Friday, December 23, 2005

Let It Go- Toya
Let It Go is a song off of Kirk Franklin's latest record "Hero" and it features Toby Mac and Sonny Sandoval from POD. I remember being at a concert one summer and seeing a very olive skinned, sun kissed Sonny walk by as I looked out of the window. An older, much more conservative woman was standing next to me. Looking appalled, she said "Ugh. Could you imagine waking up to that every morning?" I let out a deep sigh, cocked my head to the side and looked longingly out the window. "Yeah", I replied, sounding slightly out of breath, "Oooooh yeeeeeeah".

For some reason or another I woke up this morning and decided that I was no longer going to let myself continue to be shook by unmet expectations concerning men of my past (and a few present). It occurred to me that myself and a good number of my girlfriends are still struggling to get over things that either almost happened/we expected to happen/or happened, it didn't work out and we are left wondering what happened. Instead of a New Year's Resolution, I wanted to make an end of the year resolution: After December 31, any prior situations (mere crushes)/emotional attachments/ex-boyfriends that I still ponder over have got to be let go. Sounds much easier said than done but when you consider it, most of our drama starts with thoughts and if most of us would control our thought lives better, stop living in the past and/or the future and live in the now, we would be a lot happier.

Now I of course have had my heartaches and crushes but I have never talked about Mark at all. This is the first time since writing this blog that I have ever mentioned him because he is a touchy subject with me. He is the only guy that I have ever truly, truly loved. He is the only guy that has made my heart jump every single time he walked into a room. He was my first real kiss. For my own good, I cut him off. We were both scared of commitment: he was scared to commit to God and I was scared to commit to a man. Nevertheless, I loved him but I knew that you can't change a man. Only God can and even God doesn't just force himself on others. Even He is respectful of free will. According to his sister, one day I left the house and his father, a minister, turned to him and said "You know that's your wife, right?" "I know" he answered. He also knew that I have low tolerance and that he would have to get it together. I represented a lot of what he was running from and he refused to change. You can't marry potential. I wasn't squeaky clean either. I told him we couldn't be together and would judge him like crazy but I still took advantage of the hold that I had on him. I could be pretty manipulative. We were both so immature.

I have always been close to Mark's family. His sister and I were best friends in grade school and are still close to this day. She had an accident not too long ago that put her on bedrest so I went to pay her a visit today since I am in my hometown for Christmas. I had no idea that when I walked into her parents' house where she is recovering that all of his children would be there. Yes, Mark has children by one woman that I am willing to bet half my wardrobe and my collection of handbags on, he is never ever going to marry. Coming home to visit over the years, I would always see pictures of his latest child in the house and dreaded the day that I would see them in person. I just didn't know how I was going to feel about it. I walked into the house which was noisy with many kids full of pre-Christmas day excitement. I knew right away which three were his, all beautiful girls.

I have never been a kid person.Before I fell in love with my niece, I thought of kids as just underdeveloped adults. I really, truly did not like kids and kids can pick up on that. In turn, they really, truly did not like me, no matter how much I fronted with them. After becoming an aunt, I have really warmed up to children. However, this doesn't explain why his kids ran up on me, a complete stranger, and took to me like no kids have ever done before. Kids NEVER do that to me. Tia can be in a remote, podunct town and a child will see her and run towards her with their arms wide open, begging her to pick them up. Usually, I have to do everything short of slip a kid a five dollar bill to get them to just talk to me at times. One of his daughters was in a high chair and just kept staring at me, barely blinking. After introducing myself to the kids and giving them each a turn at being thrown in the air, I walked into the room where Anna, his sister was, and stopped cold at the sight of the spitting image of Mark in a pink dress, sitting in his sister-in-law's arms.

"Whose baby is that?" I asked Anna. "Mark's! Remember I said something about a new baby?" I vaguely remembered her saying something but my phone was cutting out and I kept asking her whose baby she was talking about. I had no idea it was his. Kids, four, wife, zero. After we caught up on the current things going on in our lives, I went back out to the dining room and before I could get to Anna's mother I found myself playing with the kids again. The little one that was grittin' on me from the high chair, came up to me and just started running her mouth at record speed. She was so small that i was surprised that she could talk at all. I bent down to listen to her as she came closer to me, pressed her forehead firmly against mine and just smiled. We sat there for a while until I stood up and she wrapped her arms around my leg as I carried her to the middle of the floor. "This is unbelievable" I thought. It was all fun and games until Anna yelled from the other room "Uncle Mark said to behave and stop all of that noise !". All of the kids' including this big kid's eyes got really big as we quickly covered our mouths with our hands. I looked towards the steps hoping that he had not been in the house all that time. As I walked slowly to Anna's room, she handed me the phone. "I called him and told him that he would not believe who was here." "He doesn't know it's me?" "No." "He doesn't want to talk to me." Last time I called Mark to apologize for all of the drama I put him through, he refused to talk to me. Not all guys want to be friends with benefits.

I took the phone and said hello. "Hello, who is this?" he asked cautiously. "Hey Mark, it's Toya." I answered quickly, not at all interested in playing the Guess Who game. "Toya? Oh my God. I had no idea who this could've been. How are you? I wish I could see you." I walked to another room and told him how beautiful I thought his girls were. Just then a bunch of kids found me and started swinging from my arms and big curly afro. "Wait, your children are attacking me. There is one that just keeps staring at me though." "That would be Shana" he confirmed. "So are you going for a boy?" I joked. "Girl, no. I already have one too many." One too many, huh? Wow, dude. WOW!!! I could barely hear what he said as we tried to catch up because of all of the noise the kids were making so I said goodbye and walked into the other room to give the phone to Anna. I stood there as she spoke with him. "Uh huh, yeah. I know, right? Okay, I'll tell her. Hey, Mark said he loves you." I turned to get my cell out of my coat that was on the floor, knowing that I was making a quick get away to the bathroom to text Tia of the drama that is my life. I acted like I didn't hear Anna. She repeated what she said and I yelled a "Love ya too!" that I really tried my best to make believable. I looked in the chair and saw that his new born was hiccupping. "Can I pick her up?" I asked Anna. "Toya just asked if she could pick a baby up. What happened to you?" I picked her up and went onto burp her. I started to give her back to Anna. She started crying. I took her back and rocked her until she went to sleep. Everytime I went to give her back, she started crying again.

"Okay, this is a trip" I thought as I held her in my forearms with her facing me. As I watched her fast asleep, I thought of how all of the other kids in the house, 8 total and half Mark's, were grandkids that had all been born out of wedlock. I thought about how Mark was the only guy that I have ever considered possibly, entertaining the thought of sleeping with and that says a lot. I thought of how I had continuously thought that maybe I was too hard on Mark even though deep down I knew that letting him go was the right thing to do. Even so, I realized that I had never truly let him go because after all of these years I still found myself entertaining what if's. So after silently praying for his newborn child, I praised God that this child was not mine because the word that kept coming to mind as I looked at her face was "timing". There is no way in the world that I am ready to be a mother now so I know there was absolutely no way that I would have been ready to be a mother back then. I would be a fool to think that if I did not have a lick more sense that I would not be in the same shoes as the woman who has born his four kids with no ring to show for it.

Just then Anna's daughter walked into the room and I asked her how old she was. She is 11. I did the math in my mind and realized that Mark and my drama came to a head right around the time she was born and officially ended about two years later. I am embarrassed to admit that I have not let this man go for about 9 years. Now I don't know what the statute of limitations are for getting over a relationship but it sure as hell can't be no 9 years! I quickly gave the baby back, said my goodbyes and got in the car with my phone whipped out to call Tia before I even put the key in the ignition.

The Mark chapter is officially closed. So is the Tag chapter, the Mr. Beautiful Surprise chapter, that kid from band camp chapter and so on and so on and so on. I do not want the right guy to pay for something they did or didn't do. Most importantly, I don't want to be bound to how we women think that we just weren't enough for someone else. There are just some things that don't happen according to plan and we have got to learn to let them go and move on without ever looking back.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

too funny - tia

Seeing Santa is supposed to be the highlight of a child's Christmas experience, right? Then why are so many children terrified of the man? Is it because, as Toya said, Santa is nothing more than a wrinkled clown? "And you know how kids feel about clowns?"

Toya and I were CRYING as we looked at these pictures. They shouldn't be funny. But they are HA-HA-LARIOUS. This one was our favourite.
interpolation - tia

Toya came home and read the new post.

She then threatened my life after seeing this picture of Brody.

