it. After all it was a flurry of questions.) "Toya,are you alright?" All of the sudd
en it seemed as if time had stopped. I noticed that I had my first cigarrette in two years in one hand and a martini in the other. I was by no means alright. The verdict was for me to let him go. I practiced my speech all the way home and even felt better when I practiced it out loud. I never ever gave that speech. I wish that I would have at least believed that I could have.
So in listening to Lesson Learned, I have been asking myself if I have learned every lesson that needed to be learned in this whole ordeal. When something hurts as much and as long as this has you do not want to have to repeat the same mistakes. I often said that if I knew then what I know now I would have thrown a bar stool at his face and ran out the door. But that's not right. I know this because one of the many lessons that I am still learning is forgiveness. I am learning that someone does not have to ask for forgiveness for you to forgive them. I am also learning that your happiness cannot be contingent on whether that person ever acknowledges that they were wrong. You may never get an apology. Ever. Regardless, you still need to forgive them. Sometimes you need to even make sure that you have forgiven yourself.
Alicia says its called the past because she's getting past it. I can't wait to be able to say the same.
So Toya and I have both been stupid busy as evidenced by the lack of posts. Moving on....
The new Alicia Keys album dropped yesterday. It is FIYAH. It is an overall solid album. I can press play and walk away. Of course I already have favorite tracks. Like You'll Never See Me Again is the best song that Prince never did. I keed, I keed. But it is an amazing song. It may be my 2nd favorite on the cd. Lessons is still holding the top spot.
Here is the video for Never See Me Again. And if you haven't already, head on over to Target or your local retailer and get this album. (It's on sale for $9.99 at Target until Saturday.)
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
I think I want to go to London again. Let me stop. I ALWAYS want to go to London. But I really want to go back soon. I, of course, still want to go to Italy, but I just got finished reading this book about this chick who dates this British guy and it made me want to really go back to London. (Although, now that I think about it I don't know why. The guy in book turned out to be a total git.)
I love to travel. But I hate doing it alone. One of my friends just got back from somewhere in Europe. She traveled alone and loved it. Maybe it's because I've traveled alone for the last 4 years, but the idea of seeing some of the greatest cities in the world by myself does not sound appealing to me.
I want to see the great stuff with someone. I want to stuff myself silly with chicken katsu curry from Wagamama with someone who will do the same. It's no fun shopping at Camden Lock by yourself.
I was seriously entertaining the idea of taking a job overseas next year. But then I thought about and realized that I would be further away from my people than I was in LA. And let me tell you that would suck. I love my people. (I just realized that this whole paragraph has almost nothing to do with what I was talking about. This time change thing has me all screwed up. I feel like it's sooooo late and it's barely 10. )
Anyway, even though I know the pound is mercilessly murdering the dollar, I think I'm going to try to dig up some friends and go to London in the spring. The tickets are pretty affordable if you go before April and the idea of a week in Europe doesn't sound too bad.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Friday, November 2, 2007
I was having it last night. I woke up at 3 in the morning and couldn't get back to sleep until almost 7. I won't go into detail suffice it to say I was having a "I'm really not feeling my life" moment.
This morning I finally dragged myself out of bed at 10. I probably could have slept longer. My blackberry from work is a good indicator of how the day is going to go. It's usually about to melt down by 10 am, so the fact that it had been silent since 9 last night was a good sign that it was going to be a slow day. But I knew I had stuff to do so I literally pulled my self out of bed on 4 hours of sleep and got started.
I turned on VH1 because I seriously can't start a morning like this without music. I was grumpy and tired and in physical pain from the lack of sleep and still kinda not feeling my life.
And then MARY came on and changed the game.
I watched the video slack jawed. Mary was pretty much singing my theme song. I googled the lyrics and realized that...well, that I'm fine. I thanked God for another day, put all of the stuff that I was worried about behind me and got to it.
So until further notice, this is my anthem.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I'm so excited about Christmas this year. I don't know why though. Maybe because this year I will get to see both of my parents and both of my brothers. Maybe it's because I will actually get wear winter clothes this year....and my Ugg boots. The boots that I swore I would never buy but after 10 months in LA, a place where it never gets really cold enough to wear them but everyone rocks them, I broke down and bought.
