Saturday, December 30, 2006
So I am slightly youtube happy, as evidenced by the number of videos on the blog. But I can't help it. There seems to be no end to the junk you can find on there.
Now I initially saw the following video on TBS' funniest commercials of 2006 show. And since just about anything you see on television can eventually be found on youtube, I immediately went and found it.
People have been whining about the video being derogatory to black folks. First off, not all black rappers act like the guys in the video. Actually, I don't know any rappers who act like the New England gangstas. Second, it's not like they're any more ridiculous than some of the other stuff that I have seen on BET or MTV. I personally am not offended in the least. This mess is FUNNY. My favourite part is during the breakdown at the end: in cursive. It will make sense once you watch it.
But I would love to hear your thoughts. Do you think I should be offended? Are you? Please know, if you are offended this may not be the site for you. And know that I will continue to find this funny. Holla back
Friday, December 29, 2006
You know, if I based my faith in relationships solely on celebrity marriages I would think that no one can stay together.
I'm not going to lie to you, I was REALLY shocked to hear about Michael and Juanita Jordan. For one thing, they seemed genuinely happy even with the rumours of MJ's infidelity. (I heard some stuff about Ananda Lewis. But you didn't hear it from me.) And another thing, I heard that they had an IRON CLAD pre-nup. I mean like a, "you leave me and you leave with nothing but the clothes on your back" kind of pre-nup. But you never know. I'm sure it will all come out in the end. Some big messy divorce will subsequently be splashed all over the paper. Man, I guess SEVENTEEN years of marriage just doesn't mean what it used to.
Monday, December 25, 2006
I want to come home. Maybe it's the holiday or maybe it's because I've been able to be around my family for the last few days but I want to come home. My brother came to visit me last week and we had a GREAT time. I had to bow up on a fast little girl that was trying to be in his life but other than that it was good times....I actually cried when he left. After he left for my mom's I caught a plane to my dad's. And now, I don't want to get back on that plane to LA on Friday.
I know I haven't been in LA for that long but it just doesn't feel like home. I want to give it a chance. I really do. But thus far with my work schedule and my insanely long commute I haven't been able to. The few times that I have been out it still feels like I'm visiting. And I'm starting to wonder, if you weren't born and raised in Southern California will the city ever feel like home?
I've been in Atlanta for the past few days and like always I love it. I love the southern accents and the food and just the city in general. I love that I can get back from the airport in 25 minutes or less even though it's almost 30 miles away. LAX is about the same distance from my house in LA and it took me an hour and a half to get there last week. Damn 405. Even though the Olympics made Atlanta this huge booming metropolis, the city still some how managed to keep it's southern appeal. They call it the new south, whatever that is. Now don't get me wrong, Atlanta, like any other city on earth has it's problems. From what I understand it is the down low capital of the country. There is still covert and some not so covert racism in the city. A woman in the mall parking lot actually locked her doors when she saw me coming. I guess the the J.Crew pea coat and iPod led her to believe that I would car jack her for her JEEP LIBERTY...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And like many other big cities the housing market is slowly working it's way toward being unaffordable for the working class.
But even with all of it's problems I still love it here. West Egg Cafe makes the best red velvet cupcakes. Little 5 has some of the most amazing shopping. And the city as a whole has something that I'm sorely missing in LA: Southern Hospitality. I have heard excuse me, pardon me, please, thank you, sir and ma'am more times in the last four days than I've heard in the entire 2 months that I have been in LA. My dad lives here. And it would nice to be closer to him to help out with recovery from his stroke. My best friend lives near by. The traffic is actually manageable. I could actually afford to buy a house with a yard (instead of an apartment labeled as a "condo") in the next few years as opposed to the next few decades. Basically there are a million and one reasons to move back home.
Since about a week after I hit LA soil I have begun to ask why I'm there. I know I'm supposed to be there. Everything just fell into place for me to go there. But now that I'm there I want to know why. I can honestly say that it's been a learning experience and it's only been 2 1/2 months. I have come to a point where I can honestly say that I'm not desperate to get married. The only thing I'm desperate for is to know God better, love God more and love God's people the best I can. Yeah, I still want to get married if that's what God has for me. I would love to buy a house very soon. But most of all I want to do what I was put on this planet to do. Before it was all about me. But for the first time in my Christian life I can sincerely say that it's not about me. My life isn't really mine. And if it took God moving me 2000 miles away from my comfort zone to realize that then so be it. Jonah had to rot inside a fish belly for 3 days to realize that his will wasn't the ultimate one. Sometimes God has to do really drastic things to get our attention. I'm not saying that's what my California move was but I'm not saying it's not. It could very well be that I had to get in a place where I was willing to listen to God so that he could actually speak. But who knows...?
All I can say is, right now, I want to come home.
BTW, for those who don't know, I used to live in Atlanta. Even though I lived in Nashvegas for 6 years I still consider the ATL home.
If you say you don't feel some kind of way about James Brown you's a lie. If you like Usher, Michael Jackson or Justin Timberlake then you need to give James Brown his due. Today's artists are often just shameless rip offs of the great artists of the past. So when a legend like James Brown passes away it's like a part of R&B dies with him. Or in this case, R&B and funk and soul and hip-hop.
R.I.P James Brown 1933-2006
So I was in El Pollo Loco a couple of weeks ago getting a salad and this black girl had walked in ahead of me wearing what I have dubbed one of the standard LA outfits: Knit hat, cute top, jeans and those suede boots with the fur around the top that it never gets quite cold enough to justify wearing in LA. I didn't really think too much of it, save to wonder what is up with chicks and those boots. They just look really hot to me. Anyway, as we stood in line I realized that the girl looked really familiar. Or at least her profile did. (She was kind of standing at an angle.) I suddenly realized that it was Jill Marie Jones aka Toni Childs from Girlfriends. Of course I immediately whipped out my cell phone to text and IM Toya. I was too excited.
Toni Childs was my favourite character on Girlfriends. I would be as superficial as she was if it weren't for the grace of God. I seriously would not think of anyone but myself if I didn't have to. It's just something I struggle with. Anyway, you can imagine how bummed I was when I found out that Jill Marie Jones wouldn't be returning to Girlfriends this season. I read somewhere that Tracee Ellis Ross said, "It wasn't the Toni Childs Show". Although this was true, in my opinion the Toni storyline was the most compelling. While Joan's neurosis was cute from time to time, it began to wear thin after a while. And I liked those other two girls but I honestly can't remember anything in particular that they did. Oh wait, the one girl wrote that book Oh Hell Naw but that's about it. But frankly, without the Toni Childs character I really don't know how long the show can last. I personally haven't watched it this season.
Anyway, Jill Marie Jones is just as pretty in person as she is on the show. Even with no make-up and her hair all shoved up in her cap she's gorgeous. I normally pride myself in not being starstruck but I had to say something. So while she was getting her pico de gallo I asked if she was Jill Marie Jones. She said yes at which point I preceeded to gush and tell her how I thought she was a great actress and that I was really bummed when she left Girlfriends. She was very gracious and thanked me for being a fan.
I will say this, she's shorter in person than she looks on television. I read somewhere that she's 5'8". RIiiiiiiiight. If she's 5'8" then I'm 6 ft. She's a average height at best. And while I stood behind her I got to thinking, "the guy who played her husband must have been a medical midget. He was at least 4 good inches shorter than her." Yeah, I know I need help.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Okay right now the biggest desire I have is to own a house in Inman Park in Atlanta. (Yes, I know I just moved to LA. Gimme a break) But after I saw this I kicked into “I want to get married and have babies” mode.
If I see this little girl on the street, I think I may be inclined to walk up on her and hug her to death. I mean is it wrong to want a little brown skinned child with plats in her hair? I think not.
Monday, December 18, 2006
This is easily one of my favourite skits that SNL has done in a long time. For the most part I don't even watch SNL anymore. It kinda fell off a long time ago. But for some reason, every once in a great while, they seem to get it right.
This is the third version of the Barry Gibb Talk Show. It was on last Saturday. The rest can be found...where else....on You Tube.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
He finally has a Myspace page: www.myspace.com/mattmorrisdotnet.
