Thursday, September 30, 2004

Once In a Lifetime- Toya

I entitled this Once in a Lifetime after one of my favorite Talking Heads songs because of the line "And you may ask myself, how did I get here?" I love the part where he says "This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife!" (Sidebar: Technically,isn't "Once In a Lifetime a rap song? I don't mean a hip hop song, but a rap song. Like most of Eminem's cheesy rap songs. "My Name Is" is hardly hip hop. I'm just saying).

My friends and I need to pitch a reality show to Fox called "No Sex In the City". There have been some occurrences lately that I swear need to be put on TV. Tia's rental car got stolen yesterday and I cannot wait for her to post what happened because it is freaking hilarious! Nothing like that could ever happen to us without it ever being hilarious, thank God. It could have been a lot worse. All this happened last night while I was packing up to stay at a friend's house. I have a really good friend that has a great house that I like to stay at to get away. Grant it, it is down the street but it is so nice and neat. Not that our house isn't nice and neat but my room isn't right now and I can't think when it is like that. My mind AND my room can't both be cluttered. So I decided to stay here on my day off to do some much needed praying and fasting. It is 1 pm and so far I have only been sleeping and fasting. I'm getting to it.

Last night, I broke down and told Tia that I am having a serious problem with this Guy A thing. Again, "how did I get here?" A friend of mine was telling me how being single right now is such a great time in our lives because of all we get to do. No one was preaching that louder than me months ago. I LOVE being single. I didn't want to be bothered. Still don't. Some things you can't avoid and unfortunately, heart break is one of them. That's where the anger comes in. I did not ask for this at all. I was chillin'. I'd watch my friends go through heartache and I'd be thinking "That is not going to be me. I am careful. I don't let anybody in and it is going to stay that way until it is right". Pride always comes before the fall. Same as it ever was...same as it ever was.

What was before a "this is not about him but about disappointment" has finally turned into me admitting the fact that I actually do miss him. I'd spent a lot of time thinking about the situation but not so much thinking about him and that is when the breakdown started. Even Tia had to admit that he is an awesome guy. It would be different if he was just some jerk. Admitting this was huge because I hate hate HATE talking about things like this. I hate this part of feminine, emotional weakness. It is so weak and weird and whiny and stupid (only when it is me that is doing it.) That is why I had stopped journaling for a while. I usually journal in stream of consciousness and when I go back and read it, I think of how much of a sappy female I sound. Pride will keep you in bondage. If you are not pouring out to people but everyone comes to you, don't sit in a corner (Or like me, a coffee shop) and moan about how nobody understands you. Stop with the Jedi mind tricks. People can't read your mind. Tell somebody. Be honest. And that is why I am admitting. Not that Tia and I tell all of our business but we get some great emails from readers who say that we say a lot of what they are feeling and that our candidness helps them. I wouldn't be being honest if I acted like this was all alright.

So I am going to continue to go back to my day of fasting and praying. I am going to take out the sappy slow jams and put in Switchfoot's "Learning to Breathe" which starts with "Dare You to Move". I think that would be the perfect theme song for our reality show.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Toya's Ramblings
1. I have an addiction to caffeine that is unreal. UN-freaking-REAL. I tried to go without it for two days and wanted to slit my wrist. I am not lying. EVERYTHING sucked. I was so depressed. I gave in and had a diet Coke and started thinking that everything was right with the world. So I tried it again today and didn't make it past 5 pm. They need to make a pill for people like me who have to go into rehab. I have had some friends on heroin and who have had to go through detox and they have to take this medication so they don't REALLY freak out cause detox is no joke with or without it. Yeah, I need that.
2. BET Comedy Awards were so great last night. I mean, Renee and I were HOLLERING. As much as the Wayans brothers get on my nerves sometimes, I really do love and respect them. And LL Cool point
3. WHY DOES LL LOOK 18 YEARS OLD?!?!?! He looks like he stepped straight out of Krush Groove! That's somebody's daddy, that's somebody's daddy... and speaking of somebody's daddy...
4. Donald Faison won last night and of course I screamed like he walked in the room. I noticed that he thanked his kids and NOT his wife and was not wearing a wedding band. Hmm. I got excited for about .0000018 seconds before I remembered that this man has 5 children. Do I look like I want to live the life of Whitney Houston? Please.
5. I am b-r-o-k-e, BROKE. I am too old to be flat broke. I used to be broke and happy but lately, I am broke and well, broke. Which leads me to my first point. If I don't have my coffee in the morning, I will be depressed in a corner somewhere rocking back and forth thinking of ways to sell my entire music (CD and vinyl) collection and buy it all back in 3 months. Sell my collection of Rick Springfield records? Lord, please don't let it get that bad.
6. A few friends of mine have noted that white boys are getting REAL BOLD with the sistas around the South nonetheless. What happened here? Did Robert Deniro conduct some sort of online seminar entitled "You Too Can Pull a Black Woman"? Was there a secret meeting at the last Promise Keepers or something? I have been hit on (not just me but other sistas have expressed this) by more white men within the past month than ever before in my life. I have been on white boy hiatus for over a year. Yes, it is true. Not that I wouldn't date outside of my race (you really think I would turn Matthew "Good Googa Mooga" McConaughey down if he got right with Jesus and tried to holler? I didn't say I was gay.) but as Tia pointed out in her post entitled "Why" it is all about preference. My heart's desire is this:

Black Love.

Ladies and gentleman, I am talkin' about Camille and Bill Cosby, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, Jada and Will Smith, James and Florida Evans, George and Weezie type good ol' fashioned black love. I want to grow old with a black man. I want to be able to play India Arie's "Brown Skin" over and over and over and over again. Not that I have totally ruled out the "other brothers" but it would take a strong one. That's all I am sayin'.
7. And finally, Coby Bell from Third Watch. Who authorized this?

I'm going to need him to stop.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

What Kind of Fool Am I-Toya
I love the challenge of entitling every blog entry a name of a song

From what I hear, there was a guy on Oprah who wrote a book called "He's Just Not that Into You". I looked it up and found the first chapter on line. Here is an excerpt from the publisher from

He says:
Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you...

