Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Mawage...Mawage is what bwings us togeba...today!!!
By Tia

(If you haven't seen The Princess Bride, the title will make no sense.)

If you've been reading any length of time you know that I wouldn't mind being in a relationship. I'd liked to get married and have some kids. But I got a nice big fat dose of marriage reality this weekend.

Saturday began as it usually does for me. Sleeping until the sun was high in the sky, I eventually began the nearly impossible task of trying to convince myself that it really would be in my best interest to get out from under the layers of down and cotton and go out into the cold. Besides my bladder was screaming. A couple of hours later I finally made my way downstairs to find Toya on the phone with one of our friends who recently got engaged. Somehow I ended up on the phone and before I knew it I was in the car on the way to David's Bridal to help a friend in need pick out "The Dress" Then it began. The overwhelming feeling, the feeling that you may be crushed under the weight of the impending decision (or by some maniac bride to be) began to close in on me. And I wasn't even the one getting married.

Marriage is great. I want to get married. But I think in my mind it was just a day. This weekend I realized marriage is a noun. It is a person, a place AND a thing. Why didn't someone tell me? From the time you say, "Yes, I would love to marry you" a chain of events is set into motion that will change the entire course of your life, FOR-EV-ER (said like the little kid Squints from The Sandlot.)

A few years ago I thought I was close to getting married. I thank God every day for his sovereignty. I don't know that I would have made it. It's not just someone sharing your bed. It's someone sharing your life. Someone that you will have to now and forever more share everything with. I have this fairly disgusting habit that I'm trying to break DON'T ask because I'm not telling anyone. EVER. I'm trying like heck to break it because I don't want to have to tell anyone about it. Because I don't want to have to keep anything from the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Even something as minuscule as...thought I was going to tell you...HAHA!!! The thought that there is someone walking this planet that will have full access to every thought and emotion is a bit unnerving. He will know that even when I'm not sharing everything, there is something on my mind. I will know that contrary to what he may say, everything is not "fine" The thought of being transparent is more than most people can handle.

Then there is the submission thing. Too often people hear submission and think slave. Wrong. There is a covering that comes with submission. It's not a "Do what I tell you kind of thing." At least that's not the way God intended it to be. I will probably be lambasted by all of the feminists who read our site but I don't really care. I don't have a problem with submitting to a man as the head of our household. Do I mean I want him to make every single decision that will affect us as a family? Absolutely not. But I will be willing to let him lead, let him cover and let him protect the way God designed him to. Being submissive is not akin to being a doormat. But I already know that the whole thing is going to be a learning experience. I come from a long line of domineering women who have the ability to hen-peck a man to no end. That dubious trait is not something I will continue.

And then there's the sharing. Did anyone see Friends last Thursday? JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I sometimes have problems sharing. I don't think it would be so much of issue with food, considering he put in on it, but space and time and duties are a whole other thing. I will have to share my space. For all intents and purposes he is required by law to be there. Any woman will attest to the fact that there are times when we just want to be bothered. We even have an anthem ala Monica's Just One of Dem Days (Don't Take It Personal.) But even when your hormones aren't raging and all of your ducks are in a row there are times when you just don't want to be bothered. You want time to be silent and stare at the paint on the walls because that is your prerogative. Or is that just me? Eventually I am going to want to get away from him but I will eventually have to go back home. The 2-carat white gold ring on my finger says that I have to. I will have to share my time. The liberty to sit and read for hours on end will be somewhat limited. The focus has pretty much been on me and what I wanted to do for the last 26 years. So when he comes home with tickets for the Lakers or Man U game I can't screw up my face because the game is at in inconvenient time. I'm going to have to do the C word: Compromise.

Having roommates off and on for the last five years has not helped me as much as I would like to admit in the area of compromise. I like things done a certain way. Dirty dishes go directly in the dishwasher. Clean clothes go on the shelf or in the drawer and are folded according to the Gap style of retail folding. CDs and DVDs are alphabetized. Tupperware is stacked largest to smallest. Floors are vacuumed/swept/mopped. I am the Monica of the house if you haven't noticed. But through all of my somewhat anal tendencies I've learned that sometimes you have to find some middle ground. Everyone is not the same. Where I would notice his dirty sock on the floor of the closet by the hamper, he may not. (But LORD I hope he does. I can't be married to a slob.) But there is a give and take to everything from cleaning to spending. "My way or the highway" does not work in marriage. Unless it has to do with cleaning...I'm kidding. I can not always have it my way. Marriage is not Burger King. I will not be able to just do what I want. Me, me, ME becomes us, us, US. Oh, it's going to be interesting.

So I'm not saying that I'm not ready. But then again is anyone ever really ready for marriage? But I do have a new outlook on marriage as a whole. It's definitely not all lambs and lollipops, pink fluffy clouds and sex all day everyday. From what I've gathered that crap you see on television is so deceptive. The half has not been told...no, no, no. The trials and tribulations of marriage will definitely build my patience. And I'm not going to lie to you. I am SO up for the journey. I can't wait for it. The good, the bad and the ugly, i.e. me at 6 in the morning with my eyes crusted shut and that filmy stuff in the corner of my mouth. "Til death do us part" is a LONG time. But as long as I'm spending it with my best friends (Christ makes three for those of you scratching your head on the plural usage) forever won't be that long.

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