I think I will have to fight her.

Random Things - Tia

I'm usually a fan of Beyonce's. I'm not gonna lie. I liked Check On It the minute I heard it in St Louis last month. I did not, however, like the video for Check On It. I guess I shouldn't have expected much since the song isn't really about anything. But the video is nothing more that exhaustive clips ad nauseam of her gyrating and bouncing around in front of pink backgrounds. I was so bored that I changed before the video ended. I will say that I appreciate the fact that she is reppin' the thick girls. I don't care what anyone says. Beyonce is a thick broad. She makes me want to keep my stuff in shape.

If you feel so inclined, you can check out the video on


I just found out that Danny Masterson, our favourite bi-racial character from That 70s Show is a scientologist. Noooo, boo. Don't go out like that.

I don't know a lot about scientology. Nothing at all really, except that the more you pay the higher you go. Or something like that. But if you're going to turn out like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes then you gotta wonder what the heck is going on over there. Have you seen Katie lately? In every photo I see of her she either looks like Jerry Hall from the first Batman after the Joker turned her brain into mush or she has that plastered, "what the hell happened? Get me the hell out of here!!!" smile on her face. Somebody please help that poor child out. I bet when she dreamed about marrying Tom when she was younger she didn't think that she'd be knocked by a guy who subscribes to a cult that believes that you can't scream/talk/cry while in labour. You can tell a man made up this religion. I wish I would go through something that's equivalent to squeezing a bag of sugar out of my nose and not make a sound. You must be out your whole feeble mind.

Heeeeeeey Brody

So allegedly this is a picture of Adrien Brody and his girlfriend.

(Was the above picture taken before or after this happened?

Because they look real happy and I know I would be all kinds of pissed if my man rolled up on Halle Berry like it was his job.)

We love us some Adrien around here. I'm not sure when it started but it came to its full fruition for me when I saw The Restaurant. Brody was officially on the map. That little skinny Polish man could holla at me. For real. (I saw King Kong the other night. It was okay. But thank God Adrien was in it. I don't know that I could have lasted 3 hours with anyone else. )

My question, though, is this: Does Brody not know that he can be down? His girlfriend appears to be pigment challenged. Not that that's a problem. But I just wonder if he knows that the sistahs will holla. This one in particular. I know he's down for the cause. And he has been a suspect for a while. So one just wonders if he knows he can come on over.


I've only heard a few cuts off of Mary's new album. But I'm feeling it. (ooooh and I'm Goin' Down is on. Remember that flaxen haired white boy
kissin' the fool out of that Cho-CO-Late sistah? That has nothing to do with why I love Mary but it sure doesn't hurt.) Anyway, I have been running the fool out of Be Without You. I think Toya said it best when she said that it sounds like "old Mary." And my BA-B-Y Terrence Howard is in the video. Lord I love that man. He is so BEAUTIFUL.

This is so wrong. And so funny.

No, no, no - don't pee in your pants
I have been out on the Black Eyed Peas for a while now. I honestly, didn't think it was a good idea putting a girl in the group in the first place. I don't care who it was. I wasn't a huge fan before the girl but it just didn't seem like a good idea. But then they had a few nominal hits and I got on board. Then it all went downhill.

That My Humps song is's just hell. Period. It is easily the worst song of the last 5 years. I mean. Horrible. I hate it. And I was becoming on un-fan since the release of the second album. But that My Humps crap pretty much sent me over the edge.

The discovery of this picture however, closed the door, locked it and buried it in an alternate universe.

How the story goes, she was just too drunk to realize that she was not a boy. She dropped trou at a concert in Australia and let the madness fly. She initially claimed it was sweat. Ummm...yeah...okay. She finally 'fessed up. But at this point it doesn't really matter.

There is no excuse

Monique is usually representing for the big girls. So I guess leg warmers are in. That was mean. Forgive me. But for real, what was she thinking? (picture courtesy of

I think I'm finished. Besides, VH1Soul is playing a block of Mary J. Blige videos and I am too caught up to type anything further.


Friday, December 16, 2005

Murder on Sesame Street - tia

Okay, you know things are going horribly awry in the world when bodies start droppin' on Sesame Street.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


"The saddest thing in life is wasted talent"

If you recognize the above headline from one of the top BGLU films of all time "A Bronx Tale" then like us, you probably lost your whole mind when you found out that Lillo Brancato (or "C") was arrested for murdering a cop last weekend. What in the world??????

As I (Toya) am typing this, I am watching the Victoria Secrets' Christmas Runway Show. Watching this while sitting on top of 6 pounds additional holiday weight and eating sushi after scarfing down a McDonald's cheeseburger All American Meal (I have sushi cravings like a woman pregnant with triplets) is not the most esteem building activity to say the least. The only reason I am watching this is because I am taping it for my supermodel roomate Tia who is at the movies. She didn't ask me to tape it but I figured she would want to see Tyra's last walk on the runway. We love Tyra! Does anyone even look at the lingerie as they are walking down the runway? Not once have I noticed the lingerie during this entire show. I am too busy hoping to find stretch marks and cellulite. I know, I know...

Icon Richard Pryor passed away this past weekend. I remember sneaking to hear one of my dad's Richard Pryor records when I was little and being so appalled by the language (I was 8) that I quickly turned it off. However, I do have fond memories of Richard Pryor from "The Wiz", "Harlem Nights", "The Toy", "Bustin' Loose" and "Uptown Saturday Night". He was definitely one of our last original comedians. There was none like him before him and there will be none like him after him.

I was thinking today what my Top 10 Favorite Singles of 2005 are and am finding it hard to remember what actually came out earlier this year. This is probably why record companies try to put out albums right before the Grammy nomination deadline so that the release will be fresh in the mind of voters come voting time. I think I have a good idea of what mine are though and feel free to comment on yours. I picked these songs because they have become part of my life's soundtrack and I will love them for years to come.

This will be in no particular order except for song #1 which is ....

#1 Marques Houston's "Naked" -It may be hard to believe (to those that don't know me well) but this is most definitely my favorite joint of the year. I love sappy love songs as well as "get it on" songs and while I am single, I try not to listen to these songs much and keep them tucked away in my "Married Music" file on my computer. Be that as it may, I crank this up when it's on (Honorable mention" MH's "All Because of You").

#2 Kirk Franklin "Looking For You" -I know. How on earth did I go from "Naked" to "Looking For You"? Hey, what's " in the married bed is undefiled". That is my answer when someone looks at me cross eyed when I mention that I like something that is a bit suggestive. You can't be in a bad mood when this song is on. It makes me want to go roller skating. It does NOT however make me want to do that detestful Electric Slide and when I went to see Kirk Franklin a few months back, the whole auditorium turned into what seemed like a gigantic black wedding reception. Before I knew it I was caught in an Electric Slide type maze and learned that if one wishes to get out, they must do the Electric Slide in the opposite direction to free themselves. Remember this tip.

#3 Ne-Yo "Stay With Me" -I am CRAZY about Def Jam's new artist Ne-Yo!!!!!!!!!! I heard this song during an open mic in town and ran to the DJ to ask who it was. I went to the record store the next day and to my delight, they had free samplers. I can't wait for the record. (Honorable mention: Ne-Yo "So Sick" This is his current single. The writing on this is bananas. Straight bananas. I knew all of the words after the first time I heard it.)

#4 Fall Out Boy "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" -If you are in your car like Tia and I have been, singing this at the top of your lungs without ever reading the lyrics to this song, I am willing to bet my next 3 paychecks that you are singing ALL of the wrong words. I read the lyrics one day on closed caption and realized that I had been singing a whole nother song. This is my jam. Also on the list of songs to sing at the top of your lungs with reckless abandon...

#5 Kelly Clarkson "Since You've Been Gone" -I shudder to think how often this song has been murdered during karaoke. Unless, of course, it is sung by Anne Marie, the karaoke queen.

#6 Kanye West "Heard 'Em Say" -I could sit and listen to just the instrumental all day long. It is infectious. I love Kanye West's rhythm over this and with Adam Levine's falsetto...stop it. Ridiculous.

#7 4th Avenue Jones "It's Over Now" -Most underrated party song of the year. So glad that this is on 12".

#8 Lifehouse "You and Me" -I melted the first time I heard this song. This is the most perfect song for a couple's first dance at their wedding. I never even really thought about what I would pick until I heard this for the very first time.