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men:

He's afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he's intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

I felt like someone had stabbed me when I read this mess. I am so mad at myself.

This guy is absolutely right but I am mad because I have been preaching this stuff for years. I mean YEARS. Like, to my babysitters that would watch me after school. I had one that would come home and help me with homework and then would be on the phone to her friends crying about some guy. At the age of 9 I knew what the deal was. I was always good for this type of advice. So why did I check my brain at the door this last time?

This is no one's fault but my own but because I usually hightail it in the other direction when confronted with the possibility of commitment, I took some advice that went against my better judgment. Advice like "It's okay to call him" "Let him know that you like him. Don't tell him but show him." This goes against everything I believe in and have been taught growing up. But I started to think that I was too mean and calloused and that I should soften up. I can look back and tell when things started to go weird in my relationship with Guy A. It got weird when I got weird. I started acting out of character. I don't even think that I was being myself a good part of the time.

I am not trying to go back to my old skeptical, commitment phobic ways but I have learned my lesson. A guy is practically going to have to beat the door down for me to even consider because this crap is for the birds. Uh uh. Thank God that I have had some friends walk me through this because I have never felt this stupid in my life.

One thing that God spoke to me about during praise and worship in service today is that being vulnerable is not a bad thing. It is what you are being vulnerable to. Opening myself up, putting my heart on my sleeve is not bad but for whom? One thing that has helped is making myself available to others. Everytime I start thinking about me, me, me I have to think that there are people that God has put in my life for me to encourage and be affectionate towards. All of that energy I was willing to give to Guy A isn't bad but just misdirected. There is an appropriate time for everything. This is not the time. And thank God! It could have been a disaster.

So I am almost over it. I say it because the issue isn't him. Very little of this has to do with a guy. It has to do with the finally being willing to open up to something that wasn't meant to happen and dealing with that disappointment. I actually found myself acting out like a child. You know when a kid is desperate for attention and starts acting bad and stealing stuff? Well, I didn't steal anything but let's just say I won't be going out for the next couple of weeks because I started to wild out like I did back in the day. It was like I started to feed into the attention that I have been getting from guys to ease the pain of disappointment and hurt. That type of behavior is insatiable. You can never satisfy it. Even though I liked the attention, not all attention is good attention. Too often when a woman doesn't get the attention that she has come to expect be it from a father, a husband, or some man who has broken her heart, she will look for attention in the wrong places. It is the enemy's specialty to make sure that she finds plenty of it. So before I make a really, really bad and embarrassing mistake (this town is TOO DAGGONE small), I need to stay my fast tail at home for a while.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Questions - by tia

Why do guys smell so yummy sometimes? Shouldn't this be against the law, as scent is one of the most powerful senses known to man? I mean, have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks by the smell of some guy? It is so dangerous. I had a flashback from 1994 b/c some guy walked by me smellin' like the guy I dated Junior year of high school. DANGER, DANGER.


Why do we have crushes? And when we have them, why are they sometimes on people that you:
A. Don't need
B. Don't really want, or
C. Can't really have in the first place.

I'm not trying to be anti-girl or anything, but for the most part I think crushes are stupid. I have better things to do with my time than pine away for someone who probably doesn't know that I exist. At least not as anything more than "Tia, my homie." So the fact that I have a real live crush on a real live person (as opposed to like Orlando Bloom or Jason Mamoa, people I don't know) frustrates me to no end.

Why am I such a geek? Why am I so excited about the Star Wars Trilogy? Seriously, I can not wait until tomorrow. I will be at Wal-mart BEFORE work so that I can purchase the set and watch it the minute I get home. If I had a Storm Trooper costume, I would TOTALLY put it on and wear it around the house. YES, I am a nerd. NO, I do not care what you think.

Why is Christmas like 3 months away? Where did this year go? And why will I be coming around on my 28th year on the speck of dirt that we call earth?

What is up with half of the people I know not being registered to vote? You are NOT allowed to whine about the state of the nation if you don't vote. It is strictly forbidden. I think it might actually be illegal.

Why did I just notice how much time I just wasted writing this post and must now get back to work?
What A Fool Believes-Toya

It Could All Be So Simple, but You'd Rather Make It Hard
-the great Lauryn Hill

We had so much fun at Ren's b-day party last night. My friend Dee came over and jokingly asked where "my man" was referring to aforementioned year and a half crush and I said "I don't know and it is no longer a thing to discuss." In shock, she asked why so we went outside and I told her about 10 seconds that changed my life.

I love the way men think sometimes. It is so practical. It is problem/solution. Not a whole lot of what ifs when it comes to the male mentality. It is what it is. After discussing Guy A with a number of girlfriends, I heard a number of things. "He's scared. I'm sure he likes you." "Just give it time, it's obvious he likes you. You know how guys are." I have some good girlfriends. Actually I have the best girlfriends that any women on this earth can ask for, hands down. But sometimes, you gotta hear it from a man. So I asked the man in my life, my dad, what the deal was and the matter was settled in a matter of 10 seconds,

Dad: Does he call you?
Me: Hmm. No.
Dad: Then he doesn't like you.

That was that. My dad and I have a great relationship. Coming up, my dad and I used to take long trips and he would tell me about the game he used to run on girls so that I wouldn't fall for the same "okie doke" as he would call it. He has always been open with me about relationships and sex and his advice is priceless. My dad will not gas me up at all. He tells it like it is. And he is absolutely right.

It doesn't matter how long me and this guy have talked on the phone or in person. It doesn't matter how personal our conversations have been. It doesn't matter how many times I or anyone else has caught him looking at me. It doesn't even matter how long we've touched or if we have held hands. It is in a man's nature to be the pursuer of a woman ;anatomically, it is obvious (let it marinate). The fact of the matter is if he doesn't call you, he doesn't like you. And if he later decides to bow up and say that he did when it is too late, the fact is he didn't like you ENOUGH.

Case in point, the other day a guy asked me out and I was so startled I told him that I had to get back to him. I cannot remember the last time I heard the word "date" come out of a man's mouth. What is so crazy is that I don't believe that this guy sees me as his type. He is so Type A White Guy (See Damon, it is not my fault. I don't go around asking for this, trust me). We've done business together and frankly, that is what I thought he was calling about. Called me up and flat out asked me out. I was in the middle of chaos with Renee's party so I couldn't get my thoughts together. So I told him that I would call him back. He liked me, he went for it. Whether I am feeling him or not, I can definitely respect that he is a go getter.

