Monday, August 15, 2005

If You Can't Be With the One You Love (Love the One You're With)-Toya
I am way too lazy to find out who sang this song but I do know that it has been covered a zillion times. Luther Vandross covered it on "Songs". Still don't believe he's gone. I won't get started on that.

A few nights back I was downtown at a friend's show. It seems like I am always doing that. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it seems as if a lot of my stories start off that way. Anyway, about 10 blocks away, Tag was about to perform at another venue.

Before I get into this let me again attempt to clarify what a "Tag" is because I think we confused some of you. "Tag" is a reference to a character on Friends which Rachel dated around the time she turned 30. He was way younger than her, cute and just fun to be with. However, he was not remotely on her level and as much as she wanted it to work, logically it just could not. TIA AND I DO NOT HAVE THE SAME TAGS. We could never be that bored.

I get a phone call while I am inside after the first act is over. "Hey, I'm outside." Tag says. "You're here?" I asked as I made my way out of the door. I hung up as I saw him walk across the street. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "You know why I'm here. Come on." he said in a "Stop playin'" kind of tone.

That exchange of words really sums up our relationship, a relationship that has become tight mostly based on the fact that the both of us desperately misses companionship. It's not a romantically based relationship, praise God, because that could be messy. I dealt with all of that a few weeks back and it's pretty much out of my system. It's more of a sister/brother type thing, me being the older sister of course. I don't think that I have mentioned this but Tag just recently went through a horribly messy break up with someone that he was with for a long time. Some marriages don't even last as long as he was with this girl. And as we all know, the Summer time is the best time to be with the one you love...when you are in school of course. For the rest of us working class, a day is a day. Grant it there is more sunlight but we are not at all reaping the benefits of being able to schedule our lives by semesters.

He depends on me a lot and I gladly let him. I don't know too many women that don't love to be needed. It's that nurturer within us. However, mine borderlines on co-dependency sometimes. I'm an all night worrier. I worry more about things more than he does. I let him spill his guts about his fears, his broken heart, and whatever he needs to let off of his chest. He knows that he can always come to me for the truth. I tell him if he cracked when he sang. I tell him when he's being a jerk. I tell him when he's being insecure. I don't "Aww, baby him" as much as I tend to say things like "Look, you're going to do it this way and you're going to like it. Man up!" But I also tell him that he is especially amazing, gifted, and has the favor of God on his life so rich that he needs to just let go and watch God do the impossible in his life. I'm his cheerleader, what can I say? I believe in him whole heartedly.

As we sat in front of the venue side by side he says "Are you gonna miss me when I go back?" "Yes. I have already decided that I am going to need to get a goldfish". I replied. We both laughed. I told Tia that I am either going to need a puppy or a boyfriend when he leaves. I can't have the puppy, she says, so we have agreed on a goldfish. No, it will not be named after him. He thinks he comes to me for too much. He may be right. As we sat for a while he said, "I've been blowing your phone up all day worrying about this and that. I know you are like 'Why is this boy here?'" Before he left he says, as always "So, I'll call you tomorrow. Not like 50 times like I did today though." "No, you'll call me once" I said. "Then you'll text message me 50 times tomorrow." He suggested that I probably needed a break from him. I didn't think he was serious.

That was two nights ago. After not hearing from him all day yesterday, I called. He picked up the phone and says laughing"Couldn't last a day, could you?" "Are you giving me a Tag day off" I laughed. "I was but then I was going to call you later." We talked briefly and he mentioned that he was having it rough that day. I haven't heard from him since. THAT is not normal.

He thinks that I need a break from him but he may very well need a break from me because I am not his Savior. I think I let him depend on me when at times I need to point him in the direction to depend on God. I have become much more conscious of that. Still with so much going on, I hate that he feels that he shouldn't come to me as if he is a burden. As Tia says "Holy Co-Dependency Batman!"

I will pray for him. That is really all I should do. That and start thinking of names for my goldfish.

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