#9 Amerie "1 Thing" -This was most definitely the "Crazy In Love" song of this year. There is not a girl I know who does not go into Carmen Electra mode with the rest of her girlfriends when this song comes on at a party. And when they play this and "Crazy In Love" back to back,'s over. I left a guy standing on the floor one night when this song came on. "Where are you going?" he yelled as I left him in mid conversation to join the group of my girlfriends flocking to the center of the dancefloor. "Don't you know?" I responded as if he was brand new to earth "This is the anthem."

#10 Charlie Wilson "Charlie, Last Name Wilson"- You know it's a hard time to be single when the man that wrote "Yearnin' For Your Love" is beggin a sista and offerin to give her his manager's number, his studio number and even his mama's number. I never get tired of this song or making fun of this song. Good to have Charlie back.

Well that's it for me. Feel free to chime in...

Sunday, December 11, 2005


I hear Taps playing softly over Fez's career.
(picture from Pink Is The New Blog)

Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Billboard Music Awards- Toya
We are taping the Billboard awards as Tia is at class and I am SUPPOSED to be practicing on my turntables but it is rumored that Kevin Federline, K-Fed if you will, is to perform tonight. I cannot seem to tear myself away from the TV. Therefore I will type my commentary as it comes to mind. I may post this, I may not. Either way, I need to be doing something constructive and I haven't posted in a bit.

1. Green Day- I have not felt one thing that Green Day has put out since "Brain Stew". I was at a booking agency one day and there was a copy of Spin magazine on the receptionist desk. Someone had written SELLOUT all over Billy Jo's face. Ouch! I don't want to be one of those people that say that because a punk group becomes popular that they have sold out. I mean if anything, well...they have been a nice break from Blink-182.

2. Ciara- Okay, the only thing missing from Ciara's performance was a hoop earring with a key in it. Good grief, Holy Rhythm Nation Batman! From the jet black hair, to the one handed countdown from five, to the "I like that" in between songs, I mean dag! I don't understand how Ciara is a singer and only adlibs to her song as it plays. I am not a Ciara hater. However, I am a hater of the low industry standards that has allowed this to be acceptable. And where is Fantasia? I hope someone comes out and actually sings soon.

3. Nick Cannon just came out in Hulk Hogan's old wrestling pants.

4. Mariah Carey just won the Best Female R&B and Hip Hop award. I love Mariah, I don't care what she wears. Her album is FIRE and the more I hear it, the more I love it. And because she appears to be the only one on here that can sing, I will not talk about how she looks like she was wrapped in some tight silver Christmas ribbon.

5. Toby Keith is on and I am reminded how I have lived in Nashville for 5 years and have not run into not one country singer. I don't mean at shows cause after all Damien did introduce me to Big Kenny of Big and Rich. I mean at like Kroeger or Puckett's Country Store or even Starbucks? Doesn't Chris Cagle live in Nashville? Why haven't I run into him? Probably because God knows better.

Speaking of Chris Cagle, this was on his website recently...

To All My Loyal Music Fans: "As many of you are aware, I had been anxiously awaiting the addition of a new baby to my life. The baby has been born and both mother and child are in good health. Since the birth, however, we have discovered that biologically, the child is not mine. As excited as I was about becoming a new father, my disappointment is equally as strong. So out of respect for all that are involved, please allow this situation to remain private and know that I will not be commenting further on this very personal matter. I'm thanking you in advance for your kind cooperation and understanding." Chris Cagle


5. Pretty Ricky is on. Tia and I have one question and it is not why their group is called Pretty Ricky when none of them is named Ricky. OUR question is why is their group called Pretty Ricky when NAMN (not a damn) one of them is remotely pretty?

6. You know what? I actually like Ashlee Simpson's songs. They feed my inner Chrissy. I can't help it. Uh oh, Ashlee Simpson and Pretty Ricky are doing a "collab". Tim, you know I am pissed to the highest pont of pisstivity over that.

7. I am VERY happy that Mario won with "Let Me Love You". The song is sweet, positive and is actually a song that he can get onstage and thank God for.

8. This DJ is making feel like a big DJing poser. I SWEAR I am practicing when this goes off. He is so freaking good.

9. LL Cool J is making me stumble. He looks so good, I am having an allergic reaction. I am SO fasting tomorrow.

10. Gwen Stefani's "Luxurious"- If one more person samples The Isley Brothers "Between the Sheets", Ron Isley needs to go Mr. Biggs on them and beat the snot out of them with his cane. Before I fall asleep on this performance, allow me to get on my soapbox and talk about something that has been bothering me for a long time...

Billboard has murdered R&B by combining the genres of R&B and Hip Hop on their charts and that is why the state of pure R&B is so horrible. Radio has gotten sucked in. This is why we are lacking "Grown Folks" music. What happened to just singing? I don't want to hear a Teena Marie song with the Cash Money Click rhymin in the bridge. It sucks for real.

11. Tom Petty is getting the Century award and I am not mad. My favorite Tom Petty song? His duet with Stevie Nicks "Stop Draggin My Heart Around". You know, the more songs they play of his, the more I realize that I like a GRIP of his songs. How'd I forget "Refugee"? Tom got hits! I need to go on and get that greatest hits record. Tom Petty to me has always been somewhat of a Bob Dylan that I could actually understand. Damn, damn , DAMN Tom Petty is OLD! What is going on? Where did the time go?

12. I aint lyin', Scott Weiland is gonna cause me to go to jail, he is so fine.

13. Thank God for Charlie Wilson. I am so proud of him.

14. Dammit, R-uh's on. R. Kelly is performing "Slow Wind" and the awards show has just taken a sort of BET Uncut turn for the worse.

15. I will say that I do like the fact that if there is an artist that wins a number of awards such as Green Day, they only have to go up once. I appreciate that.

16. First "Dancing with the Stars" and now they are advertising "Skating with Celebrities". Come King Jesus. Please tarry no longer.

17. This year's American Idol winner Carrie Underwood won 3 Billboard awards and I didn't even know her first single came out. Go ahead girl! Country has grown on me. First I started eating sushi this year and now this.

18. Why is Kelly Rowland now the spokesperson for Destiny's Child? She also went to the American Music Awards by herself and accepted their award. My guess is that Beyonce' is too busy being Beyonce' and Michelle is probably happy to finally be out of underneath the pressure of being a "child" and is sitting in front of big old plate of good ol' southern comfort food. I would be, shoot.

19. Kanye West makes me laugh. I don't take him as seriously as most people.

20. Look at Duff McKagan looking good! He must be off the drugs.

21. BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No K-Fed. Wrong, just wrong. See where rumors get you. I am mad because the announcer said that this was the performance that everyone was blogging about. I feel so bamboozled. So led a stray, run amok if you will.
Hmmmm- by tia

So it turns out that Skateboard P doesn't want to work with Justin (I didn't mean to show her boobie. Please don't beat me up.) Timberlake on his new album. Excuses, excuses, excuses...

The real reason that Pharell doesn't want to work with JT is because he already did Justin's new album. It's called The Hijacking of Thicke aka The Evolution of Robin Thicke.

Thank you. I'm here all week.

Thursday, December 1, 2005

Too Cute - tia

This picture made me smile.

I'm bored in my hotel room and that is why there are so many random posts from me. I'm going to bed now.
Under the what was she thinking category - tia

I don't know if it's the long sleeve onesie she's wearing (Don't front. Anyone who has ever been around, seen, or heard of a child knows what a onesie is and KNOWS that this is one.) or the...are those sneaker platform heels....? Oh dear Lord.....WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Simon Cowell Likes Coloured Girls - tia

Okay see I have this problem. I LOVE the British. Everyday I read the same online newspapers:,, and I read about the goings on in the land that I would gladly live in if it weren't for the horrible weather.

Anyway, as I perused the headlines today I saw this, "I'm having Sinitta's baby...and Simon Cowell will be the godfather." The thing that got my attention was the picture of the very pretty BLACK girl next to the headline. I ventured a guess that she was Sinitta. I mean how many white people do you know are going to name their daughters something that ethnic?

As I read the story, I realized that Simon and this Sinitta person used to date. For a and on for 18 years. They're so close that recently she went to his house and cleaned out his fridge. She said he was getting too fat. (I wonder what Simon's supermodel girlfriend Terri Seymour, who is a little coloured looking too by the way, thought about that?)