So after I layed this little nugget of knowledge on my friend last night she said "Man, I gotta meditate on this! I came over here for some cake and a good time and I don' got set free!" Yes, the truth will set you free. I wish I could say that knowing that Guy A is attracted to me but does not like me is enough to make me not like him anymore but it isn't. I am pretty sick about it actually and it hurts because I am crazy about him. But you know what? It'll pass. Emotions are just emotions and facts are facts and it is what it is.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

A Challenge to Women Everywhere-Toya

I am going to say something that might make me unpopular and not very well liked at first but hopefully at the end of this, you'll be pickin' up what I am puttin' down:

I think I'm pretty.

Yes, I said it. I think that I am pretty. Not so much when I wake up in the morning and definitely not when I was hurling my guts out during my cousin's wedding reception but I have pretty much settled this matter within myself that I am a pretty girl. I am quite confident about this in such a way that if someone was to say I wasn't, it really wouldn't make a difference. This was not always the case.

I can't tell you the number of compliments I have received on my looks but I can definitely pin point some hurtful insults that I have received in the past ; too fat, too dark, bucked teeth (next to salvation, braces are the best gift I have ever received in my life. I have yet to see anyone with teeth more jacked up than mine were); Almost anything from butt too flat, chest too flat to just straight up "she's ugly". I have been insulted by classmates, family members, and little boys in high school that didn't like me back (oh, but believe me, they tried to holler later). If asked, it wouldn't take me long to recall what hurtful thing was said and who said it to me. On the other hand, I can't say that I didn't grow up receiving a good number of compliments on my looks either. With that being the case, why is it that the minimal amount of insults I have received stick out much more than the majority of compliments I have received?

I believe that as females we are taught early on in life by other females to accept these insults as truth rather than focus on what is actually true and that is that all beings created by God are beautiful regardless of society's standards. And it all started with one simple accusation:

"Oh, she thinks she's cute".

How many times have you heard a female say that? As if thinking that you are cute is a BAD thing! One does not to need to be on the receiving end of this accusation to understand that in no way is any female to think that she is cute if they want to be accepted in among their peers, particularly in school. You are to downplay every compliment in fake modesty and constantly ask your friends if they think you are fat (as if you REALLY want to know). Who came up with this? Oh yeah, the father of all lies: satan. Twerp.

I started pondering this after Tia got a birthday card from a friend that listed a bunch of things that one should do to celebrate their birthday. One of the suggestions was to reply to someone one, rather matter of factly, "You're right. I am pretty." We laughed a good while about that. But as I thought about it, I remembered a hilarious episode of Third Rock from the Sun when (what's her name-the tall alien) found out that she was attractive for a human. She got ridiculous. She found that she got preferential treatment because by our society's standards, she's a hot girl: tall, thin, white, shapely. I'm not hatin'. She's a-ight. But it got me wondering, how would women act if they truly believed that they were pretty?

Let's not even say pretty. Pretty is subjective and overrated. How about cross culturally, undeniable to gay and straight men, Beyonce', Halle Berry, Janet Jackson, (fill in the blank), beautiful? Would you put up with the same abuse from people that maybe you have allowed yourself to tolerate in your life? Would your standards suddenly get higher? Would you expect people to treat you differently? If a really hot guy seemed to be checking you out, would you believe it or start looking around to see if maybe he was looking at someone behind you? Would you let him get away with more than the average Joe because you didn't think that you measured up to being with someone so attractive?

One day, I tried it. It's not that I though that I was ugly. I just thought that I was someone with an outgoing personality that made them attractive. That it was not so much my outside that people were complimenting, but my love for life and God that showed on the outside. And while there is nothing wrong with that, I constantly found myself comparing myself to other women. "Enough people tell me that I am pretty." I thought. "What if I actually acted like I believed it?" So I tried it. Changed my whole life. I started noticing things about myself that I actually liked without comparing myself to anyone else. I started seeing myself as a unique creation. I started to see myself as God sees me: a work of art. If God thinks I am beautiful, who cares what anyone else thinks. Isn't He the final authority?

I am not talking about thinking that you are better or more beautiful than anyone else. I am talking about you accepting you, as is and not 20 pounds from now, as beautiful. So here is the challenge: I want every women reading this to make up in their mind, if just for a day, that they are absolutely beautiful. I want you all to walk around with it plugged in your mind "Hey, I am beautiful. Stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. Man, I am hot! Aint nobody finer than me." Trust me. You will smile more and you will learn to appreciate yourself as the wonderfully made creature you are. Just try it, gorgeous :O)

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Ever see somebody SO fine...

that if you saw them on the street, you would scream directly in their face? Who authorized this? Anybody see Johnson Family Vacation? Jason Momoa is ... I don't even want to talk about it anymore.-Toya

Friday, September 17, 2004

Bands Conclusion-Toya

Ok, so I finally saw the New Kids on the Block Bands Reunited. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I wish we could put a sound byte of the side splitting laughter that occurred when they rolled up on Danny Wood! It must have been nothing to play with if they didn't even show a little of it. You know the networks like controversy. That man is nooooooo joke. One day I have to tell my Danny and Donnie story. Hilarious! Anyway, the only part I missed was when they talked to Jordan and I am not even concerned about that. Apparently, there is not much that Jordan is not willing to to do right now so I am not surprised that he said yes. I told my brother that I thought something was wrong with Jordan because he doesn't act right and he said "He's broke! He acts like a man that is broke." I doubt that Jordan is broke. Well, all the way broke. Like Mr. T broke. I don't know.

I do appreciate them not ambushing Jon Knight (who looked gorgeous) and being sensitive to his issues. Remember he was on Oprah talking about anxiety attacks and stuff? And that was the fault of the fans. I don't understand how people can call themselves fans and constantly do things to endanger the lives and sanity of the celebrities they claim to love.

