Friday, December 5, 2003

PRIDE WAR- Toya

"How you ain't gonna cut? Girl, I'm ME!!!- Ludicrous

Pride War is the title of one of my favorite Further Seems Forever songs and also my current state of restlessness. The pettiness of being a female is somthing that I grossly detest so do not mistake my candidness about my pride issues as something I am well, PROUD about.

I have found myself in another situation where I like someone that used to like me. Used to. The thing is, when he was checking me harder than Wayne Gretzky in the Stanley Cup playoffs, I was not feeling him. Then, when he stopped, I later realized that the idea of us being together wasn't all that bad of an idea. Actually, I am not quite sure about that either. See, this is a part of my history. I am Miss "It Ain't Over Until I Say It Is Over". I am notorious for this. The guy will start liking me again and I will say "On second thought, naaaaaaah. Roll out, roll out." I always have to have the final say.

This is quite humiliating to me. what makes me think that if he liked me before, he will like me again? He isn't even the one. Tia (who loves him) asked me why he isn't the one and I said because he does not like me. Plain and simple. That is all there is to know. There is no dilemma. There is NO SPOON. There really is no issue. Keep it movin'.

So like I said, my pride is hurt. I'll get over it. My thing is that I often don't deal with things that need to be dealt with right away so it festers. So maybe what I need to do is just a have a good old girly girl pity party. Break out the Sade, the Mary J. Blige, Patti Labelle's "If Only You Knew" and just have at it. Black confetti and all. Just to get over it. I would but once again, my pride won't let me. Maybe a pizza and Pretty in Pink will do the trick. I think I'll try that instead. But come tomorrow, I am not even allowed to wallow in this anymore. It will be a brand new beautiful day and if it is meant to be it will be. One thing I know is that we are both seeking God's will for our lives so it will be clear to the BOTH of us if it is meant to be or not. And I swear to Bubaji, if I call him Tia is to take away my cell phone.

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