At this point I was curious. I wanted to know who this sistah was. And well, you have to love the internet. You can pretty much find any sort of interesting (read: pointless) information about anyone who was famous at any given time. Apparently, this Sinitta was a pop star of sorts back in the 80s. There are Jody Watley type pictures of her all over the place. But the picture that really made me ask questions was this one:

WHO IS THIS BROAD AND HOW DID SHE GET DOWN WITH BRAD PITT LIKE THIS? Leg all up and over his chest and he just grinnin'. His smile is real Kid Rock hand on the booty (only a select few will understand that reference.) The next question is, "Is this the same chick that Brad has been photographed with before or does Brad like us like THAT?" Does he feel that the closest thing he can get to a sistah is a full lipped Angelina Jolie? (whom I don't hate or anything.) Because if that is the case I'm here to let a boy know that we can be down. He can holla. I will be his people. We can talk. And I know I am not alone.

That is all.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

More Coffee House Musings- Toya

Ok, they are playing house music here and I don't want to go home. House head to the fullest, right here.

I came across a children's book at the library today called The Princess and the Pea. I faintly remembered reading this book as a child and...wait,

Side note: for the second time tonight a guy (albeit a gay guy) has asked me to come sit with him and his friends because I am by myself. Weird. The first guy (who I think may have been gay too) saw me walk in by myself, somehow found me in this corner and asked if I would mind sitting with him and his friends who clearly look no older than 22 and that's pushin' it. Just now, another kid came up to me after walking past about 5 times, told me that I was gorgeous and invited me to come sit with him and his friends to discuss love and relationships and why they suck. If it was 2 in the afternoon, I would entertain the thought but it is now 1 am. I attract some "special" people.

okay, so I kinda remembered this book and flipped through it to refresh my memory. The plot is the prince and his mother the queen go throughout the kingdom looking for a princess for him. One woman wasn't graceful enough, one woman wasn't talented enough and I think one wooman ate too much. Then, during a terrible thunderstorm a woman claiming to be a princess knocks on the door of the castle and asks to spend the night. The queen puts a pea in the bedstand and piles loads of pillows and mattresses on top knowing that a real princess' skin is so delicate that she would surely feel the pea. In the morning, the princess told the queen that she had an awful night's sleep due to her bumpy guest bed proving to them that she was indeed a real princess and they lived happily ever after. CLEARLY a disillusioned man wrote this fairy tale. I was pissed.

Why? Well my question was why on earth did this woman, a PRINCESS, walk all the way to the castle in a terrible thunderstorm to prove to a prince that she can fill his need? It's not like her car broke down and she needed a place to stay. She went there come hell or high water with the intent of landing the prince cause she heard he was on the search. So I asked this question to the children's librarian who after she listened intently, gave me this response:

"You are thinking too hard."

I am sure that this fairy tale rubbed me the wrong way because I was raised to believe that men are the pursuers and somehow that responsibility factors in the ability to be the rescuer. For some reason, this has made me think about a few conversations that I have had and witnessed recently asking "Do women want to be rescued?" The last Sex and the City episode that I watched (I swear, I am giving it up, for real. I'm serious), Charlotte brought this up and the rest of the girls looked like they were going to kick her to the curb. I had a conversation with a few of my female coworkers and one of them said "I KNOOOOOOW that it is taboo to say this. I know this. But, umm, I am going to say it. I think" she paused rather shamefully, "that perhaps...women...oh dear Lord...well, okay...WOMENWANTTOBERESCUEDTHEREISAIDIT". She blurted this out and quickly covered her mouth waiting for us to disagree. Not one of us did.

As of this day, I am 100% crush free. If you have read this blog long enough, you know that that statement is almost the equivalent to a crack addict saying that they are a week sober. Thank you Jesus! So as of now, I am not missing, waiting or longing for the company of a man. Not saying that I don't want that company, but I don't feel any kind of way about it at this moment. Do I know that I desire to be rescued? I think that I, like most independent, single, socially active women, at least want the option to be rescued. My dad has always said that it is better to have and not want than to need and not have. (Ok, I need to stop flirting with boys at the coffee shops. I am DEAD wrong. It's too late for that. It's winter and they are busting out the knit skully caps. Help me Holy Ghost and hallelujah for cold weather.) The other day when I locked myself out of the car I had to keep myself from calling any guys, even my brother. I didn't want them to come get my keys out the car, I wanted to be emotionally rescued. I don't have a man right now so I feel the need to curb those feelings when they arise. Sometimes I don't have to. For instance, we had a show a while back and I was stressed out. They were running late, we had no soundcheck and came across some unexpected technical difficulties. I was a mess. I started walking over to a table of friends and there was Mike sitting on a stool with his arms out to give me a hug. I gave him a hug and stood in front of him venting about how I did not want to be the bad guy but I needed to be a little bit more aggressive with people about getting soundchecks done correctly and on time. He looked into my eyes every attentively, offered to be the bad guy and asked what he could do. Well, he couldn't do anything of course and even if he could I wouldn't have let him. This is my situation to handle, my business, not his. However, it did feel good to vent to a guy who I know has my back. Emotionally, he rescued me.

So I am leaving this discussion open to anyone reading this: If every woman wants to be rescued, what exactly is it that we want to be rescued from?

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

You Learn-Toya
You Learn is a song off of Alanis Morrisette's masterpiece "Jagged Little Pill" that I was listening to today. It's the perfect album. Why is it that I am just not willing to listen to Happy Alanis? No, I want angry, bitter, F-off Alanis. That's my homegirl.

At what point do you accept your shortcomings as shortcomings? Like are there things about your personality that you will never be able to change no matter how much you work on them? I ask this because I am sitting in another coffee shop angry and hungry. Angry because I was so excited to come here and read my new book, The Messies Manual, about how to get your life organized (my excuse for not being at home cleaning my room right now) only to find that I left it on the kitchen table at home. My friend Candice has the book and graciously offered to go around the corner to her house and get it. While waiting, I reach into my bag to get money for a much needed latte only to find that I left my wallet in my other jacket pocket. Honestly...

While I believe that we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us, I also believe that we are all fallible creatures. Life consists of ups and downs, set backs, and inevitable life lessons that are beyond our control. However sometimes, I wonder how far I will be able to get ahead in life with the weaknesses that seem to just be my lot of my existence. I know it seems like I am being hard on myself and this is in no way self loathing. I am happy with who I am and the 30's so far seem to be the point of great self realization in life. I am more comfortable with myself than I have ever been because I finally know who I am. The thing is, now that I finally know who I am, how much of that can I really change at this point?

Side note: My intent was to settle at one coffee shop at 7:30 and stay no longer than 2 hours. It is now 10:30 and after sushi with Candice and another coffee shop in between, I am at my favorite coffee shop in a corner and still haven't cracked open that book.

I am the Denise Huxtable of my family. TOTALLY. That's what my dad calls me and I admit that The Cosby Show can be a bit embarrassing to watch at times because although she seems to make some dimwitted decisions, I totally get the reasoning behind all of them. Denise was the odd chick out. By society's standards, I am a bit on the bohemian side and am sitting in a coffee shop full of noisy people with downtempo music playing in the background and have not felt this relaxed in weeks. This is MY peace and quiet. I am most at rest with a steady background hum of noise and could probably stay here for the next 6 hours just like this. But back home, the silence is DEAFENING and I feel like I can't get a thing done. I've done more reading with all of this noise than I have tried to do alone at home for the past few weeks.

My point is, with all of my idiosyncrasies, how do I become the best, most functional adult I can be? Kind of like, if a child has dyslexia, teachers find out their learning pattern and find the best way for that child to learn. I think at times we try to learn life and adjust like someone else. I can't organize my life the same way as let's say Tia organizes hers. We see life and think completely different.

Thankfully enough, this book The Messies Manual by Sandra Felton (I finally did crack it open) has already been a big help because it describes me to a T: Disorganized thinker, easily distracted, forgetful, and a person that visually tunes things out to the point that I don't notice a huge mess unless I am forced to sleep on top of it. This would depress the mess out of me if it weren't for two things:

a) This book was written by someone with the same issues that I have and has gained enough victory over disorganization and absentmindedness to write a book on it and conduct successful seminars. It helps to know that I am not the only messy in the world.
b) Tia brought up the other day that I am very good at maintaining solid, fulfilling friendships. She told me that I have a gift of impacting people in a way that their lives will be forever changed because they knew me. That's an amazingly, humbling gift from God that has little to do with me and everything with God using me as a vessel. And while I am grateful for that, can I please be so on the ball that my room stays clean and my car doesn't look like I am the mother of two sets of twins because of all of the fast food trash in it? Sigh...

