Friday, October 31, 2003


It seems like it has been forever since Tia and I have posted anything and it is for good reason. We have some major issues going on in our household right now and most things have taken a backburner. For reasons I cannot go into we cannot discuss them at this time.

Anyone that reads this knows that we have no problems being candid. We are frighteningly honest at times. But this situation is so serious that we really can't say anything.

But as with any situation, lessons are learned. Here are a few that I (Toya) am learning through this storm:

1) God is amazing and worthy to be praised This might strike a "Yeah, duh" from some and a "Yeah whatever from others" but this is truth. I have grown up with gospel music my entire life, Walter Hawkins, The Winans, Vanessa Bell Armstrong to name a few. I have sung gospel songs in choir, in the pews and on many family vacations. Even though I grew up with this type of music, I never really listened to the words. It was never REAL to me. Like I didn't even know who they were talking about. God has shown himself to be real and faithful during this difficult time so much so that I am hearing these songs I grew up with like I have never heard them before. Great Is Thy Faithfulness is one of the oldest hymns ever but its meaning is so fresh and new to me now. I can't explain it. Well, maybe I can best explain it this way: you know when you are in love or you have a crush and every love song you hear reminds you of that person and you get all happy inside? That is how I am about the Lord right now. Every song I hear that speaks of His goodness puts such a smile on my face. Nothing brings me more joy now than to sing of how good my heavenly Father is. I don't really know how being in love is like but I will takek this over that any day. God promises to never leave us or forsake us. I could sing about that forever.

2)People lie. There is SO much more that I want to say about this and I can't. Oh but I will and I can't wait.

3) It's okay to cry, in fact it is necessary for your health. Yes, it is good to be strong for the ones you love when they are hurting but you have to allow yourself to hurt too and you can't condemn yourself for it. I had to break down and cry at work and eventually had to go home. I've lost weight (not a bad thing per se), have had nerve problems, lack of sleep and nausea all week. Not because I don't trust that God is working this situation out because He promised in His word that He would. This is all because I was trying to be Tough Girl and not cry. Be honest with yourself and the people who love you. When I finally cried my nausea stopped and I got my appetite back.

4) Be there for your loved ones but don't smother them. I am so touchy feely. I want to hug everyone all the time so much that I feel I am going to pop. There is a guy at work that is not feeling well and I just want to hug him so bad but it really is not appropriate. Some people aren't huggers. People have different love languages. Mine is physical touch. Some people's love language is quality time. Some times it is good to just sit with a loved one that is going through a rough time and not say anything. Everyone is different. If you don't know how to help, ask.

5) You don't have to be blood related to be family. Around here, if it happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. We rejoice together, we cry together. We are down for each other no matter what. I have said before that I have to fight selfishness every day because I can be pretty selfish sometimes but there is no time for that now. We have to learn to serve one another.

And lastly, I have learned to trust in God. In the bible it says that He upholds His promises because "He can swear no higher than Himself". That has been so encouraging to me. God is not going to disgrace His name by not being faithful. I am so excited to see how He works this whole thing out. So please, if you pray, pray for us. We need it. The storm is passing over but we are hanging in there.

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