Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Moment In Time- Toya
Moment in Time is a song by Whitney "hell to the no" Houston. I told yall she was ghetto. No one wanted to believe me when I said that she and Bobby Brown made more sense together than everyone realized.

To everyone that has emailed, stopped me at church or elsewhere and has asked me to update our blog, I am sooooo sorry. It has just been a really busy couple of weeks physically and emotionally. I was just about to go to bed and was checking my email on my phone and it was another email (thanks Carmen for getting me out of bed :) ) asking if we were ok and when were we going to update. That was enough motivation to get up even though I am exhausted.

Tonight was the night of our showcase. Renee, one of my best friends who I DJ for, had a label showcase. If you don't know, a label showcase is when a record label is interested in signing you and they have you put on a show so the execs of the company can come see you. Afterwards, they either make it official or non-official. We have done one of these before and they liked us but the label that we performed for just didn't know what to do with Renee and her music. However, I feel like this go round is different. The person that owns this label is a woman and when I spoke with her, it seems as if we have the same heart for the same types of things regarding who we want to reach with what we do.

It was a BLAST! I had so much fun on stage tonight. I was speaking with another one of my girlfriends who is the same age as me and she plays in a rock band. I asked her "How did I get here?" knowing that she would know exactly what I meant by that. MY plans are always interrupted by what God asked me to do last. Just a few weeks back I was thinking about how we hadn't done a show in a while and where were we going with all of this. Tag and I were sitting on the couch and he looked at my tables and said "Those things are STILL packed up." "So? So what"" I said acting like it didn't bother me that on top of my turntables was Diet Coke and our Friends board game. It reminded me of how my mom's treadmill back home is now another place to hang laundry that needs to be ironed. The next day I walked past them and said to myself "Either sell them or get on them". So I started fooling around with them again. Two days later I got a call saying that we had a showcase. Hmm...

I really don't know what to make of what is happening in my life right now. My future seems more uncertain than usual. I will say that God has made some miracles happen within me these past few weeks. I went away to a friend's house one weekend WAAAAAYYY out in the country and fasted the entire day and got in my bible. I remember thinking at first that I desired this whole amazing God experience. Like, I would feel the presence of the Lord, maybe even see Jesus...ya know that stuff that you always hear happens to people and you either question their sanity or wonder why you aren't "saved" enough for that to happen to you? Anyway, once I got there, I realized that I didn't want that. I have seen some miraculous things in my life and just like the Israelites after they freaking saw the sea PARTED acted as if nothing had ever happened and longed for the old days of slavery. I wanted something that would stick. So I got in the word using a devotional that my friend Julie was through with and was about to throw out while I helped her move and just spent some quality alone time.

There's some good stuff in the bible. I realize that is the understatement of the year but am I the only one that sometimes thinks that they know every verse possible? Like when you are going through something and you can only come up with Philippians 4:13 and you are tired of that one so it's like it doesn't count for anything? I know that sounds harsh but come on. Well, I was reading Psalms and found this...

Psalms 5:6 "Lord you have assigned me my portion and my cup. You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. Surely I have a delightful inheritance."

This knocked me out. Basically what it said to me was I have enough of what I am meant to have and what I need to contain it. It is secure. The boundaries that God has placed for what I can and cannot have are to be pleasant for me. Not unpleasant. We need to live life and not look at every one else's cup ie "Why is she married before me?" "Why doesn't so and so have to struggle with what I am struggling with ?" "Why am I not at this place in my career at this age and so and so is and they are just a baby?"

When I read this I thought about how important it is to be happy where you are. It reminded me of my favorite U2 lyric from Beautiful Day "what you don't have, you don't need it now." I am soooo glad that I am not in a relationship right now and even more glad that I am not married right now. This is such a sweet moment in my life and I don't want to miss it longing for something that I really have no control over. Also, I just plain out don't care about that right now. I really want it to be just me and God for a good while and allow Him to get my heart back into the shape it's supposed to be in.

So tonight before the show I went throughout the room saying hello to everyone and realized that I had shared some sort of experience with just about everyone in the room. In some way or another, God has enabled me to either encourage and love on them or vice versa and I just got so overwhelmed that I almost burst into tears. It just showed me how God has strategically ordered my steps and the fact that I was surrounded by a group of people that really care about me was unbelievable. More so, if I only could count 2 of those people in the room as my friends, I would still be greatly blessed. As uncertain as this may seem right now, this is a great moment in time and I don't want to miss it by trying to skip to the end of the book. Staying right here is golden.

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