Thursday, October 27, 2005

not funny tia
hell to the naw

I have been known to laugh at things that are not funny. Things that are supposed to be sad, tragic, scary. Not in real life mind you. But on television, the radio and the web. For instance, last week I saw a commercial for Saw 2. Toya was sitting on the couch doing something and I was sprawled on the floor across the throw pillows wasting brain cells. In the commercial a guy gets shot. I laughed. Toya looked at me and said, "Something is wrong with you." But what she didn't see was that right before the guy got shot a girl told him not to do what it was that got him shot. Nobody wants to listen to the crazy girl until it's too late.

Anyway, I have a tendency to laugh at things that others may not find amusing. But THIS...THIS MESS IS FUNNY. It is freakin' hilarious to me. If you don't not come from any sort of religious background the site is lost on you. But if you have ever, ever, ever gone to church particularly a COGIC church, you'll appreciate the humour. Although I do wonder if this (and laughing at it) falls under the category of mocking the Holy Spirit. In which case it ceases to be funny. Be sure to check out the "shop" for descriptions.

Big ups to Lightchild from making this available to the people.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I am so, SO angry.-Toya

We here at BGLU are some serious Thicke fans so we are sad to say that there is no more Thicke. What we have here now is Robin Thicke AKA Thicke abducted by The Neptunes (I swear they are aliens).

Pharrell Williams is the guy that I hate to love. I love him cause he is a cute brotha that can skate board. I hate that I love him because he can't sing and yet insists on "P. Diddying" himself in people's videos.

The new video for the shamefully catchy but otherwise lame song "Wanna Love You Girl" can be found on the site. Maybe I am just mad because Thicke's label/management/the powers that be/ the devil that he sold his soul to did not do him and the classic "A Beautiful World" justice(only a few people are privy to that masterpiece) and he feels that he has to resort to this foolishness which just seems so uninspiring. Or maybe I am still mad that he cut all his hair off. Let's go with both. I just feel that this whole new image is going to have people asking when Justin Timberlake is going to come out with another album.


Thank you Mrs. Rosa

Friday, October 14, 2005

I can't do nothing for you man
Don't believe the hype - tia

Does anyone else feel that there are times when there is something inherently unfair about being a girl?

The revelation hit me today as I had a conversation with a co-worker about the lies we are told by EVERYONE about body image. Now mind you, this girl is GORGEOUS. I mean stunning. She has the whole package: long pretty hair (that she didn’t buy) beautiful smile, great skin (she is 32 but she looks about 25 maybe…I thought she was fresh out of TSU to tell you the truth.) And yet, she is insecure not about the way that she looks but about how much she weighs. She is a thick chick. But she rocks it like it’s her job. Big Ups for that. She stood in my cube (Lord I hate cube-dwelling) and talked to me for 20 minutes about how she gets grief from everyone about her weight. Her mom, her friends and, most disturbingly to me, brothas have all told here at one time or another that she has such a pretty face. If she would just lose that weight….

Now, I think she is Not .net, not .org, not .edu. .COM. But she, like so many of us, has been lied to by the media, by other women, by people close to her and by just about everyone else. And what pains me is that she has bought into the lie. (insert heavy sigh here)

I guess is just seems unfair to me that women have to go through so much drama just to be accepted. And please do not sit there and act self righteous like you’ve never bought into the hype. If you wear make-up, shave/wax your legs/eyebrows/upper lip/armpits (or as my friend’ s nephew calls them “armpips”), go to the gym but not because you want to be healthy but because you want to look like Beyonce/Jennifer Lopez then on some level you have believe the hype. The hype that says that if you have too much body hair, are too heavy/skinny, too intimidating (which I’ve learned a lot of times means too smart for the boys) then you can rest assured that you will be alone forever, no one will ever like you and you will never accomplish anything.

I hate it.

And I’m not innocent. I’m guilty of believing the nonsense. I just paid a girl what could be construed as an exorbitant amount of money to make me a semi-hairless wonder. She pulled more hair off my body than I thought imaginable. But I am now an arched eyebrow, baby smooth upper lip, velvety armpip phenomenon. I have had more compliments on my face in the last 1 ½ days than I’ve gotten in a long time. But I guess my frustration comes because people now seem more inclined to talk to me because of how I look, rather than because of what I am about. Why? Because that’s how we’re programmed. Most of us wouldn’t give a da*n about Bobby Brown if he was just some old okey-doke brotha on the street. But he’s famous (and crazy) so we care. And nobody could see Camyrn Manheim when she was acting her butt off on The Practice. But then she lost a few pounds in her waist for ya, and now she’s great, we love her. Ooooh…aaaaahh. We want to know all about the pretty people (If I see one more ad for Britney and Kevin, I might go postal. NO ONE CARES about them or that kid.) But we don’t take the time to know the average joe. And we’re told that if we’re not stupendous in every way, then we’re not worth the time or energy.
In the immortal words of R. Kelly on I Wish, “Somebody pray for me.”