Some people said that Joey was a jerk but he has some things on the line. I liked how he asked "is this a contract?" Joey knows about those "contracts". I ain't mad at him.

NKOTB fans need to understand that we had our Bands Reunited moment when Face the Music came out. Sorry about your luck if you missed the tour. The way I have come to understand it, they were pretty much split before that record and came together to make it. Their last performance on Arsenio was pretty much it. A friend of mine has some footage of them in Italy from around that time and they look like they could kill each other.

New Kids fans are the best/worst fans. Best, because they are loyal. If you told me Donnie Wahlberg was down the street at Starbucks right now I would probably make up some lame excuse of why I would be late for work today. They are the worst because a lot of them are not realistic. Ask anybody sitting at the table with me at Jordan's show last year. "Take your shirt off Jordan! Woo!"

Woo, huh? Not so much. As they got older, we got older. It's time to let it go.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

Dress You Up In My Love-Toya

Because of some changes at the mall were I work, I am temporarily working in the Men's Sportswear department. My thing is this: if you know a person has a fixation on donuts, don't give them a temporary assignment at Krispy Kremes. This has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it's a nice change to what I normally do which is trying to convince women that a certain wrinkle cream will change their lives forever. A curse because I am constantly surrounded by clothing that reminds me of the guy who recently blew me off. I mean it is like I work in his closet. It was pretty hard at first. Also, I am pretty much being paid to flirt with customers. Monday,they must have sent out an email to all twisted and dreadlocked brothas in the area because a good number found their way to my department. Jesus, keep me near the cross. Another minus is constantly getting hit on by men old enough to be my father and none of them are David Bowie, Sting, or Bono.

I feel like I am going through a second puberty almost. You know when you are little, you think the opposite sex is yucky? Grant it, this lasted for only about the first 4 years of my life, but I vaguely remember. And while I have always appreciated the male gender, I am noticing them in a whole new way since working in this new department. Boys are cute, guys are great; men, are better.

Because of this massive sale we are having, women are coming in by the bus load to shop for the men in their lives like their husbands, boyfriends, fathers, and sons. As I was ringing up clothing by Lacoste, Ralph Lauren (Polo is my absolute favorite I have found. It is soooo soft!), Hilfiger and Kenneth Cole, I found myself secretly desiring to have someone to shop for. Sad but true. So I started thinking "I have guy friends. There has to be someone I can help shop. Who do I know would appreciate a nice Geffrey Beene tie (besides the obvious guy)? I need to get this out of my system." And then it came to me: Eric.

Eric is our homie. He is a cross between Noel from Felicity and Brendan Frasier. He is a great friend, a great dresser. and has also done some modeling (i.e. Eric is hot. I mean that in the most platonic way). I knew he would be perfect and help me get this out of my system. So I told him about the sale and he came in yesterday. I was so excited when I saw him! We had so much fun! And I learned a lot. I didn't know that guys had to buy clothes based on so many different things:neck sizes, arm length, waist & height... Goodness! And when shopping for a guy you have to take different things into account: what will bring out his eyes, will the shirt make him look short or too broad, can he wear the same tie with 3 different shirts and it will look like three different outfits... I now understand why there are straight male designers who design women's clothing. They simply want to see women look good because they enjoy looking at good looking women. He thanked me repeatedly and I felt guilty because it really wasn't all for him. It was for me.

Had I known this earlier in life, I would have changed my career course to stylist. Think about it: someone has to help Matthew McConaughey shop. Can you imagine dressing him up in what YOU thought he would look good in? It seems so selfish, so wrong. But yet, so thrilling. There is something really wrong me.
Retail Therapy?
by tia

I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I figured I would share.

So I was in the Navy of Old yesterday, looking for a top to match the skirt that I'd just purchased at Lane Bryant. (Thick Girls Unite) As the skirt had odd tints of green in it, I thought it wise to take said skirt with me so that could actually match the clothing. I sashayed into the fitting room with all of my tops in hand. As the associates in the Navy were slacking, not one of them had offered me one of those see through in-store shopping bags. (if you're wondering why I'm being so hard on the store and it's associates, it's because I used to work at an Old Navy. I know how things are supposed to work) Anyway, the little boy did his job and asked me how many items I had. Incorrectly, I said 4. He asked if he could take them for and I answered YES. That should have been clue Number 1 that I wasn't trying to steal anything.
As I began trying tops on I realized that I had 5 items. It was at that moment I heard a faint but distinct scraping sound on the door. Kinda like someone was changing the number on the handle. As I walked out of the dressing room to gander at myself in the 3-way full length, I noticed that the little twerp had indeed switched the numbers. Now in my mind the honorable thing to do would have been to let me know, as he was putting the garments in the fitting room, that, "Ma'am I don't know if you noticed but you have 5 items here." This would have either:
A.) deterred me from stealing had that been my motive or
B. ) Let me know that you respect me enough as a customer to note my discrepancy in a mature way but also in a way that would not fully embarrass me.

Anyway, I probably should have let it go. But, alas, I did not. So after I tried on everything, I neatly folded it all, according to the Gap, Inc method of retail folding, (sleeves in with 1/4 in material out,then sides in, then folded in half, turtleneck out the front and then folded forward. I spent WAY too much time working retail while I was in college.) grabbed the number off of the door and walked out of the fitting room. Cheery eyed as ever the little boy asked, "How did those work for you?" As I laid (lay?, grammar) the garments in his hand I said, "They didn't. And next time, just tell me I miscounted." Flabbergasted, I receive what I think may have been an apology as I Beyonced away. (def: Beyonced-past tense-To walk, stride, stroll in a manner likened unto a Beyonce Knowles; note Crazy In Love video)

Whatever, man. I'm probably making the proverbial mountain out of a mole hill but the whole situation just struck me as RUDE. And should he try that with someone less, shall we say tactful, than myself it could have been a bigger incident. It was probably one of those times when I should have turned the other cheek. I don't know man...

It's probably just me....

Monday, September 13, 2004

Because sometimes real life is funnier than fiction

My boy...excuse me, my MAN Lightchild, called us last night to inform us that we had to check out his blog, Now I was thinking that he had some funny anecdote like he usually does and was grossly unprepared for what I was about to see. I should have known that it was all kinds of hilarious because he wouldn't let us off the phone until we saw.