Speaking of Myspace, I would like to mention a few things. One, I swear Tia and I are some day for real going to have a BGLU page. It has been pure chaos between her moving and my dramedy of a life but we really do want to do that. I mostly want to do it because I don't add readers to my personal page anymore. This is not just to start protecting myself but my friends as well whose names we use aliases.
Secondly, Myspace is your friend. Case in point I was a little curious about a minor crush I had and decided to look him up on Myspace. A person's Myspace page says a whole lot about him. His Myspace page let me know that he was also "curious" if you know what I mean. Again ladies, Myspace is your friend.
Later (hopefully not much later. I am bursting with stuff to talk about),
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Apparently I have some sort of viral infection. That would explain the 102 fever I had. I thought I was going to die yesterday. It took everything in me to just make it to the doctor's office and it's less than a mile away.
Anyway, I've been in bed for 2 days. I can't take it anymore. But I still feel like crap. I know I should be in bed. But there is just so much stuff on the web. So for your enjoyment and mine:
If this doesn't move you then we can't be friends.
Sunday, December 3, 2006
I have some how managed to catch a cold. I'm not really sure how it happened other than being stressed as all get out and being in denial about how cold it actually gets in the Valley. I'm currently sitting here in a cold medicine haze waiting for the sun to go down so that I can take the nighttime variant of my cold medicine and go to sleep. But since I got some time I figured I would splash some more of my life across the world wide web.
I have recently had this feeling that something big is about to happen in my life. It's not an ominous feeling. It's just one of those things when I feel like I'm on the cusp of some life changing moment. I've had the feeling for a few days now which is good. Because otherwise I think I may have just chalked it up the medicine fog I'm in right now. But it's been lingering. It's like when you're blowing a balloon and you can actually HEAR the plastic getting taut and you know that if you blow too much more the whole thing is going to explode. It's like that kind of anxious feeling you get right before the whole thing pops. There is nothing in my life that would lead me to believe that something huge and unknown is just around the corner. But there is this intangible knowledge that my life is going to change is some way.
The ironic thing is that I have no idea what's going or where my life is going right now and have pretty much felt this way since I got to LA. Everyday I toy with the idea of moving back east, specifically to Atlanta, buying a house and starting over. I know I've only been here 2 months but most days I just feel lost. I miss my friends. I miss relationships that took so long to build. I miss people saying y'all. But I know I'm supposed to be here. I just don't know for what or for how long.
So frankly I'm quite excited about whatever may be about to happen. Although I have no idea what it could possibly be or even when it, whatever it is, could happen. But I have to remember:
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise as some understand slowness
2 Peter 3:8,9
So I wait...patiently.
I had a chance to see a preview of The Holiday last night. It should come as no surprise that I wanted to go see it. Hot British guy talking for 2 hours and I want to see it...Shocker. Now I know what you're thinking. Jude Law is a known cad, philanderer and possibly a bit obsessive. I mean, how many times can you break up and make up with your ex-girlfriend? But Jude has been in my top 5 favourite Brit Boys for a long time. Besides, he said he was sorry, right???
Anyway, the movie was so cute. I really liked it. One part in particular that comes pretty early in the movie. Jude and Cameron Diaz are sitting on the couch having a moment and he kisses her. It's not the fact that he kisses her. It's the WAY he kisses her. (If you don't want to know, go ahead and ummm....read something else. ) I don't know how she stood it. I lost my mind just watching it.
He took her face in his hands, (something that I absolutely LOVE. It seriously turns me to jell-o when a man does that to me.) swept her hair back and as she was anticipating the kiss, lips pierced and everything, he gently kissed her eyelid and THEN laid a tremendous kiss on her. I literally wanted to SCREAM. I had to reach over and grab my roommate. It was one of those moments when you have to make physical contact with someone so that you can regain your composure lest you lose you whole mind. The whole thing was so unnecessary. And I frankly don't know how Cameron Diaz didn't run off the set screaming and flailing about. You know Justin ain't that good. And who knows, maybe she did and it will be in the bonus features on the DVD.
All that to say, I highly recommend the movie. It's cute. Jude Law is in it. And the message I took from it is break up with him in your mind. And if you have to, kick him out of your house and your life. (It will all make sense when you see the movie.)
Friday, December 1, 2006
Why do I have the biggest crush on T.I.? He really doesn't have a whole lot of positive things to say. He's a bit on the slight side. And I'm sure I've got at least 3 inches on him. But I love that little man. I run What You Know on the regular. He is so cute and diminuitive. He will be the crush until further notice.
So the west coast is definitely a culture shock. I've only been here two months so I'm still trying to get used to things. I keep waiting for it to feel like home. But for some unknown reason I find myself missing the right (as opposed to left) coast. Specifically Atlanta. Toya and I have decided to retire in Atlanta. But that's another story for another time.
Anyway, a lot of things are different here. Something in particular is the way people eat. I have met more vegetarians and vegans since I moved here. There's a guy in my office who eats NO sugar. I have no idea how he manages that. But he's lost a ton of weight since moving here. He said he and his partner just acclimated to the culture. I keep hearing that I will too. Ummm....I don't think so.
I am a southern girl. Born and bred. I come from a culture that puts meat in everything. Green beans, stuffing, cabbage...we put meat in EVERYTHING. But I've been told that that will change.
A few weeks ago I was out to dinner with my new roommate and some of her friends, one of whom is a faithful BGLU reader. I was told that after a while you just kind of get used to the lifestyle. One that is substantially less meat-filled. I smiled and nodded as I ordered stuffed sausage. The no sugar guy at work told me that he now only eats meat when he goes back home to Philly. But my favourite was when I was told that I would grow out of meat.
That's right. I was talking to this girl and she told me that I would grow out of meat. Apparently, how the theory goes, is the LA culture is one of more organic, less processed foods. Things that can be found growing in and on the earth. Meat is slightly frowned upon, as are carbs, refined processed sugar and anything with preservatives. Although, I find it interesting the liquor is darn near free flowing. You can buy X-rated (one of Toya and mine, Toya and I, me and Toya...whatever, one of our favourite liquors) at CVS. This well meaning girl went on to tell me that after a while I would grow out of meat. Hmmm....okay.
When I think of foods you grow out of, I think of breast milk, similac, canned baby food...Not so much one of the 4 basic food groups. I grew up in a culture where meat was a staple at all meals. We NEVER had foods like mac and cheese as the main course at my house. (My friends at school would tell me that they had mac and cheese for dinner and that never made since to me. Mac and cheese is a side dish. ) Meat was just a part of life. Hamburgers on the grill. Pork chops and gravy. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. There was always meat. I'm frankly quite amazed that my cholesterol is not only normal but on the low side.
So when the well meaning but some what delusional girl (delusional in that she thinks this southern girl is going to give up meat) was finished talking, I just smiled at her and said, "We'll see." Toya asked me why I didn't punch her in her face. Apparently, the growing out of meat statement was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard. And if given the opportunity Toya assures me that if she is ever in the company of this girl she's going to punch her. You wouldn't know it, but Toya has a great love and admiration of protein packed food group.
I'm off to the store. I'm barbecuing this weekend and I need charcoal. I've been dying for a hamburger of the grill. Grow out of it.....HAHAHA!!!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
So I got my eyebrows threaded over the weekend. HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!! Why didn't someone tell me that there would be that much pain involved?
The cute little girl bounded in as I was waiting to get waxed and she explained to me why threading was better than waxing. Long term sagging or something...whatever. The pain has wiped my memory clean. But she talked me into it. I figured if I could get 4 tattoos and my wisdom teeth pulled and well, dammit just be a girl with the monthlies then I figured threading would be no problem.
THE PAIN!!!!! The cute little girl told me that I needed to relax my face. I told her that I would relax my face when she stopped hurting me. Needless to say there was little relaxing. But the mean little girl was right. My brows look great. And apparently my lids won't sag to my chest when I'm old.
For my ladies that are considering threading I recommend it if you think you can handle the pain. And if you do decide to do it, know this: the next time a guy says something about women being the weaker sex you have every right to smack the hot holy hell out of him.
Coming up next: You'll grow out off it.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
if this song does not move you. Now I realize that some of you are at something of a disadvantage due to the time of your conception and birth. But if you were born any time in the mid to late 70s or even the very early 80s and this doesn't move you...well frankly I just can't get behind you.