We have to be patient enough with ourselves to see our shortcomings as kinks. Working out kinks takes time. My massage therapist would work out the kinks in my back with slow, deep, eye crossing painful kneading. I went to her after about 3 car accidents. No telling how much built up tension she had to untangle and it took a while. The looser the kinks got, the less time our sessions took and the less painful they became. I think I am finally ready to knuckle up and get to work on these kinks in my life.
Too funny for words - tia

It is amazing what you can find when you're home sick surfing the internet.

I have been toying with the idea of staying single from now on. If
this is all that I have to look forward to then...I'm SOOO OUT!!! There's no need to even try. I will go live in the mountains, alone, forever.

And this wouldn't be so funny except he is SOOOO into it.

This is yet another example of why certain people should not have offices with doors and why web cams should only be given to a select few..

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be On Bad Boy...-Toya

Tia and I are watching Making the Band 3 1/2 (it's been two seasons with the same idea and they still don't have a girl group yet)perplexed as all get out. Why are people still chasing Puffy (I will not call him Diddy, I will not) for record deals? When was the last time that Puffy broke an act successfully? Every act that Puffy has had has left him: 112, The Lox, Faith Evans, etc. Let's face it, Puffy promotes HIMSELF through his acts. You get signed to Bad Boy and your video is basically a Puffy commercial with you as his backup singers.

To use Puffy's phrase, the "crescendo" was when Andre Harrell turned to the ONE girl on the whole show that can sing and said that she had a gift from God, "an ANOINTMENT", as he put it.

As Jerome on Martin used to say, "Stop the presses, stop the damn presses!!!!"

An anointment???? As in some sort of holy Neosporin?

Combined, Puffy and Andre Harrell possess two of the worst track records in the industry. Could it be that the reason that they are having such a problem finding a solid group is because artists are finally hip to the fact that a career with Puffy is a fast TRANSCONTINENTAL EXPRESS-way to a 2 minute "Whatever Happened To" segment on Entertainment Tonight? Honestly, I am so sick. Do we really need another group of Pussycat Dolls?
Runaway Girl- Toya
Runaway Girl is one of my favorite songs by Anberlin, the official favorite BGLU band ever. We should sponsor one of their tours, I swear. Man, why can't we win the lottery!?!?!

Friday evening I got in my car and received a phone call from Mike asking me what I was doing. Itching for sympathy I explained that I had just gotten done sitting at a coffee shop for 2 hours waiting for the Pop-A-Lock guy to get my car door open in the freezing cold because I managed to lock my keys in the car with the ignition running. He asked "How did you lock your keys in the car with the engine running ?" in a condescending way that only those that possess the XY chromosome pair can ask. "Well, I took my hand off of the keys", I began slowly, " grabbed my bag, then opened the car door, locked it and then shut the door behind me." After a bit of silence in response to my smug answer he said "Well I guess that is one way you could go about doing it."

I was really mad at myself for doing that. I was mad because lately I have been running from responsibility in my life and not facing all that is going on. I was in such a rush to go kick it when I should have been home doing a number of important things and before I knew it I was in the freezing cold watching people walk by with sympathetic "Oh you poor idiot" looks on their faces as I am waiting for the guy to finagle his way into my car. I feel like I am trying to outrun a tidal wave. You see it coming and it looks small at first but the closer it comes you try to outrun it and there is no way to outrun a tidal wave. There are some things that seem to be piling up on me (bills, responsibility, matters that eventually everyone has to face) that seemed to be really small from a far but now I feel like they are all going to crash on top of me and I am not prepared.

I once told my mom that I had a problem with procrastination and she shut that down real quick. "Toy, procrastinators put things off but they eventually get around to doing those things. You just don't do them." Ouch. It's true. I can't get too specific but there are some things biting me in the butt now and also there are some things that are changing in my life that are good but downright scary and hard to deal with. Things that are going to take a lot of faith and prayer and risks. So what do I do? Overeat, overspend and overanalyze. So instead of tending to things this Friday afternoon, I found out that one of my best friends was taking a much needed extended lunch break downtown and I hightailed it without a thought. I got in my car, turned the music up really loud and got there in record time. Cause sitting at home and actually DEALING with things, the mere thought of doing so, scared me half to death.

It was an hour before I realized my keys were locked in the car. I was so excited to see Katie and not have to be alone with my thoughts. We went for sushi and even though I talked to her about what was going on, I still wasn't prepared to deal with any of it. Upon leaving, I looked for my keys and then returned to the coffee shop where we met up and still couldn't find them. I walked to my car and saw the keys in the ignition through the window. "I know that's not MY car I hear running." I thought and most likely said out loud. Sure enough it was. I calmly called roadside assistance through my insurance company and went back inside to call Tia.

I immediately knew that this was a lesson and thank God that it cost me nothing but time. I felt as if though God had put me on a time out. I had no choice but to sit there and wait and I couldn't come and go as I pleased. Tia said that if she was there she would have given me a hug and I told her that I didn't deserve one. I needed to buck up and get it together.

I have learned a lot of lessons in my 30th year of existence and they have all stemmed from the theme of not having as much control over your life as you think you do. That is scary to me. The bible says that many are the plans of a man's heart but it is the will of God that prevails. I don't like suspense and I constantly feel like I am currently living my life with violins playing in the background, building up at a slow steady, increasingly frantic pace. What I do know is that God does not give you a spirit of fear and while He may be preparing me for something tough, it is the enemy who tortures you with the what ifs.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Toya's Ramblings While She Lies on The Couch Cursing Eve for Her Monthly Troubles

1. Please check out the funniest blog I have ever seen in my life, Tia commented that this is what our blog would be like if we didn't hold back and trust me, as open as we may seem, we hold back a whole lot.
2. I found a live performance by Thicke on and it is PRECIOUS. Check it out.
3. When will Avant realize that he is NOT R.Kelly?

4. And speaking of R. Kelly, as annoyed as we are with Trapped In the Closet Parts 1-96, Tia and I will both admit that we cannot front on the fact that when he releases his CD full of remixes, we are trying to cop that along with Dru Hill's Greatest Hits and Jodeci's Greatest Hits. Aww, the 90's...

5. I have watched the BET 25 Special about 8 times now and am still convinced that the best moment was when BET 25 suddenly turned into Motown 25 and Bobby Brown broke out into "My Prerogative" ala Michael Jackson doing "Billie Jean". I swear, he is the Eddie Kane (Five Heartbeats) of our generation but I love him too death. I am surprised that my neighbors did not call the cops when New Edition was on because I was surely screaming like someone had stabbed me. They still cannot be touched.
6. Rent comes out this week with Jesse L. Martin. Lord, hold my mule... (only a few of yall will get that). I was excited about seeing it because it also stars Taye Diggs and Rosario Dawson. However, I am having second thoughts because

Sarah Silverman is in it and I cannot stand her after reading this in Rolling Stone:

She doesn't want to bear her own children. She has her real answer why: "I like kids, and I might adopt sometime in my forties, but outside of vanity, I can't find a reason for having my own right now," she says. And then she has her joke answer: "I always think I should get on it if I want to have kids. Because once you hit thirty it can be difficult to conceive -- it can be dangerous. The best time to conceive is when you're a black teenager."

WHAT THE @$%& !

7. Where is Res?
8. I OFFICIALLY hate The Black Eyed Peas and think that "My Humps" is the worst song since "My Neck, My Back". I give them 6 months before Fergie is on The Surreal Life.
9. I JUST started listening to Marc Broussard. I know, I know...


I won tickets to go see Kanye West and Fantasia last week and I do not want to hear one more word about Beyonce' ever again in my life. Why? Because Fantasia closed her set with Aerosmith's "Dream On" and is now my new hero. She ripped her entire set and had me singing "Baby Mama" like I was one.
11. Why is Jerry Springer still on the air? I would ask the same about "Cheaters" but umm, I am watching it right now. "Cheaters" is the worst show in the world for commitment phobes like me to watch but man, it is so entertaining! Oh my goodness, they have The Best of Cheaters on DVD!!!!! Ugh!
12. Speaking of guilty pleasures, I am hooked on Sex and the City now. I discovered that we also have it On Demand and fell in love with it because outside of the sex, I know all of those women on that show. I am a "Carrie" and Tia is DEFINITELY a Miranda. So as it stands, I will have to start watching it on TBS. Forget it. I need to stop watching it cause frankly, it's girl porn. I need to go cold turkey. Is it too early for New Year's resolutions?
13. Former love of my life Mos Def is MARRIED. Yes, he recently got married. And what was the response of at least 3 of my friends when I gave them the news via text?