I was not ready.

OOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I HOLLERED!!!!!!!!!!! I RAN!!!! I CRIED!!!!! I laughed so hard my head hurt. Toya did more of the same. I thought the both of us were going to pass out from laughter. I think Toya may have busted a gut. She was holding her side pretty hard.

At what point in the board meeting did this come up? And WHY didn't someone say something? I mean, are COC people that behind the times that they didn't know that this could be...shall we say a double entendre?

And who leads worship? Vanity 6? Is the church slogan "Pimpin' aint easy"? Can they even have a Sunday night service or is every body at work?

Okay I'm going to stop before I get a call from one of MY pastors.

Further Questions by Toya
1. Does the pastor read from the King James Version of the bible or the RICK JAMES version of the bible?
2.Is the Pastor Bishop Don Juan?

We have TOO many jokes...
Forget Usher
by tia

I now officially cannot stand Ur-sher. I could forgive the fact that he was ALWAYS taking off his shirt. (We get it. You have nice abs. And...?) I could even forgive the arrogance that he emits every time I read about, see or hear him. (BTW, I don’t find him all that attractive. He kinda reminds me of a Sharpei puppy. But that’s just my opinion.) And if he did in fact cheat on Chilli (is it 2 Ls? It's going to have to be for today.), then I can forgive that too. Why? Because if he was in fact perfidious, he needs our forgiveness and our love because he is OBVIOUSLY crazy. I mean, really. Have you seen Chilli? That is a bad broad. She is grown AND sexy and you want to play her for some chicken head. Boy, is you STOOPID?!?

But for all of the supposed and actual past indiscretions, I cannot forgive Mr. Raymond for his current faux pas. Because:
A. ) He is just being greedy and
B.) It effects my money.

I’m not going to front like I’m not feeling Usher’s most current release Confessions. I even wrote a little something on it not to long ago. He got my $12.79 and I was cool with that. What I’m not cool with is him trying to finagle ANOTHER $12.79 out of me. According to, a new version of Confessions will be released on October 5th. The cd will have his duet with Alicia Keyes’ (a song that I have yet to hear and I’m not sure why) as well remixes of Throwback (my favorite song on the album) and Confessions Part 2. Seriously, why? Why must he capitalize on the people’s need for music? Why weren’t these songs brought to the table initially? Hmm…WHY?!?!?

I think the real reason that I’m mad is because come October 5th, I know good and daggone well I will be at Walmart shelling out another $12.79. I’m pissed because that marketing scheme is GENIUS and I will be one of the many (one of the few…I love you John) that will help Ursher attain the diamond status (10 million sold) that he is striving for. I guess I’m not mad at him. I’m mad at myself…No wait…I’m mad at him. Greedy chump!!

Sunday, September 12, 2004

I Can't Sleep-Toya

My mind is racing and I can't sleep so I should write. "Waiting to Exhale" is on for background noise and it is on my favorite part. Gloria meets Marvin. It still has not hit me that Gregory Hines is dead. He was so gorgeous. It seems as if he was just here for a short while and "went away". Like Aaliyah. She's not gone, she just "went away". OOOHHHH and I forgot that Donald Faison is in this. Good times, good times. This is such a great movie. I was happy to support this movie on opening weekend. I noticed that that entire week, sistas were SO nice to each other. I remember walking to the theater and sistas I didn't know were just smiling at one another and waving. There was one brotha that got bold and brought his white girlfriend there. I remember hearing all the hubbub behind me. "Oh no he didn't." "How is he just gonna..." That was a bold move. So you can just imagine how homegirl sank into her seat when Angela Bassett hauled off and knocked the devil out of the white girl that her husband slept with. I wanted to tap her and say "You know, don't think you're in the cut cause it is a matinee show. I bet he told you that, didn't he?"
Don't Sleep on This Band- 4th Avenue Jones-Toya

The best freaking band on the planet right now is Cali's own 4th Avenue Jones. Period. Ahmad Jones had a hit in the 90's with "Back in the Day" (remember, "back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore/but somedays I sit and wish I was a kid again?"). Check out their website They are just what this industry needs right now. What is so cool about them is that they are no more hip hop than they are rock than they are soul. Hope that makes sense. They are the perfect combination of all three.

I went to an industry showcase that they did Thursday night and they wore us all out. I guarantee that every artist in that room went away thinking "Man, I suck. I need a better show." They blew everyone away. The band consists of Ahmad, his wife Tina who sings so hard, YOUR throat will start hurting, Timmy Shakes, their bad anus guitarist, a violinist who is amazing and some other musician that are incredible. Their new album comes out in October but get every last album that they have. They will be collector's items some day.

On a slightly different note, Ahmad introduced a song that he was going to sing as a song that he would like to sing to his wife. Why was it "Love Song" by The Cure. WHHHAAAATT????!!!!! My friend Danielle, a fellow Cure fan, ran up next to me when he sang it. I turned to her and said, "Can I get a brother that will sing Cure love songs to me?" Lord, if you would so bless me. I swear if I find a brotha that would sing "Just Like Heaven" to me, Tia would have to change this blog to "Black Girl Like Me" because yall would never hear from me again. I am so serious.

Before I get into this, anyone seen the video for Outkast's "Prototype"? Sometimes ideas look good on paper. And then...not so much. That mess is crazy.

Within the past few months I have run into a good number of prototypes. Basically, the wrong guys saying all the right things, looking and smelling the right way. Kind of like "Oooh. Not you but someone a whole lot like you and even more like Christ would be great." I told a high school girl that I mentor this morning that you don't make exceptions and lower your standards for someone just because they are in the limelight. I don't care if they are in sports, music, politics, whatever. If they are not up to your standards, they need to raise theirs.

