Friday, February 6, 2004

Hi My Name Is...Part II-Toya

Can I just say that if one thing happens to one of us it almost always happens to the both of us? Our 3rd roommate Renee and I were in church and it was my bright idea to sit on the left side where I spotted some people we knew. Little did I know that we were about to sit in the same row of a band that we all like. (I work in the industry now so I can't name any names. BGLU is a labor of love and does not pay my bills lest I get fired.) Anyway, I've seen these guys before and always thought that the lead singer was cute but I hadn't seen him in a while. You really have no idea how beautiful this man is. Crazy,insane, broke the mold gorgeous.

The problem was this: Homie was in my peripheral during praise and worshipand there was a point where I had to really focus. I had to straight up pray about it in the middle of my praise..

"OK Lord, if I don't talk about it, I will spend more energy trying to ignore it and then it'll be a problem and I'll miss praise and worship. Thank you God for your creation. Thank you God for beautiful men like that that love you and aren't ashamed of you. And I know I don't deserve NOTHIN'! However, if you choose to hook me up like THAT, I aint mad at ya. Let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Amen."

Now I know that may sound blasphemous to some but you might as well put it out there and lay it on the table cause you aint fooling no one but yourself. So after I prayed that, I was relieved and commenced to gettin' my praise on.

So it comes to the time where our pastor is speaking and I notice that this guy keeps looking over and I was like "I know he isn't looking over here. I'm trippin'." For a split second I thought that as gorgeous as this guy is, I must have been imagining things. And then I thought about it: Heck yeah he's lookin'! I mean why not? Now before I sound like I am conceited, trust me that is not the case. Ladies, take it from someone that used to (praise God for the victory) struggle BIG time with self image. When I finally got the knowledge that God made me specifically how He wanted me to be and that no one else could do a better job than being me but me, there was no competition. The world needs you to be YOU. Can't nobody beat you at that! You are the most beautiful you around. Take care of yourself and love yourself. Where was I...So I thought about how I have been meditating on the 10 Commandments lately, particularly the verse about not having any idols before God. Was it possible that I have made my love for the opposite sex an idol in my life? Not sure but I didn't even want it to be a possibility so I sat up turned my body away from him and put my hand up next to my face and blocked him out completely. Sound extreme? Probably. But I'll try my best to do whatever it takes to make sure that nothing comes between me honoring God. He deserves my utmost attention. Because Renee knows me so well, she knew exactly why my posture changed so quickly. You gotta do what ya gotta do.

So later I was in the car and I was telling Renee what I thought and I said"I swore he kept looking over but, nah." Then she was like "Umm, well..." I said "Well what?" She said"Oh my gosh Toya it was sooooooo obvious. Had we not been in church and at a party, I would have told him to stop looking at you and go talk to you." I was TOO happy. Then I was like, hold up. I was in the bookstore looking for something after church and then all of the sudden he was right next to me. We were both looking at CD's not saying a word. Not one word. Grant it, you don't try to get the hookup while the preacher is preaching but we were in the bookstore and he was pretty much following me. Not one word was said.

When did guys get so daggone shy? I don't ever remember it being this bad. *sigh*

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