Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Somebody Else Got That Though-Toya

Man,when it rains, it POURS! After forever talking about not seeing any action boy wise, there have been some let's say "eventful episodes" in the house. And as quickly as everything has happened, the smoke is already starting to clear. Grand openin', grand closin'...

I am so fortunate to live with someone that often seems to go through the same issues that I go through almost simultaneously. I think God does that because He knows that we need to be there for each other. This is a good thing. Tia is really great at encouraging me just in the way that she goes about handling things. I think I encourage Tia best by being (painfully) honest and straight forward. Tia and I often joke that on judgment day, we are going to be the only ones that God calls up two at a time.

Tia: Uh, uh God. Toya was responsible for that one.
GOD: Yes, but you laughed AND pointed and then proceeded to roll around on the floor in convulsions. You knew better.

OH how I want to write about all the goings on but I was in church not too long ago and someone walked up and said "I love your blog." I have NO idea how they found out about it. I can't even remember who they are. Grant it, we are on the WORLD wide web and use our real names. I am surprised my parents haven't found this yet. No shame though. I love being candid but in this case, we must protect the innocent (and the not so innocent but I won't go there. Paybacks, oooooh, paybacks...)

If God does indeed take special care of babies and fools, I am doubly covered. I am a big baby and have sho nuff acted a downright fool. It seems that often I get anxious for something and am allowed to go to the edge and before I jump, God grabs me by the back of my shirt and says "Okay, do you REALLY want that?" Terrified, I say no and walk right on back to reality. My relationship with God has indeed been a merciful one. So this time I was so willing to jump over the edge and fall in to the arms of security. The queen of non-commitment was ready to settle down and get the party started. Bad idea, bad, bad idea. As women, we can convince ourselves that someone is the one even though there are things about them that we shouldnt want to do without. Like, how do I look being with some straight laced, professional, grown behind business man? Not saying I can't swing that, but I am too out there. But when you start thinking about security, it sounds like a good idea at the time. You are almost willing to change who you are to match that person. Big no no.

The key phrase this week is "Somebody else got that though". This came from a discussion Tia and I had about some guys that we liked that had qualities that we love. After running down the list, I said"Yeah, but somebody else got that though." Women always want to think that some guy is their last chance. Like, God stopped making romantic men back in '75 or something. The qualities you like in a guy that you are having a problem let go can probably found in another person that is even better for you.

It's hard. My face is cracked as I am writing this. It's been so ridiculous lately that I was in church and asked for "the gift." If you 've spent any amount of time in church, you are familiar with "the gift". "The gift" is the gift of singleness which one desires no more than they desire to be hit by a MAC truck. I have been told that if you fear that you have it, you don't. People that have it don't even care about relationships, sex, romance, whatever. I seriously prayed that if I continue to put this crap before God, I want the gift of singleness. I am so glad that we can't hear God laughing from heaven.

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