Friday, October 10, 2003

Open Discussion for All BGLU's


"Who dis woman?"- Squeak from The Color Purple

BGLU's, 2 questions:
1) Who is this woman with Brad Pitt?
2) Why do we care?


and why do we care SO much? Why is it that I couldn't even SEE Adrian Brody until one night I was up watching Lifetime and his movie "The Restaurant" (BGLU classic)came on and he was kicking it with Elise Neal after he and Lauryn Hill's character broke up. Was not checkin' for him at all!

Why do we love Robert Deniro, honestly? Because he loves us. Let's be real. I was watching The Daily Show a few years back and they referred to The Million Woman March as Robert Deniro's wet dream. Even mainstream media knows that Bob is for the sistas.

I am asking this question because of a question a brotha posted on a message board I recently read. The comments section was for Heather Headley's recent marriage to a white football player. To my surprise most of the comments were positive. However I was not surprised at the number of black women who responded like "You go Heather. You go find true love. Good for her. Got herself a white boy." I have been in public with white men who were nothing more than friends and have heard comments from sistas congratulating me because they thoguht we were together. I even had a friend who would clap LOUDLY as interracial couples (only black women/white men) walked by. So this one cat on the message board respectfully asked why was it when a black woman hooks up with a white man, it is all about some "You go girl" but when black men date white women, some black women want to excommunicate him from the black community ala Queen Latifah in Jungle Fever?

Is it because recently, the images that we see in the media do not represent true love between a black man and a black woman? Especially between single couples. We have Friends and numerous other shows showing white single people in loving relationships but besides Living Single, Martin and Different World (only seen in syndication now) what do we have that represents true love between two black people? As of late, a lot of what we see are images of black women being used to serve black men and to beckon to every sex crazed command: "Back that up" "Drop that shawty" "Twork it" "Take it from the window to the wall and then put 'em on the glass." I think that some of us feel betrayed in a sense so when we see Justin Timberlake in a video singing to a black woman who is fully clothed, he's the new hero. Do we feel like "well hell, SOMEBODY'S gotta love us!"

Truth be told, I used to be very skeptical of black men who dated white women because of what I had heard from black men about why they wouldn't date black women. I wouldn't question their love and respect for me but their love and respect for the white women they were with. There is a misconception that white women are more docile and subserviant to black men. This is a big misconception because I know plenty of white girls that will cut you in a heartbeat (Tina, Megan, Jen-both of them. Yeah, I named names) and not just white women but Asian women. I had a friend who tried to hook up with an Asian friend of mine solely because he thought she would be at his feet anytime and she quickly let him know that she was not the one. My opinion that black men that were with white women didn't really love them changed when I read an article on Taye Diggs. They asked him what rumors would he like to clear up about himself and he quickly said the rumor that he doesn't like black women. Peole assume that because he married a white woman that he has no love for his sistas. That is wrong. We need to stop doing that to our men. We need to stop thinking that black men that date white women are weak and white men that date black women are heroes because a lot of them are shady too. Oh yes, I have had some conversations with some white men about why they date sistas. Some of them said because of the power of the booty, our lips, and other sexual things I won't go into. When I was younger I thought that white boys were more romantic and sweeter. That was until I ran into a few that will knock you upside your head or lie to you about their drug habits.

As of late, Tia and I have noticed and have been very proud of the growing number of black families in our community. Truthfully, I don't know if it is a number that is growing or we are just looking for them. We long to see black love. It's the sweetest thing. The other day we were watching House Party. Kid and Tisha Campbell were kissing and in stereo we both sighed "Aah, black love." We really need to see more of that. We need more Dwayne Wayne's (my favorite TV character of all time) and Whitley's, Sinclairs and Overtons, Martins and Ginas. For those of us that don't live in predominantly black neighborhoods, it is easy for us to forget that a great number of our brothers love us.

So I aint mad at the sista in the picture with Brad Pitt or Thandie Newton, Robin Givens and who knows what other sista Brad was kickin' it with before he settled down with Jennifer Aniston. And I am not going to lie: if I see Bruce Willis with a sister, my blood pressure will probably go up a notch or 3. However, I am not going to throw shade on Cuba Gooding Jr. or Taye Diggs for marrying white women. Because just like I am happy for Heather Headley, I am happy for them. I want my brothers and sisters to experience good love and healthy relationships and those come in all shades and colors.

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