I sent this video to a friend of mine in the UK and he pretty much lost his mind. Further cementing the fact that my husband, my soulmate, my roaddog for life is English.
Thursday, November 9, 2006
I miss Toya. I have yet to read any of the posts that she's written about me leaving. I just can't take it. We have been saying for years that we need to break up. But now that life has taken us in different directions I miss her. She's my homie. Easily my best friend. She knows what pictures are on my phone. She knows what color blue is my favourite. And she knows what I mean when I say that. No one can replace her. And quite frankly I don't want anyone too.
However, I miss the closeness. I realize that the next person I'm that close to needs to be the man that gives me the 2 carat platinum ring and understands and encourages my fascination for a home pole. (If you don't get that, it's too grown for you.)
Now don't get me wrong. My new roommate is great. But she's no Toya. She's a real grown-up. I STILL sometimes feel like I'm playing in my mom's high heels. She has a wine rack. And I've seen her run in heels. She gets box seats to Clippers and Kings games. But she also doesn't quite get me yet. I made a crack about Al Sharpton and she took it seriously. I had to explain because she really seemed to take offense. And well, it's far too early to piss off the new roommate. I have to at least wait a few months for that. :)
My biggest fear is that she's never going to quite get me. For the last few weeks she thought, "I didn't like stuff." Apparently I was giving off the vibe that I just I'm not a fan of new things or things in general. I must admit I have been something of a Debbie Downer but I attribute that to my homesickness. Which by the way, I conveyed to her.
I guess what it boils down to is Toya really got me. From my schizophrenic music taste to my macabre sense of humor to my near clinical obsession with the British, she got me. I had no doubt that God called us to walk convenantly. Not in a weird way, but in a "I know God has put us together, Jonathan and David without the dying" kind of way. Frankly, I can't imagine how that can happen again until I get married.
At the very least I hope I can get some grown up pointers from the new roommie. I mean besides Beyonce, I don't think I've ever seen anyone in real life run in heels.
I know that it's an end of an era. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. I'm sad and I have the right to be. So there...
I have been so homesick. I've been in LA for about a month now and just about every other day I wish I could go back to Nashville. It's not that I don't love some aspects of LA. The weather is fantastic. The food is helping contribute to my Team Chunk status. But it's just not what I'm used to. I miss my people. (By the way I can't find any of the emails that a couple of you sent me. If you live in LA and you offered to hang out please email again. And Levi, I haven't forgotten about you.)
The other day on my way to the middle of nowhere Oregon I realized that the reason I'm probably so homesick is because I have the exact same life I had in Nashville only now I don't have my people around. It took me 5-6 years to make the friends that I had in Nashville. And it seems like the older you get the harder it becomes to make friends. When you're in school you're in something of a forced social dynamic. You spend 2-3 days a week with the same people. You have no choice but to get to know them. I think that's why there's such a social disconnect for post-college people. You do life with people for 4 years and then, BOOM! it's gone. You're in the "real" world with real grown-ups and you gotta make new friends all over again. Only this time you've got responsibilities that get in the way.
Anyway, as much as I love the idea of LA I don't yet love LA. But I have no doubt that I'm supposed to be here. And if I'm supposed to be here then I gotta believe that somehow I'm gonna meet some new "people." Some new roaddogs. Some new friends. But for now I miss y'all. And "y'all" know who you are.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
I am officially captain of Team Chunk. I got my feelings hurt the last time I went to the doctor before I left Nashville.
As my sweet Christian doctor who I've been seeing for the last 5 years flipped through my files, he began to look at me and then look in my charts. And then back at me and back at the chart. He finally looks up at me and says, lovingly mind you but still nonetheless concerned, "Soooo, you've put on X-lbs since I saw you last. What's going on?" Now I could tell by his tone that he wasn't just prying but he was genuinely concerned. And NO I'm not going to tell you how many. Just know that it was double digits.
Now, how the back story goes is I let life with the constant traveling, and depression over my crappy ex, and sadness with everything in general get the better of me. I stopped going to the gym and Krispy Kreme became a favourite hangout. Now mind you I am nowhere near the weight that I was when I left college. But I most definitely have captain status on Team Chunk.
The motto of the moment is something that I heard on a radio station here in LA. Don't talk about it, BE about it. So that's what I'm doing. I'm trying to be about it. The measurements on my comp card are a currently a bold face lie. I couldn't go to any open calls if I wanted to. And well, I'll be damned if I moved across the country and away from everyone that I love to have the same life that I had back in Nashville. At least if I try I can't say, "I shoulda, I coulda, I woulda" on down the line. I have to try and I have to put myself in a position to succeed. I have grown up watching my mother sabotage her life. And I can't live like that. Even though I love me some hot now Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
That is all. I am officially handing in my Team Chunk membership. Thank you but no thank you.
Monday, November 6, 2006
Man Band Press Release
For half a decade Boy Bands ruled the airwaves, maintaining a strange hold on their bustling, female audience and just as quickly they faded from the spotlight. Now, all grown up, VH1 has decided to bring members of these teenage heartthrobs together in the new reality series "Man Band." Living together under one roof, five boy band legends includingBryan Abrams (Color Me Badd), Rich Cronin (LFO), Chris Kirkpatrick ('N Sync) and Jeff Timmons (98 Degrees) will be challenged to create new music, a dynamic stage show and then perform as a new pop group -- allof which begs the question "Can lightening strike twice?""Man Band" is executive produced by Troy Searer and John Foy for TijuanaEntertainment, Tony Harding and Kennedy for Kandokid Productions and JimAckerman for VH1. Christian McLaughlin is the supervising producer andMichael Hirschorn serves as Executive Producer for VH1.
Umm, er ruh... umm... *sigh*- Yeah, I have nothing to say right now except for the usual: (altogether now) Come King Jesus and part the sky.-Toya
Friday, October 27, 2006
This is a Beyonce's song off of B-Day. I still can't stand this record but Irreplaceable is one of my favorite songs of the year,hands down.
Depression sucks. It sucks, it sucks it sucks. It sucks on so many different levels because it cripples you. I used to really suffer from depression in my late teens, early twenties. Thank God, it's very rare that I have to deal with that anymore. However, with so much going on, I would have to be a robot to not have indulged in a bit of a pity party. And what's a party without cake and ice cream? and hot wings? and late night fried chicken, double bacon cheeseburgers, nachos and cheese? Let's just say that while I am sure my gym appreciates my "donation" every month, I need to get it together. Strangely enough, Lane Bryant just sent me an email and I don't ever remember being on their email list. Hmm...
This fall in an effort to boost my self esteem, I decided to upgrade my sexy. I have never really been good at finding the most fashionable clothes. I am a chick that will go to The Gap, find some shirts that fit right and buy 6 of them in one color. People compliment me on my style but little do they know I consult Renee, a stylist, on almost everything I wear and Tia has given me most of my shoes because outside of her I would only wear black shoes and sweat socks with almost everything.
I started unpacking my fall/winter clothes one weekend to find that fashionably, I was in a bit of a rut. I knew there was no way I could do this by myself so I started thinking about who I could go to give me a complete fashion upgrade. NOT Makeover, but Upgrade: to take my own personal style and step it up. I knew that there was only one person and one person only: Abby.
Abby is sexy. Abby is the kind of sexy you wish you were. She is tall, thick, has fiery red hair, perfectly puckered come hither lips and hips like BLADDOWW! She's not model thin which is partly why I picked her. At a size 14 , she exudes more confidence than anyone I know that is a size 4 and looks fabulous in everything she wears. The other reason I picked Abby is because, well, I am just flat out scared of her. She does not play. I needed someone that would say "you will shut up, you will try it on and you will like it." Because of this I enlisted her as my Fashion Sensai.
Abby and I had many conversations via IM before we ventured out one weekend to Opry Mills. "I want to bring out my inner India Arie/Carrie Bradshaw" I tried to explain to her. Basically, earthy, fashionable, not too expensive with an obnoxious amount of accessories. "Ooh and can you show me how to go thrifting?" I asked excitedly. "I don't thrift." she quickly let me know."I'm a snob like that". So off we were for new clothes at Opry Mills.
