Monday, July 25, 2005

That’s Just the Way It is- Toya
This song by Bruce Hornsby and the Range is TIMELESS. I don’t think I could ever get tired of it.

There is something to be said about “the day after”. Thank God for those girlfriends that can help you get down to the nitty gritty of things. While Tia is good for that, most times we are going through the exact same things. I can come to her with something and she says,” Man, I got nothing for you. You see I am in the same boat. When you find out, you come and tell me.”

Jaymi, The Firecracker as I like to call her, is a girlfriend of mine from back home and tells it like it is REGARDLESS and you gotta love it. She could know you for 5 years or she could know you for 5 minutes, it makes no difference. Instead of verbally going through the weekends events, I IM’d her to read the blog and then we’d discuss it. Her response? “I don’t see the problem.”

Now grant it, I know I’m a spaz. I know I over analyze things and make mountains out of mole hills on a regular basis. And while there really is no “spoon”, I still felt like there was some sort of underlying issue that I was not dealing with and that was why I was in some sort of panic.

There is an issue. It’s an issue I have had for years now. It stems from something I don’t want to say is the story of my life because I simply don’t want my life to be marked by this. I have always been really cool with guys that seemed to like me and think that I am great. Somewhere down the line, because we just aren’t right for one another, they find somebody else. Oh, they still think I am great however. Some even swear that I hung the moon. However, I’m just not the one. Now I am perfectly aware that this is life. What bothers me the most, however, is that these guys move on and most of them have gotten married (or are about to get married, i.e. Guy A) while I am still over here not seeing anyone. Then to make matters worst, these same guys will turn around and ask me why I am not dating anyone.

I love my relationship with Tag. We have a great friendship that I know God has been working on since day one. I used to beat myself up for liking him just a little bit but there was no way that that could have not possibly happened so I have since let myself off the hook. It was inevitable. “How was I NOT going to like him, Tia?” I asked last night. “You’ve seen him!” “Look” Tia said,” I even like Tag and I don’t even know him like you do.” However, I know good and well that being the great guy that he is he will deservedly find the right girl. If history repeats itself, I will still be sitting here single. I pray that that won’t be the case this time.

So I brought this up to Jaymi and asked “How do I break this cycle that I am so sick of?” Her answer? “Get married.” Oh, is that it? If I would have known that, I would have done that a long time ago…NOT! I don’t even want to be married for at least another 2 years. Marriage is not the concern; being alone while everyone else is coupled off looking behind and asking “What happened to Toya” is.

I don’t know how I got here. I used to not care one way or the other. I will say this: There is peace in knowing that this was planned by God. There is no reason for us to have met up again after all this time. I used to think that this was a test but I now believe that this is a blessing and a lesson and for that I am grateful. I trust God and I know that things will be just fine.

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