"Well, at least you still have Common".

I still don't understand how one can doubt that there is a God. How in the world can you think that some atoms bumped into each other by happenstance and created somethin this fine?
13. To continue on the God's finest creations and guilty pleasures themes, Tia came downstairs one night and turned on Freddie Prinze's new show "Freddie". At first I was puzzled because the writing seemed so lame and she stood in front of the tv as if she was waiting for something. I watched her watch the TV for a while and then turned to look at the screen to find out what she was waiting on. When I found out, I screamed all the way until the commercials came on.

Three of my favorite words in the english language after Malcolm Jamal Warner...

Brian Austin Green. Yes Lawd!!!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Sometimes I am just amazed by technology...Really I am - tia

We have had this video for some time since I pilfered it off the internet. But we haven't had a way to share it with the people...UNTIL NOW!!!!

All I have to say is Remember Your Roots. Film is forever.

Merry Christmas to BGLUs everywhere...Love Tia and Toya

Free video hosting, video codes at

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

For Toya

We love you and hate you all at the same time.
Love Actually – tia

One of my favourite movies of ALL TIME is Love Actually. I finally broke down and bought it not too long ago, because HBO stopped running it every day and I wanted the option of a.) watching it at my leisure and b.) being able to skip the ridiculously unnecessary sex scenes. (I understand what they were going for with that particular relationship: that sex is not the basis of all relationships and that one can find love not based solely on the intercourse of two individuals. I get that. However, it was a completely pointless plot line that I feel wasted a lot of time.) Anyway, I think the reason that I love the movie is because I can sincerely relate to a lot of the characters. Specifically, Sarah and the Karl situation (I have pined away for many a boy and on several occasions gotten the guy who seemed to be the unrequited object of my affection only to have it not work out for whatever reason.) and sadly on one occasion Karen and her mentally philandering husband (thankfully we weren’t married or we would have had a ‘til death do us part moment. Basically I would have killed him.)

But recent events have put me in something of a Mark and Juliet situation. And well, the whole thing has officially, unavoidably, unequivocally and in all other ways put me out of the game.

It all started Monday night. I was in the airport in Cincinnati after what had to have been the longest 2 days of my life. The day before I had spent 5 hours traveling by plane (including layovers) and then an additional 2 hours driving to get to the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania only to work for less than 4 hours the following day and travel all over again. So you can imagine how excited I was when I saw that there was an earlier flight to Nashvegas that was boarding as I got off of the plane in Cincy. You can also imagine how pissed I was when the woman behind the counter wouldn’t let me on the plane because it was already boarding. She said she couldn’t do it. Funny, just 4 days ago at this VERY SAME COUNTER someone else let me change my flight and get on the plane even though it was already boarding.

I guess I was just tired, stressed and pissed because I just started crying. For real, I mean bawling. Delta personnel handing me boxes of tissues, counter personnel asking me if I’m okay BAWLING. I went and sat in the corner and quietly cried on the phone to my mother for an hour and then to Toya for 45 minutes and then Toya’s Tag called me and I whined to him for 30 minutes.

3 ½ hours after arriving in Cincy I boarded the plane home. I was in the first row with a very non-descript looking white guy. Although it is quite difficult to size up the person sitting next to you without them knowing it, I have, with my extensive travel, become quite proficient at it. iPod, Dickie work boots, shaved head, full backpack with a lap top compartment: He’s from somewhere in the Midwest on his way to Nashville on business. He’s no more than 30 or so. And he travels a lot.

10 minutes into the flight he leans over and asks me what I’m listening to on my i(solation)Pod. I don’t normally talk to people on the plane. I just don’t. And he didn’t strike me as someone who converses either. Especially since from the moment he sat down he had his headphones on and didn’t really acknowledge my presence. I was so taken aback that I said, “I don’t know.” He began to explain he knows what that’s like. You have so many songs that you just kinda lose track of what you have. But you don’t want to delete anything because you might want to listen to the obscure song that you just deleted. I said, “Yeah, because you just never know when you’re going to want to listen to Breathe’s Hand To Heaven.” After that the conversation just flowed naturally. It was weird. I hadn’t had a plane conversation in I don’t know how long. But that wasn’t the weird thing. The thing that struck me as odd was that the conversation was just flowing naturally. We were cracking up like we’d known each other forever. So as we began making our initial decent in the Nashville area he asked, “So are you dating anyone? Are you married?”
Me: No. Guys don’t ask me out
Him: What?!?!
M: Guys don’t ask me out. I mean unless that have gold fronts or they’re 13 or something.
H: So when was the last time that you were on a date?
M: A real date, when someone else pays and you go out and sit down and have a good time and such?
H: Yeah…
M: Well, I guess it would have to have been about 5 or 6 years.
At this point I was about to lean over and close his mouth for him because it was open for so long.

We then began discussing the current state of “dating” in the Nashville area. But in the end he said, “That still doesn’t explain why “YOU” are single.” You seem like a cool chick, got your head on straight, no wild kids running around, good job, smart, beautiful…so what’s the story?”

After vehemently explaining that there was no story, he final took me at my word and let it go. A few minutes later he leaned over and asked, “So what would you say if I asked you out?” “You mean like on a date?” “Yeah, I know I run the risk of rejection but better to ask you and you say no than to get to my hotel and wonder.” “You mean like on a date?!?!?” “…Yeah” “I would say ‘Yes.’” “You want to go out tomorrow night?” “Yeah.”

Since it was my town I was instructed to pick someplace nice and we would dine around 6.
M: Some place nice…? So no jeans and a t-shirt?
H: Maybe nice is different here in the south but t-shirts don’t usually qualify as “nice.”
M: (jokingly) Jeans and a button down shirt???
H: It has been a while for you, huh?

After exchanging numbers we agreed to talk the next day and finalize plans. And just so you know: His name is Cody, he’s 29, 30 on December 1, from Utah, travels about 75% and had a client to see in Nashville. Can I call it or what?

Because I needed a sanity break from work, as evidenced by the break down in the Cincy airport, I took the next day off. It was a beautiful day and frankly I didn’t want to spend it inside. Cody texted me throughout the day and we finally decided to eat at this new place in the Gulch.

He cleans up real nice and apparently so do I if his glazed over eyes were any indication. The night went well. We sat and talked for hours and then left and talked for several more hours. Throughout the night, he would just look at me and ask, “So, what’s wrong with you? There’s got to be something wrong with you. There is no way that no one has snatched up a girl like you.” Every time he would ask I would shrug and change the subject. Because, honestly, I didn’t have an answer.

At 3 am we both came to the realization that the night had to end. As he was walking me to the car he looked me in the eye and said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect.” Remember that scene in Love Actually, when Mark was holding up the signs for Juliet and one of them said, “To me, you are perfect.” That is one of the sweetest moments in movie history. But when it happens in real life it’s totally blows you away. So after one of the best hugs I’ve had in a long time and a kiss on the forehead that made me want to slap him (I really wish guys would NOT do the forehead kiss. It’s just UNFAIR.) I got in the car and immediately hit God up.

I know that He has it all under control. I know this. But I seriously would love to know why things like this happen. By all accounts, Cody is soooo my type. Except he’s Catholic (and lives in Utah, which is like the other side of the country.) I know to some it might seem like a cop-out. But Chris Rock made a great point in Bigger and Blacker. People in relationships from different religions have a really rough time of things. Because my relationship with God is not just “religion” it’s just one of those things I’m not willing to compromise on. I did it once with DISASTROUS results.

Anyway, I was really having it. I just couldn’t understand why to the guys that have no room for God in their lives I am utterly irresistible. But to the guys that actually love God I apparently emit some sort of anti-guy signal or something. There is a guy that I currently have a stupid bad crush on. He makes me laugh until my face hurts. He is so cute and he loves him some Jesus. My best guy friend in the whole world read his profile on myspace and said, “I like this guy.” But sadly, as great as I think he is, he is not checking for me. It seems to be the current trend in my life.

I know that God’s timing is utterly perfect. But at times it is also utterly frustrating. And because I am so tired, tired of the wrong guys, tired of pining away for the good ones, and well just tired in general, I’m out. For real, officially, and in all other ways out. I know I have said it before, but I’m for real. I’m out. I’m praying for the gift of celibacy. (My friend Josh just came over and asked me how I was doing. He got an earful ending with, “I’m out of the game.” He said you’re not out of the game. You’re just moving without the ball, which is sometimes just as important as moving with the ball. That’s a basketball analogy for those how don’t know. I said, “I’m not only out, but I’m not even on the bench. I don’t have my breakaway pants on or anything.” To which he politely replied, “But you’re still on the roster” and then walked away. I hate him.) But for the moment, I’m done. My brain, my emotions and my readyfuels can’t take it. So I’m officially on boy hiatus, indefinitely. I think I may even try to bone up on the life of Mother Theresa. Anyone know where the nearest convent is….?