I HATE Opry Mills when I have to get something specific but like I said, I trust Abby. She values her time and I knew there would be no dilly dallying. "We will go here, we will go here and we will go here." she instructed. Pleased to know that I did not have to venture into Opry Mills without a plan, I followed her to my new clothing mecca, Forever 21(I think I heard the theme of Chariots of Fire play when we entered).
Now fortunately for me, someone decided to bring the 80's back. Since I have always been stuck in the 80's, I was much too eager to pick up a pair of leggings in every color imaginable but I let Abby lead the way. Before long I had lost her. She was on a mission and I was confused. "That's long sleeve" I said. "I know, I am going to teach you how to layer." We went into the dressing room and without argument I just started trying things on and to my amazement, I loved almost everything she picked out. Okay, without MUCH argument. "Abby, this is too big". "No it's not. Look". She wrapped a belt around my midsection and before I knew it I actually had a waist! Oh the wonder of it all! To my chubby waisted girls: an empire waist blouse will change your entire life. Try one this thanksgiving instead of trying to hide under your "eating pants".
We left with some great stuff and I now feel confident that I can pick out great clothes on my own. I have been getting great compliments every day since we went shopping. The upside is that this has really boosted my confidence. The downside is, I have become quite materialistic. I have started thinking things like"Oh I need to just get these color shoes and I need to get this type of bag and why don't a have a dress with this cut?" I am terrified to look at my bank statement. I have come to realize that while my makeover was a step in the right direction to feel better, to truly BE better is going to take some work that money can't buy.
Monday, October 23, 2006
I'm at the office and it's not as if I don't have work to do. I seriously do. I have 3 drafts of a new study that I know nothing about. But since fibromyalgia is not really holding my interest right now I figured I would post some of the intimate details of my life on the world wide web.
Before I get into it I've come to the realization that I can probably never run for congress. No one would have to dig very deep to find my secrets. I have posted them in chronological order for all the world to read at their leisure. Moving on...
I woke up this morning all kinds of sad. (Now you must pay attention because how I came to this sadness is about 4 fold and can only be described as classic female neurosis.) After my shower last night it was rather hot in my room so I opened my windows. One of the good things about living in the Valley is that no matter how hot it is during the day it's usually pretty cool at night and you don't need the A/C. So I opened my windows and went to bed. When I woke this morning it was rather chilly in my room. It was a nice fall kind of the chilly. The chill reminded me of the autumn. Autumn invariably reminds of being in love because the longest relationship I've ever had developed and was at its best in the fall. The person with whom I was in the relationship in the fall is also the person who I somehow managed to let annihilate my heart not once but twice. Thoughts of autumn invariably turn to him and to the fact that he is married and has moved on and for some unfathomable reason I am somehow still hurting. Not to mention ALONE. And that my dear readers is why I was sad this morning.
Now before you ask, I am not one of those people who likes to hold on to old hurts. No one in their right mind would want to be in pain. So I'm just astounded as to how I can still be this hurt this long after the fact. I really would do anything to not have this random hurt pop up at the most inopportune time. When you're getting up at 5:15 to catch the train the last thing you have time for is the crippling pain of a past heartache. It's inconvenient to say the least.
I have come to realize that there is no pat answer. How does one put a tangible solution on an intangible problem? My Christian friends are quick to tell me to let God heal me. I'm a type A visual person. I need to see a solution to see how it works. So to be honest I really don't know what it looks like (or rather what it means) to let give God an intangible problem and find an intangible solution. Maybe it's the scientific part of my brain doing too much thinking. And don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't believe God is big enough to fix my hurt. I just don't really even know how to begin to let him.
I always liked math. Math is logical. It either is or it isn't. There is no gray. Life and Christianity in particular are not that straight forward. While there is no middle ground in Christianity there is a logistical portion of it that in theory makes no sense. I mean, for crying out loud, it is a religion based solely on FAITH in a man who was GOD!! There is not a pie chart, spreadsheet or outline in the world that could explain it. So being the type of person that I am one could see how I could sometimes struggle with some of the more abstract concepts.
I would give anything to wake up one day and not remember the hurt. If the concept from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind were real I would be all over it. But it's not and I am left to grapple with the intangible. Left to figure out why random things, such as cold, spark memories so fresh that the tears can't help but come. I hold on to the clichés that say that which doesn't kill you will make you stronger and wonder if it would be possible to strangle the person who first said that. I pray and I wait for the healing to come. For the first uncloudy day to come when the pain hurts a little less. And ultimately for the pain to be gone all the way around. I don't quite get how it works. But if a little hope is all I need to take the first step then I'm there.
Afterwhile - Kirk Franklin ft Yolanda Adams
After a while, after a while
This too shall pass
After a while
Scars will heal, you’ll love again
It won’t hurt you after a while
It won’t hurt after a while
Stuck between if and when
You pray and tried
But still no end
God’s purpose soon you’ll understand
It won’t hurt you after a while
It won’t hurt you after a while
After a while, after a while
This too shall pass
After a while
Scars will heal, you’ll love again
It won’t hurt you after a while
It won’t hurt after a while
So when the pain has come to an end
And now your heart is whole again
Help someone who needs to know
That it won’t hurt them after a while
It won’t hurt them after a while
It wont hurt them after a while
Sunday, October 22, 2006
I have been in LA for exactly 2 weeks today. And and already I've learned so much.
I figure at some point I will go into greater detail about the trip out here and all of that jazz but for now a brief list of things since I've been here.
1. The 405 will make you want to hurt yourself or hurt others.
- There is always traffic on the 405 no matter the time of day. The other day it took me an hour and a half to go less than 15 miles. I seriously thought that I was going to die on the freeway. Now I know why some people call them parkways.
2. People here do not have the southern hospitality that I'm used to.
- I'm a southern girl. Always have been, always will be. And there is something about the congeniality of the south that I have, until the last 2 weeks, taken for granted. There is something about a friendly smile from a neighbor, an "excuse me" from someone who walks in your path or a "good morning" from a co-worker in the elevator. I'm seriously going to miss that.
I have spoken to my neighbor 3 times and he never speaks back. All I have to say is don't let any of his mail end up over here.
3. It does rain in southern California.
-...but it doesn't rain a lot. It rained a week ago last Thursday. It has been 85 and sunny ever since. I LOVE it.
4. There are no left turn arrows at any of the intersections.
- Okay this is not entirely true. I can think of 2 intersections where I have seen a left turn arrow. Other than that it's a race against time and oncoming traffic if you want to turn left. Without fail at least 3 people will run the light on the red. But I'm learning there is seriously no other way to do it.
My friend Rusty saw a really bad accident on Sunset. A man in a cargo truck ran the red trying to make a left hand turn and slammed into car that had the green. The car spun out of control and slammed (and from what Rusty said) and was wrapped around a telephone pole. Remarkably the driver of the car got out and walked away. Now see if there had been a left arrow this probably could have been avoided.
5. Roscoes Chicken and Waffles is seriously manna from heaven.
I gotta give a shout out and a great big thank you to my friend Linda for taking me to Roscoe's last week. I was all kinds of homesick and she made me feel okay about being here. It's good to have friends like that.
If you're ever in LA you must must must got to Roscoe's. Do not wrinkle your nose that the combination until you've had it. It is soooooo good.
I have a lot more but I have to go to bed. I have to get up at the crack of dawn to catch the train. I must find a new job if for no other reason but so I don't have to commute so far.
The reason why I have cut my face out of the shot of me and Common is not so much because I don't want my face on our blog. It is because I was cheesing SO bad, that my face looks like it swelled up 3 times its size! I mean, I could not stop smiling for two days. I think I may have even sprained a muscle in my face.
6 hours before the show, I get a text from Bets (good lookin' out Bets. I HATE that you couldn't join us) asking if I could come pick up an extra all access pass that she had. I happened to be stuck in traffic right in front of her building so I whizzed right over. Just like that I went from a balcony seat (who thought that tickets would've sold so well here in Nashville for a hip hop show)to right in front of the stage!
Unlike a lot of industry Nashville people, I am really not that cool. I love music too much to stand directly in front of the stage with my arms folded, barely nodding my head. So while the media people stood there shooting pics and some industry heads got their too cool for school head nods on, me and my girl(actually, I don't know what she was doing cause I was wiling out) bounced up and down back and forth and recited all of the words.
