Wednesday, August 10, 2005

And We’ll Understand It Better, By and By…-Toya

It’s not that I haven’t written anything at all for a while; it’s just that I haven’t posted anything on here. Honestly, I have been waiting to see how everything panned out before I did. The last thing that I wanted to do was to take a stance on anything and then come back on some ol’ “See, what had happened was…”

This has been a most interesting summer. I remember driving down the highway a month ago going to meet Tag saying out loud, “God if this is a test, I can’t pass it. I’m serious. This is the wrong time and I am in the wrong place emotionally for this.” But one of the things that I have learned is that God will never give you more than what you can handle. Although Tia and I wind up in similar situations often, they are usually custom fit to what we can handle. I have said numerous times that I would not do well in her situations and she has said numerous times that she doesn’t see how I can handle mine and not go crazy. We went to go see Tag sing one time and she kept leaning over to me saying “I am so sorry. Man, I am so, SO sorry.” LOL! I will get back to the Tag Chronicles in a moment. It actually ties in at the end.

Tangent: I am watching John Legend sing “So High”. Why won’t he be my boyfriend? I don’t understand. He is so stinking cute with his perfect pink lips!

Tia said something a few weeks ago that I think sums up why a lot of us get frustrated. She mentioned that in Psalm it says that the Word of God is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. It doesn’t say that you’ll be able to see EVERYTHING, just enough to get you to the next step. If what I think is happening for me and a lot of us that are waiting to finally get thrust into our dreams, then we have to allow ourselves to walk only as far as that light will lead us and not try to jump ahead. Within the past few weeks, I have been able to talk to people with the same vision for change in the area of music that I have. I can never escape this industry, no matter how hard I try. We were in church and one of our pastors said that sometimes you have to go back to the very thing that causes you pain. I HATE the music industry. However, there is something about encouraging and enabling people to live out their dreams of doing the very thing that they would do for free because they HAVE to and exist to do that just lights something within me. It has since the third grade. Right now, I am crazy enough to believe that God is going to enable me and allow me to do what has always come naturally to me. I don’t completely see it but it is unfolding. I am so encouraged that a lot of my friends are starting to see it for them too. I guess it just takes getting bored to say “What the hell? There is no way I can stay in this funk. I might as well step out and just do it.” Do I know exactly what I am going to do and where? Not at all. However, the preparation is happening and I am excited about that.

And then there is Tag. As it stands, Tag has now become my, actually Tia’s and my, little brother. He has gone from being 12 (the age we refer to any guy that is under 25) to 8 to 5. The more we have all hung out the more that he just seems to be an adorable kid; mature and deep in somethings but a kid overall. But what is so great, even with all of the prior temptation before coming to this point in our friendship is that God has taught me so much through my relationship with him. Watching him steadily go after his dreams has lit something in me to start to steadily go after mine and they actually go hand in hand. So yes, I did pass the test, thank God. I didn’t let my emotions get in the way and through that I have started to finally see what is on the horizon for me. Here’s to not being a slave to your hormones.

Oh and by the way, I am not moving. The closer it came time for me to move the harder it got for both of us. It seems like Tia and I got even closer the few weeks before I was going to move. Then one day I came downstairs and saw a note on the fridge that said "Toya, please don't move." I mean really. So we discussed it and the whole reason I was moving was because I thought she was and now shes not even sure when. I never really wanted to go. Besides, I just think that there is a lot that we still need to do together. So yeah!!!!! I am still here.

No comments: