Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Comfortable - tia
John Mayer has this song called Comfortable. I think it's on the Inside Wants Out cd and I know it's on the live double disc set. But the best version I've ever heard is the one that I pilfered off the internet a couple of years ago. The first line of the chorus is Our love was comfortable and so broken in. That's what's going on here...only with a platonic type love. You'll see what I mean...

Has anyone seen Chris Rock’s first HBO special? It was called Bring The Pain. I practically know the whole thing by heart. It is one of my favourite stand up performances of all time. Anyway, there’s a part when he’s talking about the friend zone. Basically, a guy is trying to get with a chick and then somehow he ends up in the friend zone.

Well somehow, Tag and I have stumbled into the friend zone…NOOOOOOOOOO
Okay, it’s not that bad. I think I actually like it better this way. I can be comfortable with him and we can just be normal. But I’m thinking that there’s not going to be anything more between us. I’m trying to be up out of Nashvegas. He still needs to finish his UNDERGRADUATE. He’s trying to get his life together with God and frankly, I don’t want to be his Jezebel.

It’s weird though. We talk more now than we did before. It’s a little perplexing. One of us picks up the phone to call the other at some point during the day. Everyday. And there seems to be more realness between us now. You know how you put on that fa├žade when you first meet someone? You want to impress them. You don’t want them to know that you’re a closet nose-picker, crybaby, geek, bed-wetter, mama’s boy, etc. You front like you have it all together, so that by the time they realize who you really are they’re too madly in love to leave…or is that just me…? Anyway, all of that pretense is gone now that we’re just being ourselves. He knows that I’m a crier. Apparently, from time to time so is he. He’s okay with the fact that I can be really vulnerable when it comes to my feelings. I love the fact that he’s so protective of his older sister. I can be ghetto and he knows it. He is white bread with the crusts cut off and I love that about him. Plus, he indulges my insane requests. He’s my ride to the airport at 4:00 a.m. next Thursday and he only laughed at me momentarily when I asked him to call me the Princess of the World. (And yes, on occasion, he still calls me that.) He tells me that I’m beautiful, especially when I smile, and I don’t wonder if he’s just saying it because he wants to get with me. I trust him…

I don’t know what happened or how we got here. But this is how it is. He’s the kind of guy that I would love to date, but I don’t think I want to date him. It’s safe…I trust him…we’re comfortable. I’m convinced that he would go to blows for me (mostly because at one point he said he would) and he knows that I have his back. And though it didn’t work out, God allowed me to see what’s out there. That there are guys who can be down for me and vice versa. Guys who will be cool with who I am and dig me just for being me. Guys who love God more than me and want to make sure that I’m held in the highest regard, respected and protected, not just used for selfish gain. God showed me that he is able to give me more than I ever thought that I wanted. Somewhere out there is a Tag with my name written on his heart. And though the wait may seem BRUTAL at times, I’m down with it.

Now to him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine according to the power that is at work in us

Ephesians 3:20

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