He opened with "Be" and he had a full band with a DJ so ill, I told him later that I would have to quit my job to be that good. "Testify" almost sent me into cardiac arrest and then he got to "Come Close". *Sigh* He requested that a girl come dance with him on stage and my girl tried to push me to the front and I refused. THANK GOD. They slow danced for a while to Prince's "Adore" and unless he would've have had a heart shaped diamond solitaire in his back pocket, there was no way I would've danced that way with him. Because soon after he picked this girl up, wrapped her legs around him and proceeded to bounce her up and down. I'm not hatin' on her, but I'm not that girl.
Truthfully, if there is any song that I would want Common to sing to me, it would be "The Light".
It's kinda fresh that you listen to more than hip hop and
I can catch you in the mix from beauty to thrift shops
That's my anthem! So when he got into my favorite Common song of all time, I stood there bouncing back and forth with my hands covering my mouth, eyes wide open, and cheeks hurting from all of the glee stored up in them. And then it happened: he walked over to my side of the stage, looked into my eyes, pointed to me and started singing. And I stood there like it didn't happen. I was in shock and denial until I looked at my girlfriend and she said "I hate you." Then I knew that my wish did indeed come true.
It was about 30 minutes after the show was over that we made the decision to go backstage and meet him. My apprehensions were due to what if he was a complete jerk? What if he was mean or thought we were back there for sex? What if he came out with 5 girls and was high out of his mind? Promising to keep my expectations as low as possible, we went backstage. Walking down the hallway, we were approached by a security guard asking us what we wanted. We decided to keep it real. "We just want a picture with Common. Is that alright?" "Oh yeah, follow me." We waited outside his room for a while and when he and those freckles finally came out I went into what I do best: ignore and deny.
No wonder that some of the guys I have dated have questioned my love for them because I have been known to completely shut my feelings off. So when Common walked up to me, standing face to face because he was polite enough to bend down (he is way taller than me) I did not grab his bald head and violate him in the most ungodly of ways. I mean I shut down COMPLETELY. "Thank yall for waitin' outside for me for so long." Those eyelashes fluttered and I knew right then that I would've waited 6 hours because hearing that voice was worth it. We talked about his movie and I asked him if he regretted at all leaving the Kanye tour early to do it. He said that it was totally worth it and to look for it in March. "Yall were the ones rockin' out in the front! Word. Thanks for that". We took our individual pics and then he picked up his bag, turned to me and gave me a big hug. I was in love for the rest of the night.
I would like to end this story by saying that Lonnie and I are now registered at Target and Ikea but unfortunately I cannot. What I can say is that he was so sweet, nicer than what I expected even before I opted to keep my expectations low and I am a fan forever.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
YES, I met Common and NO I did not go to jail. Pictures to follow. I am soooo in love and am going to sleep so so so good tonight. Okay, of course I am not in love but I am floating and I cannot stop smiling for anything. He was super sweet, even more beautiful in person and THOSE EYELASHES WON'T STOP. *sigh* Jesus if you so bless me I will SURELY give you the praise. Glory glory!!!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
COMMON IS COMING!!!!!! COMMON IS COMING!!!!!!!!
Common and his sexy freckled face is coming to Nashville on Friday with some guy named Ludacris. Just kidding. I actually like some Ludacris songs along with a few of his cameos but overall, whatever. Let me not get on that. The important thing is Common is coming and if not for an hour, all will be right for the world. I am pondering starting a Paypal account on this site just in case I need to raise some bail money. I am SOOOO excited!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 5, 2006
You can’t trust a person that does not love Stevie Wonder. This is the same kind of person who hates ice cream, the laughter of children and popcorn. Stay away from such an individual.
“Oh my God! I’m going to hell”.
This is an email I wrote to Tia from work after having one of the worst thoughts I have ever had in my entire life. For some reason, as of late I have been thinking about past boyfriends/relationships Actually, I was thinking about friendships in general and who I have been the most comfortable around. It wasn’t long until I got to Jason (not real name, We will call him Jason because he looks like Jason Kidd. Yes, that fine.)
Jason and I were sweethearts back when I was young and stupid enough to think that I wanted a guy who was “a challenge”. Ever heard a woman say a dumb thing like that? Men are challenges enough as is and so are women. To want an EXTRA challenge on top of that is ridiculous. Usually women that say this have low self esteem and think that if they can just get the guy that can’t get gotten then they are worth more as women. It’s usually the challenges that make a woman feel less of a woman.
Jason was so sprung on me and I ate it up selfishly. I didn’t know how to give back then. He wrote me poems, told me I was beautiful and I was his first kiss. And he was absolutely beautiful in every way imaginable! But I wanted the challenge. I wanted to be with they guy who I referred to back in my post “The Relationship that Jacked You Up”. The guy that I am ashamed to admit made some mistakes that my future husband may have to pay for in some way or another. So I left Jason for him and Jason told him why even though I asked him not to. And even though I wore Jason out and basically told him he was the scum of the earth, he cried and wrote me poems entitled “Why Doesn’t She Love Me?” hoping to win me back.
Years went by and I was still being strung along by that same guy . Eventually Jason and I caught up again and rekindled our friendship. He kindly but honestly told me that I had really messed him up and that he didn’t treat women too kindly after me. I felt so horrible. But God straightened him out and he had a girlfriend that was his best friend and she was the one. After I went on and on about the drama with the other guy, Jason said “Stop. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and you have so much to offer and well…if I …if I wasn‘t…” “You don’t have to say it” I interrupted. I knew that what was hard for him to say would be even harder for me to hear.
He married this girl shortly after I moved to Nashville and I have not heard from him since. So while I was sitting in my cubicle I was starting to wonder if he was still married. Soon wondering if he was still married turned into hoping that he wasn’t. When I came to, I just knew that I was going to hell on a scholarship. I called Tia shortly after I emailed her.
“I mean, I’m going to hell”.
“You called me to tell me that you are going to hell?”
“Did you get my email?”
“Yes I was working”
“Damn work, you haven’t had to work all day”.
“Ok, I was going to finish and call you to tell you that you are NOT going to hell. I mean, you are dead wrong for what you thought. I will not co-sign on that. However, we all have bad thoughts.”
She then went on to tell me about something that she recently thought about her ex that made me think that not only are we both going to hell but we are going to have a suite in hell. But then she assured me that sometimes things do just pop up in our heads that are just evil but it’s up to us to fight them and not entertain them. Entertaining these thoughts is what is sinful.
My mother told me that I would regret breaking up with Jason but I can actually say right now that I don’t. I regret breaking his heart and yeah, I wish that he would not have gotten married and that I could have him back right now. But I can’t regret the lesson that I learned because if I am ever fortunate enough to get a man half as wonderful as he is I know that I will know how to treat him with love and respect and will not take his kindness for weakness.
Like I said I have thought a lot about my past relationships , some of which have been my greatest friendships and I miss them terribly. And even though I feel lonely, by no means do I want to date anyone right now. I know that sounds odd but I am the type of woman that doesn’t want to depend on people for her happiness. I just want to get through this on my own. I’m used to being alone but not lonely so loneliness is a new challenge for me.
Like clockwork, while I was revisiting my past, I received a visit from a guy from my past and we started talking again. Bad boy, bad news. Tia often says “First time shame on you, second time shame on me.” I usually say “First time shame on you, second time, I’m a dumb ass”. I mean, he is straight out of the textbook under “Men Toya Attracts But Needs to Stay Away From”. I should’ve smelled him coming a mile away and even though I entertained bad thoughts for a while, do I really want things to get worse and have to come back and post another “See What Had Happened Was”? story. Uh, no. I shut the book on that one real quick.
I don’t know WHAT’s going to happen. I am in another limbo stage in my life and there is so much uncertainty. However, one thing I am glad about is that I have truly learned a lot of lessons from a lot of mistakes making me more prepared to walk into the next stage than I have ever been. Now if I could just stop looking back.
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
I have been kidding a lot lately referring to John Mayer as "My Pastor John Mayer" much like I refer to India Arie as my play cousin. If you have never heard Comfortable, do yourself a favor and at least read the lyrics. It is hands down one of the best written songs of all time.