What the.....? - tia

I like B and all but if anyone one of you catch me dressing my child up as her doppelganger, you have my permission to slap the taste out of my mouth and put my child in protective services.

picture courtesy of

Saturday, November 5, 2005

We Wanna Love U TOO Robin !!!! -Toya
First of all, I need to ask this one thing: Why is it that MY posts are always the ones to piss people off? Tia never seems to offend anyone. *sigh*

Don't know if any of you read the recent feedback to the The Artist Formerly Known as Thicke Post entitled "I am so, SO Angry" but we received a comment from a "Larry" who claims to be Robin Thicke's Music Director and keyboard player. To be honest, I am a bit skeptical to whether he is who he claims to be. I mean even Stephen Christian from Anberlin has posted on here a few times and I didn't believe it was him until I saw him and asked him myself face to face. Here is Larry's comment:

o.k. ......................I'm writing this little note to set the record straight about Robin Thicke.......................I stumbled onto your chat page and noticedall the crazy comments!!!!!!!!For those who are wondering let me introduce myself formally:I'm Larry .............................Robin's Music Director aand keyboardist.

(Okay yall, this is by no means a diss but I like how the punctuation was thrown in for dramatic effect. Like there was supposed to be a gasp and some background music going "Dunh Dunh Duuuuuuuunnnhhh." Dude, it's not that serious. We put our stuff on the WORLD WIDE WEB so we can't be shocked when the people we write about find our site. Glad you got a gig though.)

I played on the last album ,and the Usher song Robin wrote ( can u handle it )When i first saw ur comments i was a little perplexed??????????So naturally , the next day at rehearsal I told Robin about your chat board. He giggled a vit Ithen he agreed that i should write u all back to let you know .................YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GREAT THIS NEW ALBLUM ISS!!!!!!!11the first single was to help Robin get the long deserved exposure he's needed. You all clearly know about that well..He'll no longer be a well-kept secret !!So trust and believe , if any 1 of u are real fans ...get ready to be blown away. hint :lost without u

Larry's comment is the perfect segue for me to discuss something that has been on my mind as of late and that is the plight of the "artist". In his comment, he states that the first single was to "help Robin get the long deserved exposure that he's needed." Notice that even he didn't say that the single is actually good! For some reason, there has been such a "dumbing down" of the music consumer by record companies that breakthrough artists can't actually break through by being themselves.

For example, one of my best friends is my favorite artist. To me, he is the industry's best kept secret. For years he has sent me his work that he has done for other people and for himself and for years his material has always been a step above the rest. But recently, I heard some of the material that is actually going on his first record and I was a little disappointed that my favorites didn't make the cut. See the new stuff isn't awful. It's just not as inspiring. It doesn't give me the chills that his previous work did (by the way, if one of my best friends didn't escape my critiques what would make you think that Thicke, who I have only met twice about eight years ago, would get any less). He then shared with me that when he played his genius material for record execs, they looked at him like "We don't get it." When he played the more commercial material, the execs were like, "Oh that's hot!". He then said something to me that was very profound. "Stevie Wonder could not have come out with Innervisions as his first record." It is so true. Even The Beatles had to write trite little pop songs like "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" before they could get to "Eleanor Rigby".

I don't know if Nu America/Interscope is completely to blame for A Beautiful World's lack of success. It wasn't without promotion (3 videos, a Sprite commercial, a Hewlett Packard or Dell commercial that used I'll Be Alright, a feature on MTV's You Heard It Hear First and a promo spot that I saw numerous times on BET but however not much touring in the US if I remember correctly.) Almost every artist/producer/music snob I know owns and loves that record and all of its "abstractness". Commercially, an artist like Thicke is a risk for any record company and that's why we don't see many artists out like him. Hell we rarely even see singers nowadays. Record companies are signing cheerleaders and trying to pass them off as singers and signing gangstas and trying to pass them off as rappers. Tia and I were watching Chris Brown's video "Run It" and Tia said "I remember when you had to be able to sing AND dance to get a record deal." "Oh but see, no. Labels don't sign singers anymore." I replied. "They sign cheerleaders now. Look at Ciara. I wouldn't be surprised if the next group that came out was called Junior Varsity." Immediately, in perfect timing as always, the new B5 video came on and they were all wearing varsity team jackets. (Insert heavy sigh and rolling of eyes right about

A Beautiful World yielded no radio hits in the US not because the songs weren't catchy but because the current state of radio is crappy. However, Wanna Love You Girl is just catchy and simplistic enough that it may indeed be a hit. Annoying as all hell but catchy nonetheless. Hey, I have even caught myself singing it as of late. It has a certain Prince and the Revolution type feel to it. Like there needs to be a guy two steppin' in the background with a skinny leather tie and a keytar.

And while the song may be growing on me, I hate that video. I am with Tia when she says that videos now and days seem to be created from sort of tired template. I mean is there some sort of checklist?

Numerous half naked girls for close up booty shots... check!

Cameo by overly exposed producer/wanna be rapper...hell yeah and check!

As for the rest of the album, I wasn't blown away by the snippets I heard on the website either. And grant it, they are just snippets. My concern is that with Robin Thicke signing with Star Trak, using the same producers as Justin Timberlake and singing songs that sound as if his and Justin's vocals could be interchangeable and barely anyone would even catch it, the gap between him and JT just got very small. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to buy the new record though.

I am no less of a fan of Robin Thicke's than I was when he was Thicke. Being a fan doesn't mean that you like everything your favorite artist or sports team does. Being a fan means that you stick with them because you know that despite some shortcomings, they are great all around. So unless Robin does some old R. Kelly, Gary Glitter type mess, we are still fans. Hey we love his boy Jordan Knight too and he got it FAR worse in the concert review I did of him two years ago which I am pretty sure his road manager read because we personally gave him the link. This is BGLU and as Eddie said in Barbershop "no one is exempt".
RAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by tia

So Mr Spears is trying to rap. Toya said she thinks that it sounds just like every thing else. I disagree. In my opinion it sounds like HUGE, steaming Tyrannosaurus size POO. It is exceptional garbage. It takes skill to make something this bad.

I now know why Britney laughed at the boy when she initially heard his stuff. My question is who let K-Fed, as he likes to be called, go into the studio, lay down that garbage and then BLATANTLY lie to him and lead him to believe that he has some kind of talent.

I'm so angry. We don't NEED this. AT ALL.

It's so bad it's HAHALARIOUS!!!

Thursday, November 3, 2005

A Whole New World- Toya
I miss those days when I could turn on the radio and hear artists like Peabo Bryson and Regina Belle on the air. You know back in the day when you had to actually be able to sing to get a recording contract.

Due to a difference of opinion with one of my bosses (her opinion was she could talk to me any kind of way and my opinion was no the hell she can't) I am temping again! Oh. Happy. Day. Long story, don't want to relive it. Let's move on.

I started working at the library five minutes from our house around the beginning of September. Everything was fine and dandy until I received a call saying that they were moving some temps around to different branches and the one I would be transferred to is 20 minutes away. I was not at all happy. I spoke to one of my coworkers and asked her where the branch to where I would be transferred was. "Oh, you are going to the PJ's" she answered regrettfully. "The PJ's? What in the world are the PJ's" To you ignorant suburbanites such as myself, the PJ's are the projects.

On my first day, I got lost and when I finally arrived to a part of Nashville where I had never been before in my five years of living here, I have to say I was scared. Upon my arrival on Halloween I was greeted with a raw egg that had been thrown at the window. I lated found out that they used to throw bricks through the windows so I was not even about to complain.

This has been an experience that has changed my life forever. I am not proud of this but I realize that as a black person, I am very far removed from the black community. Now I am not saying that the black community is just limited to the inner city. However, this a part of the black experience that I am not familiar with and had I not been forced out of my comfort zone, may have never been faced with.