I leave you with this. Xtina may have had her flaws but she sings one of my favourite songs of all time. Beautiful.

You are beautiful
No matter what they say…

You are beautiful
In every single way…

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him for he is your lord
Psalm 45:11

Don’t Believe The Hype

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

We're running....

You can always tell when I’ve been on the road a lot. I write nothing. My sole goal on the road is to get where I’m going, do what I need to do and get home. I have spent more time in random locations in the past 2 months that I don’t know when I’m coming and when I’m going. It’s really starting to suck. The next vacation I have is Thanksgiving and as much as I want to go see my mom and brother I am not looking forward to getting on another plane and sleeping in another strange bed. My old roommate says it’s preparing me for the days when I will be a supermodel (which I took yet another step closer toward in the last 2 weeks) and I have to fly to Milan or something on super short notice. Right now all I want to do is sleep in my own bed for a few consecutive days.

Anyway, I wasn’t planning on whining, but that’s just how it worked out. Now, on with the story.

My mom used to say when it comes to guys it’s either feast or famine. I guess there’s some truth to that. It always seemed like when I was dating someone every guy in the free world wanted to holla. But when I was single I couldn’t buy a date. As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. 90% of the time it’s famine. I’m talking crickets and tumbleweeds famine. I mean Elijah said that it wasn’t going to rain and then it didn’t rain (read: no guys) for 5 (I know it was 3 years in the Bible but I’m trying to make a point.) years drought type of thing. Sometimes wondering if God had shut the eyes of all y-chromosome individuals around me…But then there’s the other 10% of the time where some random guy will try to holla.

However, upon further inspection the remaining 10% are don’tchaknow no good. Now I LOVE me some bad boys. There was this one guy who had just gotten saved not too long before I met him. He’d just gotten out of the pen for slangin’ and he LOVED him some Jesus. So let me get this straight: you just spent the last 18 months of your life getting diesel in the pen, came out found Christ AND now not only do you believe in the gifts of the spirit but you can count in KILOS?!?!?! I’m sorry…WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

It is in those times that I look heavenward and ask God, “For real though???? I KNOW that you said that we would never be tempted beyond what we can bear, but…do you see what you made?”

I cannot lie to you. AS of late, the readyfuels have been on full blast for some reason. Recently, taking my thoughts captive has taken on a whole new meaning. There have been a couple of FOIN creatures of the Most High that have wanted to hook up, holla, or what have you. They got me running headlong to God, screaming, “SAVE ME!!!!!” I have some good long talks with God in the last few weeks. I mean, because these fellas ain’t playing.

They are bold. (“Is your mama fine too?” asked by one of best guy friend’s best friends from college.) They are relentless. (“I just really want to be around you” uttered by one of my intoxicated guy friends who REALLY needs to start living right.) And they are FINE.

(Yes, this is a real picture of a real guy who is trying to be all about me. It’s not gonna work for me though. We disagree on some HUGE issues. I’ve been there and done that with the last guy who officially held the title of “boyfriend.” I already know how that story ends.)

There have been days when I just want to sit on the ground and cry like I’m 4 years old because I’m so frustrated. Frustrated because I’m single. Frustrated because all of these fine creatures of the Lord want to holla but don’t want nothing to do with living right. Frustrated because I’m frustrated. But as those times of frustration subside, after I have said what I feel, and often times, listened to some really angry 2Pac that I begin to calm down and I’m able to hear the voice of God. I know that he loves me without cause. He loves me so much that he wants only the best for me. He loves me enough to protect me. From myself and from the fine-a** knuckleheads. I rest in the knowledge that he calls me beloved. And I wait.

In the waiting I look to those who have waited. I think of my friend Hope, who just got married to the love of her life. I remember the tears they both cried as they stood before God and everybody else and said FOREVER.

I think of Lynette Lewis. One of the godliest women I know. Who, in her 40s, held out on promiscuity, for the promise of something greater. She is now married to a wonderful man, who has 4 kids. She got an insta-family without the stretch marks.

I think of Mickey and her trashing talking husband, KC. He thinks she hung the moon and would whoop an a** if you said anything different.