I am sitting in Tia's and my old condo as she packs and is talking to her new roommate on the phone. I am on the floor, missing our old couch, listening to Kenny Loggins' Outside:from the Redwoods. This joker bought it today and I was going to buy it as part of her going away gift TOMORROW.
And that's one of the things I will miss the most. The fact that I am friends with the only other person in the world who loves Kenny Loggins as much and in the same way that I do. We met him together. We talked about "Love Will Follow" and he explained how he would like to do it in concert but "his white audience really struggles with it." That's hilarious! So many of our memories involve music.
That's one of the good and bad things about music and memories: if you have good memories with a person and then your relationship is shot to hell, you can ruin the most perfect song. After a really bad situation, it was almost impossible for me to listen to Boyz II Men for at least a year. A whole year without 50 Candles? Not fair.
I remember within the first weeks of getting to know one another Tia and I would go back and forth playing "You Don't Know Nothing About This Joint", trying to top the others' taste for obscure songs. I can't remember who pulled out Deon Estus' "Heaven Help Me" but it was pretty obvious right then that we were put together for a reason.
Should we be so concerned that we will never find (or be found by) The One in knowing good and well that God put us together the way He did? I think we forget that God knows us better than we know ourselves. God is good at giving us what we want and need even when we don't know exactly what it is that we want and need. All I wanted was a place to live. God gave me that, a best friend, a woman that I look up to with the utmost respect, a confidant that has seen me do the most ugliest of crying and a homie that knows that when a songs starts off saying "How, how can it be, that a love carved out of caring, fashioned by fate..." that it is about to be some good times (we went to see India Arie and Anthony David broke out into Level 42's "Something About You". We were the only ones screaming after the first line.)
I don't even want to get off of the floor. This is the most comfortable and relaxed I have been in weeks. You can always breathe easy around someone that you don't have to explain yourself to.
I am looking around the room thinking "There was a fire here. There was a fire right over there, I cried right there REALLY hard scared that I was going to lose my car, we had Felicity Marathons right on this floor under that blanket, and Tia and I used to have people over there on the deck at our house for BBQ and dominoes." I need the next 2 days to be over as soon as possible.
I really don't want to get off of the floor.
I really wish we would've done more stuff in this house but then again, we did a lot of stuff here. We have both grown soooo much. I mean, I do dishes now. LOL! Tia actually wears makeup and heels! These two things were unthinkable about 4-5 years ago.
What's around the corner better be just as good or better. It has to be.
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Monday, October 2, 2006
I have been listening to a lot of Sade lately, mostly because I have had to go on some long behind road trips. My ""Drive" playlist has consisted mostly of Sade, John Mayer, Seal and Stevie Wonder. By the time the Mayer portion rolls around to "Quiet", I am out like a light.
I love music. I love music more than ice cream, sushi, strawberries, television, three day weekends, boys in skully knit caps and ribbed turtleneck sweaters (hello Fall) and randomly finding money in an old pair of jeans. I can't imagine my life without it and besides sex (which is remained to be seen), I can't imagine loving any one thing more.
And along with my love for music is my appreciation for artistry and musicianship; that thing that is in an artist that makes them create with or without a record deal, in front of 50,000 people or 50 people. I love artists. I love people that express themselves musically and who in melody and prose say what other people find hard to say.
My love for music and those that create it is what has propelled my life long passion of helping others achieve success in infusing the world with great music. Unfortunately, as of late the bitter taste that is in my mouth due to the industry made me question if helping others get in the business is even an ethical idea let alone a good one.
Without getting into too much detail, I want to remind you of something: the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. A friend of mine pointed this out to me one day and added that this does not just apply to people but to dreams. So when I woke up this morning to find myself questioning my life long passion, I knew that something was afoot.
With Tia moving in just a few days, other friends deciding to move almost every week, and Tag and I barely speaking anymore, (side note: he admitted something to me a few weeks back that if I wrote about it would make you want to stand in an already long line of women who want to punch him in the face)and entering another year as the poster child for "extended singleness" I at least could say hey, at least I had my passion. At least I was on my way to doing what I have always wanted to do. But in the light of recent events, I can sincerely say that I absolutely detest the music industry. And I am not alone. As of late I have had this conversation with producers, executives and artists alike in almost every genre and we can pretty much agree on one thing: Christian, Secular, Hip Hop, Country, it doesn't matter. It is all corrupt, full of liars and connivers who could care less about making the industry better and are blind to how bad it actually really is(yeah I am only a little bitter and jaded). So why on earth would I want to be a part of this and furthermore why would I want to help someone else be a part of this?
Because like most things, things don't get better if I just complain about them. Because if I just sit around and complain and am not going to be a part of the solution , I am a part of the problem. Because if I hate the industry so much as to not be a part of it anymore, I might as well leave the world too because it is chock full of the same types of people. Because if I don't fight, I don't win and not only do I not win but I have let them win. And the last reason, I can't imagine doing anything else. A lot of people don't know what they are on this earth to do and I am blessed to know and to be able to do it.
If I let my passion go, that's it and that was the wake up call today. That's when I heard the thud of the rock bottom. However, I have been through this enough times to know that just when you think you are swinging on the final trapeze, another flies out of no where, then another and then another. If the past is any indication of the future, this is probably the turning point where it will all start to make sense.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-20
Hang On To Your Love,
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
This was black love at it's finest and most ghetto. Ghetto Black Love. But black love nonetheless. Apparently, 2006 is the year of the reality show couple break up. Dave and Carmen. Travis and ummm what's her name. Nick and Jessica. And NOW...BOBBY AND WHITNEY!!!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
damn, Damn, DAMN!!!!!!-Toya
I will say this: It will be an ice cold day in hell before I let some cameras into my home. I am STILL not over this mess here:
(Say what you want about me but Travis could holla. OH Travis could holla!)
There were two things that you used to be able to count on: 1)If they were looking for a serial murderer, chances were he wasn't black and 2)No matter who got divorced you knew that Bobby and Whitney were staying together. Both of these theories have been shot to hell. JESUS PART THE SKY!!!!
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Orlando Bloom and Zoe Saldana......ooohhhh
Click Here to put this trailer in your profile
I'm MOVING!!!!!!!! We (my new roommate Crista and I) got approved for an apartment in Sherman Oaks. It is the bomb.com, not .net, not .org, .COM. It has a huge living room, tiny kitchen, decent size living room and HUGE dual masters. There is a PF Changs and Cheesecake Factory in walking (well at least biking) distance and it's about a mile from a train station. Which is great because I have to ride the train out to Irvine everyday. It's sunny. It's....GREAT!!! I'm so excited. And so scared.....
Oh my gosh, I'm moving in 3 weeks. Holy Crap....Somebody hold me....
Behold....my theme song
I just did something tonight that I have never done before. I went to Tower a little bit before midnight with another music junkie friend just in time for the New Release Tuesday rush. It was a good Tuesday for music: "Your Boy", Lionel Richie, Citizen Cope and BGLU fave John Mayer all came out today. Even though my friend offered to buy me a copy of the new John Mayer, I declined because I wanted to hear it first. That sounds crazy being as though I bought the last one the day it came out but I don't know. I was a little fearful that John was on some "new stuff".
We got in the car and like little kids at Christmas, we ripped open the wrapping of every CD with John first. I started reading the lyrics and realize that the album while great is a little bit of a disappointment to me and this is of no fault of his. When Room for Squares came out it was my soundtrack for where I was then as with Heavier Things. I can't really relate to this new one at all. Kind of like where Mary left me after "Share My World". I know she just wanted to "be Mary" but she lost me after the third record. Again, not her fault. The songs I am really feeling from John's Continuum are "In Repair" and "Stop This Train".
As for "Your Boy's" record, it's pretty monotonous. Not nearly as diverse as Justified was. "Until the End of Time" is one of the best songs Prince NEVER wrote and as much as that annoys me, I have a difficult time hating any song that sounds like that. Not to mention, it's a little "Thicke-ish" in spots as well. On the bright side, Matt Morris co-wrote the last song (where IS that dude, good Lord!) and Rick Rubin produced it. Still don't know if he's getting my money yet. I may need to buy a previously loved copy.
In more music news/critique, I hate Beyonce's new record. I am so tired of "tracks". Someone play some daggone instruments! But what I am LOVING right now is the The Blue Album which is the new Diana Ross jazz album that came out. It's air, I am so serious.