The library itself is about 1/5 the size as my neighborhood library. It has a small staff and a security guard. In the LIBRARY. This freaked me out. All is quiet except for the very beginning of the day and the close to the end of the day. The beginning of the day normally consists of residents of the projects across the street coming into use the phone every morning. Imagine if you were at your desk at work and someone off of the street came in and just picked up the phone to call Tyrone. You'd be in shock. Now imagine if you told them that it wasn't a public phone and that you needed to actually use it for your job and THEY were in shock, caught an attitude and threatened your life? Sounds like fun doesn't it? Didn't think so. Well that happened today. A guy came in like he does every day to use our phone. It truly is the fault of the employees there that they have been so lenient in letting patrons come in and just use the phone as if they were in their own house. Our supervisor Laurel was waiting on two phone calls and politely let him know that he would not be able to use the phone at that time. Unexpectedly, he got confrontational. He let her know that he had been using the phone every day longer than she had been working there and then one of my most hated phrases came out of his mouth "You don't know me. You can't talk to me like that." I don't understand why some grown people feel that you can't correct them if you don't know them. Before we knew it he was threatening to beat her up, then threatened to bring his sister to beat her up and THEN threatened to bring his boys up there with AK's. It was a delightful morning.

No one had ever seen this guy, around late teens, act like this. All of us there were women except for one male coworker who to my disappointment completely punked out when I felt he could've made a difference. While the guy was walking out, he turned to him and said "See, it's people like her. People like her that make it hard for us. I'm trying to go to Job Corps. I'm trying to get my life right." and then he continued on with the threats. My coworker stood there and did not say one word. Now Tia and I are fortunate enough to know a lot of great men, black, white, hispanic, etc. I cannot name one (okay, let's not include the real metrosexual ones that wouldn't want to scuff up there designer jeans) guy that would stand there and let a woman get harassed like that and secondly, could not be man enough to take that young man to the side and compassionately get to the root of the problem in love. To me, my coworker is a part of the problem. He'll let any of them use the phone and try to be their friend but he really isn't their friend. A lot of troubled teens don't just need friends, they need boundaries.

The po po didn't show up until a little over 3 hours later. Four cops nonchalantly walked in the door after taking a trip to the water fountain. Seeing no sign of urgency, one of them said that they got a call about a threat made with an AK-47. "Yeah, like 4 hours ago" I snapped back. I don't trust the police and I can't exactly trace back as to what incident sparked that mistrust. I vaguely remember as little girl something happening between my dad and a police officer and I knew that if they would wrongly accuse my father, who in my house IS the law of the land to us, they would wrongly accuse anyone. I bit the inside of my lips together to keep my smart, New Jersey sarcasm bred behind from saying one more word. Laurel had just gone on her hour lunch break and they promised to stop right back and they did; 2 and half hours later.

Blogger is trippin' so this is part one. Part two to come soon. But in the meanwhile, please pray for us down there.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

(Did I) Miss Again ?- Toya
How are you NOT loving Genesis? I mean, Phil Collins as lead singer, Genesis. Peter Gabriel led Genesis was just weird. But Miss Again, Throwing It All Away and No Reply at All are RIDICULOUS! I love them!

Hi, my name is Toya and I am a relationship retard.

Ever get the feeling that maybe you are one of those people that are just not cut out for relationships because you are either too guarded, too vulnerable or both? Meaning, too guarded because you are too vulnerable? I fall into the too guarded territory and have for most of my life until these past two years. Within these past two years, I found myself on the too vulnerable side, falling for what seemed to be the right guy who did the wrong things (Guy A) and then the wrong guy who did all of the right things (Tag). Let's not forget the fillers (the He's Just Not that Into Me Guy, Ross, and Mr. Beautiful Surprise.)

Let me go onto say that the LAST thing I wanted to do this year was to come on here and talk about another guy. PLEASE believe that. To my knowledge God and I had an agreement: 3 months of just Jesus and me. And I was ECSTATIC about that. I don't remember the last time I had that much peace. It wasn't out of fear that I didn't want anything to do with the opposite sex. It wasn't even out of frustration. I just like the idea of not liking anybody and no one liking me. In fact I liked it so much that I wondered if I could really live the rest of my life that way. Well the answer is no because well, while I am not all that amped about kids, I am that amped about sex. Let's move on.

So as history has shown, when I choose to go about my business I am usually hit with the unexpected. This unexpected came in the package of a really cute, brown skin brotha my age (No one in this town is my age I thought), who has the EXACT same passions I do, same tastes in music, same sarcastic sense of humor, loves him some Jesus and you want to know the crescendo? He can skate board.

Before anyone goes asking where our wedding registry is, know that it's not even like that. Let's call him Mike. A mutual friend told me about Mike a week to the day I had cried out to God to start mending my heart and make me content where I was. So anything short of LL Cool J's long lost twin that I thought was going to interrupt my newfound joy and security was gonna be a no. My friend Laura insisted that we meet because we had so much in common. And she's right. Once i had been around him a few times, I feared we had too much in common because at least 4 people have said the following words to me:

"He is a guy version of you."

It's so true. He is me times 2. Knows no strangers, eclectic but down as four flat tires and (gasp) at one point it seemed, was pretty interested in me. That was until I repeatedly turned him down when he asked me out for coffee. In my defense, I really could not go all 4 times that he asked me. Okay, maybe one of the times I could've made an exception, thrown on a hat and not relaxed my hair that night but I mean look, I am a busy person. I need notice.

I have made every excuse since the moment I laid eyes on him to not like him. Knowing that I am the queen of Ignore and Deny, Tia listened to my why nots and how I thought that this was all bad timing because it was not MY timing and came back with this as a response:

"I hope you like cats then."

I don't always like her. I love her, but I could've thrown her out the window for that one.

And I was perfectly fine with trying not to like him until it became frighteningly clear that he started to back off and for that I am admittedly insane, juvenile and controlling. What sucks is that my friends love him and he seems to be getting along well with each of them thanks to me who introduced him to all of them. Cause I am queen of the hook up. Just ask Tag and his new girlfriend that I set him up with.

So once again the cheese stands alone and I am starting to wonder if I intentionally sabotage myself sometimes. My dad shared with me a while ago that when he prays for my husband, he prays that God will send someone with patience. A really, looooooooong suffering type brotha. My best relationships have been with guys that I knew for a while before we even got together. I have to get over my nervousness and skepticism first but once I do I am the best girl that a guy could have on his side. But until then, I am a piece of work and I really don't know how to change that about myself.

All in all, I believe in God's timing. God knows my heart and He knows my struggle. He knows that I am open to His will even if it means that I have to come off of my 3 month hiatus and give the mere thought of dating a shot again (*shudder). I can't beat myself up for what I can't change and for what I feel my standards need to be for my protection. So did I miss again? No. I'm straight.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

not funny tia
hell to the naw

I have been known to laugh at things that are not funny. Things that are supposed to be sad, tragic, scary. Not in real life mind you. But on television, the radio and the web. For instance, last week I saw a commercial for Saw 2. Toya was sitting on the couch doing something and I was sprawled on the floor across the throw pillows wasting brain cells. In the commercial a guy gets shot. I laughed. Toya looked at me and said, "Something is wrong with you." But what she didn't see was that right before the guy got shot a girl told him not to do what it was that got him shot. Nobody wants to listen to the crazy girl until it's too late.

Anyway, I have a tendency to laugh at things that others may not find amusing. But THIS...THIS MESS IS FUNNY. It is freakin' hilarious to me. If you don't not come from any sort of religious background the site is lost on you. But if you have ever, ever, ever gone to church particularly a COGIC church, you'll appreciate the humour. Although I do wonder if this (and laughing at it) falls under the category of mocking the Holy Spirit. In which case it ceases to be funny. Be sure to check out the "shop" for descriptions.

Big ups to Lightchild from making this available to the people.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I am so, SO angry.-Toya

We here at BGLU are some serious Thicke fans so we are sad to say that there is no more Thicke. What we have here now is Robin Thicke AKA Thicke abducted by The Neptunes (I swear they are aliens).

Pharrell Williams is the guy that I hate to love. I love him cause he is a cute brotha that can skate board. I hate that I love him because he can't sing and yet insists on "P. Diddying" himself in people's videos.

The new video for the shamefully catchy but otherwise lame song "Wanna Love You Girl" can be found on the site. Maybe I am just mad because Thicke's label/management/the powers that be/ the devil that he sold his soul to did not do him and the classic "A Beautiful World" justice(only a few people are privy to that masterpiece) and he feels that he has to resort to this foolishness which just seems so uninspiring. Or maybe I am still mad that he cut all his hair off. Let's go with both. I just feel that this whole new image is going to have people asking when Justin Timberlake is going to come out with another album.