Saturday, May 1, 2004

April Showers BETTER Bring May Flowers-Toya

Sometimes It Snows In April-Prince

It indeed did snow this April. Literally, it snowed all day one day in the second week but it didn't stick. Figuratively, because unforeseen and unlikely things occurred every week. I learned a lot of things about myself. I spent a weekend with two teenaged girls and began to understand why parents live in fear for their children's (particularly daughter's) safety. I actually said things that my parents have said to me that seemed ridiculous at the time I was a teenager and now as an adult make perfect sense. I have begun to come to grips that Tia and I one day, maybe soon, will have to split ways. That is going to be a Rachel/Monica moment if ever there was one. And well, we have already filled you in on the boy drama so no need to go into that. I learned so many lessons this past month that I repeatedly said "I am so ready for April to be over." Well it finally came to a close but not without one last surprise.

I am typing this from my desk on a Saturday afternoon. Why I am working on a Saturday? Because much to my surprise, I was fired yesterday. Yes, fired. And not because of performance either. I was fired because I could not get a long with other people in my office. I am the kind of person where work comes first and socializing comes second. There was way too much pressure on me to get along on a personal level with people that I had nothing in common with. I was content getting my work done at my desk and minding my own business. In doing so, my coworkers took that as being standoffish and thought that I was mad all the time. I suddenly became the killjoy.

You know what it reminds me of? Ever been at a party and you are the only one NOT drinking? You don't mind that everyone else drinks. You may not like how they get when they drink but that is their prerogative as long as they leave you alone with your can of Sprite. But what starts to happen is they start looking at you and asking you why you don't want to drink. Then after a while, they start getting mad at you and you feel like, "I have no problem with what you want to do, why don't you leave me be?"

There is a sarcastic tone in my office that I desperately tried to get in tune with from time to time and it made me miserable. There were times when I would try to get involved in conversations and no one would answer me or I just got shot down because I completely disagreed with what they were saying. It just didn't click. After a while, I just stopped caring. I love my bosses and am really hurt by the whole situation because after talking about everything it looks as if a lot of things were assumed about me that just weren't true. I knew that I didn't fit in and my only concern that even though that was not going to change, did they still want me there even though I did quality work? The answer to that is a no. For some people in my office a resounding Hell No. And I don't blame them because a good part of this was my fault. I just started to hate it here after a while and it started to show.

I am not going to miss this place. I will miss the artists and managers I worked with. I'll miss my bosses who are so sweet that I know they had to muster up a lot to let me go. My other coworkers, not so much. Because I hate for people to talk around me. My bosses and my friend who referred me for the job were the only ones that ever asked if I was okay. Everyone else just assumed I was mad. If they would have asked I would have said "Well, I worked at Starbucks until 12:30 last night" or "I have been bleeding for 6 straight days, how the hell would you feel" (sorry to our male readers) or "How can I get a word in edgewise when the person next to me talks nonstop and is so hell bent on getting attention all day every damn day?" Maybe I would have said those things. I will never know.

On a side note, what I do know is that I hate MAC computers. I won't miss that.

So my bosses are going to help me find a job and as far as this business goes I have excellent references from some pretty well respected people in this industry. If there is anything that I am sad about is that I have let the guys I assist down because I don't even have two weeks to wrap up. That is why I am here on a Saturday. They are on vacation and don't even know that when they come back, they won't have an assistant.

I couldn't sleep last night either. I finally fell asleep around 4 and woke up at 7:30. I just felt really, embarrassed, rejected and my pride was hurt really deep. But all in all, I know God has a plan. I simply wasn't supposed to waste anymore time here. It was time. Still, no one likes to be fired.

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