Sunday, July 30, 2006

BGLU News and Toya's Random Tidbits-Toya

I am finally back from the Northwest with a better understanding of why Tia would want to move out there so much. The view and the fresh air is breathtaking. I spent a few days in Seattle in front of the view of the ocean that I had only seen on television. It was so amazing, when I started to get sleepy from all of the tranquility, I sincerely attempted to sleep with one eye opened. It then occurred to me that I really needed to go to sleep, so the snapshot in my mind was going to have to do.

Being out there also helped me to realize something else: Tia is not only moving but she is moving far. Umm, let's talk about something else right now...

RUN, do not walk, do not skip, but RUN and get the latest issue of Essence that features 50 Single "Do Right Men". This issue has features on brothas that promote abstinence programs, give back to their communities, tell why they love black women (something we ALL need to hear and be reminded of) and well THEY ARE FOIN!!!!! But get THIS: the list does not just include 'round the way brothas but also includes Michael Ealy, Jamie Foxx, and


Oh and it gets better.... For 30 days, if you go to you can email ANY and ALL of the 50 guys in the magazine. ANY!!!! My email to Common went something like this:

Lonnie, I think it is so adorable how you act like you are going to call the cops on me everytime you see me outside your window. You are always playing like that! However, if you don't lift that restraining order, people are really going to take you seriously and really start to think that you don't know that we are truly supposed to be together. Love ya baby!

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in shock about Lance Bass being gay. A friend of mine said that if he was gay all along, he should've been a far better dancer. I'm gonna leave that one alone. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.

In other Nsync news, I'd also be lying if I said I didn't love Justin Timberlake's new song "SexyBack". Yes, it is ignorant as all get out and yes, he drops that MF bomb. But dangitt if it doesn't bring out my inner Carmen Electra every time?

Speaking of new songs, I have yet hear Jo Jo's new song that Tia seems to like so much but so far I am loving the new songs by Ciara, Christina Aguileira, Beyonce, Stacie Orrico, and newcomer Cherri Dennis. What I am NOT loving is Janet Damita Jo's new song with Nelly. What in the world!!!!? To me it sounds like a collab that a new female artist would put out to get her foot in the door and not from a veteran who paved the way for everyone that I previously mentioned. It's wack to say the least.

Finally, be on the lookout for Kirk Franklin's new video for "Imagine Me" that came out recently. I was so glad to see that BET did an exclusive on the making of this video and to hear it already getting play on mainstream radio. I am so excited to know that others are going to be blessed by this song as I and so many others already have. By the way, if you haven't picked up "Hero" by Kirk Franklin, go get it at Walmart when you go pick up the new Essence. We all know that the Electronics line is quicker anyway. Don't act like I am the only one to go get batteries or a pack of blank CD's so I could get out of Walmart faster, ok?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

I love JoJo and most things preteen/teen - Tia

Okay for real thought I swear sometimes I'm a fourteen year old girl. I so can not wait to see John Tucker Must Die. And I'm officially in LUV with JoJo's new song.

Yes, I know it's Get Out (Leave) part 2 but I can't help it.

I was sitting at my desk today JAMMIN' (for like of a better word.) That little girl can sing. It's refreshing really. Since anyone with a good sylist and a working knowlegdge of Protools can cut an album. *cough*Ashanti, Keisha Cole, Brooke Hogan*cough*

If you are remotley here's the link to her new video. It's so early high school angst. I LOVE it.

Changes – Tia

I have no idea where to begin. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything. I think I was joking with Toya the other day and told her that we should change the name to Black Girl Like Me.

I guess I’ll just jump right in and hope for the best. And by best I mean coherency.

There is a never ending supply of drama when it comes to my mother. But it seemed to come to halt recently. After what could only be construed as a World War 3 disagreement, I got some peace when my mother and I “took a break.” All seemed quiet on the western front, and then I got steam rolled from the other side.

My dad had a stroke.

It really did come out of no where. My dad isn’t all that old. He’s in pretty good shape for someone his age. If you saw him on the street you would swear he was only in his late forties instead of his mid-fifties. He exercises. He eats fairly well. And frankly, our relationship has improved so much in the past 2 years or so that he’s become my superman. We all know that our parents are going to die. It’s inevitable. But I honestly, never really thought about it. I just have this picture in my head of my dad at about 80. Sitting on the porch of his house in Inman Park. Watching baseball. Yelling at the screen. And whining about the good old days when umpires knew how to call a game. I never thought about my dad being incapacitated. I just kinda thought he would live to be really old and then die one day.