Buy Corinne Bailey Rae's album. Period.
(Robin) Thicke's album has been pushed back to next month. Promises, promises...
And finally, I was sad to hear that Dick Scott passed away late last month. If you are of the BGLU elite, you know and understand why that is a "hurt piece" as we say up North. Keep Keepin' On...
Monday, September 11, 2006
Sorry about the font size earlier. I posted from a friend's computer and it was a little bootleg.
Our parents can remember where they were when Dr. King, John Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated. Our generation, while blessed to never have to have dealt with an assassination, we have had to deal with one of the greatest tragedies in our nation's history. And we remember...
I remember exactly where I was when I found out about the Trade Centers. I had 2 job interviews that day. I needed a job so I had to get moving. I heard on the radio that a plane had hit one of the towers but I didn't think much of it. I figured the pilots had made a tragic error but nothing more. I hadn't even bothered to turn on the television.
I went to my interview and found everyone sitting around watching a small black and white television. It was only then that I found out that it had not been one plane but possibly 4. I finished my first interview and went to my second. The information was still sketchy at that point and all I wanted to do was get home and find out what the hell was going on.
I spent the remainder of the day in front of the television. At points there were tears running down my face. I could not understand how someone would do this on purpose. I had to fight the hate that welled up in me. My heart ached for the victims, for the families of victims...for my country.
And now, half a decade later, the pain is still fresher than I would have thought. As I sit here watching memorial services and actual footage of that day, my heart still hearts. The tears still come. I still remember that day. It feels like it just happened. And it didn't even happen to me.
My prayers go out to the families of the victims. And I know that I will never forget. And I hope you won't either.
Friday, September 8, 2006
I know this is overkill but it's still a good video and it proves my point that JC is a great singer. WHYYYY....Didn't I know it.....WHYYYYYY.....Didn't I show it.
I am almost GIDDY watching this. I think I had one too many glasses of wine at dinner. But it was a business dinner and I was talking and running my mouth and the waitress kept filling my glass...no excuse...I know
okay for real I'm finished. It's just that I figured out how to post youtube videos to the site. We were having some issues before....
I don't know how I feel about this. This is one of my favourite Tears for Fears songs. So frankly I just don't know how I feel about the MMC doing this particular track.
I do know that I STILL love me some JC. Damn a Justin Timberlake. JC got voice. Granted Justin is a great entertainer and a decent singer. But JC got that voice. Say he don't....and I will send you a million videos of JC singing like his life depended on it. Justin is all nasal passage but JC sings like someone shot his dog in front of him. There is a pain and an anguish (and some talent?) that Justin in my opinion just doesn't have. Hate me if you want. You know I'm right.
Sunday, September 3, 2006
Swagger Jacker - Tia
So by now we have all at the very least seen the VMA 2006 performances. I didn't watch the show. I just went to MTV and watched the performances. From the little bit of the show that I did initially see I was uninterested in watching the re-play. The performance I was most interested in was Beyonce. I had heard more Janet Jackson comparisons than I knew what to do with and wanted to see it for myself.
Well apparently, Ms. Jackson if you're nasty is not the only one who got her steelo stolen. Some hard to ignore pictures have surfaced of Ms. HOV looking a lot like Ms. Spederline at the AMAs 3 years ago. Now these are probably just a coincidence. Poor planning by B's styling team aka Mama Knowles. But well...it's not looking good.
I frankly find the whole thing amusing. Especially considering Beyonce kinda got her swagger jacked last year by Mariah. It's just proves what I've been saying for a while now, ain't nothing new really coming out of hip-hop and R&B.
There are wars and rumors of wars. And as Toya put it, if this story is true, the lion has officially laid down with the lamb and Jesus is soon coming to crack the sky.
There are rumors flying about that Jessica Simpson and JOHN MAYER!!!!! are dating. Yes, each other. Now to me, that doesn't even sound logical. I don't have anything against Jessica Simpson but they just don't seem like they would be compatible. In Comfortable, the type of girl that John Mayer said that he wanted was the antithesis of Jessica Simpson. Gray sweatpants, no make-up, some one who could distinguish Miles from Coltrane. I bet if you asked Jessica Simpson who Miles Davis was she'd probably have no idea.
Anyway, all that to say, if this is indeed true John Mayer has officially lost my respect. I'm still gonna buy his album though. Don't get it twisted.
I thought I read somewhere that Mr. Biggs aka Ron Isley had been indicted on tax evasion. It was on some British site, NME.com. (Random aside: Why do the Brits have U.S. R&B on lock but Luther can die and it's a 5-second blip on CNN in the states? Just wondering.) I kinda figured that it was a typo or something because I hadn't heard word one about it over here.
Anyway, turns out NME.com was ahead of the curve. Mr. Biggs is going to the Big House. And for what...TAX EVASION!!! Ain't that some....That, in my humble opinion, is one of lamest thing to go to jail for. If you do a song with Snoop and JT, then you CERTAINLY have enough money to hire an accountant. And your wife is pregnant...bad move Mr. Biggs. Bad move.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
1. Your Boy (Note that Justin Timberlake will here on out be referred to as Your Boy because I am still pissed at how he threw janet Jackson under the bus),Cameron Diaz's young tenderoni, brought "SexyBack" for the show's opener. Let me tell the truth and shame the devil and say that I loved both songs he sang. He makes me so mad but I love his music so stinkin' much. "Dirty baaaaaaaaabe"....
2. Lou Reed is STILL alive?
3. KIM IS BACK!!!! I love Lil' Kim. Is it a surprise that she went to jail for perjury? She told yall what she was willing to do in Mary's "I Can Love You":
"Under pressure I'd lie for you/Die for you?/Cougar by the thigh for you/Right hand high for you"
4. How did James Blunt win????!!!!! He sounds like Jimmy Fallon on too much caffeine to me.
5. If Common doesn't win it is a DAMN shame. But then again so is MTV. See "My Humps" won for best Hip Hop video. Come King Jesus and part the sky.
6. Wonder what Janet Jackson is home doing tonight.
7. If Shakira's Hips Don't Lie, they should've told her that doing this song with Wyclef was a WACK idea.
8. They are now advertising MTV3. How much you wanna bet that they won't play any videos either?
9. Kelly Clarkson won for Best Female Video over Christina Aguileira??? Who is VOTING?
10. Lil' Jon-Two things I hate right now: any grown anus man that will name himself Lil' or Young anything and any song telling me what the hell to do: Lean with it, rock with hit, snap my fingers, drop it, touch it. I have some instructions for you:Leave. Me. Alone.
11. Pussycat Dolls came out for Ludacris and at first glance I was secretly hoping they were the Spice Girls. Not that I actually like the Spice Girls but it would've made the show just that more interesting. By the way, and I am not crazy, Pussycat Dolls actually have some good songs on their record.
12. Why did it say PANTS in huge letters behind Jessica Simpson when she presented the award for Best Dance Video? Were they trying to give her a clue? I know they say she is a ditz but does she need clues that obvious? I was hoping that she did indeed accidentally leave them in the dressing room.
13. What is Madonna (not) eating so I can (can't) it it too? She's 60 isn't she?
14. I LOVE LITTLE CHRIS BROWN! I LOVE LITTLE CHRIS BROWN! I LOVE LITTLE CHRIS BROWN!!!!!
15. OK GO has truly been the most impressive thing thus far. I can't even close my mouth i am in so much shock.
16. I am no longer into heroin chic. That is so 90's. I prefer more heroin rehab scruffy ie John Frusciante from Red Hot Chili Peppers (sigh) . Therefore the lead singer of All American Rejects scares me.
17. I love Nick Lachey and support him as he continues to "heal out loud" as my friend Pricilla says. Wait did Nicole Ritchie just say Elvis, The Supremes and Dannity Kane in the same sentence? MTV has a deal with the devil that is UNREAL.
18. Screamed myself hoarse when Pink won for "Stupid Girls".
19. Gasp! Britney and Kevin are coming and it's a commercial so allow me to say this:
Kevin Federline reminds me of that hot guy in school that STAYED in In-School Suspension in high school who you never wanted to admit to anyone let alone yourself that you really thought he was hot because he was so triflin'. If you are too embarrassed to admit this, you no longer have to. That is what BGLU is here for.
