Friday, October 14, 2005

I can't do nothing for you man
or
Don't believe the hype - tia

Does anyone else feel that there are times when there is something inherently unfair about being a girl?

The revelation hit me today as I had a conversation with a co-worker about the lies we are told by EVERYONE about body image. Now mind you, this girl is GORGEOUS. I mean stunning. She has the whole package: long pretty hair (that she didn’t buy) beautiful smile, great skin (she is 32 but she looks about 25 maybe…I thought she was fresh out of TSU to tell you the truth.) And yet, she is insecure not about the way that she looks but about how much she weighs. She is a thick chick. But she rocks it like it’s her job. Big Ups for that. She stood in my cube (Lord I hate cube-dwelling) and talked to me for 20 minutes about how she gets grief from everyone about her weight. Her mom, her friends and, most disturbingly to me, brothas have all told here at one time or another that she has such a pretty face. If she would just lose that weight….

Now, I think she is thebomb.com. Not .net, not .org, not .edu. .COM. But she, like so many of us, has been lied to by the media, by other women, by people close to her and by just about everyone else. And what pains me is that she has bought into the lie. (insert heavy sigh here)

I guess is just seems unfair to me that women have to go through so much drama just to be accepted. And please do not sit there and act self righteous like you’ve never bought into the hype. If you wear make-up, shave/wax your legs/eyebrows/upper lip/armpits (or as my friend’ s nephew calls them “armpips”), go to the gym but not because you want to be healthy but because you want to look like Beyonce/Jennifer Lopez then on some level you have believe the hype. The hype that says that if you have too much body hair, are too heavy/skinny, too intimidating (which I’ve learned a lot of times means too smart for the boys) then you can rest assured that you will be alone forever, no one will ever like you and you will never accomplish anything.

I hate it.

And I’m not innocent. I’m guilty of believing the nonsense. I just paid a girl what could be construed as an exorbitant amount of money to make me a semi-hairless wonder. She pulled more hair off my body than I thought imaginable. But I am now an arched eyebrow, baby smooth upper lip, velvety armpip phenomenon. I have had more compliments on my face in the last 1 ½ days than I’ve gotten in a long time. But I guess my frustration comes because people now seem more inclined to talk to me because of how I look, rather than because of what I am about. Why? Because that’s how we’re programmed. Most of us wouldn’t give a da*n about Bobby Brown if he was just some old okey-doke brotha on the street. But he’s famous (and crazy) so we care. And nobody could see Camyrn Manheim when she was acting her butt off on The Practice. But then she lost a few pounds in her waist for ya, and now she’s great, we love her. Ooooh…aaaaahh. We want to know all about the pretty people (If I see one more ad for Britney and Kevin, I might go postal. NO ONE CARES about them or that kid.) But we don’t take the time to know the average joe. And we’re told that if we’re not stupendous in every way, then we’re not worth the time or energy.
In the immortal words of R. Kelly on I Wish, “Somebody pray for me.”

I leave you with this. Xtina may have had her flaws but she sings one of my favourite songs of all time. Beautiful.

You are beautiful
No matter what they say…

You are beautiful
In every single way…

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him for he is your lord
Psalm 45:11


Don’t Believe The Hype

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