Thursday, March 25, 2004

by tia

We are so lazy

I have come to my wits end trying to figure out why this country is so lazy. We are truly a microwave nation. We want everything quick and easy. Including our food. We are one of the most obese nations in the free world. And no one wants to take responsibility for it. I’m not going to front like I didn’t use to kill a super sized Big Mac meal. But I didn’t like feeling like I was going to pass out every time I walked up a flight of steps. So I started working out and got back in shape. (But according to the BMI, I’m still obese. That BMI chart is for skinny white people. Apologies to our white readers, but it is. So I’m supposed to weigh 145 at 5’9”? Let me tell you why that ain’t happenin’ 1. My bones by themselves weigh 150 lbs. 2. My butt and thighs add 20 lbs to that. So I’m WAY outside the window….Moving on) Anyway, everyday I am utterly amazed by the products/services that our offered to keep us ridiculous lazy. Here are few of the recent products that just make me wonder:

In case you haven’t seen the recent media blitz for this product (and you may not have because now that I think about it the only time I see this commercial is when I’m watching cartoons. And then they wonder why NONE of the kids can do a chin-up during National Fitness Week. Y’all remember those?) The product advertises a new, easier way to eat Doritos. Are they kidding? How hard is it to stuff a chip in one’s mouth? Have we become so lazy that putting a half an inch corn chip in our mouths is too much work? Oh dear Lord, help us.

The Disposable Toilet Brush from Mr. Clean
I could almost justify this one. Except that the product says that there’s no scrubbing involved. Two Words. Bull Crap. I have NEVER NOT had to scrub a toilet. It may have something to do with my anal tendencies and the fact that my gag reflex is easily aggravated by toilet funk, but that’s beside the point. I understand they want to make the job easier. But don’t lie to the people. Besides it won’t kill you to get on your knees and work that good old fashion $.97 toilet brush around. It’ll build some character.

Baddest Chick
This week’s Baddest Chick Award goes to Stacey Dash. Why, you ask, because she has apparently installed a fountain of youth in her back yard. I was watching television with my brother the other day when we came across Making The Video with Kanye West. (I thought the video was sorta wack. But maybe it’s just me. Interesting concept, but there could have been more.) Ms. Dash played the love interest in the video. Y’all believe me when I say that the girl has not aged. AT ALL. I was telling my brother that she was at least in her early to mid-thirties. He didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him. She looks exactly like she did 10 years ago in Clueless. But I looked it up, if for nothing else than to prove him wrong, and sure enough the girl is in her 30s. She’s 38 to be exact. One question: How can I be down?

For the Basketball Fans
Is anyone else’s bracket totally blown because of the Kentucky loss? And while I’m thinking about it, could someone please explain to me where Nevada came from? My whole St. Louis bracket is dead because of those two teams.

6 more days
Look Kids, Big Ben…Parliament

Caught Up
I was fortunate enough to catch the Michael McDonald and Friends concert on PBS. If you haven’t seen it I highly advise BUYING it. It is a BGLU necessity. Mike is a bad man. And Mike “and Friends” ought to be illegal. I about lost my mind watching Mike sing HITS. Patti LaBelle, Kenny Loggins, and The Doobie Brothers were among the array of amigos that stopped by to help Mike hurt me for 2 hours. And I must make an aside, a parenthetical departure if you will, about Kenny Loggins. Kenny Loggins is one of the most ridiculous men walking the planet. Kenny has HITS, HITS and more HITS. This Is It should have been titled I Sing Hits. That man can sang and he has hooks for yo’ behind. I’m getting down right giddy just thinking about it. I don’t understand people that don’t feel Kenny. If all you know of him is the Footloose soundtrack then you have been sorely deprived. Kenny writes songs for the people. You’ve got your smooth jazz (Leap of Faith), you’ve got you synthesized 80’s pop/rock (No Lookin’ Back), you’ve got your Negro spiritual (Celebrate Me Home) and of course, there’s Heart to Heart which is in a category all it’s own. And we won’t even go into the Loggins and Messina tracks.

Go, right now, and pick up The Essential Kenny Loggins. For you, for your children and for your children’s children. You may never again have the chance to own I’m Free.

And one last thing
I can see it all now. He put down his Prada bag and slapped the mess out of that man. RAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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