Wednesday, June 15, 2005

TIA, WHAT THE FREEEEAAAAKK!!!!????!?!?!?!? Can I please have the other half of my brain back? Is that why I darn near flunked Science every semester and you went pre-med? Good grief!

I just came home to find that Tia wrote about what I am about to write about. Renee is moving out the end of this month so that will leave Tia and I alone for a bit before I move out. Oh, the adventures to come...

I don't want to move. Period. I just don't. At first it was exciting like the unknown usually is but I seriously am dreading it. If I wasn't certain that Tia was moving and NEEDED to move, I wouldn't move at all. Screw cutting my travel time to work in half. I live with someone that understands that when Breathe's "Hands to Heaven" is on the radio, there is no room for conversation. That is priceless.

Anyway, since Comfortable is taken, the title to my post will be from one of my favorite bands ever, Men at Work

Who Can It Be Now- Toya
I LOVE Colin Hay from Men at Work. I have always wanted to see one of his solo gigs downtown but I know I would get thrown out for trying to out sing him on “Overkill”.

Thanks to the fact that I am finally amongst the living with a new cell phone after almost 4 months without one, the text messages between Tia and I have been a plenty with texts such as this:

“I hate being a girl.”
“What is up with my hormones today?”
“Why do I feel like crying? ”

See the wonderful thing about living with 2 other women is that our pheromones are haywire. That special time of the month around here gets REAL special. It usually goes Renee (I wouldn’t know it was that time of the month for her if I didn’t share a bathroom with her. She is so even kieled.), Tia and then me. Tia and I are WAY too close together though and this month is no different. All of these occurrences would have definitely been handled better at a much different, less hormone driven time. Hey, call me an anti-feminist but I am really not in favor of a woman president. I wouldn't trust me or any female I know with the authority to press that red button during the time when any and every little thing makes us just want to blow the whole world up.

I don’t know about anyone else but falling victim to a random crush is a lot like jury duty for me: I never know when it is going to happen , am disappointed when I discover that I have no choice but to go through it and I never know how long I will be there. I have had jury duty twice, actually hoping to be called but it has never panned out. See the parallel here?

As for Tag, just like in The Matrix, there is no spoon. (By the way, YALL, our readers, are CRAZY. We got the most hilarious comments we have ever read about the Tag situations. KC , *sigh*. It was so funny because we know that it's true. LOL!) I truly am over the whole thing. Now I am talking big talk being as though I haven't seen him in a while but due to recent circumstances, I think any lingering thoughts of skipping hand in hand in the park after getting fudgescicles from the ice cream truck are long gone.

Recently, like Tia, I have had some "comfortable" moments with a good friend of ours that will currently be referred to as "Ross". Ross is a cool dude and I didn't realize it but as far as my list goes, he is everything on it and more, hands down. I had no idea. I never even thought about it until a friend of mine brought it up last Saturday morning.

Paula: Okay, this has been on my mind all morning and I have been dying to ask you.
Me, grateful that as a true friend, she waited until 11 am on a Saturday to call: What?
Paula: You and Ross? What's going on? I mean, I was definitely rooting for you and Mr. Beautiful Surprise and it made sense but this makes PERFECT sense.

I was in utter shock. Me and ROSS? Grant it we are some cuddlers, grant it we make each other laugh like crazy and I feel so comfortable with him I could unzip my pants right in front of him after eating more than I should, grant it I could hang out with him all night and not get tired of him, grant it he is absolutely gorgeous and has potential best buddy material but ROSS? I never even gave it a thought.

If anything after a really great night with him and a bunch of us the night before, I was a bit sad. I was sad because well, Mr. Beautiful Surprise and myself most definitely DID NOT have a pleasant evening together (a pleasant evening NEVER ends in apologies which this one did) while Ross and I had the best time. Like, the kind of fun that you should have with someone you are with. It should just be that comfortable (John Mayer fans, join in now, "sooooo broken iiiiiin"...).

So after she posed this question, I started to get paranoid. Why? Well first, because I am weird. Secondly, because I was forced to finally admit that I am indeed attracted to him. "DAMMIT TOYA, not again", I thought. Because see, admitting it brings the paranoia. You have to deal with whether you should still call him, when he comes over will he know that something is different, and can you just randomly hug him as always? I speak to him almost everyday, a few times a day. The day after Paula and I talked, I was a freaking paranoid psycho. I SWORE he knew. And then I remembered that he is a guy. He has NO clue. I mean wouldn't even know where to find the clue with a map, a compass, a flashlight AND a sign with an arrow that says "Dude, here's the clue."

So the first time we spoke after this little revelation was when he called me and I realized that everything is normal. I initially freaked because I CANNOT lose his friendship, it means so much to me. Most of my guy friends are married and/or moved away. Technically, this isn't even a crush it's just that it has recently occurred to me that I am not at all opposed to us actually dating whereas before it wasn't even a thought. However if nothing pops off, that is fine too. I just want us to always be okay. I don't believe that us being together would ruin our friendship because our relationship is just the kind that I would want. Being with him reminds me of the way that things are supposed to be whether it will be with him or not and that's nice. I just need to guard my heart and not try to "substitute" him or let him "substitute" me until the right one comes along.

It's all good. I have more important things to think about like what am I going to do about school and why I am making more money and am STILL poor. All of this just reminds me that God is always working behind the scenes and you never know what may happen. I do know that in His word that all things will work together for my good because I love Him and am assured that I am called according to His purpose. So once again, there is no spoon.

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