Monday, July 4, 2005

We're all full up here
Dear God, It's me Tia

I sometimes make the most inane requests of God. I wonder if he sits in heaven and gently LAUGHS at his child and all of her foolishness.

The most recent request went something like this:
God, I really don't need anymore guy friends. I'm pretty much all full up here. Yes, Tag and I had our moment but now we are permanently placed in the friend zone. I'm not complaining, really I'm not. I like it that way. But I'm going to need for him to the be the last of the guy friends. It's too hard to have them around. They're so cute and cuddly and smell nice and did I mention cute? You know how I feel about the XY individuals. And you know how much I want one of my very own (preferably the British model circa 1976 or so) But frankly, I don't need anymore of them around. So if you would please, make me invisible. Make them unaware of who I am. Let them look through me, until a later time..heretowith...or whatever.

I'm glad I'm not God because my response to me would be: RAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I think God knows that I'm going to be in situations that require me to meet newer and more fascinating boys. Each one shinier and more glitterier (is that a word?) than the last. And he knows that I will once again be forced to not only lay down my will before him (him being God) but I will also be forced to take a good, long, hard look at who I am, what I like, what I'm capable of and what steps I need to take to keep myself from running amuck in the emotions department.

Enter Tag #2 or T2 for short
T2 is a cute little musician that I had the pleasure of getting acquainted with last night at the annual 4th of July party at Lew's. He is quite the musician (plays guitar like no ones business) and overall has a great heart. And did I mention that he is not old enough to drink yet? (Aside: What the heck is going on? Although there is no kind of anything b/w me and T2, he falls into the "where are they all coming from?" category. I am thoroughly convinced that there is a factory somewhere, maybe in Idaho, that is cranking out under 23 boys to run amuck through the streets of Nashville. And apparently at the end of the assembly line there is a picture of Toya and I with the tag line, "These women will be your sponsors. Find them, befriend them. They will feed you, love you and play in your hair." But seriously, all 3 of the Tags, Ross and Ben Convington (see the archives from last fall. November, I think) are all 23 or younger. ) Anyway, after spending yesterday evening, the early part of the morning and part of today with T2 it dawned on me that I have yet another guy friend. Immediately, I begin to whine.

GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD, why do I keep meeting these great guys that I can't have/don't want/don't need?

The simple answer was: Because....PROFOUND, huh?

It is delusional on my part to think that I won't meet anymore guys EVER until The Guy comes along. (who incidentally will be the ultimate Guy Friend and with privileges no less) To think that is to imply that every guy from here out is The Guy. And that my friend is DAN-GER-OUS. It's setting myself up for heartache, ruined friendships and awkward future run-ins.

But I can't lie. Sometimes this mess it hard. Like when one of them calls you to tell you that he misses you and can't wait to get back to see you. Or when one of them is "nice" enough to tell you that the accidental touch of your skin was "amazingly soft." Or when you reach over to open the lock after he's let you in the car and looks at your and smiles that smile that you love. It is in those moments that the battle begins. A fight to keep your thoughts, heart and emotions intact. A struggle to continue to honor him and yourself in every way, even down to the miniscule passing thought. MAN it's hard. And I am only human. And a female version at that. It is only by God's grace that I am able to remotely maintain pure thoughts and a pure life when one of them begins to do whatever it is that he is so good at doing that made me love him in the first place.

So God, if you're reading, seriously, I'm full up here. No more please. No mas. Or if you must, give me the strength to love them as I should so that I can face myself and love ME in the morning.

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