So I was damn near hysterical when I got the call that he’d had a stroke. And by the time I got down to Atlanta I didn’t know what to expect. Thankfully it was a mild stroke and he was doing pretty well when I finally got to the hospital. But it broke my heart to see my dad laid up like that. And when he had to get up to use a walker to go to the bathroom I had to leave the room but I was a wreck.

The doctors assure us that he will make a full recovery. But how do you convince the little girl inside of me that the man who is her hero, her superman, her daddy, is going to be okay, when he’s lying in a hospital bed depending on other people? It is not an easy sell.

So if you think about it, please pray for my dad.

Toya moved out. On my birthday no less. She’s moving because I’m moving. (More on that and my birthday shortly.) We went and stuffed ourselves silly the morning of my 29th year. And then I had to leave to go see my dad. As I was packing my bag it dawned on me that she wouldn’t be there when I got back. And I began to have a moment.

I didn’t think it was going to be “all that” when she left. I figured we would still talk everyday and that it would just be like I was on the road a lot. Much like it was before. When I traveled we talked everyday but I didn’t get to see her. But I realized it was nothing like that. She wasn’t going to be there when I got home...ever. There wasn’t going to be anyone around to laugh at the most mundane idiotic things. Like right now I could say “Don’t ever play with matches” and we would be on the floor. I realized that my current roommate won’t get the endless Friday references, or the importance of Air Supply, or who exactly the Great Googa Mooga is.

So as I walked out the door with my stuff and realized that things were going to be forever changed, I began to cry. I didn’t want Toya to see because then we’d have the Friends moment when Rachel finally realizes that she’s not going to live with Monica anymore. It was messy. But once I was in the safety of the car I just let it rip. I cried for all of the good times. I cried for all of the memories. I cried for the laughter that I wouldn’t here again for God only knows how long. I cried because I missed my friend.

The house is weird now. I don’t really like being at home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t love my current roommate. But something feels weird, like something is missing. And because I know that it’s never going to be the same I have to make a change…

(insert stellar segue here)

Let’s pack up
After a couple of years of being the girl who cried move, I am finally moving. Some time in September or early October I’m moving to LA. Everything just seemed to fall into place. I’m rolling onto a new study at work and all of my new site assignments are in the LA area. Except for one in Montana. Are there any black people in Montana? I will get to work from home which means I will never have to get out of my pajamas until I have to go on site. A friend of mine hooked me up with a friend of hers who is looking for a roommate. She seems very cool, works for BET, like British men and likes to clean. If I didn’t know better I would swear I was moving in with myself. AND the new girl is going to hook me up with the chick that was over the “Sister Big Bones” portion of the Rip the Runway show that was on BET last fall. So watch out for me. You never know where you might see me.

But as excited as I am, I’m still overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving everything that I’ve known for the past 6 years, packing up all of my stuff and moving 2000 miles away. And it’s looking like I’m going to have to do it alone. With my dad having a stroke and none of my friends having the money nor the ability to get off work like I can, it’s looking like I will be making the 3 day drive alone. And as much as I want to see the country I don’t want to do it by myself. (Please do not get me started on doing stuff alone. I don’t care what people say I am SICK TO DEATH of being single. I have done EVERYTHING on my own. My dad is in the hospital and I’m there alone with no one to consol me. I move across the country and I do it alone. I was in freakin’ Puerto Rico last week ALONE. I think that I have paid my dues as a single person and that it is now time for me to be a non-single person. Shuck and jive if you want…I WANT TO GET MARRIED. I want to share the big moments and the small ones with someone. And I’m not ashamed to say it….That is all.)

So I will do my best to keep everyone posted on the progress. Maybe even add some pics of the packing, the move, and the journey.

I turned 29 on the 22nd. And I gotta tell you, it was a pretty blah birthday. I don’t know how I got this old. I definitely don’t feel like I’m almost 30 and I don’t think I look it. So I think the combination of not looking my age, not feeling my age and not being where I thought I was be at my age has thrown me all the way off.

If you had asked 21 year old Tia where 29 year old Tia would be she would have told you: married, with one kid (or at least working on one) practicing medicine and working on her pediatric residency. And that was the plan from the time I was about 10 until I was 23 when I realized that I wasn’t going to med school.
My life has not gone according to plan at all. I dated the wrong person and almost let it ruin my life. I worked for people that didn’t care about me nor did I care about the work I was doing. I own NOTHING. (TN Telco Credit Union owns my Altima for the next 2 ½ years) Basically I’m no where near where I thought I would be. And well, I’m kind of anxious to see how everything is going to pan out. I know we’re not supposed to be anxious...but well I am. I want to know when stuff is going to start popping off. Are my 30s really going to be the new 20s? Lord I hope so because my 20s didn’t really impress me. Although, the 20s can be redeemed if 29 kicks ass. I’m just saying…

Everything is so different. I guess I knew everything couldn’t stay the same but part of me wishes that it could. I miss the familiarity. But I know that God pulled all of the great ones out of their comfort zones before he shook things up in their lives. Esther, Moses (I don’t know if I could have left a palace and royalty and all that), Joseph and I’m sure some other people that I can’t think of right now, all got moved, removed and some times taken from everything they knew only to end up in situations of revelations, greatness and blessings. So no matter how much I miss the past (and TRUST I miss it like crazy right now) I’m looking forward to the future.

Talk to you soon,

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Reason #14,582 of why the evolution theory is a bunch of crap -Toya

Friday, July 7, 2006

Number one (on Billboard) with a bullet!!!! Let the praise begin!!!!- Toya

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Got Til It's Gone- Toya
Janet's "The Velvet Rope" is one of the 5 records in my lifetime that literally changed my life. I used to be such a Janet fan and thought she was sooo perfect. Then I got this record and realized that she struggled with the same things I did. Janet Jackson, the most beautiful woman PERIOD, was insecure. Why does that make us feel better about ourselves?

Last night I sat in my room and commenced to packing. Numbly packing. I didn't think about the whole moving,life changing situation. I just started to pack. It then occurred to me that I have been listening to way too many love songs. Now, I am all in favor of a tight slow jam but as of late my mind has started to wander and while it was wandering this thought came to mind:

"How did I get picked to be single this long?"

Now this is not a Whoa Is Me question just an honest question. Like some people marry younger and some people marry older than most but what is it about me that has made God say that it needs to just be me and Him for however long and exactly HOW LONG is however long?? And how did I get so umm, "lucky"?

So I went to and found this article about finding joy in "extended singleness". "Who on earth signed me up for this?" I thought. It's not that I am trying to be married anytime soon but it occurred to me that Lord willin' I will indeed be 32 this year. I have no clue as to where the time went. I looked in the mirror and saw this 24 year old staring back at me with afro puffs and baggy sweats. Suddenly I felt like I was in a time warp. Like everything was changing at a rapid pace and moving painfully slow all at the same time.

I went in my room and took out the 90's Slow Jams cassette tape I found way back in the closet from packing and popped in Fred Hammond's Purpose By Design with "Let Me Praise You Now". It occurred to me that I have had quite a gripe with God's sovereignty and I needed to get my mind right because that is one thing that is never going to change.

Regardless of what anyone thinks of the bible we can agree on one of two things: it is either true or it is not (I'm deep, aren't I). If it is true, then I have to believe that God will give me what it is that I need to endure any season. If what I need is peace, I will have that. If what I need is my life long best friend (I hate saying husband. It always makes women sound so needy to me. That is MY hangup though. I am not judging anyone) then He will give me that too. I just need to trust that with God as my provider, He will give me the endurance and strength to get through any season no matter how long it is.

While sitting on the floor I realized that I was so busy complaining and whining that even though I heard the 4th of July fireworks in the background, I never lifted the blinds up to see them. As I shimmied over to the window, I pulled the blinds and saw some pretty green and pink fireworks. Then just like that, they were gone. While I was in my state of "why this" and "why that", all of the fireworks just seemed like a bunch of noise and clatter. But when I opened up my own window to see what I had been missing all along I noticed that it was quite beautiful from where I was sitting. Just when I started to pay attention and enjoy them, they were gone. I will let that preach by itself.

Today I found out that one of my best friends is in the middle of a breakup that is so painful that I am still literally nauseous over it. Another one of my friends seems to be having the same argument with their boyfriend over and over and over again. It's kind of like you can either have these set of problems or those set of problems. Maybe I am just selfish but I would rather take these set of problems right now because they just involve me and not the well being of someone else. I only have to think of myself and not the future of any significant other. Goodness, I couldn't even have a goldfish right now! I am truly, truly thankful.