The world wide web is too small so I won't be specific but there is an artist (not so famous) that my new partner in crime Aby and I have been drooling over for quite some time now. He doesn't live in Nashville and we used to see him pretty often. Any other night he would look around me, through me, over me but recently it changed. I'd catch him looking at me, he'd catch me looking at him but not a word. Then one night, for "business reasons" I found myself having to talk to him. I really did not want to. I was too nervous and figured that what I had to talk to him about would come across as an excuse. So I found my way to the back to where he was after a set to talk to him. Now I noticed a slight hint of reefer (that term is so old but I like to use it), in the air which was to be expected because of where we were. However, it got stronger as I made my way to where he was (I know some light bulbs are going off for some of our friends out there and no he is not a Christian artist. More of a "positive, conscious" type artist.) Anyway he was standing behind a pretty tall brotha and I said "Hey so and so, can I ask you a question?" Peaking from behind to see where this little voice was coming from, he peered around, squinted his eyes and looking very pleasantly surprised said "Yes! Oh yes! Yeah, definitely. Hey!" We talked about his work and then he did something that I have seen way too many times before in places that I have worked such as backstage at concerts, recording studios, clubs and autograph signings but have never been on the receiving end of: he flashed the "Aww, Yes. And Now, I Have the Panties" smile.

This Alice In Wonderland Cheshire Cat type smile has been perfected by most romantic type singers. The ones who most of you probably have in your romantic, married music, slow jam type collections. It is the smile that says "She believes every lyric I have said and my work is half way done". If I have seen it once, I have seen it a million times. This is why as much as I love John Mayer, I have a hard time believing that he is really that sensitive and sincere. I am not falling for it. In textbook fashion, he got a little closer and his voice got a little softer. We got to talking and then it occurred to me that I had found myself in between a "puff puff pass fellowship", if you know what I mean. Ever step outside a situation and wonder if you have been setup? Trying not to miss out on his "turn" he asked if I would hit him up after the show so we could exchange numbers. Trying to make my way out, I told him that I could probably handle this matter on my own and thanks. He said no need to do that, and for me to come by later and give him my number. I said okay and walked away.

No, I didn't give him my number. Yes, that mess was difficult. Why? He's hot for one. For two, flustered with my indecisiveness, I had a bunch of lame reasons to give him my number. The only reason I could come up with against it was just that:I was coming up with too many excuses for something that I knew in my gut would have been a bad idea. So I fled. I mean like Joseph fled. If I would have had a multicolored coat, I would have left it. A couple days later, I randomly ran into a friend of a friend who had what I asked this guy about and so I wound up not needing him anyway. That's God. I am not saying this guy is a bad guy and can't be trusted. I don't know him. I know ME. If we would have gone out, we would have made out. Plain and simple. He doesn't live here! If you have been reading this blog long enough, you are aware of my commitment issues. It would have been a perfect situation if I was the old me. I don't do the whole "friends with benefits" thing anymore. I am too grown for that, have no time for that. The "clock" is ticking.

I used to think that the term "guard your heart" was so christianese and legalistic. Kind of like courting vs. dating. But I am realizing that it makes perfect sense. I went home that night and looked up a lot of verses on temptation. The bible says that God will make a way of escape for any temptation. There is always a way out but too often we choose to walk into something blind as if we're invincible. I have done that and have come out a little dusty but now the consequences would just be too great. It's not worth it.
I Thought I'd Be Loving Them Forever-Toya

New Kids on the Block were a big part of my high school years. TOO big a part. I got a 100% on this New Kids quiz. It seems like as of late, they have crept back into the limelight, some of them, reluctantly. I am hurting. Bear with me.

Jordan Knight on The Surreal Life

Yall, GIT YOUR BOY!!!! What on earth happened to Jordan Knight? It is so painful. Is it just me or does Jordan seem like he is not all the way there? Ever see someone who experienced a bad LSD/Acid trip and they have not fully recovered? It is like watching someone waste away with Alzheimer's. This is what Jordan Knight reminds me of. Maybe he is on medication. I didn't want to watch the show for the same reason I didn' want to see him perform last year. I think if you want to have people take you seriously, don't go on a show thats main purpose is to exploit B-rate, has been celebrities (can someone tell Ryan Starr this? Poor girl. never made it off the starting block.) By doing this, you are admitting that you are one. That is NOT a comeback move. Who is his manager? I decided to watch it in hopes that maybe things aren't as bad as they seem.

Jordan comes off as someone's perverted stoned uncle that one would not want to bring their girlfriend around. When Dave Coulier of Full House got to the house, Jordan said "Oh, the Olsen Twins. I wouldn't mind getting in the jacuzzi with them".

*Crickets...more crickets

No one said a word. Dave Coulier was pissed. Not a good first impression.

I had it on mute most of the time because the show is pretty much unbearable. My question is this: is Jordan scared of crowds like Jonathan was? He has a thing about privacy that is quite disturbing. However, I don't entirely blame him. If there was a chance that I could wake up with that half naked amazon Brigitte Nielsen towering over me, I would barricade myself in my room too.

Bands Reunited

I almost don't want to write about this because I haven't seen the New Kids one yet. Tia saw it and we talked about it last night. I already knew that there was a snowball's chance in hell that they would get back together. Face the Music was pretty much their "Bands Reunited" album. They couldn't stand each other. I couldn't wait to watch it because I wanted to see which one of them cussed the camera people out:Danny or Joey.

I already hear that Danny Wood was NOT havin' it. People sleep on Danny Wood because he was in a boy band. He is NOT a Hanson brother, okay? Remember, he was the swoll one. I was around Danny once and can say this: you don't want to roll up on him because he will surely roll up on you and not in a way that one would like for him to. To make it worse, he had just dropped off his kids, too? Ahmir is lucky he didn't wind up like the host on Cheaters.

Joey has cussed some folk in his day regarding talks of a New Kids reunion but from what I hear, he was pretty a-ight. I can't believe he even considered it. Donnie, again, another grown anus man. Was not havin' it. Couldn't even get him on camera.

And even if they DID do it, do we really want to see that? If you are thinking that you might, let me spare you. You don't. Looking back, even though Jordan did sing a Luther Vandross song at my request, I really wish that I had not seen Jordan last year. I wanted to remember Jordan as that guy that sang Baby I Believe in You with the air blowing and the pompadour haircut and tail blowing in the breeze. Once again this is a reminder that all things must come to an end and yes, I am getting old.