20. DAMN them for not announcing Beyonce'! I was doing my laundry! This girl is a monster. Ok the dance sequence? All that was missing was the 5-4-3-2-1 Rhythm Nation countdown. Someone had to shout Janet out.
21. Ok, I am mad at the Lean Wit It Rock Wit It Children's Choir. Who let their child be a part of that? Don't parents listen to lyrics anymore? I have a confession to make about my feelings for T.I. See #19.
22. Oh look it's Jordan Catalano.
23. All American Rejects are ALREADY drunk. Uh uh.
24. Aww, Jay-Z is sitting next to Nas. *Missing Biggie and Pac*
25. Oh my gosh I love Panic At the Disco and so does Tia! I wish they wouldn't have dropped the GD bomb in their song though. The lead singer's voice reminds me of Reese Roper's from Five Iron Frenzy.
26. Does anyone know what a London Bridge is yet and is anyone else mad that Fergie's first single does not have her singing on it?
27. *Dead* at Britney and Kevin. Even I don't have anything to comment on that.
28. OH YEAH HYPE WILLIAMS IS GETTING AN MTV AWARD!!!!! FINALLY!!!
29. Busta's on. Do they have a compilation of his videos on DVD yet? Busta's been killin' the award shows lately.
30. AAAAAHHHHHHH this tribute is awesome!!! Big ups for Missi diggin' up the old trash bag costume and rockin' the finger waves. That's love right there.
31. Umm, Hype is a cutie.
32. Stop making fun of Paris Hilton. To her face anyway.
33. Sang Christina, Sang! Oh Linda Perry is on piano. "And I say Heeeeeey yeeaaah yeaaah yeah yeeeeah" (That was for Tia).
34. Is Jack Black telling a bunch of private jokes cause none of his jokes have been funny to me.
35. Tenacious D are performing and they look like they swallowed Simon and Garfunkel. That was mean. It's getting late.
36. Al Gore just made a reference to Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack" thus making it uncool. I am sure Justin is like "Damn, now I gotta push my album back and come out with another single".
37. Is that Axl at the awards again??? Who is braidin' Axl's hair? For real.
38. Is Jack White singin "Internet killed the video star"?
39. WOW! Security at MTV is sooooo tight evidently. How did the BB King is the King of the Blues guy get on stage at yet another award show?
40. Does anyone else agree that this was the worst VMA's in years? Let's discuss.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
(Sorry if I come off preachy on this one. It's just this is something that's been bothering me for a while.)
I had a really disturbing conversation with my mother the other day. I think the reason that I was so bothered by it was because her statements reflect the mindset of a lot of people.
As y'all probably know by now I'm planning on moving to the west coast in the fall. (My job is trying to put the breaks on it but it's working out, so no worries.) Anyway, a couple of my dad's old friends from back in the day came by to appraise the house. They're both realtors and agreed to split the commission and cut my dad a break in light of his current condition. Plus they're road dawgs from way back. Omegas (not Q's) and such. After the realtors left my mother called and we talked about the normal stuff before getting around to what my day entailed. I told her that I didn't think I was going to do anything because I was a little tired and I'd just led a guided tour of the house for the realtors. She seemed stunned. She asked, "Your dad is really going to sell the place?"
Tia: Yeah, with his health it's just more stress than it's worth."
Mom: But that's always been your home.
(For those of you who don't know, my mom, my brother and I used to be homeless. And the one stable thing in all of that was my maternal grandparents house and my father's house. When my grandparents died my aunt sold their house so the only place that I've always known I could go to, the place that's always been the same is my dad's house, the place I currently rent.)
T:Yeah. But it's just the best thing for him right now.
M: Well, what will you do if things don't work out in LA?
T: What do you mean?
M: Where will you go if he sells the house? You won't have any where to go if things don't work out in LA. What will you do?
T: I have a job, 2 savings accounts and a 401(k)
And that's when it dawned on me. Because of the poor choices my mother made that left us homeless and later on left her living below the poverty line, she really had no concept of back plans. Or more accurately, back-up funds. In her mind, if my plans don't work out in LA it's game over. There's no other plan, no other place to go, nothing else to do. It's Abject Failure Blvd on Start from Scratch Road. And frankly, it really bothered me.
I'm a hustler. Not the Jay-Z kind of hustla but the kind that never stops. Sometimes it is to my own detriment. I don't like to ask for help even when I know that I should. And then I turn around and bit*h and moan because I don't have anyone to help me. (I know…I know….I'm working on it.) But I think from my dad's work ethic and the struggles I've had with my mom, I resigned myself long ago that I would never go back to having to depend on someone because I didn't work hard and do my own personal best. It's one thing to get laid off. But it's a completely different thing to not have any money because you didn't like your job so you decide to quit and wait for God to "bless you" with another job. So I'm a hustler. I've never been without a job. I worked 2 jobs sometimes just to pay for stuff. The summer after my freshman year I worked two jobs. I worked for 5 hours at McDonald's and then worked 8 hours at Krispy Kreme five days a week. And I walked to work because I didn't have a car. And it was uphill both ways. In the snow. Barefoot. Okay, everything from uphill on was a lie. But the point I'm trying to make isn't that I'm a workaholic, it's that I'm willing to work and plan and SAVE. But I'm starting to realize that a lot of "our people" are not so forward thinking. And it's frightening.
I recently read somewhere that something like 30% of black folks (African Americans for y'all PCers) feel that playing the lottery is a better way to plan for retirement than actually saving and planning for those golden years. I don't know how accurate that is but I know quite a few of my relatives that fall into that category. But most people have a better chance of getting struck by lightening while flying in a airplane than they do of winning the lottery.
Part of me wants to take out an ad in every major publication, billboards in all the major cities, and commercials on BET and the soon to be defunct UPN and shout, "STOP BUYING LOTTO TICKETS, $200 TENNIS SHOES, SEAN JOHN AND THE REST AND SAVE YOUR MONEY!!!!!" We have allowed ourselves to be suckered, bamboozled, led astray, run amuck, led asunder by media and our fellow man. We have to have the most up-to-date Dooney and Burke purse right now. Damn the cost. We have to have a fresh pair of Ones to match every outfit. And that parking space outside of out 450 sq. ft apartment just wouldn't look right without a $20,000 car parked in it. And all the while your bank account is so far in the red the Chexsystem has a picture of you hanging in their foyer as public enemy number 1. There just seems to be a mentality of poverty that is running rampant in our society and it has got to stop.
Now I know some of y'all will probably blast me by saying that a lot of people don't make enough to save. I'm not talking about those people. That's a completely different story for another time. (For all of the money that we've wasted on restoring democracy in Iraq, why can't we help some of our own country's working poor?) I'm talking about the people that make a decent enough living to pay bills and in theory could save if they would stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. I once heard Nelly say that he saves 1/3 of his money, invests 1/3 of his money and spends 1/3 of his money. I was glad to hear it. Although I've been down with Nelly since the days of the St. Lunatics I know he is not a phenomenal enough of a rapper to have any real staying power. And apparently he knows it too. It's good to see a brotha planning ahead.
I guess what I'm saying is we have to do better. Back in the day our grandparents didn't trust banks so they saved their money in mattresses. But we don't even do that any more. And the reality of our situations don't fully hit us until something bad happens. If your car broke down right now, would you have the money to fix it? If you had to fly to see a dying relative would you be able to afford the ticket? The answer for most of us is no. And I hate that. We have to start planning ahead. We have to start thinking long term. We have to start saving for worst case scenarios. I'm no doomsday prophet wishing ill on you the reader. I am, however, something of a realist. And I know that life happens. And you don't want to be caught out there when it does. People, stop spending. Do you really need those Jimmy Choo's right now? Drive that car a little bit longer. So what if it doesn’t have a navigational system. You ain't going nowhere but work and church anyway. And the lotto only works for people in remote areas of West Virginia and the Dakotas. You're probably not going to win that $57 million. Do better. Think about tomorrow, rather than this instance. I'm not saying deprive yourself. I'm sitting right now listening to my very expensive iPod. But I don't have it at the expense of paying my electric bill or my Amex payment. Plan first, play second. Because broke is not hot.