Anywho, I'm also excited about the Christmas type movies that are coming out. One in particular is This Christmas. It looks like it's going to be a really decent movie. I mean, it has Chris Brown and Columbus Short in it. What's not to like? And the line about drinking until it becomes funny.....well let's just say I have been there.
Shake a hand...Shake a hand
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
ill hear from me immediately. Tia and I have had few disagreements but while roomates,her Monica Gellar clashed with my Rachel Greene on occasion. You don't get to leave notes on the fridge about wiping down the counters everyday and then bake and leave out cookies (that I am free to eat) without cleaning up the kitchem without me saying something all be it in the middle of the night. Damn a free cookie, this is about justice! Well this bit of insanity has crept over into my job.---To make a long story short I have been majorly stressed at work. I have a very detailed position and I am far from being a very detailed person except when it comes to music. (Did anyone know that there are two different versions of Luther Vandross' "Creep"? They later added more BGV'S. I heard a different version on the radio the other day and noticed they were missing from the second verse). There was a blow up between a co-worker and myself last week while my supervisor was gone. When I went to discuss
it with her today, she took a deep breath pulled up a chair and confessed that I can be a bit frustrating to deal with. " No one here is blaiming you everytime something is wrong. Sometimes you don't listen to how something should be corrected because you are so concerned with how it happened in the first place. We all care about you here and want what's best for you. No one is out to get you." Here I am pointing the finger at my co-worker about how she never can say she's wrong(she can't really) but I was really wrong. My insecurities about how I feel about my job performance cause me to be defensive. There have been instances where I have made some careless mistakes at work so when something goes wrong that looks like it could be traced back to me, I go to great lengths to prove my innocence. I talked with my brother about this today because we both know that my being defensive has a great deal to do with my upbringing. ----I have great parents. I really, really do. When you grow
up however there are certain things that need to be reprogrammed because no parent raises their child perfectly. While growing up I got accused of doing things that I didn't do because my parents were sometimes fearful, paranoid and thus overprotective. Without going into much detail, I went through some very unfair punishment for some things that weren't my fault and beyond my control. I think the Lord has been trying to get my attention about this for some time now. I remember being at my desk once and feeling like I needed to turn my music off. When I did, this one painful memory came to mind. Suddenly I felt the Lord say "This has held you back for some time and it is not your fault. You deserve to try your best in anything that you do." It was as clear as day. I wasn't sure what was coming next so I said "Umm, do I need to go into the bathroom to talk about this." I kinda heard a chuckle and then He said "No. You're fine". ---- I've been asking myself lately why am I still at t
his job. It's not anything I am passionate about but I love where I work. I've just been wondering about my purpose for being there because I know it hasn't been sheerly for employment. I think dealing with why I feel the need to be so defensive and the pain behind it may be part of the reason. Maybe God is trying to show me that in situations where I barely feel that my head is above water and I am underqualified for life,let alone any job, I still deserve to do my best without paranoia regardless of past mistakes that I (and my parents) have made. Regardless of past mistakes, He is not out to get me, He just wants what is best for me and is not my enemy. It's the enemy who brings up those insecurities. No one is perfect at life.----So I later apologized and hugged it out with my co-workers and suggested a Blame Jar. When my dad used to curse a lot he had to put a quarter in the Cuss Jar for everytime he cussed. Sometimes he'd have a bad day and just stick a five dollar bill in th
e jar to cover his future cussin. Maybe I should stick a quarter in the jar for everytime I say something is not my fault. I don't know. What I do know is that I would like to learn this lesson so I don't have to repeat it anymore.
(I was walking to my car and this song popped into my head. And because I am the princess of obscure songs, I found it on my iPod and listened to it on the way home.)
To fully appreciate the video below you must meet the following criteria.
1. Must have been born sometime in the 70s - You youngsters just will not get this. Some of you weren't even out of diapers when this came out and thus can not appreciate how crucial this was to an adolescent girl in the 90s.
2. Must have had the Disney Channel before it was free - or at the very least have known someone who did. A cousin, a neighbor, basically someone you could squeal and giggle with.
3. Be a girl - I knew NO guys who watched this show. NONE. I don't even think they guys ON the show watched it.
4. Must understand that though Keri Russell went on to be all serious as Felicity, she will forever be that white girl with the big curly hair who wasn't a bad dancer.
5. Understand that the names Damon, Chase, Albert, Tony, Matt, JC and Dale were enough to make any diehard fan go absolutely butt-noodles.