Thursday, September 9, 2004

More Words Because I Can
by tia

It is atrocious how much time I am forced to spend alone. I travel with my job on the regular. Sometimes I get to go to really fun cities (New York, Philly, unbelievably St. Louis, where I must admit I have crazy pull..I mean I know I’m fine but DANG…I’m kidding. Not about being fine, but about being vain about it…Oh, nevermind) other times I’m forced to go to places that apparently don’t have a large population of
A.) Educated People
B.) Black People
C.) People
Out of courtesy to these cities (read: we may have readers there) they shall have to go nameless. But regardless of where I am, 99.5% of the time I’m alone. And let me tell you, after a while it starts to blow. There’s no one there to talk, or if need be drag, you out of Delia’s. No one sees the painfully hot mall security guard hit on you. (A man that hot should not be doing mall security.) You have to eat alone. It becomes a terribly boring existence. I am burning a hole through my cell phone plan and I’m beginning wonder how it will ever be possible for me to meet anyone when I’m hardly ever in town long enough to sleep let alone go out.

Anyway, that pitiful tirade was not to invoke deep feelings of sympathy from you, but rather a cry for help. If anyone knows anyway to beat this road boredom, PUH-LEEEZE, let a sistah know. Moving on….

Where is Craig David?

And Daniel Bedingfield? I know he rolled a jeep or something, but wasn't that back in January?

Since no one else is mentioning it
Was it me or did Alicia Keyes, Lenny Kravitz and Stevie Wonder sing the fool out of that song on the MTV Awards? For the most part, I was largely unmoved by the show. No one crawled into the rafters. There were no wardrobe malfunctions. And the riot I was hoping for when the Bush/Kerry girls spoke never materialized. But when Stevie hit the stage, I almost had to bow down to the television, reminiscent of the Wayne’s World “We’re not worthy!!! We’re not worthy!!!”

But the funniest moment of the show came to us courtesy of the momentary love of my life, Andre 3000.

(Sorry this had nothing to do with what I was talking about but I have to mention it. I’m typing this from The Cheesecake Factory and the waitress just asked the table behind me, whose occupants are leading me to believe that they started happy hour when they woke up this morning, if they wanted sweetened or unsweetened tea. I know that I’m in MO but really. In the south, you better dang sure specify BEFORE hand that you want your stuff UN-sweetened or you’re getting a big FAT HONKIN’ glass of SWEET SLOWBREWED TEA. Puhft…I scoff in the general direction of the Midwest. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.)

Always the jovial one, Andre had me rollin’ as he was called upon to again sing what could possibly be the catchiest song of all time, Hey Ya! I guess if I wrote a song that I had to sing every time I performed for about a solid year I would hate it too. Apparently fed up, Mr. 3000 opened the song with the following words:

“And for the millionth time, Hey Ya!, god*****t!!!!”

Should not have been funny, but I was CRYING, I laughed so hard. He then proceeded to stand, one hand in his pocket, and sing the song with almost zero infliction, which made me laugh all the more. If you haven’t yet seen it, MTV will probably run it 30 more times before the end of the year. And the performance is a must see.

Mr. Benjamin has no one to blame but himself. He wrote that freakishly catchy song. And he ought to be grateful; the song won him a Grammy. (You didn’t think they gave y’all the Album of the Year Grammy for The Way You Move, did you?)

I heard this song the other day. I think it was called How Come or Why or something like that. The song was about…well basically all of the things that are wrong with the world. Why so many black boys are growing up with just their moms? Why some people can get away with murder? You know that sort of thing. Anyway, the song inspired my soapbox dialogue for the week.

At the moment I’m in one of the blackest cities that I have most recently been in. There are brown folks everywhere. But here’s the my question: with all of the colored folks in this city why was there only one, you heard me right, ONE black person in all three years of the residency programs at the hospital? Of the almost 200 residents there was ONE black women. Why is no one telling the children that they can be something other than a baller, shotcaller, or video girl? Does anyone else realize that if this persists every baby that is delivered, every cold that is treated and every…ummmm…yearly type visit that we are subjected to will be at the hands of a non-minority.

I’m not saying I’m a fist in the air, bowtie, dashiki wearing, “my doctor can only be black” kind of girl. But someone has to let the kids know all that mess that they see on Buffoonery Entertainment Television is not the end all be all of black existence. Don’t strive to be a ball player if you’re only 5’7”. Don’t think that selling drugs is glamorous. Ask that brotha who’s tossin’ salads doing 25 with an L if he would do it all over again. Baby girl, looks fade and casting agents get bored. And if you’re treating yourself like an amusement park, letting every body have a ride, so that you can get 30 seconds worth of camera time, you’re going to be mighty salty when the new crop of video girls replace you next week. You want to be somebody, help find a cure for AIDS. Be President. Give us other options besides Windows and Netscape. Invent an MP3 player that will hold ALL of my cds. Don’t just be. Be Great. Be Excellent.
That is all.

I Can’t Live Without My Radio
I’ve been accused of having an overzealous connection to lip balms. While it is true that I cannot do without some sort of lip emollient, today I realized that I also couldn’t do with out music. It was as the batteries on my cd player died, (Lord I need an IPod, the big one) and I all but ran out of the medical records department fervently searching for a gift shop so that I could buy more portable energy, that I realized that I had a problem. I threw all caution, work and timelines to the wind because I could not hear Mr. Mayer sing his wisdom. Then I got to thinking, what would if I do if I didn’t have any music at all? And I realized I wouldn’t do anything because I’d be sitting in the corner somewhere wondering why my world is so empty.

I know people who say that they could live without music. And I wonder where they get their joy.

Call Mensa
John Mayer is a genius. Maybe it’s because the painters and decorators are in, but I have been feeling John, like WHAT, all week. But don’t sleep. John has lyrics.

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it’s been
New Deep

I love him.
That is all

Why do I love the Kanye West song in the Boost Mobile commercial?

I freakin’ LOVE LOVE LOVE the Brits. I keep finding more to love. Raz Adoti (I couldn't find a picture. That don't show the brothas no love. But you can catch him in the new Resident Evil movie on Friday),
Cillian Murphy (he’s actually Irish, but whatever),

and Luke Mabry.