I’d be a lie if I told you that I never thought of death…my ni**a we the last ones left…Oh wait…that’s 2Pac’s Life Goes On. Maybe I should slow down on Pac for while. What I was going to say is I’d be a lie if I said that it was easy. Battling the readyfuels and the affections of the knuckleheads is a daunting task. There have been times where I’ve wanted to give up and quit. But I can’t. I won’t. I have to believe that I will be rewarded for not taking the easy route. Not making out with the oh-so-hot guy has to pay off in the long run.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Moment In Time- Toya
Moment in Time is a song by Whitney "hell to the no" Houston. I told yall she was ghetto. No one wanted to believe me when I said that she and Bobby Brown made more sense together than everyone realized.

To everyone that has emailed, stopped me at church or elsewhere and has asked me to update our blog, I am sooooo sorry. It has just been a really busy couple of weeks physically and emotionally. I was just about to go to bed and was checking my email on my phone and it was another email (thanks Carmen for getting me out of bed :) ) asking if we were ok and when were we going to update. That was enough motivation to get up even though I am exhausted.

Tonight was the night of our showcase. Renee, one of my best friends who I DJ for, had a label showcase. If you don't know, a label showcase is when a record label is interested in signing you and they have you put on a show so the execs of the company can come see you. Afterwards, they either make it official or non-official. We have done one of these before and they liked us but the label that we performed for just didn't know what to do with Renee and her music. However, I feel like this go round is different. The person that owns this label is a woman and when I spoke with her, it seems as if we have the same heart for the same types of things regarding who we want to reach with what we do.

It was a BLAST! I had so much fun on stage tonight. I was speaking with another one of my girlfriends who is the same age as me and she plays in a rock band. I asked her "How did I get here?" knowing that she would know exactly what I meant by that. MY plans are always interrupted by what God asked me to do last. Just a few weeks back I was thinking about how we hadn't done a show in a while and where were we going with all of this. Tag and I were sitting on the couch and he looked at my tables and said "Those things are STILL packed up." "So? So what"" I said acting like it didn't bother me that on top of my turntables was Diet Coke and our Friends board game. It reminded me of how my mom's treadmill back home is now another place to hang laundry that needs to be ironed. The next day I walked past them and said to myself "Either sell them or get on them". So I started fooling around with them again. Two days later I got a call saying that we had a showcase. Hmm...

I really don't know what to make of what is happening in my life right now. My future seems more uncertain than usual. I will say that God has made some miracles happen within me these past few weeks. I went away to a friend's house one weekend WAAAAAYYY out in the country and fasted the entire day and got in my bible. I remember thinking at first that I desired this whole amazing God experience. Like, I would feel the presence of the Lord, maybe even see Jesus...ya know that stuff that you always hear happens to people and you either question their sanity or wonder why you aren't "saved" enough for that to happen to you? Anyway, once I got there, I realized that I didn't want that. I have seen some miraculous things in my life and just like the Israelites after they freaking saw the sea PARTED acted as if nothing had ever happened and longed for the old days of slavery. I wanted something that would stick. So I got in the word using a devotional that my friend Julie was through with and was about to throw out while I helped her move and just spent some quality alone time.

There's some good stuff in the bible. I realize that is the understatement of the year but am I the only one that sometimes thinks that they know every verse possible? Like when you are going through something and you can only come up with Philippians 4:13 and you are tired of that one so it's like it doesn't count for anything? I know that sounds harsh but come on. Well, I was reading Psalms and found this...

Psalms 5:6 "Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance."

This knocked me out. Basically what it said to me was I have enough of what I am meant to have and what I need to contain it. It is secure. The boundaries that God has placed for what I can and cannot have are to be pleasant for me. Not unpleasant. We need to live life and not look at every one else's cup ie "Why is she married before me?" "Why doesn't so and so have to struggle with what I am struggling with ?" "Why am I not at this place in my career at this age and so and so is and they are just a baby?"

When I read this I thought about how important it is to be happy where you are. It reminded me of my favorite U2 lyric from Beautiful Day "what you don't have, you don't need it now." I am soooo glad that I am not in a relationship right now and even more glad that I am not married right now. This is such a sweet moment in my life and I don't want to miss it longing for something that I really have no control over. Also, I just plain out don't care about that right now. I really want it to be just me and God for a good while and allow Him to get my heart back into the shape it's supposed to be in.

So tonight before the show I went throughout the room saying hello to everyone and realized that I had shared some sort of experience with just about everyone in the room. In some way or another, God has enabled me to either encourage and love on them or vice versa and I just got so overwhelmed that I almost burst into tears. It just showed me how God has strategically ordered my steps and the fact that I was surrounded by a group of people that really care about me was unbelievable. More so, if I only could count 2 of those people in the room as my friends, I would still be greatly blessed. As uncertain as this may seem right now, this is a great moment in time and I don't want to miss it by trying to skip to the end of the book. Staying right here is golden.