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

State of Independence- Toya
"State of Independence" is a song by my hero, Donna Summer. Donna Summer actually lives here and I see her often but have never had the guts to say anything to her. She has sat next to me, behind me, in front of me and I just can never work up the nerve. I kind of fear that I will have a Rex Manning moment. You know, like in Empire Records when he is signing autographs and that woman belts out "Say No More, Mon Amor"? I see her and I all I hear is Macarthur Park. I don't want to be that girl.

I am glad to be writing this morning as I have not been able to do anything for the past few days. Funny enough (funny now anyways) this exact time last year I spent three whole days in the bed sobbing over Guy A(it's in the archives). This year, I spent three whole days not sobbing but in a ball in my bed listening to sad songs, trying to numb myself from the world. This time not over Guy A but over the fact that I am completely unhappy with the limbo state of my life.

Now I know that seems like some high drama but it was never my intention to stay in my room for three days. It was my original intention to spend Saturday in my room working some things out in my head. Instead, I balled up and listened to Sade all night long. I couldn't write I couldn't pray. I really did not know exactly what was wrong with me. Melanie the Wise Pixie assured me that "sometimes you just need to wallow". And I really felt like it. So I did. Then Sunday came and I went to church and for the first time I got into Praise and Worship and could not manage to give praise or worship. "What in the world is wrong with me?" I thought. "This is my favorite time of service. Why can't I even open my mouth?" It then occurred to me that it is very difficult to pour praise and gratitude upon Someone that you are very mad at. I was mad at God.

I am happy that I am in a place in my walk with God that I have a hairline understanding of His grace and love for me (we could never even begin to grasp it all) that this reality did not send me hiding under the pew to keep from being smote into a puff of smoke. I realized that I had JUST realized that I had been mad at God since Friday. God of course already knew. I realized that while God's plans are "to prosper me and not to harm me" that does not always mean that His plans are not going to cause emotional pain and discomfort. I mean, why do I have to grow some more? I was doing just fine. Me and God were in such a great place and now I don't even want to talk to Him. And when I do it is always WHY THIS and HOW COME THAT? "Why do you want me to be alone right now?" "Why have I met three guys within the past year and half that all seemed like the perfect guy and none of them are the one?" "Why are you shaking things up in my life?" "Why can't I just be happy with a 9-5 job?" I hate the WHY ME game. Seldom do I play it because I know that there are billions of people that have it a lot worse. But Sunday, I didn't give a rip. It was my pity party and I could whine if I wanted to.

So Monday rolled around around and I managed to roll out of bed at 1 pm because I was starving. I made some breakfast and started to watch the BET Awards. And then it clicked:the world is going to hell in a handbasket and you can't get out of bed??? It's amazing to me the things and the people we will celebrate. For instance, 50 Cent. This man that glorifies violence and has some of the most hateful lyrics towards women has a doll and can be nominated for Best Rapper. And speaking of glorifying violence, why is it that it is senseless violence when young men die before their time like Proof, Busta's bodyguard, T.I.'s personal assistant, Biggie and Jam Master Jay die yet music glorifying violence is still being made and sold off as merely entertainment by the same people that mourn them? So it's cool to talk about running up on someone and blasting them in the head but it's a sin and a shame when that happened to Jam Master Jay? Yet, it's just music? It's just entertainment? And everyone wants to wear these RIP shirts in honor of the person that has been murdered but they dishonor them by continuing to make light of the senseless violence that has caused them to no longer exist.

My point is, no matter how unlucky I seem to be in love, no matter how my life seems to be in a constant state of limbo and uncertainty, I am still here. And yes, life is hard and it will continue to be this rollercoaster. However, I have a purpose on this earth and that is to help others and be a light in this world. I can't do it under the covers crying Whoa Is Me. So if I have to be a little uncomfortable in order for God to use me then so be it. It's lonely and it sucks but it's not for an eternity.

Later on I went to Eric and Betsy's house to get some moving boxes. They are the friends whose wedding I could not go to last year because I could not stop crying long enough to put on my makeup. I was about to pull out of their driveway when I stopped and said "Hey, I forgot to tell you. Happy Anniversary!" He leaned over into the window and said "Enjoy your day of independence" and winked at me. I know exactly what he was getting at.

So after another night alone, a Sex and the City Marathon (I know, I know, I said I would give it up but you know I love that Carrie), not clicking over for Tag when he called and hating that Tia was in Atlanta, I am up this morning to celebrate my Independence Day. I am going to start packing, head downtown for some coffee and window shopping and try not to kick and scream my way into the next stage of my life.