Luke is currently the boyfriend of the moment. Not because he’s so super hot or anything, but because of the scene in The Prince and Me. When I tell you that with quivering lip and glistening eyes he looked Julia Stiles in the face and said, “I can’t make you stay?” and I almost started BAWLING, it is not an exaggeration. OOOOOHHHHHHHH…it was so tragic and beautiful. And to think, the first time I saw him, he was an enraged English zombie. (See 28 Days Later)

I just realized that I have been writing for quite some time. I guess when there’s no one around to disrupt you train of thought the words just come pouring out.


Okay I was finished, I really was. But while I was on the elevator coming back from the gym a guy got on who mistakenly thought it was heading down. He realized before the doors closed that I was going in the opposite direction and quickly hopped off. In the 5 ½ seconds he was in the elevator he managed to leave his mark like a champ. HE SMELLED SOOO GOOD!!! I had to make a conscious effort to contain myself. If he’d opened his mouth and been English there would have been incident.

Okay I’m finished for sure…Laters for real.

There is no relevant reason for this picture. I downloaded it by mistake when I was looking for pictures Cillian Murphy. I just decided to leave it on GP.

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

Random Thoughts-Toya

1. I am so sick. It started when I missed the last half of my cousin's wedding reception throwing up in the bathroom. No one came to help and I am thinking that perhaps they thought I was drunk and deserved to be puking my brains out. From there, I think I broke some sort of blood vessel in my eye because it looks like it has been stabbed. For the past two days I have been going through that "I'm hot. Now, I'm cold. For the love of God I am hot AND cold" type deliriousness. I am not in as much pain and my throat doesn't hurt anymore. However I am so weak and dizzy that I am scared to drive. I called our friend Jen who is a nurse and she says I have the flu. I have no insurance so I am going to have to believe that. Tia and Renee are out of town so I have been in the house alone. My friend Sery brought me some medicine last night and reminded me what it means to be a true friend.

Sery is not a true friend because she came clear across town to bring me medicine. Sery is a true friend because she has taken the time to know me and she knows that I am a big baby. I don't need medicine as much as I need a "Poor baby. Do you feel icky sicky? Aww, poor thing. Where does it hurt?" Sery is really good at that. I am not at all interested in being around anyone that is not able to do that right now. It's my dad's fault really. He spoiled me so much growing up, especially when I was sick. It's hard being sick and being away from home. You have to get used to the fact that not too many people are going to baby you like one of your parents would.

2. Television sucks. Why when I am forced to stay at home is there NOTHING on TV? I mean NOTHING; no movies worth watching, nothing. Any other time when I don't have time to watch TV, they want to show something that I can't watch because I have to leave. I bet you any amount of money that the day I go back to work will be the day that they want to have a marathon of all the Bill Cosby/Sidney Poitier movies.

3. Why is it that when I am sick I think about all this stuff that I need to do because I have the day off but I have no energy to do it? However, if it is just my day off, you can't pay me to get out of bed before 1 pm and do anything constructive.

4. 30 (Lord willing) is not going to be so bad. I am going to just forget about it. Someone once asked "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?" I need to stop trying to be so daggone practical. So what if DJing doesn't seem like a grown up job? I heard a DJ in Philly this past weekend and thought "I am so much better than him". I just need to step out there and do it and accept who I am .

5. Am I the only one sad that Laura Branigan died last week? Why are they acting like that mess didn't happen? That was my homegirl! "Gloria" was probably one of the top 5 80's songs of all time. Grant it, I think she was singing about encouraging a woman in her schizophrenia but that was the jam.

6. McGreevey, McGreevey, McGreevey
This joker. I am from New Jersey so this was a shocker to me. He needs to go on and step down. How his wife stood by him during that press conference is beyond me. What I find funny is that McGreevey is now a verb, noun and adjective. As for men that are on the downlow, they are now being described as "McGreevey's". This may sound wrong but with all of the attention on black men being on the downlow, I am glad that this came out about a white man. Brothas are getting a bad wrap about the whole downlow thing. I have known too many white McGreevey's in my day to hold every brotha suspect now.

7. I hate LL's new song and I hate the new video. However at the end of the video, there is a song with just him flowing and THAT is the LL that I miss. Why can't anyone just flow anymore? We were listening to Brand Nubian on the way to Long Island on Saturday night and man, I miss that.

8. The low carb thing has gone too far, I will admit that. It is a great diet for people like me that are too lazy to lose weight any other way so I can't knock it. I saw a sign at Kinko's that said "Now serving carb free copies". That mess is funny. If anybody knows any good low carb recipes or of any good low carb foods, let me know. You can waste a lot of money buying some gross low carb stuff if you aren't careful. By the way, low carb cereal? Don't do it. It's all gross.

9. Favorite songs of the summer:

Yellowcard "Ocean Avenue"- If their drummer was about two minutes older... aww man. Toya "luh da" kids, Toya "luh da" kids...

Jo Jo "Leave"- She is 13. How is she singing this song with so much conviction? Michael Jackson was the same way though.

GRITS "Hittin' Curves"- I don't fully understand the chorus of the song. To me it sounds like they are saying "Pimpin' in the ride, swervin' in the ride, pimpin' in the ride, twerkin' in the ride". I know they aren't saying that so I need to stop spreadin' rumors.

Ashlee Simpson "Pieces of Me"- LEAVE ME ALONE, MAN. I love this song so much, I can't help myself.

Alicia Keyes "Diary"- I love her new album. I really do. She is slowly becoming one of my new favorites.

10. And finally
I have resolved that it is perfectly acceptable in our society to claim Jesus Christ as your personal savior as long as your lifestyle says otherwise. This way, no one can point the finger and say that you are judging them. For instance, I heard Destiny's Child sing "I Want Jesus to Walk With Me" and I thought "Are you gonna walk with him in those hot pants?" I'm just saying. People will fully embrace Kanye West's "Jesus Walks" but they won't recognize artists that have been doing this kind of music for years:GRITS, LA Symphony, Mars Ill... the list is so much longer than this. These are people that actually walk the walk and talk the talk but struggle for mainstream recognition. It's so ridiculous.

Nyquil is kicking in. Gotta go.